Super awkward situation with in laws- update*

jenna8984 · February 2015

So my husband's parents basically hate each other. They are "that" couple that has slept in separate rooms for a decade. MIL refuses to work because she has munchausen and hypochondria and is convinced that she's too sick to work. This puts immense pressure on FIL to work two jobs to pay for the household. He even had a stress related heart attack last year and she still won't do anything to contribute. He hates her but he won't leave her because she is 100% dependant on him (she doesn't even have a driver's license) so he feels guilty like he can't just kick her on the streets after 30 years. H and I don't have much communication with them because we can't stand to be around her. We stop by and say hi for an hour every few months and we always leave enraged by her.

I guess FIL has been extremely depressed, and has been texting MIL's sister numerous times a day saying he hates his life and wants to kill himself. She let my husband know because she's like he won't accept therapy or help so I can't deal with him anymore, basically going to block him. H started making more of an effort to call his dad a few times a week and check in and tell him that he loves him, stuff like that. It's helping but obviously the man needs real therapy.

Last night, we went to the aunt/ SIL's that he had been texting. We went to see her on an unrelated note, but of course the topic came up and my husband asked her if it had stopped and if she was ok with everything. And she told us that it had stopped, and she had laid down the law with him because he was texting her up to 50 times a day trying to get her to have an affair with him. Both of our mouths dropped. We had no idea about that part of it!!!!!! She said "oh yea, he's done it to our other sister, and your mom's best friend and I told your mom but she of course thinks I'm making it up so now we're not speaking". I'm just like flabbergasted by the entire thing because it's such an opposite world than I'm used to with my parents (or anyone).

I know there's not much you guys can really say but just wanted to throw it out there since you all have some damn good advice sometimes. Do we just leave it all alone pretend we don't know? Do we try to talk to him? Do we set him up with a therapist and make him go/ maybe get some depression medication? We're not really sure where to even start!

mikenberger · February 2015

jenna8984 said:

So my husband's parents basically hate each other. They are "that" couple that has slept in separate rooms for a decade. MIL refuses to work because she has munchausen and hypochondria and is convinced that she's too sick to work. This puts immense pressure on FIL to work two jobs to pay for the household. He even had a stress related heart attack last year and she still won't do anything to contribute. He hates her but he won't leave her because she is 100% dependant on him (she doesn't even have a driver's license) so he feels guilty like he can't just kick her on the streets after 30 years. H and I don't have much communication with them because we can't stand to be around her. We stop by and say hi for an hour every few months and we always leave enraged by her.
I guess FIL has been extremely depressed, and has been texting MIL's sister numerous times a day saying he hates his life and wants to kill himself. She let my husband know because she's like he won't accept therapy or help so I can't deal with him anymore, basically going to block him. H started making more of an effort to call his dad a few times a week and check in and tell him that he loves him, stuff like that. It's helping but obviously the man needs real therapy.
Last night, we went to the aunt/ SIL's that he had been texting. We went to see her on an unrelated note, but of course the topic came up and my husband asked her if it had stopped and if she was ok with everything. And she told us that it had stopped, and she had laid down the law with him because he was texting her up to 50 times a day trying to get her to have an affair with him. Both of our mouths dropped. We had no idea about that part of it!!!!!! She said "oh yea, he's done it to our other sister, and your mom's best friend and I told your mom but she of course thinks I'm making it up so now we're not speaking". I'm just like flabbergasted by the entire thing because it's such an opposite world than I'm used to with my parents (or anyone).
I know there's not much you guys can really say but just wanted to throw it out there since you all have some damn good advice sometimes. Do we just leave it all alone pretend we don't know? Do we try to talk to him? Do we set him up with a therapist and make him go/ maybe get some depression medication? We're not really sure where to even start!

What benefit is going to come from telling him that you know about his alleged infidelity? Do you think that's going to change him or your IL's martial situation? Who knows, maybe he's cheating with these people that are close to her SO she'll leave.

