Destination Etiquette- Bridal Party

[Deleted User] · February 2015

We have decided on a cruise wedding. What is the proper etiquette in terms of what to pay for for our bridal party? They are all excited and have started saving, but we want to do something really nice for them since they are taking the week to spend time with us and celebrate.

JCbride2015 · February 2015

heyitsnicolelee said:

We have decided on a cruise wedding. What is the proper etiquette in terms of what to pay for for our bridal party? They are all excited and have started saving, but we want to do something really nice for them since they are taking the week to spend time with us and celebrate.

I think we need to know more about the logistics. My assumption is that you're doing this basically the only etiquette friendly way to do a cruise wedding: ceremony and reception at port, and then anybody who chooses to cruise with you can stay if they so choose. Right?

Really, the bottom line is, I would do as much for them as you can practically afford. I think it would be a lovely gesture to pay for the wedding night aboard the cruise ship, or maybe give them all a sizable gift card to the ship restaurant.

jacques27 · February 2015

From an etiquette standpoint - them agreeing to be your wedding party is also an agreement to the costs associated with attending (airfare, cruise costs, etc.), assuming they know all the terms, conditions, costs up front.

From a "Gee, you'd be a swell person if..." standpoint - I personally would offer to pay for their attire unless you are letting them wear anything in their closet they already own.

If attire isn't a possibility because you're letting them wear whatever, then I would look into things you can upgrade for them on the cruise - unlimited drink package, the extra costs of upgrading to a restaurant for one of their dinners instead of the main dining, paying for an excursion during one of your port days, taking care of their gratuities at the end of the cruise, etc.

mlg78 · February 2015

Many cruise lines also have gift certificates you could give the wedding party and they can apply it to whatever they want. I buy them all the time for my mom and stepdad.

mlg78 · February 2015

JCbride2015 said:

heyitsnicolelee said:

We have decided on a cruise wedding. What is the proper etiquette in terms of what to pay for for our bridal party? They are all excited and have started saving, but we want to do something really nice for them since they are taking the week to spend time with us and celebrate.

I think we need to know more about the logistics. My assumption is that you're doing this basically the only etiquette friendly way to do a cruise wedding: ceremony and reception at port, and then anybody who chooses to cruise with you can stay if they so choose. Right?

Really, the bottom line is, I would do as much for them as you can practically afford. I think it would be a lovely gesture to pay for the wedding night aboard the cruise ship, or maybe give them all a sizable gift card to the ship restaurant.

I've never heard of this. If this were the case, there would be no such thing as "destination weddings" and everyone following etiquette would get married before going off on the trip.

JCbride2015 · February 2015

mlg78 said:

JCbride2015 said:

heyitsnicolelee said:

We have decided on a cruise wedding. What is the proper etiquette in terms of what to pay for for our bridal party? They are all excited and have started saving, but we want to do something really nice for them since they are taking the week to spend time with us and celebrate.

I think we need to know more about the logistics. My assumption is that you're doing this basically the only etiquette friendly way to do a cruise wedding: ceremony and reception at port, and then anybody who chooses to cruise with you can stay if they so choose. Right?

Really, the bottom line is, I would do as much for them as you can practically afford. I think it would be a lovely gesture to pay for the wedding night aboard the cruise ship, or maybe give them all a sizable gift card to the ship restaurant.

I've never heard of this. If this were the case, there would be no such thing as "destination weddings" and everyone following etiquette would get married before going off on the trip.

I've heard that a cruise wedding while at sea is considered fairly rude because you are dictating the exact type of vacation your guests take. Unlike a regular DW, where you still expect guests to travel but you aren't necessarily saying, "you must stay at this exact resort for 7 days and eat this exact food included in the cruise package."

SP29 · February 2015

But that is kind of implied when someone says, "hey! we're going on a cruise for our wedding!". I mean, where else would you go on a boat?

As invitations are not summons, as long as people know what the plan is before they decided, guests can say no to attending if a cruise is not their cup of tea.

JCbride2015 · February 2015

SP29 said:

But that is kind of implied when someone says, "hey! we're going on a cruise for our wedding!". I mean, where else would you go on a boat?

