Cash Bar Conversation

classicalandedgy · January 2015

banana468 said:

I grew up in FFLD county in CT and cash bars are unheard of there. In fact, I think I had to leave CT to attend a cash bar wedding. One in RI charged me for a diet Coke and several in MA and NH were a bait and switch change to cash bar. My parents cringed when I told them about the cash bars we've seen. My dad can be a bit like Frank Barrone and just looked at me like I had 4 heads when I told him that people really do charge their guests for booze.

I grew up in Fairfield County too! Although, I live in Hartford County now... :-( And, no we don't do cash bars here or in CT that I have ever been too. I would never do a cash bar... EVER. We are not having a full bar, we're going to do wine, beer, champagne and other refreshments, but our crowd mostly drinks wine, so that works for us. Our cater is providing some excellent selections of wine and beer and will allow us to bring in some special bottles too. We're not paying for fucking Sutter Home and Bud light to be served at our wedding, we'd rather it be completely dry than serve that shit to our guests.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

lolo883 said:

Maggie0829 said:
I've been to a wedding with a partial cash bar. The thing is I and no one else not in the planning loop knew that there was going to be a partial cash bar. In fact there was no sign saying mix drinks cost money, so my one friend got a nice shock when she ordered two martinis only to then be told "that will be $18."

So if I knew a wedding was cash bar I would go but I would be judging the hell out of the couple and then leave early because, in my circle, a party stays going because of the alcohol. No alcohol means a short party.
This was the hilarious thing about the partial cash bar I went to. When I ordered a cabernet, the bartender said "are you sure? That's $6 but I can give you merlot for free." Um, yep, free one please. I'm sure the hosts probably thought they were doing people a favor but nope, free > preferred varietal.

What?! So only certain wines were free while the others were cash? Talk about confusing as hell.

beethery · January 2015

dcbride86 said:

novella1186 said:

Ok so let's say you were in some bizarre universe where you HAD to either have a cash bar or a dollar dance at your wedding. Not matter what, you have to pick one. Which one would you pick?

Cash bar. I would a million times people rather call me cheap than a cheap stripper wannabe

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2015

Maggie0829 said:

lolo883 said:

Maggie0829 said:
I've been to a wedding with a partial cash bar. The thing is I and no one else not in the planning loop knew that there was going to be a partial cash bar. In fact there was no sign saying mix drinks cost money, so my one friend got a nice shock when she ordered two martinis only to then be told "that will be $18."

So if I knew a wedding was cash bar I would go but I would be judging the hell out of the couple and then leave early because, in my circle, a party stays going because of the alcohol. No alcohol means a short party.
This was the hilarious thing about the partial cash bar I went to. When I ordered a cabernet, the bartender said "are you sure? That's $6 but I can give you merlot for free." Um, yep, free one please. I'm sure the hosts probably thought they were doing people a favor but nope, free > preferred varietal.
What?! So only certain wines were free while the others were cash? Talk about confusing as hell.

Yeah they had like 2 wines and a couple well liquors that were free, and "premiums" for cash. So dumb. Everyone I saw went with whatever was free.

climbingsingle · January 2015

Out of the dozens of weddings I've attended (mostly just NY and NJ), only ONE had a cash bar. And that was also probably the least of the etiquette blunders.

novella1186 · January 2015

I've only been to one wedding with a cash bar, and about 70% of the guests left immediately after dinner. Almost all the rest, besides the wedding party, left right after dancing started. We went back to our hotel bar to drink, and found out a lot of the wedding guests did as well.

I could pay $6 for a cheap vodka I don't even like, with a flat mixer I don't care for at an awkward poorly hosted wedding with no place to even sit (because they took away our table to make room for dancing), or I can pay $6 for my favorite vodka, hang out in a more intimate comfortable setting with my FI, and then hop in the elevator to go up to bed whenever I want. Tough choice.

cupcait927 · January 2015

I would rather have a dollar dance over a cash bar, if I was forced to choose one.

I have only been to a handful of weddings and only one had a cash bar. The one with a cash bar was actually an AHR. Other than that - all open bars. And none of these people were wealthy. They all just chose to be good hosts and work it in to their budget, rather than charge their guests. H and I got married at a winery with only 50 guests - our bar tab was only about $1,000 for beer, wine, pop and water. We brought our own keg in and wine was only $5 a glass, since we used the winery's wine. People who have cash bars are just choosing to prioritize other things over their guests and that's rude.

novella1186 · January 2015

I was talking to FSIL a couple months ago, who had almost the same wedding budget as ours, and found out that she had a partially hosted bar. It was open bar for cocktail hour, and then cash bar the rest of the night. I had to bite my tongue so hard. Her reasoning was that an all-night open bar was way too expensive. She then told me what she spent on flowers, and it was an insanely huge amount. That just blows my mind.