I would try to talk to him on the depression/suicidal thoughts. I'd leave the adultery out of it. But you can't force him to go unless you want to become his guardian or have him committed on a psych hold against his will (In my state, it's 72hrs, but you have to prove he's a danger to himself/others.). In which case, they may medicate him and instruct him to join a counseling group or therapy but it's still on him to go. I'd stick to talking about the concerns about his well being.

Sounds like quite the situation. Yikes.

larrygaga · February 2015

They are adults who made their own bed and you don't need to try and force them to get memory foam.

That was a terrible metaphor for stay out of it.

Maggie0829 · February 2015

The only thing I would be worried about are your FIL suicidal thoughts/comments. Everything else stay out of, like a good 100 miles out of.

hellosweetie1015 · February 2015

jenna8984 said:

I know there's not much you guys can really say but just wanted to throw it out there since you all have some damn good advice sometimes.
Do we just leave it all alone pretend we don't know?
My first thought is that yes, YOU leave it alone. It's not your dad. It's your H's dad. I know that he's your family now too, but I feel like it's not your place to say something to him about any of this - it's your H's. As for whether your H should leave it alone: I would leave the cheating alone. And - frankly - I honestly don't know what to tell you to do about the suicide concerns, because if your H broaches the topic, then FIL could feel like his confidant betrayed his trust, and close off more people, your H included. That being said - it is a legitimate concern, and needs to be addressed, for sure. I just wouldn't want it to end up alienating more people, because that could make it worse.
Do we try to talk to him?
Yes - because you're his family. Spend time with him. Love him. Do you try to talk about the specific things? I'd say no, unless FIL brings any of it up. If your H feels that he has an opportunity, he could absolutely take it, but frankly I think y'all should stay out of it until you're dragged in.
Do we set him up with a therapist and make him go/ maybe get some depression medication?
You can't force him to go to a therapist. You can approach him with your concerns about his health, but only he can act on it. He is a fully competent adult, and as such is fully capable of making his own bed. He knows that what he's been doing with MIL's family and friends is wrong, even if he hasn't progressed from thinking about it to actually DOING it.
IF your H thinks he is at a point where he is a danger to himself or others, he can try to have him committed. However, in my state an involuntarily hospitalized individual can only be held for 72 hours, and at that point whatever the hospital recommends s/he do, they rely on him to follow through with, and it's not likely he'll want to. It will also likely severely damage your H's relationship with his father at a time when - probably - that relationship needs to be maintained.

We're not really sure where to even start!

I'm not quoting the whole thing because long.

Also: my parents are "that" couple. They haven't slept in the same room at home since 2010. They keep up appearances on our trips with my grandmother, but other than that they spend less than an hour in the same room on any given day. It's much much better that way for them.

emmaaa · February 2015

I don't think it is your place to say anything about your FIL's cheating on MIL.

However, I would be very concerned about the suicidal thoughts and texts. I would talk to him about this and insist he see a therapist. I think in most areas you can have committed on suicide watch if there is proof he intends to harm himself (which the texts would prove).

climbingsingle · February 2015

What a sucky situation. I think you guys should just try to stay out of it. The only thing I'd be concerned about is the comments he's making.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

Honestly... given the new info about the attempted cheating I wonder if that wasn't just an attention grab. Not that suicide threats shouldn't be taken seriously, I just wonder. I would keep doing what you're doing since it seems to be helping... call and talk to him, give him opportunities to get out of the house.

I'm a little concerned about the attitude toward your MIL... if she has these disorders, it's not that she WON'T contribute, it's that she CAN'T. I hate to see people harbor resentment toward people over things they can't control. It's not healthy.

jenna8984 · February 2015

Thanks guys!