As invitations are not summons, as long as people know what the plan is before they decided, guests can say no to attending if a cruise is not their cup of tea.

Fair enough. There are many worse things I've seen around the boards. It just seems to really exemplify everything that makes a DW unpopular and then take it to the next level.

I would expect A LOT of declines though if OP really is requiring all guests to cruise with them. I can't think of too many people who would sign on for an actual cruise for somebody's wedding.

mlg78 · February 2015

I freaking love cruising... I have three booked over the next 15 months. OP can invite me then!

hyechica81 · February 2015

cruise weddings are so that you pick the island you want to get married on.everyone i know who got married on a ship got married on the ship while at sea or on the island someplace

redoryx · February 2015

JCbride2015 said:

SP29 said:

But that is kind of implied when someone says, "hey! we're going on a cruise for our wedding!". I mean, where else would you go on a boat?

As invitations are not summons, as long as people know what the plan is before they decided, guests can say no to attending if a cruise is not their cup of tea.

Fair enough. There are many worse things I've seen around the boards. It just seems to really exemplify everything that makes a DW unpopular and then take it to the next level.

I would expect A LOT of declines though if OP really is requiring all guests to cruise with them. I can't think of too many people who would sign on for an actual cruise for somebody's wedding.

Agreed. If someone was getting married at port and there was more flexibility for time and I only have to take a couple days of vacation from work I'd be more inclined to attend than if the wedding was on a cruise as I may not be able to get that much time off from work.

Knottie74992899 · February 2015

I think you should pay for anything that is above and beyond a normal wedding. If they live where you live and you are asking them to travel then pay for the travel, accommadations, etc.

mlg78 · February 2015

Knottie74992899 said:

I think you should pay for anything that is above and beyond a normal wedding. If they live where you live and you are asking them to travel then pay for the travel, accommadations, etc.

I disagree. This isn't expected for a typical destination wedding...or any other type of "normal" wedding. The bridesmaid could also decline...

lyndausvi · February 2015

mlg78 said:

JCbride2015 said:

heyitsnicolelee said:

We have decided on a cruise wedding. What is the proper etiquette in terms of what to pay for for our bridal party? They are all excited and have started saving, but we want to do something really nice for them since they are taking the week to spend time with us and celebrate.

I think we need to know more about the logistics. My assumption is that you're doing this basically the only etiquette friendly way to do a cruise wedding: ceremony and reception at port, and then anybody who chooses to cruise with you can stay if they so choose. Right?

Really, the bottom line is, I would do as much for them as you can practically afford. I think it would be a lovely gesture to pay for the wedding night aboard the cruise ship, or maybe give them all a sizable gift card to the ship restaurant.

I've never heard of this. If this were the case, there would be no such thing as "destination weddings" and everyone following etiquette would get married before going off on the trip.

Cruise ship weddings are unique in that you can get married on the ship at one of the ports (often where the cruise starts) You are allowed day guests attend the ceremony and reception. Then right before they set sail the day guests go back to shore.

Other people get married on the ship while at sea. So in that case only those on the cruise can attend.

You can also get married at one of the ports. In St Thomas we had a ton of people get married on the beach and have receptions at various locations OFF the ship. Often there would be guests who would attend who were NOT on the cruise. They just made plans to met the couple in St Thomas.

As far as the OP goes I would upgrade my WP's bar package or give them an on board GC to use for spa, drinks, excursions, etc.

princessleia22 · February 2015

I also did a cruise wedding. We did embarkation wedding at port, so guests were not required to cruise with us. Most of our VIP's did join us on the cruise, but best man wasn't able to and just came for the weekend, joined us onboard for the wedding, then disembarked before ship left for cruise. We had 25 guests attend. 14 of them joined us on the cruise, 10 just came onboard for the wedding.

Really, the etiquette for cruise wedding shouldn't be any different than other destination weddings. You can't mandate that people come. We checked with our VIP's prior to booking the wedding to make sure they were okay with it and the associated costs. We even let them choose the cruise. We narrowed it down to 3 cruise options of varying lengths and costs, and luckily they all unanimously agreed on the same cruise. If any of our VIP's had said it was too expensive or that they couldn't come, we would have had a typical wedding at home. But, they all liked the plan and were okay with the costs. But, if they are aware of the costs and agree to it, then you aren't responsible to do anything more. It is still always nice to help out if it's an option though. Whether that is helping with wedding related expenses or paying portion of hotel, travel, or cruise costs.

