What kind of gift do you buy for a second marriage?

SBmini · February 2015

Do you even buy a gift? SIL is getting remarried. She gave us a very generous gift for our wedding, and I'm not sure what exactly we should give her when she weds. What is appropriate?

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

Something sentimental/keepsake like a picture frame or vase.

AddieCake · February 2015

Give whatever you would normally give or something off the registry. I never understand people's aversions to gift giving for a second marriage or thinking it somehow equates to a lesser gift or something.

SBmini · February 2015

I probably should have included this in the first post. They don't have a registry. Per their culture, wedding gifts are exclusively cash or jewelry.

AddieCake · February 2015

So give them whatever amount of cash you would normally give someone at a wedding.

SBmini · February 2015

@lolo883 yay Lolo! Congrats on your pregnancy!

JCbride2015 · February 2015

I'd give whatever amount of cash I could afford for any other wedding gift.

huskypuppy14 · February 2015

The fact that it's a second marriage is irrelevant. If you don't want to give cash, give whatever physical gift you would give someone who was getting married for the first time.

SBmini · February 2015

huskypuppy14 said:

The fact that it's a second marriage is irrelevant. If you don't want to give cash, give whatever physical gift you would give someone who was getting married for the first time.

thanks, I didn't know if the rules changed or anything. I've never been to a second wedding before.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

Yeah cash is definitely always king, first marriage or tenth. And thanks!

RebeccaFlower · February 2015

SBmini said:

huskypuppy14 said:

The fact that it's a second marriage is irrelevant. If you don't want to give cash, give whatever physical gift you would give someone who was getting married for the first time.

thanks, I didn't know if the rules changed or anything. I've never been to a second wedding before.

I'm curious... why are gifts for second weddings okay but second baby showers aren't?

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

RebeccaFlower said:

SBmini said:

huskypuppy14 said:

The fact that it's a second marriage is irrelevant. If you don't want to give cash, give whatever physical gift you would give someone who was getting married for the first time.

thanks, I didn't know if the rules changed or anything. I've never been to a second wedding before.

I'm curious... why are gifts for second weddings okay but second baby showers aren't?

Showers are meant to prepare you for something you've never done before - building a household, or becoming a parent. Wedding gifts celebrate the actual occasion. Give a gift for any subsequent baby but not a shower.

nhultberg461 · February 2015

RebeccaFlower said:

SBmini said:

huskypuppy14 said:

The fact that it's a second marriage is irrelevant. If you don't want to give cash, give whatever physical gift you would give someone who was getting married for the first time.

thanks, I didn't know if the rules changed or anything. I've never been to a second wedding before.

I'm curious... why are gifts for second weddings okay but second baby showers aren't?

I had a second baby shower, and recieved gifts. My first child is a girl and my second was a boy, so I needed some different items, but most of the stuff I had the first time still worked. I think it depends on the family too.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

nhultberg461 said:

RebeccaFlower said:

SBmini said:

huskypuppy14 said:

The fact that it's a second marriage is irrelevant. If you don't want to give cash, give whatever physical gift you would give someone who was getting married for the first time.

thanks, I didn't know if the rules changed or anything. I've never been to a second wedding before.

I'm curious... why are gifts for second weddings okay but second baby showers aren't?

I had a second baby shower, and recieved gifts. My first child is a girl and my second was a boy, so I needed some different items, but most of the stuff I had the first time still worked. I think it depends on the family too.

I would side-eye the shit out of this.

nhultberg461 · February 2015

lolo883 said:

RebeccaFlower said:

SBmini said:

huskypuppy14 said:

The fact that it's a second marriage is irrelevant. If you don't want to give cash, give whatever physical gift you would give someone who was getting married for the first time.

thanks, I didn't know if the rules changed or anything. I've never been to a second wedding before.

I'm curious... why are gifts for second weddings okay but second baby showers aren't?

I had a second baby shower, and recieved gifts. My first child is a girl and my second was a boy, so I needed some different items, but most of the stuff I had the first time still worked. I think it depends on the family too.
I would side-eye the shit out of this.