He used to be a fire lieutenant for 25 years and no longer does it. So DH thinks that he would be willing to talk to the type of counselor that deals with firemen/ cops. He could get comfortable talking about that kind of stuff first and then maybe open the floodgates? I think we're just going to suggest it, not try to force it.

jenna8984 · February 2015

lolo883 said:

Honestly... given the new info about the attempted cheating I wonder if that wasn't just an attention grab. Not that suicide threats shouldn't be taken seriously, I just wonder. I would keep doing what you're doing since it seems to be helping... call and talk to him, give him opportunities to her out of the house. I'm a little concerned about the attitude toward your MIL... if she has these disorders, it's not that she WON'T contribute, it's that she CAN'T. I hate to see people harbor resentment toward people over things they can't control. It's not healthy.

We don't buy that. She worked her entire life until she was laid off 5 years ago. Then all of a sudden when unemployment ran out and it was time to job search, all these mysterious ailments arose. She sits on her butt watching tv all day, so DH has mentioned nicely "hey you could probably sit as a bank teller for a few hours" or something like that. But she gives 800 reason why she can't. I'm trying not be be so insensitive but she literally makes no effort. I mean, she could knit while watching tv all day and sell them at craft fairs for crying out loud, anything to bring in a few bucks. She thinks she will get disability checks...but the truth is that if she qualified, she would have gotten them years ago.

ohannabelle · February 2015

Therapy for both parents. Anyone with Munchausens needs serious therapy, anybody talking about suicide needs serious therapy.

Hugs for you. This is awful.

(If, in the future, anybody decides to stay in a crappy marriage for any reason- economic, pity, guilt, for the sake of the kids, whatever- don't. This is where that sort of thinking ends. It is an abuse of life.)

OliveOilsMom · February 2015

I would think that FIL is trying to get MIL to leave him, because he is hoping that one of the ladies he is hoping to have the affair with tells MIL. FIL may be doing this purposefully or not.

I think your H should call FIL (or visit in person) and just say that he has heard a lot of things about behaviors FIL is presenting and he is worried about him. He doesn't have to specifically reference the attempted affairs. H should certainly bring up the suicidal thoughts though. H doesn't need to say where he heard the comments from. He should also encourage FIL to see a therapist. If FIL does nothing, I would then attempt to call his doctor to describe this recent behavior. That way next time FIL goes in the doctor may discuss it with him.

LadyMillil · February 2015

jenna8984 said:

lolo883 said:

Honestly... given the new info about the attempted cheating I wonder if that wasn't just an attention grab. Not that suicide threats shouldn't be taken seriously, I just wonder. I would keep doing what you're doing since it seems to be helping... call and talk to him, give him opportunities to her out of the house. I'm a little concerned about the attitude toward your MIL... if she has these disorders, it's not that she WON'T contribute, it's that she CAN'T. I hate to see people harbor resentment toward people over things they can't control. It's not healthy.

We don't buy that. She worked her entire life until she was laid off 5 years ago. Then all of a sudden when unemployment ran out and it was time to job search, all these mysterious ailments arose. She sits on her butt watching tv all day, so DH has mentioned nicely "hey you could probably sit as a bank teller for a few hours" or something like that. But she gives 800 reason why she can't. I'm trying not be be so insensitive but she literally makes no effort. I mean, she could knit while watching tv all day and sell them at craft fairs for crying out loud, anything to bring in a few bucks. She thinks she will get disability checks...but the truth is that if she qualified, she would have gotten them years ago.

I don't know a lot about these disorders, but I have a personal anecdote. My uncle has worked his entire life in an office with no problems but in the last few years he has started to develop severe claustrophobia and agoraphobia. From what I understand his therapist thinks that he has always been like this but able to cope well enough to live a fairly normal life. They had a pretty huge, life changing event, a surprise baby when aunt and uncle were in their 40s, and that seems to be when the problems started. You really have no idea if something serious is going on with MIL. It is possible he has these disorders and can't cope anymore. Also, my friend makes jewelry and sells it at craft fairs. She usually breaks even after she pays for supplies and the table fee.

bethsmiles · February 2015

I would have your FI talk to his mother and father about individual counseling for both of them. I know you said they aren't open to it but it sounds like things are only getting worse for them and maybe they'd be more open to it than they have in the past? I'd stay out of the infidelity stuff completely.

