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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Knottie5415360
member
Rude to only gift the groom?
My fiancé (J) and his birth father reconnected before his currently deployment. He is getting back soon (and we will be getting married- YAY!), but when I was finalizing all the plans with his birth father I couldn't help, but be a little offended when he brought up a wedding gift, entirely focused just on a gift for J. It's great if he wants to get him a gift, but personally that sounds more of a bachelor gift. I have to let a lot roll off my shoulder because it was clear when we first met him and after talking to him a lot about the wedding while J has been gone, he doesn't hide not fully recognizing me as his future wife very well. From my side of things, we have never shown up to a wedding only honoring one person, when the entire ceremony is a celebration of the two. We are having an intimate ceremony and never went into it looking for any gifts, but still thought this was a tad rude. Idk, just wondering if this has happened to anyone else and wondering how it went for you.
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Re: Rude to only gift the groom?
However, I understand feeling slighted if a wedding gift is actually for just one of the couple. Nothing you can do about it except be polite, forgive and forget.
Cause otherwise he just might not know you well or what you'd like or might not want to tell you your gift.
Honestly, what would you do about it anyway? Think about it, there's no way you could address this with anyone without sounding really juvenile ("I want a gift toooo").
Tons of our wedding gifts were kitchen-related items that H will never use or really care about. H got tap handles and a hunting gadget from a friend I don't know well. Hell, my in-laws got me a shotgun for my own use. I don't know - people wouldn't have given us gifts period if WE weren't getting married, so it didn't really bother me to see people get gifts that reflected their relationship with us.
I'm sure this is a sensitive time for your FI and birth father; let your FI take the lead in how you'll react to his birth father's actions.
Not everything has to be equal. If I know one person in the couple better, I often pick out things for the person I know better (or just buy off a registry). In this case, it's his dad and it sounds like they were estranged for a long time. He's probably just trying to make up for lost time and reconnect with his son. If I were you, I would stop trying to make their re-establishing their relationship with each other about you and just focus on what you can do to support your FI, as reconnecting with estranged family members can be awkward as you try to figure out how the relationship works now that everyone is older and years have been missed.
Stop talking to this man about your wedding. Is he paying for it? Otherwise it's kind of odd for him to be involved in the wedding planning process. Especially if he isn't close to his son and doesn't like you.
We gave friends a shop vac off their registry. I don't think the wife uses it and DH hasn't used our Kitchen Aid. I haven't used the snowblower.
What is the gift?
Your FFIL may want to mark this milestone with a special gift from him to your fi. I think you're being over sensitive.