My mom threw both showers.

SBmini · February 2015

lolo883 said:

SBmini said:

huskypuppy14 said:

The fact that it's a second marriage is irrelevant. If you don't want to give cash, give whatever physical gift you would give someone who was getting married for the first time.

thanks, I didn't know if the rules changed or anything. I've never been to a second wedding before.

I'm curious... why are gifts for second weddings okay but second baby showers aren't?
Showers are meant to prepare you for something you've never done before - building a household, or becoming a parent. Wedding gifts celebrate the actual occasion. Give a gift for any subsequent baby but not a shower.

I like your explanation here. To take this even further, you don't have a second shower, but the second child still gets presents for his or her birthday moving forward. She's still getting married, which is an event worth celebrating. She's also not having a shower or a registry or anything else that may be side-eyee for a second wedding. It's a small affair with just really close friends and family. So I think we should give to her the same we would give for any other family wedding we attend.

RebeccaFlower · February 2015

lolo883 said:

SBmini said:

huskypuppy14 said:

The fact that it's a second marriage is irrelevant. If you don't want to give cash, give whatever physical gift you would give someone who was getting married for the first time.

thanks, I didn't know if the rules changed or anything. I've never been to a second wedding before.

I'm curious... why are gifts for second weddings okay but second baby showers aren't?
Showers are meant to prepare you for something you've never done before - building a household, or becoming a parent. Wedding gifts celebrate the actual occasion. Give a gift for any subsequent baby but not a shower.

Makes total sense. Thanks!

AddieCake · February 2015

I don't care if people have showers for 2nd babies.

nhultberg461 · February 2015

nhultberg461 said:

lolo883 said:

RebeccaFlower said:

SBmini said:

huskypuppy14 said:

The fact that it's a second marriage is irrelevant. If you don't want to give cash, give whatever physical gift you would give someone who was getting married for the first time.

thanks, I didn't know if the rules changed or anything. I've never been to a second wedding before.

I'm curious... why are gifts for second weddings okay but second baby showers aren't?

I had a second baby shower, and recieved gifts. My first child is a girl and my second was a boy, so I needed some different items, but most of the stuff I had the first time still worked. I think it depends on the family too.
I would side-eye the shit out of this.

My mom threw both showers.

It was also 14 and 12 years ago.

blabla89 · February 2015

SBmini said:

I probably should have included this in the first post. They don't have a registry. Per their culture, wedding gifts are exclusively cash or jewelry.

What culture do they come from? I know you've mentioned your H's heritage before but can't remember what you said.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

When in doubt, cash money.

climbingsingle · February 2015

Well, I just got married for the second time. Believe it or not, people actually gave me cash!

thisismynickname2 · February 2015

climbingwife said:

Well, I just got married for the second time. Believe it or not, people actually gave me cash!

I am my husband's second wife. We got a lot of cash too!

jenna8984 · February 2015

My brother got remarried last year. SIL's first marriage so I gave a shower gift and the same amount for a wedding gift that I'd given the first time.

We've talked about second baby showers on here before. I know Addie doesn't mind but I do. I feel like if you "plan" to have more than one child, you should get the majority of things in color neutrals. If you registered for everything in hot pink, that's your problem with poor planning and I don't think you should get to have another and register for everything in blue a year later. If it's been more than 5 years and you don't necessarily have any of the baby stuff left anymore, then I'm more ok with it.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

jenna8984 said:

My brother got remarried last year. SIL's first marriage so I gave a shower gift and the same amount for a wedding gift that I'd given the first time.
We've talked about second baby showers on here before. I know Addie doesn't mind but I do. I feel like if you "plan" to have more than one child, you should get the majority of things in color neutrals. If you registered for everything in hot pink, that's your problem with poor planning and I don't think you should get to have another and register for everything in blue a year later. If it's been more than 5 years and you don't necessarily have any of the baby stuff left anymore, then I'm more ok with it.