We did try to help out with costs where we could. MIL decided to purchase suits for all the groomsmen. For bridesmaids, I let them choose any blue dress they wanted (didn't have to match). So, that allowed them to determine their own price point there. I paid for hair/nails for all bridesmaids (the services were optional, not mandatory). We provided dinner for all guests the night before the wedding/cruise. But, we did not pay any portion of the trip for anyone though. We just covered some of the extras when they got there.

cantwaitforthefuture · February 2015

I feel like a cruise wedding is just like any other destination wedding. If people can come, they will come. If they can't come, they won't. It's pretty simple. I would NOT have a wedding at a port stop on the cruise unless it was where the cruise left from. Two cruises I have been on changed cruising itineraries while we were on board because of storms.

CMGragain · February 2015

I have just completed my 18th cruise.

You may not invite people to a wedding where they must pay for admission. That is rude. Therefore, being married while the cruise ship is at sea is very rude UNLESS you are willing to pay for the cruise for all of your guests and attendants.

Most cruise ship weddings are held while the ship is docked in port. Guests are allowed on board for the ceremony and reception, and the ship sails afterwards. Guests are free to take the cruise, or not. This is just like a destination wedding, and there is nothing wrong with this format. Gifts for attendants would be just like gifts for any destination wedding.

Do not accept etiquette advice from the cruise ship line. They are in it for the $$$$!

mlg78 · February 2015

CMGragain said:
I have just completed my 18th cruise.

You may not invite people to a wedding where they must pay for admission. That is rude. Therefore, being married while the cruise ship is at sea is very rude UNLESS you are willing to pay for the cruise for all of your guests and attendants.

Most cruise ship weddings are held while the ship is docked in port. Guests are allowed on board for the ceremony and reception, and the ship sails afterwards. Guests are free to take the cruise, or not. This is just like a destination wedding, and there is nothing wrong with this format. Gifts for attendants would be just like gifts for any destination wedding.

Do not accept etiquette advice from the cruise ship line. They are in it for the $$$$!

Based on your reasoning someone who is having a destination wedding in Mexico would need to pay the flights for everyone to attend (the "admission"). I don't see how a cruise is any different from any other type of destination wedding!

AlexisA01 · February 2015

CMGragain said:

I have just completed my 18th cruise.

You may not invite people to a wedding where they must pay for admission. That is rude. Therefore, being married while the cruise ship is at sea is very rude UNLESS you are willing to pay for the cruise for all of your guests and attendants.

Most cruise ship weddings are held while the ship is docked in port. Guests are allowed on board for the ceremony and reception, and the ship sails afterwards. Guests are free to take the cruise, or not. This is just like a destination wedding, and there is nothing wrong with this format. Gifts for attendants would be just like gifts for any destination wedding.

Do not accept etiquette advice from the cruise ship line. They are in it for the $$$$!

Based on your criteria, this would omit destination weddings. Sorry but this is not correct.

jacques27 · February 2015

mlg78 said:

I have just completed my 18th cruise.

You may not invite people to a wedding where they must pay for admission. That is rude. Therefore, being married while the cruise ship is at sea is very rude UNLESS you are willing to pay for the cruise for all of your guests and attendants.

Most cruise ship weddings are held while the ship is docked in port. Guests are allowed on board for the ceremony and reception, and the ship sails afterwards. Guests are free to take the cruise, or not. This is just like a destination wedding, and there is nothing wrong with this format. Gifts for attendants would be just like gifts for any destination wedding.

Do not accept etiquette advice from the cruise ship line. They are in it for the $$$$!
Based on your reasoning someone who is having a destination wedding in Mexico would need to pay the flights for everyone to attend (the "admission"). I don't see how a cruise is any different from any other type of destination wedding!

