Cash Bar Conversation

flantastic · January 2015

mrsflye said:

Cash bars are completely normal where I live (St. Louis area). Although not ideal I don't believe they are tacky. My guests should be there to enjoy my special occasion, if they are only there to get wasted then I don't want them there anyway. If they are upset that I'm not paying for them to get drunk all night they don't have to come. If they want to drink they can buy their own, I will be providing coffee, tea and soda. I don't understand the whole "bow down to your guest, don't make them pay for anything, don't ask for a gift or assume you're getting one." Let's be honest you give gifts at special occaisions, we've all been to weddings, you get a gift when you're celebrating something special. Call me tacky if you want. I'm not going into debt paying for people to get drunk when I don't even drink and although I'm not doing a "honeyfund" if someone asks me what I'd like I'm going to say cash for our honeymoon would be amazing instead of a 5th toaster. Get over it.

I'm not going to address the stupidity inherent in the cash bar reasoning, as others have done it more than adequately.

With respect to "getting over it," believe me, honey, I do not care whether you look like an ass to your friends. I am over it.

I do, however, care about your friends and would not have you treat them poorly. I am also living in St. Louis and I hope you don't do this to anyone I know.

HeatherKat · January 2015

mrsflye said:

Cash bars are completely normal where I live (St. Louis area). Although not ideal I don't believe they are tacky. My guests should be there to enjoy my special occasion, if they are only there to get wasted then I don't want them there anyway. If they are upset that I'm not paying for them to get drunk all night they don't have to come. If they want to drink they can buy their own, I will be providing coffee, tea and soda. I don't understand the whole "bow down to your guest, don't make them pay for anything, don't ask for a gift or assume you're getting one." Let's be honest you give gifts at special occaisions, we've all been to weddings, you get a gift when you're celebrating something special. Call me tacky if you want. I'm not going into debt paying for people to get drunk when I don't even drink and although I'm not doing a "honeyfund" if someone asks me what I'd like I'm going to say cash for our honeymoon would be amazing instead of a 5th toaster. Get over it.

You already own 4 toasters? That seems excessive.

ohannabelle · January 2015

HeatherKat said:

mrsflye said:

Cash bars are completely normal where I live (St. Louis area). Although not ideal I don't believe they are tacky. My guests should be there to enjoy my special occasion, if they are only there to get wasted then I don't want them there anyway. If they are upset that I'm not paying for them to get drunk all night they don't have to come. If they want to drink they can buy their own, I will be providing coffee, tea and soda. I don't understand the whole "bow down to your guest, don't make them pay for anything, don't ask for a gift or assume you're getting one." Let's be honest you give gifts at special occaisions, we've all been to weddings, you get a gift when you're celebrating something special. Call me tacky if you want. I'm not going into debt paying for people to get drunk when I don't even drink and although I'm not doing a "honeyfund" if someone asks me what I'd like I'm going to say cash for our honeymoon would be amazing instead of a 5th toaster. Get over it.

You already own 4 toasters? That seems excessive.

Always with the hypothetical toasters. For some reason, any time people try to justify asking for money, toasters are always held up as an example. Exactly like that.

If you don't need a toaster because you already have four- we'll just pretend that you do- don't register for a fifth toaster.

If you do get another toaster, you either add it to your already impressive toaster collection, and say thank you very much, or say thank you very much, and exchange it so you can work on your electric can opener collection.

lyndausvi · January 2015

we didn't even get one toaster, I feel so left out.

sigh

manateehugger · January 2015

mrsflye said:

Cash bars are completely normal where I live (St. Louis area). Although not ideal I don't believe they are tacky. My guests should be there to enjoy my special occasion, if they are only there to get wasted then I don't want them there anyway. If they are upset that I'm not paying for them to get drunk all night they don't have to come. If they want to drink they can buy their own, I will be providing coffee, tea and soda. I don't understand the whole "bow down to your guest, don't make them pay for anything, don't ask for a gift or assume you're getting one." Let's be honest you give gifts at special occaisions, we've all been to weddings, you get a gift when you're celebrating something special. Call me tacky if you want. I'm not going into debt paying for people to get drunk when I don't even drink and although I'm not doing a "honeyfund" if someone asks me what I'd like I'm going to say cash for our honeymoon would be amazing instead of a 5th toaster. Get over it.

Thank God you do not speak for all STL social circles; please stop acting like you do. You're making people think my hometown is full of etiquette-clueless assholes.

I've only been to two cash bars, and let me tell you, there was lots of talk and side-eyeing. People still talk about one of these weddings about 5 years later. My friends' families would be horrified if their children had cash bars. Horrified, embarrassed, and apologetic.

And since you said I could say it, your ideas and attitude are tacky as hell.

Cookie Pusher · January 2015

lyndausvi said:

we didn't even get one toaster, I feel so left out.

sigh

Us either. Do I get a do-over???

banana468 · January 2015

I never understand using the rationalization that open bar equals getting drunk. It's not great to over eat and yet no one ever decides that cheese is rationed.

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2015

banana468 said:
I never understand using the rationalization that open bar equals getting drunk. It's not great to over eat and yet no one ever decides that cheese is rationed.