We spent half her amount on flowers, and it was enough for a garland for the chuppah, 7 bouquets (for me and all 6 BMs), 9 bouts, 3 corsages, and all our centerpieces. That's PLENTY. And with the other half, we're paying for the open bar.

It's called budgeting. It's a thing.

maeday2 · January 2015

My great grandfather used to say, "I'd rather stay up all night with a dead dog than go to a dry reception."

That's how I feel about cash bars.

lnixon8 · January 2015

climbingwife said:

Out of the dozens of weddings I've attended (mostly just NY and NJ), only ONE had a cash bar. And that was also probably the least of the etiquette blunders.

Don't leave us hanging! It's Friday girl, spill!

mikenberger · January 2015

And my experience is "Open bar? You mean a keg of busch light?"

We do not do open bars around here. I actually my first wedding that had an open bar was last May in New Jersey. It's pretty typical around here that you're going to pay for your own beer. We planned on an open bar scenario from the get go though since we brew our own beer. It's gonna be a whole heck of a lot cheaper, that's for sure.

thespeshulestsnowflake · January 2015

novella1186 said:

I was talking to FSIL a couple months ago, who had almost the same wedding budget as ours, and found out that she had a partially hosted bar. It was open bar for cocktail hour, and then cash bar the rest of the night. I had to bite my tongue so hard. Her reasoning was that an all-night open bar was way too expensive. She then told me what she spent on flowers, and it was an insanely huge amount. That just blows my mind.

We spent half her amount on flowers, and it was enough for a garland for the chuppah, 7 bouquets (for me and all 6 BMs), 9 bouts, 3 corsages, and all our centerpieces. That's PLENTY. And with the other half, we're paying for the open bar.

It's called budgeting. It's a thing.

This is what I don't get. Why the fuck would you pay more for flowers, which while they might look nice and pretty and all that jazz, no one really is going to remember. You having a cash bar is something people will remember and bitch about. (General "you" here)

There may be a bias here cuz flowers are not my thing and beer is.

novella1186 · January 2015

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

novella1186 said:

I was talking to FSIL a couple months ago, who had almost the same wedding budget as ours, and found out that she had a partially hosted bar. It was open bar for cocktail hour, and then cash bar the rest of the night. I had to bite my tongue so hard. Her reasoning was that an all-night open bar was way too expensive. She then told me what she spent on flowers, and it was an insanely huge amount. That just blows my mind.

We spent half her amount on flowers, and it was enough for a garland for the chuppah, 7 bouquets (for me and all 6 BMs), 9 bouts, 3 corsages, and all our centerpieces. That's PLENTY. And with the other half, we're paying for the open bar.

It's called budgeting. It's a thing.

This is what I don't get. Why the fuck would you pay more for flowers, which while they might look nice and pretty and all that jazz, no one really is going to remember. You having a cash bar is something people will remember and bitch about. (General "you" here)

There may be a bias here cuz flowers are not my thing and beer is.

Right, let's be realistic here. Those flowers will die, and no one will remember them (like you said) and they won't make or break the wedding, and they won't cause anyone any amount of enjoyment.

But hosting your guests well is very memorable, and it WILL make or break the wedding, and it WILL cause enjoyment. So....

ashley8918 · January 2015

beethery said:

dcbride86 said:

novella1186 said:

Ok so let's say you were in some bizarre universe where you HAD to either have a cash bar or a dollar dance at your wedding. Not matter what, you have to pick one. Which one would you pick?

Cash bar. I would a million times people rather call me cheap than a cheap stripper wannabe

Yes. This.

amelisha · January 2015

Toonie bars are very common up here (drink tickets are sold for $2 each...often the bridal party gets free tickets...) and I'd still be uncomfortable with it for myself even though most of my closest friends had it that way. That's one of the reasons we're having such a small wedding - so I can take everyone to a restaurant for dinner and drinks and let them order anything they want. We didn't really have to have the conversation, other than "My parents want to pay for table wine, but I don't want to stick your dad with the rest of the drink bill after he so generously offered to buy dinner, so I'm going to call the restaurant and ask them to put the drinks on a separate bill for us, is that cool with you?"

I've never seen a dollar dance, thankfully, but we're not having dancing at my wedding anyway so it'd be moot. If we were having a conventional wedding and I had to choose, it'd probably be that because it would cost my guests less, at least. I'm a terrible dancer though.

climbingsingle · January 2015

lnixon8 said:

climbingwife said:

Out of the dozens of weddings I've attended (mostly just NY and NJ), only ONE had a cash bar. And that was also probably the least of the etiquette blunders.