In the end though, I agree with @larrygaga - they are adults, you can't force them to go to therapy, the only thing you can do is make suggestions.

ohannabelle · February 2015

LadyMillil said:

jenna8984 said:

lolo883 said:

Honestly... given the new info about the attempted cheating I wonder if that wasn't just an attention grab. Not that suicide threats shouldn't be taken seriously, I just wonder. I would keep doing what you're doing since it seems to be helping... call and talk to him, give him opportunities to her out of the house. I'm a little concerned about the attitude toward your MIL... if she has these disorders, it's not that she WON'T contribute, it's that she CAN'T. I hate to see people harbor resentment toward people over things they can't control. It's not healthy.

We don't buy that. She worked her entire life until she was laid off 5 years ago. Then all of a sudden when unemployment ran out and it was time to job search, all these mysterious ailments arose. She sits on her butt watching tv all day, so DH has mentioned nicely "hey you could probably sit as a bank teller for a few hours" or something like that. But she gives 800 reason why she can't. I'm trying not be be so insensitive but she literally makes no effort. I mean, she could knit while watching tv all day and sell them at craft fairs for crying out loud, anything to bring in a few bucks. She thinks she will get disability checks...but the truth is that if she qualified, she would have gotten them years ago.

I don't know a lot about these disorders, but I have a personal anecdote. My uncle has worked his entire life in an office with no problems but in the last few years he has started to develop severe claustrophobia and agoraphobia. From what I understand his therapist thinks that he has always been like this but able to cope well enough to live a fairly normal life. They had a pretty huge, life changing event, a surprise baby when aunt and uncle were in their 40s, and that seems to be when the problems started. You really have no idea if something serious is going on with MIL. It is possible he has these disorders and can't cope anymore. Also, my friend makes jewelry and sells it at craft fairs. She usually breaks even after she pays for supplies and the table fee.

It doesn't matter if you believe in her disorders or not. If she can't or won't look for work, something's seriously wrong. It may not be what she thinks it is, but it's obviously something.

If someone would rather "sit on their butt watching TV all day" instead of living a full, productive life, that's a pretty clear sign that something's wrong. It could be depression, which can easily happen during bouts of unemployment. People can develop social anxiety disorders. It could be a physical problem that's affecting her mental outlook. But it isn't nothing. If it was nothing, there wouldn't be a problem.

rockin30ish · February 2015

emmaaa said:

I don't think it is your place to say anything about your FIL's cheating on MIL.

However, I would be very concerned about the suicidal thoughts and texts. I would talk to him about this and insist he see a therapist. I think in most areas you can have committed on suicide watch if there is proof he intends to harm himself (which the texts would prove).

The bolded. If there is a serious thought that he may attempt suicide, you (or whomever) can call 911 and they will respond. I've done it before. He can be admitted and evaluated.

teddygirl9 · February 2015

I would absolutely talk to FIL, and I would bring up the 'attempted' cheating. It could be a sign of something deeper. TBH, It sounds like H should do it though. And just be like 'Dad, what is going on'. It might be weird coming from you. I think going to a firefighter/police therapist is a great idea.

The only other option I can think of is moving her out. Maybe move them both into small apartments if the payments would be the same. Their relationship doesn't sound healthy, and if it wre me, I would probably just kick her out. Plenty of people get on without a drivers license and various ailments. If she is not able to work, then she can file for disability, and if she doesn't get it then she will have to get her act together, or burden someone else (sisters, friends) rather than FIL.

Sucky situation though =\ Sorry you have to deal with that.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

I wouldn't touch this situation with a 1,000 foot pole. I would try to erase any knowledge of it from my memory. It's drama and you should pretend like you don't even know about it.