But anyone who has to travel (destination or not) to any wedding would be paying those costs. How it differs is that there is no option but to pay for the cruise if you want to be a part of the wedding. Let's say I want to get married on a roller coaster at our local theme park (maybe 20 minutes away, so local). Should people have to pay the admittance fee to get into the theme park to attend my wedding?

You get a wedding day, not a wedding week or a wedding 10 days. You're asking people to commit to the whole time for your 3-5 hours ceremony and party that they can't have access to unless they pay for a cruise on top of already paying to get to port. So you're adding an admission, basically on top of the travel costs. If you're having a wedding in Mexico, I have the option of taking a week off and driving down there and back or catching a red eye and just attending the wedding and flying back the next day so I can still be to work on Monday.

Now granted, if every single person knows about all of the costs and the time commitment involved ahead, then so be it - it's an invitation, not a subpoena. But generally speaking, it's polite to try to be accommodating and inclusive - assuming you care about whether your loved ones attend or whether the cost/time away may be burdensome. What if a parent or a sibling or a best friend really wants to see their loved one married, but could only get 5 days off work instead of 7 or 8? By getting married at the port before the cruise leaves, you at least give the people the option to still be included, but not have to dedicate an entire week or spend additional money on top of the travel costs.

LtPowers · February 2015

Traveling to a faraway location is not an admission fee, because the guest has multiple ways to fulfill the requirement -- he could tie it into a vacation, choose to save money by driving or sailing or hitching a ride with someone, etc. Even a hotel booking is not an admission fee, because the guest could stay with friends or at a hostel, etc.

Booking a cruise, on the other hand, is an admission fee. An at-sea cruise ship wedding tells potential guests that they must spend at least several hundred dollars and several days attending your wedding. That is what moves it into the realm of inconsiderateness.

Powers &8^]

ohannabelle · February 2015

mlg78 said:

JCbride2015 said:

heyitsnicolelee said:

We have decided on a cruise wedding. What is the proper etiquette in terms of what to pay for for our bridal party? They are all excited and have started saving, but we want to do something really nice for them since they are taking the week to spend time with us and celebrate.

I think we need to know more about the logistics. My assumption is that you're doing this basically the only etiquette friendly way to do a cruise wedding: ceremony and reception at port, and then anybody who chooses to cruise with you can stay if they so choose. Right?

Really, the bottom line is, I would do as much for them as you can practically afford. I think it would be a lovely gesture to pay for the wedding night aboard the cruise ship, or maybe give them all a sizable gift card to the ship restaurant.

I've never heard of this. If this were the case, there would be no such thing as "destination weddings" and everyone following etiquette would get married before going off on the trip.

Yep. And believe it or not, there are still many people that do think destination weddings are simply bad etiquette. (I'm not alone there. Miss Manners weighs in on this one, and agrees.)

Over the last twenty years they've become usual, but I'm one of the people who still believe that they're inherently inconsiderate. It isn't a popular opinion, and I get that it's become common, but I still stand firmly in that camp. Just because it's frequently done doesn't mean it's nice.

It's asking a tremendous investment of time and money from guests, and that isn't considerate planning. Definitely putting one's vision first, and dividing invited guests into the groups of can and can't afford it. A destination invitation tells me immediately that they don't really care if I'm there or not.

lyndausvi · February 2015

The "problem" I have with cruise wedding over others is you don't have the same options. You either don't go or have to stay for the entire length of the cruise. There is none of this let's arrive the night before and leave first the next morning thing.

Other DW you have the CHOICE to stay for however long you want. You have the choice in where you want to stay.

God forbid you are prone to seasickness your option is being sick for 7 days or not attending. Not really the best of choices if you happen to be a VIP.

I'm not saying there are not people out there who enjoy the idea of a 7 day DW, I'm just not one of them.

princessleia22 · February 2015

lyndausvi said:

The "problem" I have with cruise wedding over others is you don't have the same options. You either don't go or have to stay for the entire length of the cruise. There is none of this let's arrive the night before and leave first the next morning thing.

Other DW you have the CHOICE to stay for however long you want. You have the choice in where you want to stay.

God forbid you are prone to seasickness your option is being sick for 7 days or not attending. Not really the best of choices if you happen to be a VIP.