Don't leave us hanging! It's Friday girl, spill!

The church was this really old, beautiful stone church. But it was in the freaking middle of nowhere. There wasn't enough parking for all the cars.

The reception venue was an hour+ drive from the church.

There was a 1.5 hour gap. No cocktail hour. Just straight into the dining room.

No seating chart or escort cards. I know that's not really against etiquette, but it was a total pain in the ass.

Buffet style. No tables called. Just someone yelling, "FOOD!" and then a free-for-all. By the time I got there, there was hardly anything left. I think I got maybe some veggies and potatoes.

And the cash bar. There actually wasn't any bar even set up in the dining room. so even if you wanted to get a glass of water, you had to exit the dining room and walk to the hotel lobby.

Also, the cash bar didn't stop me from getting tipsy. I danced my butt off, and then forgot where I had left my shoes. I had to look under like 6 tables before I found them. Again, another downside of not having assigned tables :-P

WhatawagSBNy · January 2015

FeeleyToBe said:
I'm sitting in my favorite cafe and I'm listening to a girl tell her friend about her wedding.

Friend asks if there will be an open bar and she said no because it's not in their budget. They are offering soda/coffee/tea/etc. And a cash bar.

I just watched her friend make a face and then say, "guess I'll be bringing a flask."

I'm laughing.

ETF: words

ETA: I just heard her say the venue requires them to use their drink service, even if it's just the non-booze drinks. She said it's a 150 person wedding and they are paying just under 1K for their soft drinks, etc.! For where we live (20 miles from WI border in a town of 25K people) this seems CRAZY expensive to me

This speshul snowflake is certainly getting snowed...

************
Outrageous price, for 25 cent servings of soft drinks, tea and coffee.
Venues allowing you to bring your own liquor sure make a difference. Our liquor and two bartenders for the wedding for 150 then liquor and the bartenders for an afternoon families outdoor brunch to cookout dinner party for all 150 plus kids, did not cost a thousand dollars. Too much.

kat1114 · January 2015

dcbride86 said:

Knottie79372645 said:

Where do you people live? You seriously would not attend a wedding with a cash bar? I've worked worked many weddings at a country club (with incredibly wealthy members) in my home town and plenty of them do not have open bars. You can literally pay thousands for people's drinks. I'd be happy to buy beer and wine and leave the option for guests to purchase their own drinks. The vast majority of weddings I've attended have been that way and nobody was offended in the slightest.

I would probably attend it, in part because I wouldn't know that it was a cash bar. But I would also side-eye it and talk about it.
And as to the country club thing - money doesn't buy you class (or etiquette)

Amen to the bolded. I've been to 4 weddings in the last 2 years. One was at a country club...and it was the only one that had a cash bar (including $3 for soda and water) AND a dollar dance.

I knew ahead of time that it was a cash bar because H was a groomsmen. I brought a flask.

KatieinBkln · January 2015

lyndausvi said:

My DH flat out said he would refuse to attend a cash bar. I believe him. Not that we have ever been invited to one. Nor do I expect to be. This is the only place where I know people have them. Everyone in my RL is this when cash bars are brought up:

He normally works weekend days and nights, so it's an easy out for him.

Where are you from, so I can move there and never deal with tackiness again?

thisismynickname2 · January 2015

kat1114 said:

dcbride86 said:

Knottie79372645 said:

Where do you people live? You seriously would not attend a wedding with a cash bar? I've worked worked many weddings at a country club (with incredibly wealthy members) in my home town and plenty of them do not have open bars. You can literally pay thousands for people's drinks. I'd be happy to buy beer and wine and leave the option for guests to purchase their own drinks. The vast majority of weddings I've attended have been that way and nobody was offended in the slightest.

I would probably attend it, in part because I wouldn't know that it was a cash bar. But I would also side-eye it and talk about it.
And as to the country club thing - money doesn't buy you class (or etiquette)

Amen to the bolded. I've been to 4 weddings in the last 2 years. One was at a country club...and it was the only one that had a cash bar (including $3 for soda and water) AND a dollar dance.

I knew ahead of time that it was a cash bar because H was a groomsmen. I brought a flask.

Yeah, sorry to pile on, but the one and only cash bar wedding I've been to was at a country club. Club isn't synonymous with class, agreed.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

thisismynickname said:

kat1114 said:

dcbride86 said:

Knottie79372645 said:

Where do you people live? You seriously would not attend a wedding with a cash bar? I've worked worked many weddings at a country club (with incredibly wealthy members) in my home town and plenty of them do not have open bars. You can literally pay thousands for people's drinks. I'd be happy to buy beer and wine and leave the option for guests to purchase their own drinks. The vast majority of weddings I've attended have been that way and nobody was offended in the slightest.

