Bridesmaids

flantastic · January 2015

Knottie4413815 said:

I really need help with this! I am a very short bride (4'10). I have five bridesmaids and today we went shopping for their dresses. Everything went great! Everyone loves the dress that was chosen and looks great in it (Picture below, but in blush color). The bridesmaids are my three cousins and FH's two sisters. From the beginning, I've said that the only thing I ask is that everyone wears flats. His one sister is 5'11, obviously towers over me. My MOH is 5'0 and the other bridesmaids are 5'3, and two are 5'5. I will be wearing 6" wedges, and I understand now that my MOH should probably wear some type of wedge heel too. His sister who is 5'11 now wants to wear heels (to give nice posture?). Our ceremony is outside and they will be walking on grass. Am I crazy and awful to demand that she does not wear heels? Even with the two inch heels she tried on with the dress, that still puts her wayyy over everyone else in the bridal party and honestly, I am extremely self-conscious about my height. I would really like to not feel like a dwarf on my wedding day if I can help it

I wouldn't go so far as to say crazy and awful, but definitely out of line and micromanaging. You're short; she's not. I'm short; my SIL who was in my WP is not. These are just facts of life that don't change because it's your wedding, and no one will be surprised if you're short and she's tall. It won't take away from anything. Let her wear whatever shoes she wants.

Knottie4413815 · February 2015

Okay, so what if I only ask for the ceremony and pictures she not wear heels. She could wear them the rest of the night then? I know its micromanaging and that's why I'm uncomfortable at the moment. I hate asking people to do things they don't want to do.

flantastic · February 2015

Knottie4413815 said:

Okay, so what if I only ask for the ceremony and pictures she not wear heels. She could wear them the rest of the night then? I know its micromanaging and that's why I'm uncomfortable at the moment. I hate asking people to do things they don't want to do.

Nope. Let her be comfortable. Just don't do it. It seriously does not matter.

AddieCake · February 2015

What the hell difference does it make if she is taller than everyone?

Knottie4413815 · February 2015

Well, as I said, I am self-conscious about my height. She is actually quite beautiful and sweet as can be. So I guess that is the difference. Thanks for your bluntness though.

bumbletiger88 · February 2015

I think you are making a big deal out of nothing. While you have a right to your own feelings of self-consciousness, you cannot dictate the height of your bridesmaids shoes because of it. I'm a little self-conscious about how beautiful my FSIL is (and she is a bridesmaid), but asking her to not do her/hair makeup as she pleased would just be ridiculous.

rcher912 · February 2015

I get the self-consciousness. I'm a larger bride, and my sister is a half-marathon-running size 4. I'm totally scared of being...not as pretty or as tall or as skinny as she is on my wedding day, but that's just the reality of the situation.

Your comment makes you uncomfortable because it is micromanaging and it is a little much. But you knew that already.

Get some baller hair and makeup, a kickass dress, and remember to focus on the pictures of you and your FI - those will be the best ones anyway! You'll be the only one in white, and that will be what REALLY makes a statement!! It will look fabulous, and your relationship will be MUCH better.

vmj23 · February 2015

I had 3 bridesmaids..2 were short (one girl very short/petite) and the third is VERY tall. The tallest wore 4 inch heels. She towered over me along with the rest, but honestly not a big deal AT all. I doubt anyone noticed/cared/paid attention to the height difference. Eyes are on YOU the bride so don't worry about their height!

misshart00 · February 2015

Their height will not take away from you at all. Don't worry about their shoe height. Especially since they'll be taller than you even without heels. FWIW, my H is 5'8". His best man is 6'9".

MGP · February 2015

Knottie4413815 said:

Well, as I said, I am self-conscious about my height. She is actually quite beautiful and sweet as can be. So I guess that is the difference. Thanks for your bluntness though.

Everyone is self-conscious about something. Don't let those over styled wedding magazine photos sway your opinion. All of those girls are between 5'9" and 5'11" and probably are wearing heels to make them all appear the same height.

"Real life" weddings include people of all shapes and sizes and that's what makes them special. The first wedding I was in the bride was 4'10" and I was 5'3" and towered over her as MOH. The girls in my wedding were both 5'8"+ and towered over me. The pictures are all gorgeous and meaningful and I had not one thought about telling people what heel height to wear. You wouldn't do that on any other day so don't do it on your wedding day either. It truly doesn't matter. All eyes will be on you, I promise.

tcnoble · February 2015

Knottie4413815 said:

Well, as I said, I am self-conscious about my height. She is actually quite beautiful and sweet as can be. So I guess that is the difference. Thanks for your bluntness though.