I'm not saying there are not people out there who enjoy the idea of a 7 day DW, I'm just not one of them.

This is why I think it is best to run the idea by the VIP's before planning or booking. And why port based wedding is a good idea, because it doesn't mandate that people go on the cruise. If you do an at-sea wedding, guest list really should be limited to very small group of VIP's and it should be discussed with them in advance. It was actually my family who suggested that we do a cruise wedding. We knew that we wanted a small, intimate wedding and had already considered ideas for destination weddings and local weddings. When we brought up the cruise idea to other VIP's, they all instantly loved the idea and actually seemed more excited about it than we did. Nobody was forced to go on a cruise in order to attend our wedding, and really only about 1/2 of our guests did join us on the cruise. We polled our VIP's for their budgets and chose our cruise itinerary based on that. So, there are etiquette appropriate methods of hosting a cruise wedding.

CMGragain · February 2015

princessleia22 said:

lyndausvi said:

The "problem" I have with cruise wedding over others is you don't have the same options. You either don't go or have to stay for the entire length of the cruise. There is none of this let's arrive the night before and leave first the next morning thing.

Other DW you have the CHOICE to stay for however long you want. You have the choice in where you want to stay.

God forbid you are prone to seasickness your option is being sick for 7 days or not attending. Not really the best of choices if you happen to be a VIP.

I'm not saying there are not people out there who enjoy the idea of a 7 day DW, I'm just not one of them.

This is why I think it is best to run the idea by the VIP's before planning or booking. And why port based wedding is a good idea, because it doesn't mandate that people go on the cruise. If you do an at-sea wedding, guest list really should be limited to very small group of VIP's and it should be discussed with them in advance. It was actually my family who suggested that we do a cruise wedding. We knew that we wanted a small, intimate wedding and had already considered ideas for destination weddings and local weddings. When we brought up the cruise idea to other VIP's, they all instantly loved the idea and actually seemed more excited about it than we did. Nobody was forced to go on a cruise in order to attend our wedding, and really only about 1/2 of our guests did join us on the cruise. We polled our VIP's for their budgets and chose our cruise itinerary based on that. So, there are etiquette appropriate methods of hosting a cruise wedding.

Your guests, VIP's or otherwise, should not HAVE any budget concerns, other than travel expenses, and possibly one night in a hotel. The cruise line is charging your guests admission to your wedding! No, this is NOT etiquette approved, whether your VIPs agree to it, or not!

princessleia22 · February 2015

CMGragain said:

princessleia22 said:

lyndausvi said:

The "problem" I have with cruise wedding over others is you don't have the same options. You either don't go or have to stay for the entire length of the cruise. There is none of this let's arrive the night before and leave first the next morning thing.

Other DW you have the CHOICE to stay for however long you want. You have the choice in where you want to stay.

God forbid you are prone to seasickness your option is being sick for 7 days or not attending. Not really the best of choices if you happen to be a VIP.

I'm not saying there are not people out there who enjoy the idea of a 7 day DW, I'm just not one of them.

This is why I think it is best to run the idea by the VIP's before planning or booking. And why port based wedding is a good idea, because it doesn't mandate that people go on the cruise. If you do an at-sea wedding, guest list really should be limited to very small group of VIP's and it should be discussed with them in advance. It was actually my family who suggested that we do a cruise wedding. We knew that we wanted a small, intimate wedding and had already considered ideas for destination weddings and local weddings. When we brought up the cruise idea to other VIP's, they all instantly loved the idea and actually seemed more excited about it than we did. Nobody was forced to go on a cruise in order to attend our wedding, and really only about 1/2 of our guests did join us on the cruise. We polled our VIP's for their budgets and chose our cruise itinerary based on that. So, there are etiquette appropriate methods of hosting a cruise wedding.

Your guests, VIP's or otherwise, should not HAVE any budget concerns, other than travel expenses, and possibly one night in a hotel. The cruise line is charging your guests admission to your wedding! No, this is NOT etiquette approved, whether your VIPs agree to it, or not!