I would probably attend it, in part because I wouldn't know that it was a cash bar. But I would also side-eye it and talk about it.
And as to the country club thing - money doesn't buy you class (or etiquette)

Amen to the bolded. I've been to 4 weddings in the last 2 years. One was at a country club...and it was the only one that had a cash bar (including $3 for soda and water) AND a dollar dance.

I knew ahead of time that it was a cash bar because H was a groomsmen. I brought a flask.

Yeah, sorry to pile on, but the one and only cash bar wedding I've been to was at a country club. Club isn't synonymous with class, agreed.

LadyMillil · January 2015

amelisha said:

Toonie bars are very common up here (drink tickets are sold for $2 each...often the bridal party gets free tickets...) and I'd still be uncomfortable with it for myself even though most of my closest friends had it that way. That's one of the reasons we're having such a small wedding - so I can take everyone to a restaurant for dinner and drinks and let them order anything they want. We didn't really have to have the conversation, other than "My parents want to pay for table wine, but I don't want to stick your dad with the rest of the drink bill after he so generously offered to buy dinner, so I'm going to call the restaurant and ask them to put the drinks on a separate bill for us, is that cool with you?"

I've never seen a dollar dance, thankfully, but we're not having dancing at my wedding anyway so it'd be moot. If we were having a conventional wedding and I had to choose, it'd probably be that because it would cost my guests less, at least. I'm a terrible dancer though.

Ditto all of this. Every wedding I've been to had some sort of cash for alcohol requirement, whether it was full cash bar, partial cash bar, toonie bar or donation bar. Everybody brings cash to weddings for the bar. We had a fairly small wedding compared to the "typical" wedding in our circle. I calculated out how much it would cost to host each person like I would at my house and that was a few dollars less per person than the open bar package so we had a full open bar.

I've never heard of dollar dances before TK.

lyndausvi · January 2015

KatieinBkln said:

lyndausvi said:

My DH flat out said he would refuse to attend a cash bar. I believe him. Not that we have ever been invited to one. Nor do I expect to be. This is the only place where I know people have them. Everyone in my RL is this when cash bars are brought up:

He normally works weekend days and nights, so it's an easy out for him.

Where are you from, so I can move there and never deal with tackiness again?

funny thing is my extended family are not rich by any means (my parents are well off though). My aunts and cousins are firmly planted in middle class.

Baby showers, Sunday dinner at Grandma's, graduation parties, 1st birthday parties, funerals (yes, our wakes are full of alcohol) there is always free booze offered. My single, no kid, great-aunt had a fund setup for her own wake. She died in her 80's and there was a big memorial with some 150 of us with get this.... a FULL open bar. It was at a VFW, but it was still free food and drinks. I've concerned setting up a similar fund.

If you walked in to my 80 year old aunt's house right now the first thing she would offer you is a drink. And while non-alcoholic beverages are available, she is actually asking if you want booze. It would NEVER occur to use to all the sudden charge for booze at a wedding. We don't do it in our normal lives when hosting, why would we picked a wedding to have one?

It's not even on the radar. Nope, we/they do this thing called BUDGETING. I know, I know who would have thought that one can actually budget correctly to have a properly hosted party? Shocking I know.

Now these weddings are not at the Ritz, but who cares? After about 5 minutes the wow factor of a pretty venue is lost. All people care about is hanging with their family and friends while drinking, eating and at least in our family dancing. Location doesn't matter as long as we are together.

The pintrest world has us believing pretty venues are the most important thing. Yeah, no. Being a good host is more important in my opinion. I would admire then couple who had a backyard BBQ with an open bar (limited or full) over the couple who choose to have a cash bar at the Ritz any day.

levioosa · January 2015

Dollar dance. They're traditionally Polish, but Italians also co-opted the tradition and most of my guests would be expecting it. They (collective relatives) were actually extremely upset that my Mom didn't have a dollar dance when she got married. But you damn well better have wine for them. So, going off of my crowd...the dollar dance would be the lesser evil. It's also only 3 minutes long, as opposed to a 5 hour long cash bar where you know your guests will be spending more than the minimum mandatory dollar.

dcbride86 · January 2015

ashley8918 said:

beethery said:

dcbride86 said:

novella1186 said:

Ok so let's say you were in some bizarre universe where you HAD to either have a cash bar or a dollar dance at your wedding. Not matter what, you have to pick one. Which one would you pick?