Have you considered that she may be self conscious about her height too? And that she feels confident rocking a pair of heels?? I'm 5'10" and generally hate being tall. On the rare occasion I wear heels, I rock it and feel beautiful. Don't let the height thing be a focus for either of you. Let everyone wear what they're comfortable in, including you, and have fun!

ohannabelle · February 2015

Knottie4413815 said:

Okay, so what if I only ask for the ceremony and pictures she not wear heels. She could wear them the rest of the night then? I know its micromanaging and that's why I'm uncomfortable at the moment. I hate asking people to do things they don't want to do.

Because you know it's not nice. Asking people to to try to look differently than what they look like isn't fair. It would be like someone telling you (or me) that we had to wear really high heels so that their pictures looked nice.

Pictures aren't supposed to be an idealized wedding magazine shoot of carefully coordinated people. They're meant to be a memory of the day and an actual record of the people you love.

There just isn't a good way to say "change the way you look so I like looking at my pictures."

Nobody's really looking at the bridesmaids. They're looking at you.

lyndausvi · February 2015

Even with your 6 inch heels she is going to over-tower you by 7 inches. What is 2 more inches? She will never look remotely close to your height in heels.

Sorry, but you are being silly.

My sister is 5 foot even. I'm just over 5'8" and was her MOH. I would laughed in her face is she even suggested I not wear heels. She had 8 BMs, the shortest one was 5'5, the tallest was 5'10". In no world would she be taller than any of us (she wouldn't wear 6 inch heels).

Stop looking for something to worry about. You are short. Deal with it.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

This is right up there in importance with the color of your Uncle Henry's underpants and the brand of your cousin's wallet.

novella1186 · February 2015

I get it. I'm 5'1" (I usually lie and say I'm 5'2" lol) and 3 of my BMs are almost 6' tall. Just in normal everyday life, I feel a little silly when I'm next to my super tall friends because they tower over me, and people are constantly making comments about how tiny I am. It can be weird sometimes.

However, I want my BMs to be comfortable and feel pretty, and feel like themselves on my wedding day. The ceremony will be outside (weather permitting) so we'll be walking on grass, and I warned them of this just so they can decide which shoes to wear accordingly. My heels won't be very tall because I'm not comfortable in tall heels. If one of my BMs shows up in 6" tall platforms, good for her. Not my problem, not worth worrying about.

If you're worried about pictures, obviously you can all be positioned/posed so that you look taller than you are or whatever. No big deal. Other than that, really, who cares? You'll be so focused on your FI and your wedding day that you won't even notice or care that some people are taller than you. Really.

This is one of those things that your life will be much easier and your plans will be much easier when you realize it doesn't matter, and again, this is coming from a girl who's in the same place you are.

mlg78 · February 2015

I'm 5'1" and my MOH was 5'10" and wore heels while I wore flats to be comfortable. It was a non issue. Don't dictate her footwear like this.

slothiegal · February 2015

You know how you feel uncomfortable with being short? Telling your tall friend to alter HER appearance can make her feel just as self conscious.

The grass is always greener--when I hit 5'10'', I was towering over my classmates, I was mortified. I felt so awkward and gangly next to the "normal" sized girls and of course there were the guys who made fun of me, saying they wouldn't be seen with a girl taller than them (kids are so stupid). Obviously I'm past that point in my life, but the point is everyone can feel those insecurities, even when their insecurity is something you wish for.

I'm sorry you're not comfortable with yourself, but in regards to your height...it is what it is. People are going to look at you and think, "Look at that beautiful bride on the happiest day of her life!" Not "Look at that weirdo who's so short." You gotta love yourself, hon.

And besides that whole ramble I posted above....it's just plain not cool to dictate your guests' appearances.

slothiegal · February 2015

(Completely unrelated, but the first time I clicked on this thread, I just kind of skimmed over the first post and all I could think was, "THIS LOOKS LIKE A GODDAMNED WORD PROBLEM WITH ALL THESE HEIGHTS" and it immediately sent me into a math induced panic mode, the likes of which I had not experienced since high school.)

[Deleted User] · February 2015

WhatawagSBNy · February 2015

Knottie4413815 said:
Okay, so what if I only ask for the ceremony and pictures she not wear heels. She could wear them the rest of the night then? I know its micromanaging and that's why I'm uncomfortable at the moment. I hate asking people to do things they don't want to do.

*************
On some film and tv sets, sometimes shorter actors will only consent to do a show if some others-- may be female lead and supporting role males -are all at least 2 inches shorter.
Other times, In any close-up, a shorter actor stands on a box.
It is all about the appearance of the final product. The individuals, their feelings, their relationships, don't count . All that matters is the vanity and self image of the person who as star feels himself to be more important than anyone else.

