Inviting to drinks and dancing portion of the reception

cds2015 · February 2015

Hi everyone, I'm inviting my co-workers to the drinks and dancing portion of the reception, not the dinner, and I was wondering the best way to word the invite. I know a lot of people are against this but I've already told quite a few people and its already done, so please no negative comments.

Basically I work with about 20 people and am close to some of them but the degree varies person to person. I just don't know where I would draw the line for invites and we can't invite everyone, so I'm inviting no one to the whole thing (except my boss) and then everyone to drinks/dancing afterward. Please let me know how you would let everyone know.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

cds2015 said:

Hi everyone, I'm inviting my co-workers to the drinks and dancing portion of the reception, not the dinner, and I was wondering the best way to word the invite. I know a lot of people are against this but I've already told quite a few people and its already done, so please no negative comments.

Basically I work with about 20 people and am close to some of them but the degree varies person to person. I just don't know where I would draw the line for invites and we can't invite everyone, so I'm inviting no one to the whole thing (except my boss) and then everyone to drinks/dancing afterward. Please let me know how you would let everyone know.

There is no way to politely word this because it is not a polite thing to do.

flantastic · February 2015

adk19 said:

cds2015 said:

Hi everyone, I'm inviting my co-workers to the drinks and dancing portion of the reception, not the dinner, and I was wondering the best way to word the invite. I know a lot of people are against this but I've already told quite a few people and its already done, so please no negative comments.

Basically I work with about 20 people and am close to some of them but the degree varies person to person. I just don't know where I would draw the line for invites and we can't invite everyone, so I'm inviting no one to the whole thing (except my boss) and then everyone to drinks/dancing afterward. Please let me know how you would let everyone know.

There is no way to politely word this because it is not a polite thing to do.

This. We cannot help you.

cds2015 · February 2015

Talk about not polite, I asked people not to leave negative comments and that is exactly what you did. To some people its not polite but to others its fine considering NONE of my co-workers expect an invite anyway...

crackktheskyy · February 2015

Maybe a cute poem.

Dear coworkers, old and new

we're sending this invitation along to you.

Although we cannot host you for a proper meal

we thought dancing after dinner was a pretty good deal.

So please don't show up early while our more important guests dine

and be sure to leave a nice check, a few hundred is fine.

We hope that you can join us on our very special day,

but if not we really didn't want you there that much anyway.

This idea is so offensive that it doesn't sound good when rhyming. You've found many people against it because it's rude. Take the advice of people on here that are telling you that what you're planning will cause hurt feelings so that you don't end up offending your guests.

flantastic · February 2015

cds2015 said:

Talk about not polite, I asked people not to leave negative comments and that is exactly what you did. To some people its not polite but to others its fine considering NONE of my co-workers expect an invite anyway...

A ) You really can't tell adults how to respond to you. The responses you got were the nicest possible.

B ) If someone asks for advice for burning down their neighbor's home, no one is going to give them advice. If we think it's a bad idea, we can't and won't help with it.

ohannabelle · February 2015

There's just not a polite way to tell guests that they're less important and less welcome than other guests. It can't be done without being seriously, terribly rude.

Would you let a child have a birthday party, but only their good friends get cake, and the other kids get sent outside to wait in the yard while the in-crowd eats? They can come back to play pin the tail on the donkey.

This is exactly the same. Same rules apply. Don't invite more people than you can afford to host.

CMGragain · February 2015

There is no way to put a positive spin on what you are planning. Tiered receptions are one of the rudest things you can do to your guests, and this is exactly what you are planning.
We will not lie to you on this site. If you want people to lie to you, you must find a different site. (There are some,) Truth is that if you invite guests to only part of your reception, they will figure it out and hate you for it.

ohannabelle · February 2015

cds2015 said:

Talk about not polite, I asked people not to leave negative comments and that is exactly what you did. To some people its not polite but to others its fine considering NONE of my co-workers expect an invite anyway...

If none of your co-workers expect an invite, and you can't afford or simply don't want to host them properly, why on earth are you inviting them?

MairePoppy · February 2015

You know what's rude?1. Posting a question and then telling us how to answer and 2. Treating some of your guests like second class guests.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

cds2015 said:
Talk about not polite, I asked people not to leave negative comments and that is exactly what you did. To some people its not polite but to others its fine considering NONE of my co-workers expect an invite anyway...

How about a positive comment?

You should positively avoid doing this!! Because in the happiest way possible, there's no way to politely word this! LOL!!

hellohkb · February 2015

No one is giving you a rude comment- We're giving you the truth. YOU are being rude by doing this to your guests and if someone invited me to something like this, no matter how close I was to them, I would side eye the shit out of them.

Maggie0829 · February 2015

ohannabelle said:

cds2015 said:

Talk about not polite, I asked people not to leave negative comments and that is exactly what you did. To some people its not polite but to others its fine considering NONE of my co-workers expect an invite anyway...

If none of your co-workers expect an invite, and you can't afford or simply don't want to host them properly, why on earth are you inviting them?

