Snarky Brides

Typical Problem--the Mother In Law

I feel this may be a typical problem, Hollywood has made movies about it, but I can't keep wasting my energy....My MILTB is worse than Jane Fonda in Monster In Law (and I'm not exaggerating here).  But I've gotten pretty good at letting what she says go in one ear and out the other with a smile on my face.
But the most recent issue is a pretty big one.  We're getting married on the beach and the wedding colors are inspired by a coral reef.  I really want my mom to wear a coral pink dress (which she has agreed to) because I think she would look great in it and she has always worn more muted colors and hasn't always stood out.  I'm her only daughter so I want her to enjoy this time and be in the spotlight.  When I discussed the color scheme with my MILTB, she said she likes coral, all of her clothes are that color (which I've never seen on her!) and that she is going to wear it to the wedding.  I told her that she can wear whatever style of outfit she likes--dress, pant suit, skirt combo (which by the way she had a negative thing to say about each suggestions), and explain I want her to feel confidant and great in her outfit, but I'm VERY clear that MY mom will be wearing coral.  And every time I suggest we go shopping together for her outfit, she says she is just going to buy an outfit in coral.  Honestly, I wouldn't put this past her, especially with how she treats her sons (but that's another post!). 
My parents are shelling out good money for our wedding, including our wedding pictures.  She isn't.  How can I make sure she wears the appropriate outfit and appropriate color so she will fit in with the wedding photos, without subcomming the the overwhelming feeling of wanting to strangle her in the process?!
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Re: Typical Problem--the Mother In Law

  • You can't tell her what color to wear, regardless of who is paying for the wedding.
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  • I understand where you are coming from but you can't tell an adult what to wear.  If she wears coral so be it.  If the concern is having outfits match your color scheme at least she is sort of working with it.  It could be worse.
  • Oh, FFS. Let your MIL wear what she wants. It's not going to ruin your wedding if she wears a coral-colored outfit. And if she looks bad or out of place, it's on her not you. My MIL wore an ugly ass green prom-looking dress. Did I care? Nope, didn't give two schits. I was getting married to the man I love and that was what mattered the most. 
  • Even if she looks like crap in the photos?
  • nyreknyrek member
    1000 Comments
    I'm not understanding the problem here.  She wants to dress in the same color scheme...and you don't want her too? 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_typical-problem-mother-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:65432302-9ebc-4165-a1a0-d0986a62658dPost:66cea768-a1ee-4b37-b074-833183a2a394">Re: Typical Problem--the Mother In Law</a>:
    [QUOTE]Even if she looks like crap in the photos?
    Posted by russe289[/QUOTE]

    Well it will be her looking like crap and not you.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_typical-problem-mother-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:65432302-9ebc-4165-a1a0-d0986a62658dPost:6fa303d1-7fdf-47fb-8131-7aed81ae2d68">Re: Typical Problem--the Mother In Law</a>:
    [QUOTE]I understand where you are coming from <strong>but you can't tell an adult what to wear.</strong>  If she wears coral so be it.  If the concern is having outfits match your color scheme at least she is sort of working with it.  It could be worse.
    Posted by amylydia23[/QUOTE]

    [INSERT: even though she's not <em>acting</em> like an adult.]  Sorry :(  Not cool.
  • I think you are totally justified in being pissed but theres little you can do but hope she wises up! My FMIL first wanted to wear champagne (very close to MY dress) and then after seeing my moms purple dress, picked out a purple dress. I was so so so pissed at her. But I felt like I couldn't tell her no. So when she suggested champagne, she asked if that was weird. I lied and said I didn't care but others may say its odd. So she switched to the purple. I totally didn't know what to say so FH told her that he didn't want her to not be noticed since she'd be in the same shade as my mom and she decided to pick an eye popping green to stand out. He played to her vanity and it worked...

    I say either let it go or ask your FH to handle it.. it works better and takes the blame off you.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_typical-problem-mother-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:65432302-9ebc-4165-a1a0-d0986a62658dPost:9b879085-4e56-4b2a-985a-d5fc6235304b">Typical Problem--the Mother In Law</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel this may be a typical problem, Hollywood has made movies about it, but I can't keep wasting my energy....My MILTB is worse than Jane Fonda in Monster In Law (and I'm not exaggerating here).  But I've gotten pretty good at letting what she says go in one ear and out the other with a smile on my face. But the most recent issue is a pretty big one.  We're getting married on the beach and the wedding colors are inspired by a coral reef.  I really want my mom to wear a coral pink dress (which she has agreed to) because I think she would look great in it and she has always worn more muted colors and hasn't always stood out.  I'm her only daughter so I want her to enjoy this time and be in the spotlight.  When I discussed the color scheme with my MILTB, she said she likes coral, all of her clothes are that color (which I've never seen on her!) and that she is going to wear it to the wedding.  I told her that she can wear whatever style of outfit she likes--dress, pant suit, skirt combo (which by the way she had a negative thing to say about each suggestions), and explain I want her to feel confidant and great in her outfit, but I'm VERY clear that MY mom will be wearing coral.  And every time I suggest we go shopping together for her outfit, she says she is just going to buy an outfit in coral.  Honestly, I wouldn't put this past her, especially with how she treats her sons (but that's another post!).  My parents are shelling out good money for our wedding, including our wedding pictures.  She isn't.  How can I make sure she wears the appropriate outfit and appropriate color so she will fit in with the wedding photos, without subcomming the the overwhelming feeling of wanting to strangle her in the process?!
    Posted by russe289[/QUOTE]