Cash bar. I would a million times people rather call me cheap than a cheap stripper wannabe

Yes. This.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It was totally out of line. I was in a really bad mood this morning because of work stuff (I was promised my promotion would go through by today and now it will be at least 2 more weeks) and hadn't had coffee yet. Totally doesn't excuse me being a bitch, though, and I am sorry. I'm not usually that absurd.

futuremrsr2015 · January 2015

mikenberger said:

And my experience is "Open bar? You mean a keg of busch light?"

We do not do open bars around here. I actually my first wedding that had an open bar was last May in New Jersey. It's pretty typical around here that you're going to pay for your own beer. We planned on an open bar scenario from the get go though since we brew our own beer. It's gonna be a whole heck of a lot cheaper, that's for sure.

My experience is "Open bar? lucky!"

I've never been to an event with an open bar (other than my grandfather's memorial). I've always made sure that I have cash on hand for weddings and just figured it was normal until I started looking around here.

fwtx5815 · January 2015

Knottie79372645 said:
Where do you people live? You seriously would not attend a wedding with a cash bar? I've worked worked many weddings at a country club (with incredibly wealthy members) in my home town and plenty of them do not have open bars. You can literally pay thousands for people's drinks. I'd be happy to buy beer and wine and leave the option for guests to purchase their own drinks. The vast majority of weddings I've attended have been that way and nobody was offended in the slightest.

Here's the thing though: that's bad planning and thus bad hosting if you can't figure out how to host ALL of the alcohol that you want present at a wedding. It means that your guests' provisions were an afterthought, which is ass backwards.

If you're planning a party at your home, wouldn't you first figure out what you're going to provide for food and drinks? You're not going to first think about your outfit, the decorations, or buying a new sound system for the music you're going to play, or any of those other small details. You wouldn't max out your budget on a new cocktail dress and then be like "Oh well. My guests will just have to pitch in. I'll make it BYOB!" It should be the same for a wedding. The reception is a party for your guests.

When we booked our venue (a private club that provides the food and alcohol) the FIRST thing we decided after that was the bar package and the food package. The dress, flowers, decor, etc was all a very distant second place in our priorities.

banana468 · January 2015

I don't understand not having enough booze either. I've had to throw out food but hardly ever booze.

MrsMack10612 · January 2015

NavyBlue143 said:

Knottie79372645 said:

Where do you people live? You seriously would not attend a wedding with a cash bar? I've worked worked many weddings at a country club (with incredibly wealthy members) in my home town and plenty of them do not have open bars. You can literally pay thousands for people's drinks. I'd be happy to buy beer and wine and leave the option for guests to purchase their own drinks. The vast majority of weddings I've attended have been that way and nobody was offended in the slightest.

I've attended many weddings with cash bars, but I've never bought alcohol at them. Honestly I prefer a dry wedding to a cash bar wedding. I don't mind not being able to drink, I do mind paying for an outfit, buying a gift, spending my Saturday waiting out your rude ass gap, pretending to care about your slideshow that doesn't play, and having to pay $10 for a glass of Sutter Home.

Our budget was 5k, including honeymoon, and we managed an open bar, with liquor. We searched until we found a venue that allowed us to bring in our own caterer and our own alcohol. That's how we afforded it. Properly thanking our guests who traveled, spent money, took time off, whatever, to us meant nobody opened their wallets at our reception. It's probably the lowest budget wedding I've ever attended, and it was the only one with an open bar. It wasn't a wide variety, but we knew what our guests liked and provided it. We even had enough liquor and wine left over to last us 6 months afterward. It's possible, if you are willing to look and work for it, to do an open bar even with a budget wedding.

Absolutely. If you're willing to put in a little extra work/research you can make it happen. Our luck was finding a venue that allowed us to bring in our own booze.

I live in a pretty high COL area and we were able to do full open bar for 90 people for 6 hours for $2K. This is included 8 beers on tap (6 commercial, 2 homebrew), 4 different wines, champagne toast, a good mix of liquors in the mid-top shelf range, all sodas, mixers, garnish, water and ice. And we got to keep any opened bottles of liquor, wine, soda, juice and whatever was left in the kegs.

southernbelle0915 · January 2015

beethery said:

dcbride86 said:

novella1186 said:

Ok so let's say you were in some bizarre universe where you HAD to either have a cash bar or a dollar dance at your wedding. Not matter what, you have to pick one. Which one would you pick?

Cash bar. I would a million times people rather call me cheap than a cheap stripper wannabe

I don't thinks she knows...

ETA: I would choose the dollar dance. I mean, if I'm going to be tacky, may as well make a damn profit.

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