I DEFINITELY wouldn't attend that wedding.

cheeseburgers11 · January 2015

mrsflye said:

Cash bars are completely normal where I live (St. Louis area). Although not ideal I don't believe they are tacky. My guests should be there to enjoy my special occasion, if they are only there to get wasted then I don't want them there anyway. If they are upset that I'm not paying for them to get drunk all night they don't have to come. If they want to drink they can buy their own, I will be providing coffee, tea and soda. I don't understand the whole "bow down to your guest, don't make them pay for anything, don't ask for a gift or assume you're getting one." Let's be honest you give gifts at special occaisions, we've all been to weddings, you get a gift when you're celebrating something special. Call me tacky if you want. I'm not going into debt paying for people to get drunk when I don't even drink and although I'm not doing a "honeyfund" if someone asks me what I'd like I'm going to say cash for our honeymoon would be amazing instead of a 5th toaster. Get over it.

Hmm. I'm from STL and I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar, and not because my friends spent tens of thousands on their reception. If you can't afford alcohol I don't understand why you would have it. I mean, I would love to offer my guests Kobe beef and lobster but it's not in my budget. I'm not going to give guests the choice of buying the premium entree because the moment a guest pulls out their wallet I've stopped hosting them.

It seems like you don't even like alcohol so why are you hosting offering it?

[Deleted User] · January 2015

[Deleted User] · January 2015

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2015

pinkrevenge said:

lolo883 said:

This was our cash bar conversation:

" "

There was none. My H doesn't even drink and we never even considered a cash bar for a second.

Here was ours:

Me- I want full open bar. Whatever we have to do to make that happen.
Venue - You could go to cash after a certain amount -
Me - NO! I care about two things. The food, and the drinks. I will scrap the entire wedding if it means we have good food and drinks
Parents - cash bars are kind of normal here
Me- well I'm the trend-setter then! Seriously, I will cancel all the flowers, send dollar store invites, and cancel the church and get married right here in the hall before that bar goes cash
Venue - you can also go dry ...
*entire family laughs, both sides*

I really did cut some stuff from the wedding and then upgraded the bar.

Yup. I DIYed centerpieces, boutonnieres, place cards, and my veil to save some bucks. Wore $25 shoes, a borrowed headpiece and bracelet. Knew I needed to upgrade the bar to whichever one had Captain Morgan and Stoli because I know those are a few friends' favorites and I WANTED MY GUESTS TO BE HAPPY.

Those friends stayed til we closed the place down and said it was the best wedding they'd ever been to. Well worth the cost.

hellosweetie1015 · January 2015

Yep. My budget is $3k max, and I'd love to stay well under that. If we have our reception at any location other than the church hall we're considering, whatever booze is provided, will be paid for out of that budget. Our crowd isn't full of drinkers - maybe three or four people will drink, FI and I included - but I'm going to cut wherever I have to to ensure it happens.

landa10315 · January 2015

I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar, partial cash bar, partially hosted bar, etc. I guess etiquette is kind of built into the venues in my area. The price pp is dependent on the time of year, day of the week, and time of day, generally. The only thing that varies from venue to venue is whether the bar is premium or top shelf. We tend to do weddings over the top here. Yet, while I'm (*definitely*) not having one, gaps are very common, and I've been to several of those.

charcoalandblush · January 2015

I'm having this argument with DF right now... wish me luck.

He seriously sees no problem with a partial cash bar. I think because it's all he's ever known. Of the 7 or 8 weddings we've been to together of his friends and family, every single one has been a partial cash bar.

HeatherKat · February 2015

charcoalandblush said:

I'm having this argument with DF right now... wish me luck.

He seriously sees no problem with a partial cash bar. I think because it's all he's ever known. Of the 7 or 8 weddings we've been to together of his friends and family, every single one has been a partial cash bar.

I'm having the same fight with FI, FILs, and my parents right now. FI and I have been to at least 10 weddings together as a couple, and all save one was a partially hosted bar. I've bartended dozens of weddings at a BQ hall and can count on one hand the number of open bars that I've worked.

I know that "everyone does it" is a terrible excuse for poor hosting, but it's been hard to make the argument when everyone he knows has done it that way.

edited because typing is hard.

charcoalandblush · February 2015

HeatherKat said:

charcoalandblush said:

I'm having this argument with DF right now... wish me luck.

He seriously sees no problem with a partial cash bar. I think because it's all he's ever known. Of the 7 or 8 weddings we've been to together of his friends and family, every single one has been a partial cash bar.

I'm having the same fight with FI, FILs, and my parents right now. FI and I have been to at least 10 weddings together as a couple, and all save one was a partially hosted bar. I've bartended dozens of weddings at a BQ hall and can count on one hand the number of open bars that I've worked.

I know that "everyone does it" is a terrible excuse for poor hosting, but it's been hard to make the argument when everyone he knows has done it that way.

edited because typing is hard.

I WONNNN!

The argument that worked on him: He kept saying "But it's nicer to our guests to let them buy their own drinks in case they don't like beer."

Me: "But wouldn't you be pissed if we got to a wedding and the menu said 'Chicken will be served, but upgrade to steak for $25'? Because that's basically what we would be doing. If chicken was served and you didn't like chicken, you'd eat vegetables and sides or whatever and not complain because you're not a shitty guest. But you'd be pissed if they told you that you could have something you like but you have to pay for it."

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