    What's going to fit into the photos better, she and your mom in matching colors or her is something that doesn't match? I don't think you want her to fit in. Not in the photos or anywhere else. I'd let this go really quickly.
  • Sophistryliz-  Thanks for the insert, I was thinking it, just didn't type it!
  • Your FMIL might be a piece of work, but you're actually the one being inappropriate here.

    You told her the color scheme.  Her attire - from color to style- is HER choice.  It's not for you to control AT ALL.
  • Why not change the color of your mom's dress?  It sounds like coral isn't a color she typically wears very much anyway, so she might be fine with it. I know you want her in coral, and she agreed to wear it for you, but maybe there's a color she would be more comfortable in?  I know you want your mom to "enjoy this time and be in the spotlight," but if she doesn't like to be in the spotlight, she might prefer wearing something closer to what she's already comfortable with.

    Also, unless you've already found the MOB and MOG dresses, there's a good chance that they won't be able to find a coral dress they like.  My mom originally wanted to wear blue, but she couldn't find anything that fit her the way she liked in the color she had in mind, so she ended up with a champagne dress.  Remember that it's more important that your mom (and his!) be comfortable and feel like they look good than it is that they fit exactly what you have in mind.

  • I want her in the same scheme, but she can't wear the SAME color my mom is wearing or a color that is similar enough but clashes.  Like if you had 50 people all wearing a shade of green, not all the greens would match.  I don't want her to clash with everyone in the pictures.
  • As long as she's not wearing white let it go. I think your making problems where there aren't any. I agree with Bec, what's wrong with the mothers matching. Step back and look at the big picture. And if you pick a fight over this what is going to be next. You probably have bigger things to worry about.
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  • Starmusica -- that's a great suggestion.  Thanks!
  • ohmyfuckinggod. You cannot tell an adult woman what to wear. She can wear whatever she wants.
  • I am actually having the opposite issue.  I want all the mom's and grandmothers in a charcoal gray/silver.  My MILTB is not at all happy about it and has made it clear that she does not want to wear it.  She wants to wear a different color.  (For reference, my BMs are in Black dresses with Red accents such as shoes so I want the moms to wear colors that compliment them).  I started reading up on the "rules" for this and it seems the mom's should be in colors that are similar or compliment each other and they should also compliment the BMs.  The MOB is supposed to buy her dress first and then the MOG after to compliment in color and style to the MOB.  Think about your pics and how you want it to look.  I think in the end it is your wedding and you can tell them what you want them wearing.  I guess it is up to them to comply, but hopefully for your sake they will, even if unwillingly.
  • maratea- you are right and perhaps telling FH to handle it wasn't my finest moment but it was also a day after she had wanted to wear champangne (it was more white than champagne) so my nerves were shot.

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  • Once again people, you can't tell grown adults what colour to wear.  Let it gooooo....  There are way worse things to worry about, really.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_typical-problem-mother-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:65432302-9ebc-4165-a1a0-d0986a62658dPost:10963124-32af-4b38-9d9d-8a294cb45eec">Re: Typical Problem--the Mother In Law</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think in the end it is your wedding and you can tell them what you want them wearing. 
    Posted by Sapidon[/QUOTE]

    *headdesk* Where's my bottle of scotch?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_typical-problem-mother-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:65432302-9ebc-4165-a1a0-d0986a62658dPost:10963124-32af-4b38-9d9d-8a294cb45eec">Re: Typical Problem--the Mother In Law</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am actually having the opposite issue.  I want all the mom's and grandmothers in a charcoal gray/silver.  My MILTB is not at all happy about it and has made it clear that she does not want to wear it.  She wants to wear a different color.  (For reference, my BMs are in Black dresses with Red accents such as shoes so I want the moms to wear colors that compliment them).  I started reading up on the "rules" for this and it seems the mom's should be in colors that are similar or compliment each other and they should also compliment the BMs.  The MOB is supposed to buy her dress first and then the MOG after to compliment in color and style to the MOB.  Think about your pics and how you want it to look. <strong> I think in the end it is your wedding and you can tell them what you want them wearing. </strong> I guess it is up to them to comply, but hopefully for your sake they will, even if unwillingly.
    Posted by Sapidon[/QUOTE]

