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Bridal Party

Knottie27435764Knottie27435764 member
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My fiance and I got engaged October 2014. We set the date and asked our bridal party fairly quickly to be a part of our special day. We asked two good friends (who happen to be a couple). Our friends got engaged a month later. They immediately asked us to be in their wedding which they set almost a month to the date before ours. What do we do?? We initially said yes, because we really are happy for them but as we are budgeting our own wedding we just cannot afford to be in theirs since it's a month before ours! We sat them down and told them, they agreed then two days later they told us they would pay for us to be in their wedding. My fiance and I cannot return the favor and now feel awkward and put on the spot. Am I being selfish for wanting to spend that money on my own wedding and just wanting to be in my own bridal bubble and enjoy this time as a bride instead of worrying about being in a wedding, etc? Help!
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Re: Bridal Party

  • Butterflyz419Butterflyz419 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    Yeah, unless the cost to be in this wedding is extravagant, such as costing you extensive amounts for travel, I don't see the problem at all, especially since they're apparently offering to cover your expenses (which is exceedingly generous). 

     A friend of mine got engaged 5 days before me, she's getting married 13 days after me. We are BMs for each other. My FI and I have had to plan our honeymoon so as to make sure we're back in time for her wedding, which meant knocking off certain locations because there wouldn't be enough time including the distance to travel. But Being able to plan together with my friend has made this process so much better. Your bridal bubble isn't going to burst just because you go to another friend's wedding a month before your own. In fact it should only be bigger sharing this time with your friends.

    As for feeling bad you can't reciprocate covering costs, you shouldn't worry about that. They've made a very generous offer that doesn't need to be reciprocated, only appreciated. After all, if you reciprocated (unless there is a vast difference in costs for each wedding) it would only cancel itself out. I'd only say you should feel bad is if you know in your heart that affording it isn't the problem, it's simply your concern about sharing the spotlight that's bothering you. If that's the case, then I'd really see that as scamming your friend and really not cool.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    Is this really about the money, because it seems like it like it maybe 10% about the money and 90% about wanting the spotlight just on you, in which case I do think you are being selfish.

    Obviously, you never have to be in someone's wedding but it clearly means a lot to your friends since the offered to pay for your expenses. I would hope that you wouldn't let something as silly as wanting to be in your own "bridal bubble" be the major influence in making this decision. 



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  • twitterbirdtwitterbird member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I was in a friend's wedding 3 months before mine and didn't think twice about it. And it required some travel (couple hours drive and 2 nights in a hotel). If its local I really don't see not doing both.
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  • lovegood90lovegood90 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Knottie27435764 said:
    My fiance and I got engaged October 2014. We set the date and asked our bridal party fairly quickly to be a part of our special day. We asked two good friends (who happen to be a couple). Our friends got engaged a month later. They immediately asked us to be in their wedding which they set almost a month to the date before ours. What do we do??
    What's the problem here? The date of their wedding has no effect on the date of yours.

    We initially said yes, because we really are happy for them but as we are budgeting our own wedding we just cannot afford to be in theirs since it's a month before ours! Why can't you afford it? Is it because it required travel/a hotel stay? If it doesnt, then the only cost is attire which the bride and groom should be getting your budgets for anyway.

    We sat them down and told them, they agreed then two days later they told us they would pay for us to be in their wedding. Awesome! Now there's no budget issues. My fiance and I cannot return the favor and now feel awkward and put on the spot. Don't feel awkward. Just because they offered this to you doesn't mean that you need to feel pressured to do the same. Am I being selfish for wanting to spend that money on my own wedding No you are not- you are not obligated to pay for them to be in your wedding just because they're paying for you and just wanting to be in my own bridal bubble and enjoy this time as a bride instead of worrying about being in a wedding, etc? Yes, this sounds selfish. What is there to "worry" about in regards to being in this wedding? You will have no expenses as your friends have offered to cover that. Other than standing next to them during their ceremony and taking a few pictures after, there is absolutely nothing else that you would need to "worry" about. You get ONE day to be in your "bridal bubble"- your wedding day. These last few sentences make you come across as selfish and entitled.  How about being an actual friend to this couple and be happy for them? The world does not revolve around your wedding. Plenty of people get married every day. Help!