If you had read my other comment in this thread, you would see that I had an embarkation wedding at port. Guests were not required to go on the cruise to attend our wedding. Out of 25 guests, only 14 joined us on the cruise and 11 just came onboard for the wedding & reception, then disembarked before the cruise left. It just happened to be that the ones who wanted to cruise with us were all our VIP's, so we did include them in the decision making to ensure that they were able to cruise with us, if that is what they wanted to do. Yes, they had the option to come to just the wedding, but since they had already expressed interest in going on the cruise with us, we wanted to choose an option that worked for all of them and incorporate them into that decision making process. But, they weren't required to cruise in order to attend the wedding.

charcoalandblush · February 2015

CMGragain said:
Your guests, VIP's or otherwise, should not HAVE any budget concerns, other than travel expenses, and possibly one night in a hotel. The cruise line is charging your guests admission to your wedding! No, this is NOT etiquette approved, whether your VIPs agree to it, or not!

I just really, honestly don't see how a cruise wedding is any different than any destination wedding. Are the costs of a DW more flexible? Yes. But there is a minimum price that it will cost to get to/stay at any destination. Maybe it's $200 if you can fly a budget airline and crash on a friend's couch. Maybe it's $2000 if it's international and at an all-inclusive resort that only admits resort guests. But there is an "admission" price to going. I just honestly don't see how a cruise is that different. Especially if the guests list is limited (I'm thinking parents, siblings, and WP only) and guests are consulted before anything is planned/the couple is flexible about choosing a different option if the original plan isn't workable.

Viczaesar · February 2015

charcoalandblush said:

CMGragain said:
Your guests, VIP's or otherwise, should not HAVE any budget concerns, other than travel expenses, and possibly one night in a hotel. The cruise line is charging your guests admission to your wedding! No, this is NOT etiquette approved, whether your VIPs agree to it, or not!

I just really, honestly don't see how a cruise wedding is any different than any destination wedding. Are the costs of a DW more flexible? Yes. But there is a minimum price that it will cost to get to/stay at any destination. Maybe it's $200 if you can fly a budget airline and crash on a friend's couch. Maybe it's $2000 if it's international and at an all-inclusive resort that only admits resort guests. But there is an "admission" price to going. I just honestly don't see how a cruise is that different. Especially if the guests list is limited (I'm thinking parents, siblings, and WP only) and guests are consulted before anything is planned/the couple is flexible about choosing a different option if the original plan isn't workable.

I see it more as getting married on a cruise itself (as opposed to at port, where the guests don't have to pay for the cruise, just have to get to the port) is like if you have your wedding at an AI that charges your guests a fee to attend the AI if they're staying at a different hotel. In both the case of the cruise and the case of the fee the guest is being charged money to attend the wedding and the cost should be borne by the couple, not the guests. It's separate from the cost of transportation to the site, which is still the responsibility of the guest.

CMGragain · February 2015

charcoalandblush said:

CMGragain said:
Your guests, VIP's or otherwise, should not HAVE any budget concerns, other than travel expenses, and possibly one night in a hotel. The cruise line is charging your guests admission to your wedding! No, this is NOT etiquette approved, whether your VIPs agree to it, or not!

I just really, honestly don't see how a cruise wedding is any different than any destination wedding. Are the costs of a DW more flexible? Yes. But there is a minimum price that it will cost to get to/stay at any destination. Maybe it's $200 if you can fly a budget airline and crash on a friend's couch. Maybe it's $2000 if it's international and at an all-inclusive resort that only admits resort guests. But there is an "admission" price to going. I just honestly don't see how a cruise is that different. Especially if the guests list is limited (I'm thinking parents, siblings, and WP only) and guests are consulted before anything is planned/the couple is flexible about choosing a different option if the original plan isn't workable.

No. There is a huge difference between spending several hundreed dollars to travel to a wedding and being required to spend big money taking a cruise in order to attend a wedding.
A port wedding on a cruise ship is fine since guests have the choice whether or not to go on the cruise. A wedding at sea gives guests no choice other than to simply not attend the wedding at all.

Let me give you an example. Last year I knew a couple who had their wedding in an amusement park (ugh!). Their guests' admission fee to the park was paid for by the hosts. The guests were not required to pay to enter the park so that they could attend the wedding.
Cruises are the same. If it is necessary to book the cruise to attend the wedding, then the hosts need to pay for it. The hosts are NOT obligated to pay guests' travel expenses to the port, though, just as they don't pay travel expenses for an at home wedding.