    You are being ridiculous, as is the OP. 
    OP:  why would your mom look great in the photos, wearing coral, but your fmil wil look like crap in the photos, wearing coral?  If they wear the same shade of coral - great, they match!  If they wear different shades of coral, great, they complement each other! 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_typical-problem-mother-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:65432302-9ebc-4165-a1a0-d0986a62658dPost:10963124-32af-4b38-9d9d-8a294cb45eec">Re: Typical Problem--the Mother In Law</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am actually having the opposite issue.  I want all the mom's and grandmothers in a charcoal gray/silver.  My MILTB is not at all happy about it and has made it clear that she does not want to wear it.  She wants to wear a different color.  (For reference, my BMs are in Black dresses with Red accents such as shoes so I want the moms to wear colors that compliment them).  I started reading up on the "rules" for this and it seems the mom's should be in colors that are similar or compliment each other and they should also compliment the BMs.  <strong>The MOB is supposed to buy her dress first and then the MOG after to compliment in color and style to the MOB.</strong>  Think about your pics and how you want it to look.  I think in the end it is your wedding and you can tell them what you want them wearing.  I guess it is up to them to comply, but hopefully for your sake they will, even if unwillingly.
    Posted by Sapidon[/QUOTE]

    I'm sorry, WHAT?  Do you know how childish that sounds? 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_typical-problem-mother-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:65432302-9ebc-4165-a1a0-d0986a62658dPost:9b879085-4e56-4b2a-985a-d5fc6235304b">Typical Problem--the Mother In Law</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel this may be a typical problem, Hollywood has made movies about it, but I can't keep wasting my energy....My MILTB is worse than Jane Fonda in Monster In Law (and I'm not exaggerating here).  But I've gotten pretty good at letting what she says go in one ear and out the other with a smile on my face. <strong>But the most recent issue is a pretty big one.</strong>  We're getting married on the beach and the wedding colors are inspired by a coral reef.  I really want my mom to wear a coral pink dress (which she has agreed to) because I think she would look great in it and she has always worn more muted colors and hasn't always stood out.  I'm her only daughter so I want her to enjoy this time and be in the spotlight.  When I discussed the color scheme with my MILTB, she said she likes coral, all of her clothes are that color (which I've never seen on her!) and that she is going to wear it to the wedding.  I told her that she can wear whatever style of outfit she likes--dress, pant suit, skirt combo (which by the way she had a negative thing to say about each suggestions), and explain I want her to feel confidant and great in her outfit, but I'm VERY clear that MY mom will be wearing coral.  And every time I suggest we go shopping together for her outfit, she says she is just going to buy an outfit in coral.  Honestly, I wouldn't put this past her, especially with how she treats her sons (but that's another post!).  My parents are shelling out good money for our wedding, including our wedding pictures.  She isn't.  How can I make sure she wears the appropriate outfit and appropriate color so she will fit in with the wedding photos, without subcomming the the overwhelming feeling of wanting to strangle her in the process?!
    Posted by russe289[/QUOTE]

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! Oh wow. I can't stop laughing.
  • I know, Cew, I know, they'll never learn.
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  • nyreknyrek member
    1000 Comments
    Come listen to the steel drums and drink some drinks...you'll feel better. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_typical-problem-mother-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:65432302-9ebc-4165-a1a0-d0986a62658dPost:595940fd-0198-4a6f-8068-8a1a754a07ac">Re: Typical Problem--the Mother In Law</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Typical Problem--the Mother In Law : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! Oh wow. I can't stop laughing.
    Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

    Makes you wonder how they'll handle a "real" problem when it arises doesn't it?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_typical-problem-mother-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:65432302-9ebc-4165-a1a0-d0986a62658dPost:d5d940ba-7d18-4d6a-bdb5-dc66c42a0f1d">Re: Typical Problem--the Mother In Law</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Typical Problem--the Mother In Law : Makes you wonder how they'll handle a "real" problem when it arises doesn't it?
    Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]

    Yes. Bless her heart.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_typical-problem-mother-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:65432302-9ebc-4165-a1a0-d0986a62658dPost:9b879085-4e56-4b2a-985a-d5fc6235304b">Typical Problem--the Mother In Law</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>without subcomming</strong> Posted by russe289[/QUOTE]

    That sounds like a condition you may want to discuss with your gynecologist. 
  • let her wear what she wants sheeesh! I told my mom and grandma and FIs mom and grandmothers the colors of the wedding. I dont care what they wear just as it goes with wedding colors.  plus its their money, shouldn't they buy what works for them?  You're being such a drama queen about this.  and if she doesn't look good enough for you to be in your pictures-have you ever heard of black and white photos?  i love black and white and that way you wont be able to tell the color anyway. 

    Either way i feel sorry for your fiance to hear such a petty fight between his fiance and mother.  im sure he wishes you would lay this to rest.
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  • are you also picking out their shoes and accessories?  or are you going to throw a hissy over that too??
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