    Formerly martha1818

    image


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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    bethsmiles said:

    Is this really about the money, because it seems like it like it maybe 10% about the money and 90% about wanting the spotlight just on you, in which case I do think you are being selfish.

    Obviously, you never have to be in someone's wedding but it clearly means a lot to your friends since the offered to pay for your expenses. I would hope that you wouldn't let something as silly as wanting to be in your own "bridal bubble" be the major influence in making this decision. 

    100% agree with this. It sounds to me like you're being really self-centered, and that isn't fair to these friends at all. Especially when they clearly care so much about having you involved in their wedding that they've offered to cover your costs. Being in your own "Bridal bubble" is rediculous. 
    image
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Friendship isn't tit-for-tat. At least it's not supposed to be. Just because they offered to pay your expenses for their wedding (because it sounds like they really want you to be a part of it) doesn't mean you have to pay their expenses to be a part of your wedding. 
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  • apromise22apromise22 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    Let your friends pay for you to be in their wedding. It clearly means a lot to them to have you in their bridal party. It does not mean they expect you to reciprocate.

    I urge you to think of this as an opportunity to have another engaged friend with whom you can gush about wedding planning. 

    I'm not sure how old you are, but if you're at an age where a lot of people in your area get married, there are going to be tons of weddings around the time of your wedding. 2 of my cousins and I (so 3 out of 12 cousins) are getting married within a few months next year. That's life.  
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    ohannabelle said:
    I like the idea of being in a bubble. 
    I didn't know it was possible, but would like one very much.


    Here you go:
    image
    ________________________________


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  • slothiegalslothiegal member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Knottie27435764 said:
    My fiance and I got engaged October 2014. We set the date and asked our bridal party fairly quickly to be a part of our special day. We asked two good friends (who happen to be a couple). Our friends got engaged a month later. They immediately asked us to be in their wedding which they set almost a month to the date before ours. What do we do?? We initially said yes, because we really are happy for them but as we are budgeting our own wedding we just cannot afford to be in theirs since it's a month before ours! We sat them down and told them, they agreed then two days later they told us they would pay for us to be in their wedding. My fiance and I cannot return the favor and now feel awkward and put on the spot. Am I being selfish for wanting to spend that money on my own wedding and just wanting to be in my own bridal bubble and enjoy this time as a bride instead of worrying about being in a wedding, etc? Help!
    image


    I'm honestly confused about what there is to be worried about. 
    Anniversary

    image
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  • ohannabelleohannabelle member
    First Answer First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    thisismynickname said:
    ohannabelle said:
    I like the idea of being in a bubble. 
    I didn't know it was possible, but would like one very much.


    Here you go:
    image
    Am I nuts or does this look like hilarious fun? I could spend an afternoon crashing into everything and everyone. Ohmygod, I want these.
    Report Reply
  • lc07lc07 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    ohannabelle said:
    thisismynickname said:
    ohannabelle said:
    I like the idea of being in a bubble. 
    I didn't know it was possible, but would like one very much.


    Here you go:
    image
    Am I nuts or does this look like hilarious fun? I could spend an afternoon crashing into everything and everyone. Ohmygod, I want these.

    I think we need to add tulle or bedazzle them or SOMETHING to make them bridal bubbles. /p>

    Report Reply
  • slothiegalslothiegal member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    lc07 said:
    ohannabelle said:
    thisismynickname said:
    ohannabelle said:
    I like the idea of being in a bubble. 
    I didn't know it was possible, but would like one very much.


    Here you go:
    image
    Am I nuts or does this look like hilarious fun? I could spend an afternoon crashing into everything and everyone. Ohmygod, I want these.

    I think we need to add tulle or bedazzle them or SOMETHING to make them bridal bubbles. /p>

    Wrap 'em in burlap and lace.
    Anniversary

    image
    Report Reply
  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    slothiegal said:


    lc07 said:


    ohannabelle said:


    thisismynickname said:


    ohannabelle said:

    I like the idea of being in a bubble. 
    I didn't know it was possible, but would like one very much.


    Here you go:
    image

    Am I nuts or does this look like hilarious fun? I could spend an afternoon crashing into everything and everyone. Ohmygod, I want these.




    I think we need to add tulle or bedazzle them or SOMETHING to make them bridal bubbles. /p>


    Wrap 'em in burlap and lace.

    With a mason jar hat.

    Report Reply
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