All of this. Just don't invite them at all.

mikenberger · February 2015

cds2015 said:

Hi everyone, I'm inviting my co-workers to the drinks and dancing portion of the reception, not the dinner, and I was wondering the best way to word the invite. I know a lot of people are against this but I've already told quite a few people and its already done, so please no negative comments.

Basically I work with about 20 people and am close to some of them but the degree varies person to person. I just don't know where I would draw the line for invites and we can't invite everyone, so I'm inviting no one to the whole thing (except my boss) and then everyone to drinks/dancing afterward. Please let me know how you would let everyone know.

Words words words that all read:

I want to do something that I know is impolite, but it's already done. So if you can't tell me how to be impolite and how to word my invite properly, don't comment. Even though, like I said, I know I'm being rude to people I work with. On a daily basis.

--------------

I wouldn't let anybody know that they were invited to drinks and dancing only because I wouldn't do that. Because I can properly host all the guests that I've invited.

Jen4948 · February 2015

No one here was impolite or rude except you.

There is no polite way to invite anyone to only part of your reception.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

Here are some logistics to think about? How are you going to handle seating because they will need to have some where to sit when they aren't dancing and just want to relax and talk to others. It's not like you are inviting 1-2 people to stop by afterwards, it's 20 people, you need to plan for extra seating for them, you can't count on enough people to leave to open up table spaces for them. With additional tables means additional centerpieces needed & linens. Also you should talk to your venue about this because again, you can easily sneak in 1 or 2 people without venue noticing but 15-20 people, the venue will notice & they will want to charge you for at least for drinks for those guests, which they are rightly entitled to do because you would have more people drinking from the bar. And if food is still going to be served at the time you tell them to come (like desserts or your cake) you need to account for that. So basically inviting them even just for drinking & dancing will cost you additional money.

What I did for my co-workers is if I don't talk to them and hang out with them outside of work, I didn't invite them. And being friends on facebook didn't count either. I personally wouldn't expect to be invited to a wedding to someone who I don't see outside of work. If you need another way to look at it, if you were to leave your job tomorrow, who would you make a point of calling & getting together with to maintain the friendship? That's who you invite. People have to realize the most couples can't afford to invite everyone they know and have to draw lines somewhere. And if someone actually says something to you about not being invited, they are being rude. You should never go "where's my invite?" Now personally I did tell a few co-workers "I can't wait to see your photos afterwards." Which is the truth, who doesn't like to see a bride on their wedding day and I think it took some pressure off the bride because then they realized I wasn't expecting to be invited.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

I just re-read that you already invited them to just drinking and dancing. So the only thing you can do is to talk to your venue and give them a head up to your situation so that you can have the proper seating and pay whatever additional the venue is going to charge you so your guests can be properly hosted. I probably would have stuck with just inviting your boss. But what is done is done and you'll just have to plan accordingly. All you can now is post something at work like a flyer with the reception location details and what time they can show up & make sure the time they show up is about 30 minutes or later then what time you will have all the food & stuff done so you don't have them walking in while guests are finishing their dinners. I wouldn't post an actual invite since you aren't inviting them to the ceremony or dinner. If they have the information for those, they may come to those even though you're not inviting them to those.

MGP · February 2015

cds2015 said:

I'm inviting no one to the whole thing (except my boss) and then everyone to drinks/dancing afterward.

If I was your boss I would either 1) not go if I found out beforehand and/or 2) just overall be shocked and appalled that you would do something so tacky. In fact, I would probably find a (legal) way to fire you later down the road because if you treat your coworkers like that I wouldn't trust you handling relationships in other aspects of my business.

Honestly, if you aren't close to these people then don't invite them. No one wants to be very visually treated like a second class citizen. What are they going to do, wait outside while the A-list finishes dinner?

CMGragain · February 2015

When you say you are inviting your co-workers for drinks and dancing, you do intend to pay for their drinks, I hope? Please tell me that you are not having a cash bar!

JCbride2015 · February 2015

You already told people verbally? I'd be shuffling around other parts of the wedding to accommodate them for the entire thing.

ohannabelle · February 2015

MGP said:

cds2015 said:

I'm inviting no one to the whole thing (except my boss) and then everyone to drinks/dancing afterward.

If I was your boss I would either 1) not go if I found out beforehand and/or 2) just overall be shocked and appalled that you would do something so tacky. In fact, I would probably find a (legal) way to fire you later down the road because if you treat your coworkers like that I wouldn't trust you handling relationships in other aspects of my business.

Honestly, if you aren't close to these people then don't invite them. No one wants to be very visually treated like a second class citizen. What are they going to do, wait outside while the A-list finishes dinner?

I agree that it puts the boss in a really awkward situation.

And I probably wouldn't look for a reason to get rid of the person, but I can promise you that I wouldn't ever promote them. Because A: poor social skills with co workers, and

B: When it's time for promotions, by god, etiquette matters.

When someone goes to meet a client or sits down to lunch with a customer or visiting CEO, I would want to be confident that they have a standard of good manners and be socially skilled enough not to blunder or give offense.