The suicide comments would be concerning to me and if you're going to address anything, that's what I'd talk to him about.

novella1186 · February 2015

I'm sorry you and your H are dealing with this. It sounds like a really tough situation. I don't have any advice beyond what PPs have given you, but I just wanted to offer hugs. Tons of hugs.

Couggal12 · February 2015

Your FIL's comments about suicide are the most concerning. I would suggest your H talks to him and really emphasizes him going to see a therapist. I absolutely would not say anything about him trying to have an affair.

ashley8918 · February 2015

teddygirl9 said:

I would absolutely talk to FIL, and I would bring up the 'attempted' cheating. It could be a sign of something deeper. TBH, It sounds like H should do it though. And just be like 'Dad, what is going on'. It might be weird coming from you. I think going to a firefighter/police therapist is a great idea.

The only other option I can think of is moving her out. Maybe move them both into small apartments if the payments would be the same. Their relationship doesn't sound healthy, and if it wre me, I would probably just kick her out. Plenty of people get on without a drivers license and various ailments. If she is not able to work, then she can file for disability, and if she doesn't get it then she will have to get her act together, or burden someone else (sisters, friends) rather than FIL.

Sucky situation though =\ Sorry you have to deal with that.

How do you suggest that they (OP and FI) "move her out"? That is between MIL and FIL and is absolutely none of their business. Nor is the "attempted cheating".

jenna8984 · February 2015

ashley8918 said:

teddygirl9 said:

I would absolutely talk to FIL, and I would bring up the 'attempted' cheating. It could be a sign of something deeper. TBH, It sounds like H should do it though. And just be like 'Dad, what is going on'. It might be weird coming from you. I think going to a firefighter/police therapist is a great idea.

The only other option I can think of is moving her out. Maybe move them both into small apartments if the payments would be the same. Their relationship doesn't sound healthy, and if it wre me, I would probably just kick her out. Plenty of people get on without a drivers license and various ailments. If she is not able to work, then she can file for disability, and if she doesn't get it then she will have to get her act together, or burden someone else (sisters, friends) rather than FIL.

Sucky situation though =\ Sorry you have to deal with that.

How do you suggest that they (OP and FI) "move her out"? That is between MIL and FIL and is absolutely none of their business. Nor is the "attempted cheating".

Agreed with Ash. That's definitely not even an option. Even though we don't like her, we are absolutely not going to be the ones to make her homeless, without food or health insurance or rides. That is not what we want to accomplish at all. All we're eventually hoping for, is FIL to get some help for his depression and suicidal thoughts. The rest with whether they stay together or how/where she would live is not our responsibility to figure out.

ohannabelle · February 2015

teddygirl9 said:

I would absolutely talk to FIL, and I would bring up the 'attempted' cheating. It could be a sign of something deeper. TBH, It sounds like H should do it though. And just be like 'Dad, what is going on'. It might be weird coming from you. I think going to a firefighter/police therapist is a great idea.

The only other option I can think of is moving her out. Maybe move them both into small apartments if the payments would be the same. Their relationship doesn't sound healthy, and if it wre me, I would probably just kick her out. Plenty of people get on without a drivers license and various ailments. If she is not able to work, then she can file for disability, and if she doesn't get it then she will have to get her act together, or burden someone else (sisters, friends) rather than FIL.

Sucky situation though =\ Sorry you have to deal with that.

Whoa! Nice diagnosis and solution, there.

(Not really. Terrible advice.)

I think getting her in to a professional would probably be a little more productive. Just maybe?

If she's actually deliberately malingering, that's one thing, but if it's a symptom of a deeper disorder, like depression, maybe that could be treated in a more productive way than "kick her out of her own home to be a burden to someone else and she'll get it together."

I don't think serious depression is that far fetched of a suggestion. Older woman, loveless marriage, living in a house with someone who "basically hates" her, dependence issues, lost her job...shit, it's depressing even thinking about it.