That you put others in this position with your request says to all you put your vanity before your friends. You should be embarrassed, and say to your friends, what was I thinking, I'm so sorry, wear what you want.
Your feelings of inadequacy as a short person in a world where many are tall is your personality problem. Projecting it out to affect your friends is wrong.

artbyallie · February 2015

Honey, she is over a foot taller than you and will be regardless. Are a few inches more from heels really going to make that much of a difference? No, it's not.

And, FWIW, I am 5'3" and my bridesmaids ranged from about 5 feet to over 6. Some wore heels, some wore flats. It. Did. Not. Fucking. Matter.

hellosweetie1015 · February 2015

My only concern with shoes are my own heels - I personally don't want to be taller than my FI. At five even, you'd think that wasn't possible, but Fi's a shorty too haha. I have everyday shoes that put me even with him, or maybe a wee bit taller.

My bridesmaids are all taller than me. The shortest is 5'3"; the tallest is 5'9". I fully expect the tallest to wear some kickass silver shoes she got for prom (not because I want her to, but because she loves them and never gets to wear them). She will be 6' at that point.

I say don't worry about it. I know it's hard because you're self conscious about your own height, but you will be beautiful on your wedding day and nobody will be commenting on your height versus anyone else's.

jacques27 · February 2015

Knottie4413815 said:

Well, as I said, I am self-conscious about my height. She is actually quite beautiful and sweet as can be. So I guess that is the difference. Thanks for your bluntness though.

Well, then that sounds like a personal problem and you should probably find a way to work through your confidence and self-esteem issues to be more accepting of yourself, rather than changing others.

Your wedding and pictures should be an accurate reflection of who you and your loved ones are on that day. The fact of the matter is you're short and unless you get a second growth spurt will always be that way. Also fact - you have loved ones who are tall and presumably you love them no matter what size they come in (if you don't, then you should start practicing that - practice makes perfect).

STARMOON44 · February 2015

Do you frequently wear 6 inch wedges? I'd make really really sure you can stand and walk in them for a long time.

climbingsingle · February 2015

Listen, you're short. That's not something that will ever change. You need to learn to love yourself. I'm 5'1". Do I sometimes wish I was taller? Sure. But it ain't gonna happen and it's not something I would ever dwell on.
Don't dictate shoes. Let them wear whatever they are comfortable in. Even with your tall wedges, this BM will still be taller than you. So what? It doesn't matter! My husband is a foot taller than me. And we don't look ridiculous together. And I don't look ridiculous next to any tall people. People come in all shapes and sizes. That is life.

YourDogDontKnowSit · February 2015

What if you were a tall bride's BM and she demanded everyone wear ridiculous stilettos to make her seem not so tall? That would be demanding, right? It's just not okay to dictate someone else to compensate for your insecurities: those are your issues, not your BMs. FWIW I'm 5'3 and my MOH is 6' and loves to wear heels, so I do empathize.

atlastmrsg · February 2015

(1) I hate flats. I feel dumpy in them. I'd be sad.

(2) While I'm not about to wear most bridesmaid dresses ever again, a floor length dress hemmed for flats won't be able to worn again. Once you hem it for flats, you can't wear heels with it. And it may be harder to re-sell it if it's a brand that's actually worth re-selling versus donating.

Worry about big things. Like whether your guests have enough to eat and drink, comfy places to sit, and all the details they need on the invitation insert/wedding website/etc.

thisismynickname2 · February 2015

A) I was the shortest one in every single photo even wearing 4 inch heels. Doesn't look weird, doesn't matter.

my first reaction to the post was, "Bridal parties aren't the Rockettes."

PrettyGirlLost · February 2015

Knottie4413815 said:
Well, as I said, I am self-conscious about my height. She is actually quite beautiful and sweet as can be. So I guess that is the difference. Thanks for your bluntness though.

Not trying to be mean but that's your issue you need to deal with and get over. LRN2WEARHEELS if this really bothers you in life.

You will always be shorter than this BM. . .and most other people too. Being shorter will not make you less of a bride or less of the center of attention on your wedding day.

Let your BM'S wear whatever shoes they want to. Your pictures and your day will be fine.

banana468 · February 2015

I can't believe that this is a thing. I'm only 5'4 and I'm the shortest in my family except for my kids. If the height of someone next to you makes you so uncomfortable that you want someone to change their shoe preferences, I think you may need counseling. I'm not even joking here. I think if being shorter than your WP is going to create anxiety it is time to look into ways to accept your height and the height of others.

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