I agree with this.

climbingsingle · February 2015

The only time second baby showers bother me is when someone is having a baby of the same sex right after they just had one. Case in point: I was invited to a baby shower for a second boy that was going to be born less than 18 months after the first boy was born. I just gave you a whole bunch of presents a few months ago. Can't you reuse at least some of it?

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

climbingwife said:

The only time second baby showers bother me is when someone is having a baby of the same sex right after they just had one. Case in point: I was invited to a baby shower for a second boy that was going to be born less than 18 months after the first boy was born. I just gave you a whole bunch of presents a few months ago. Can't you reuse at least some of it?

Wouldn't it bother you if it was a girl though? They don't need THAT MUCH different stuff, and Jenna's right - if you registered for all blue stuff the first time and just can't fathom the thought of your precious princess sleeping in blue pajamas, that is your own damn fault.

princessofgenovia · February 2015

nhultberg461 said:

I had a second baby shower, and recieved gifts. My first child is a girl and my second was a boy, so I needed some different items, but most of the stuff I had the first time still worked. I think it depends on the family too.

Ok not to totally derail the thread but...WTF does a baby boy need that a baby girl doesn't need? I've heard this before and I've never been able to figure it out. All the baby shit I see is pretty universal.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

princessofgenovia said:

nhultberg461 said:

I had a second baby shower, and recieved gifts. My first child is a girl and my second was a boy, so I needed some different items, but most of the stuff I had the first time still worked. I think it depends on the family too.

Ok not to totally derail the thread but...WTF does a baby boy need that a baby girl doesn't need? I've heard this before and I've never been able to figure it out. All the baby shit I see is pretty universal.

Don't you know, it turns the baby gay if they nap in the wrong color bouncy seat.

princessofgenovia · February 2015

jenna8984 said:

My brother got remarried last year. SIL's first marriage so I gave a shower gift and the same amount for a wedding gift that I'd given the first time.
We've talked about second baby showers on here before. I know Addie doesn't mind but I do. I feel like if you "plan" to have more than one child, you should get the majority of things in color neutrals. If you registered for everything in hot pink, that's your problem with poor planning and I don't think you should get to have another and register for everything in blue a year later. If it's been more than 5 years and you don't necessarily have any of the baby stuff left anymore, then I'm more ok with it.

I don't even get the problem with non-gender neutral colors. Baby girls don't grow penises because you stick them in boy clothes. I know...I wore baby boy clothing.

We had a neighbor when I was a baby who had a son about 6 months older than me. She offered up the clothes he grew out of to my mom who gleefully took them and dressed me in them. Because they were free and we were poor. I was still fucking cute baby. And I have yet to sprout a penis.

Pretty sure pink doesn't make baby boy penises fall off either.

cupcait927 · February 2015

lolo883 said:

climbingwife said:

The only time second baby showers bother me is when someone is having a baby of the same sex right after they just had one. Case in point: I was invited to a baby shower for a second boy that was going to be born less than 18 months after the first boy was born. I just gave you a whole bunch of presents a few months ago. Can't you reuse at least some of it?

Wouldn't it bother you if it was a girl though? They don't need THAT MUCH different stuff, and Jenna's right - if you registered for all blue stuff the first time and just can't fathom the thought of your precious princess sleeping in blue pajamas, that is your own damn fault.

^^yes to the bolded. My best friend always knew she was going to have more than one kid. She got pregnant with her second (a girl) when her first (a boy) was about 4 years old. She still had ALL the big stuff (stroller, car seat, pack n play) from her first but insisted upon adding all of the same things but in PINK for her second child. I'm sorry, but I am not going to buy you a $100 pack n play in pink simply because you're having a girl and don't want to use the blue "boy" things for her. Guess what her daughter's using - all of the same stuff her older brother used. This is also the same friend that won't dress her daughter in certain colors because she has red hair (and apparently certain colors don't "go" with red hair when your kid isn't even two years old) but that's another story for another time...

What kind of gift do you buy for a second marriage?

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