Both parties need professional help.

teddygirl9 · February 2015

ashley8918 said:

teddygirl9 said:

I would absolutely talk to FIL, and I would bring up the 'attempted' cheating. It could be a sign of something deeper. TBH, It sounds like H should do it though. And just be like 'Dad, what is going on'. It might be weird coming from you. I think going to a firefighter/police therapist is a great idea.

The only other option I can think of is moving her out. Maybe move them both into small apartments if the payments would be the same. Their relationship doesn't sound healthy, and if it wre me, I would probably just kick her out. Plenty of people get on without a drivers license and various ailments. If she is not able to work, then she can file for disability, and if she doesn't get it then she will have to get her act together, or burden someone else (sisters, friends) rather than FIL.

Sucky situation though =\ Sorry you have to deal with that.

How do you suggest that they (OP and FI) "move her out"? That is between MIL and FIL and is absolutely none of their business. Nor is the "attempted cheating".

He's obviously miserable, so, if this were my inlaws, I would talk to FIL. If he actually wants to kill himself because he's living/putting up/providing for her, that's pretty serious. I don't think that should be taken lightly. She said he feels guilty because she cannot provide for herself, so one option I would suggest to him is 2 apartments vs 1 house. He is still paying for the rent, but she would have to take care of herself a bit more. I feel like this could assuage his guilt, but get him into a better state to take care of himself mentally.

And while most people would not bring up an attempt at cheating, the way it was worded really sounds like a cry for help. I look at it this way: if my kid were cheating on his girlfriend, is that my business? Technically, no. But I would probably have a sit down with him and want to talk to him about some life choices, being a better person blah blah etc. I think once children become adults, parents and children are much closer to equals. So, if one of my close friends had tried to do this, I would probably bring it up as well. From the way it was worded (to my eyes), it looks like FIL does not actually want to cheat, but either a) wants to upset MIL (either to hurt her, or so that she will leave) or b) is looking for companionship/is lonely. I would not judge him for doing either of these, and bringing something up to discuss doesn't have to be judgey. But in either case, I think FIL could benefit from talking about what is actually going on.

This is just how I look at it, and how I would approach it. I think alot of people in life have a 'myob' look at things, but I'd rather have people look down on me for NOT mmob and possibly help someone that is obviously struggling. Now, if FIL said 'hey, thats not your business' I would back off. But what if he was like 'yeah, it was stupid, I'm really lost here'? I dunno. Just wanted to give a different perspective.

KatieinBkln · February 2015

teddygirl9 said:

This is just how I look at it, and how I would approach it. I think alot of people in life have a 'myob' look at things, but I'd rather have people look down on me for NOT mmob and possibly help someone that is obviously struggling. Now, if FIL said 'hey, thats not your business' I would back off. But what if he was like 'yeah, it was stupid, I'm really lost here'? I dunno. Just wanted to give a different perspective.

Cutting the quote back, but re: the bolded--he's clearly lost. One does not need to wag a finger at him about trying to cheat on his wife in order to see that. If the point of bringing it up is to discover that he's troubled, then there is no point. He's troubled.

He is, in fact, so troubled that he's talking about suicide. In the world of triage, the most serious problems are addressed first, and in this instance, the suicidal thoughts/depression is the most serious thing (and, in my opinion, the only thing that requires acute action on the part of OP/her H). Worrying about his life choices or even his co-dependent relationship with his wife (who of course also needs help, but in a less immediate way) is a distraction, and frankly something the lay person is ill-equipped to handle. A psychiatrist might be able to start untangling all the muck in these people's lives, but happily, getting FIL some help for his severe, acute depression and suicidal ideation is going to put him in touch with psychiatrists. So that's a win-win, without having to dip any toes into the Pool of Not-Its-Business-Precious.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

Teddy you are so far off base here, you're not even in the same ballpark.

KatWAG · February 2015

WAIT ONE MINUTE. @lolo883. You are pregnant?!?!?!?!? how did I miss you??? Congrats!!!