Now do you understand the difference?

PS. My last cruise fare was more than $3000 per person!

charcoalandblush · February 2015

CMGragain said:

charcoalandblush said:

CMGragain said:
Your guests, VIP's or otherwise, should not HAVE any budget concerns, other than travel expenses, and possibly one night in a hotel. The cruise line is charging your guests admission to your wedding! No, this is NOT etiquette approved, whether your VIPs agree to it, or not!

I just really, honestly don't see how a cruise wedding is any different than any destination wedding. Are the costs of a DW more flexible? Yes. But there is a minimum price that it will cost to get to/stay at any destination. Maybe it's $200 if you can fly a budget airline and crash on a friend's couch. Maybe it's $2000 if it's international and at an all-inclusive resort that only admits resort guests. But there is an "admission" price to going. I just honestly don't see how a cruise is that different. Especially if the guests list is limited (I'm thinking parents, siblings, and WP only) and guests are consulted before anything is planned/the couple is flexible about choosing a different option if the original plan isn't workable.

No. There is a huge difference between spending several hundreed dollars to travel to a wedding and being required to spend big money taking a cruise in order to attend a wedding.
A port wedding on a cruise ship is fine since guests have the choice whether or not to go on the cruise. A wedding at sea gives guests no choice other than to simply not attend the wedding at all.

Let me give you an example. Last year I knew a couple who had their wedding in an amusement park (ugh!). Their guests' admission fee to the park was paid for by the hosts. The guests were not required to pay to enter the park so that they could attend the wedding.
Cruises are the same. If it is necessary to book the cruise to attend the wedding, then the hosts need to pay for it. The hosts are NOT obligated to pay guests' travel expenses to the port, though, just as they don't pay travel expenses for an at home wedding.

Now do you understand the difference?

PS. My last cruise fare was more than $3000 per person!

I'm sorry, but in my opinion, there isn't one. I'm not stupid. I just don't agree with you.

I truly do not see a difference between, say, a DW in Hawaii (where I live, airfare is $800 minimum per person, but can be more like $1000-1500 if your dates/times aren't flexible - I went last year, so I know) Even with the cheapest accommodations while you're there, plus restaurant meals, airport shuttles, cabs/rental cars, etc., it can be extremely expensive. I truly do not see a difference between a cruise costing $3000 and a DW that, practically speaking, costs $3000 to attend.

I never said that I liked the idea of cruise weddings OR destination weddings. To be honest, I'm not a fan of either. Which is why I'm not having one. What I said was, assuming the VIPs are all on board with the cruise idea before any plans are made, I really don't see it being any more rude than a DW. I think DWs are very exclusionary to begin with, I don't see cruises being any different.

I've seen these exact words on these boards dozens of times: a wedding invitation is not a summons. If you're not a VIP and you don't have $3000 for the cruise, no one is holding a gun to your head forcing you to go to this wedding. Same goes for a $3000 trip to Hawaii for a DW. If you can't afford a flight to Hawaii, in your words, you have "no choice other than to simply not attend the wedding at all." Right now, I can't afford a trip to Hawaii. I can't afford a cruise, either. If a friend called and told me she was engaged and was getting married next year in Hawaii, I would have to decline. That is life.

We're just going to have to agree to disagree on this one.

twitterbird · February 2015

A friend of mine did a cruise wedding and it was a lot of fun. There were 10 of us there including the bride and groom. She really wanted a DW and they loved cruising. They didn't force anyone to go and have a very limited guest list. There were tradeoffs as with any DW. The bride's mother and stepfather were there but her father and the groom's parents weren't able to attend. We did a 8 day out of Fort Lauderdale and the ceremony was in St. Thomas at a resort there. After the wedding there was a short reception at the resort with cake and an open bar. Later that night the couple paid for dinner at the steakhouse on board the ship as a thank you.

Destination Etiquette- Bridal Party

Re: Destination Etiquette- Bridal Party

Choose Another Board

Search Boards