And this has been a huge blunder, from the moment the OP started telling people they were invited. She needs to accommodate twenty more guests to put it right.

goblue111315 · February 2015

So apparently people are really against this idea? I would say this. What's done is done and you've already told people about it. My fiance actually has done this with a couple of his rec league sports buddies that like to party and are certainly not the type to be offended that they're not invited to the whole shebang. I would say if you know your coworkers well enough to know that they won't be hurt by the situation, just tell them in person! I wouldn't create a whole separate invitation. Tell them where to show up with their drinking and dancing shoes on, and that's it.

Viczaesar · February 2015

CMGragain said:

When you say you are inviting your co-workers for drinks and dancing, you do intend to pay for their drinks, I hope? Please tell me that you are not having a cash bar!

That's what you're concerned about here?

Denise40 · February 2015

crackktheskyy said:

Maybe a cute poem.

Dear coworkers, old and new
we're sending this invitation along to you.
Although we cannot host you for a proper meal
we thought dancing after dinner was a pretty good deal.
So please don't show up early while our more important guests dine
and be sure to leave a nice check, a few hundred is fine.
We hope that you can join us on our very special day,
but if not we really didn't want you there that much anyway.

This idea is so offensive that it doesn't sound good when rhyming. You've found many people against it because it's rude. Take the advice of people on here that are telling you that what you're planning will cause hurt feelings so that you don't end up offending your guests.

Where did you come up with this?? OMG too funny

AddieCake · February 2015

You're a jerk if you only invite people to part of your event. You're the rude one, not the posters responding here.

MGP · February 2015

goblue111315 said:
So apparently people are really against this idea? I would say this. What's done is done and you've already told people about it. My fiance actually has done this with a couple of his rec league sports buddies that like to party and are certainly not the type to be offended that they're not invited to the whole shebang. I would say if you know your coworkers well enough to know that they won't be hurt by the situation, just tell them in person! I wouldn't create a whole separate invitation. Tell them where to show up with their drinking and dancing shoes on, and that's it.

The OP states she is not that close to some of them, therefore she does not know them well enough to know if they would be offended. It is all selfish assumption. Additionally she didnt specify if the verbal invite was just general "you are on the guest list" vs. specific "you can come for drinks and dancing". Either way its terribly rude and tacky.

If I showed up thinking I was invited to the whole thing and realized I was a third string guest I would be hurt and quite mortified and as a coworker you bet I would make working life miserable for you. Actions have consequences and I am vindictive like that.

Bottom line is tiered hosting is horribly tacky. No one wants a "consolation" invite. No one will be "honored to be invited to at least something". Host each and every one of your guests equally or not at all. If you are not willing to do that then do not invite them.

JoanE2012 · February 2015

cds2015 said:

Talk about not polite, I asked people not to leave negative comments and that is exactly what you did. To some people its not polite but to others its fine considering NONE of my co-workers expect an invite anyway...

Then don't invite them to anything! Most people will not tell you to your face it's rude. If you were my coworker, I wouldn't say anything, but in my head I'd be thinking it was really rude! I would much rather NOT be invited at all rather than being told I was good enough to come to the dancing but not good enough for dinner. And you know, the next time you needed help with something at work, you'd go to the back burner. Just like the way you treated my invitation to your wedding.

Way to build relationships at work.

esstee33 · February 2015

Wow. I bet you're going to have a fun time with your coworkers when they realize how totally and deliberately rude you've been to them!

Seriously, find a way to host these people for the entire event. This is fucking disgustingly rude.

crackktheskyy · February 2015

@Denise40: I guess I'm a poet and I didn't know it? LOL

Honestly, if I ever received an invitation to only the dancing portion to an event where others were served dinner, I don't care how nice the invitation looked/sounded that's exactly how it would read to me.

banana468 · February 2015

As some PPS said, aside from the rudeness, do you want this to follow you in your career? It's one thing to hurt your friendships and that sucks, but when you mess with business relationships, how you treat others can be the difference between getting a promotion and getting let go. Do you not see how this could mess things up for you in the long term?

MobKaz · February 2015

goblue111315 said:

So apparently people are really against this idea? I would say this. What's done is done and you've already told people about it. My fiance actually has done this with a couple of his rec league sports buddies that like to party and are certainly not the type to be offended that they're not invited to the whole shebang. I would say if you know your coworkers well enough to know that they won't be hurt by the situation, just tell them in person! I wouldn't create a whole separate invitation. Tell them where to show up with their drinking and dancing shoes on, and that's it.

I'll bite. How did you coordinate this with your venue? Did they enter and have to wear wrist bands to indicate you paid a lesser portion for their attendance? Did they have to wear wrist bands to indicate they were NOT on the VIP list and therefore need to pay for their drinks while the VIP's do not. Or, (and this is where I place my money), did it not matter because your tacky "invitation" did not matter because you additionally were rude enough to have a cash bar for all guests?

Inviting to drinks and dancing portion of the reception

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