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

KatWAG said:

WAIT ONE MINUTE. @lolo883. You are pregnant?!?!?!?!? how did I miss you??? Congrats!!!

Haha thanks @KatWAG! I was sneaky with the announcement.

rcher912 · February 2015

KatieinBkln said:

teddygirl9 said:

This is just how I look at it, and how I would approach it. I think alot of people in life have a 'myob' look at things, but I'd rather have people look down on me for NOT mmob and possibly help someone that is obviously struggling. Now, if FIL said 'hey, thats not your business' I would back off. But what if he was like 'yeah, it was stupid, I'm really lost here'? I dunno. Just wanted to give a different perspective.

Cutting the quote back, but re: the bolded--he's clearly lost. One does not need to wag a finger at him about trying to cheat on his wife in order to see that. If the point of bringing it up is to discover that he's troubled, then there is no point. He's troubled.

He is, in fact, so troubled that he's talking about suicide. In the world of triage, the most serious problems are addressed first, and in this instance, the suicidal thoughts/depression is the most serious thing (and, in my opinion, the only thing that requires acute action on the part of OP/her H). Worrying about his life choices or even his co-dependent relationship with his wife (who of course also needs help, but in a less immediate way) is a distraction, and frankly something the lay person is ill-equipped to handle. A psychiatrist might be able to start untangling all the muck in these people's lives, but happily, getting FIL some help for his severe, acute depression and suicidal ideation is going to put him in touch with psychiatrists. So that's a win-win, without having to dip any toes into the Pool of Not-Its-Business-Precious.

Suicide is serious.

You can't force him to go to therapy, PPs are correct. However, helping nudge him toward it is totally good. Find a few therapists in your area that come recommended (or work with cops/firefighters, like you said, that's a great plus - and I'd throw in that men tend to prefer working with men, so if you can find a male, that's great, too), hopefully his insurance will cover at least a portion of the cost, but finding out how much sessions cost to him, and showing him this research -

the first steps like that are always the hardest.

Good luck.

jenna8984 · February 2015

Semi update***

So last night, FIL called my husband and asked to borrow some money for heating oil, and said that he wanted to talk. I told DH that we would give (not loan) the money this one time because it's 15 degrees out and they need heat, but after that, he's an adult and we are not helping financially.

FIL didn't feel comfortable opening up in front of me (understandable) so they went for a drive together. So I don't have all the details of what was said, but DH gave his account of it. FIL started off by saying that he thinks he's done, and fed up, and finally ready to just leave her. He's been thinking of just packing his shit and finding an apartment. I ask what about the house? He pays for everything? DH said he doesn't care about the house, he would be willing to just walk away and let it be her problem. (Would be a big problem since she couldn't even pay one month electric, nevermind the mortgage). His finances already suck, his credit already sucks, so he doesn't care about the negative impact of foreclosure.

But then DH asked ok, what are we waiting for then? You want me to come with the truck this weekend or what? And FIL digressed and said well...we were happy at one time, I'd really love if we could have that back again. DH had to remind him to be realistic, that it's not like they were happy 3 months ago....they've been unhappy for over 5 years and that's nearly impossible to come back from. FIL said you're right, but I'd still like to try counseling/ therapy both together and individual.

So on the therapy front, he is willing to go see someone. DH didn't mention the suicide threats, just encouraged therapy. So I guess as the plan stands right now, FIL was going to go home and lay it all out there for MIL. Basically tell her, this is your chance, come to therapy with me and work on yourself and your own issues, put in effort, or I'm walking out the door and leaving you to your own devices.

We'll see what she says or how it progresses but I already have a strong feeling that she can't or won't be helped psychologically. And I have a feeling that he won't follow through and he'll just feel guilty and stay....but we'll see, I could be very wrong!

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

Yikes. I'm glad he's at least seeing the forest for the trees now, and hope they can come to some sort of solution, whatever that may be.

Super awkward situation with in laws- update*

Re: Super awkward situation with in laws- update*

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