Are Wedding Showers Becoming Obsolete?

themosthappy91 · February 2015

So on another thread someone was talking about showers and how the point of them is "to prepare you for something you've never done before", which led me to wonder- do you foresee a time in the future when wedding showers are obsolete or no longer considered good ettiqutte?

The reality is more and more people are either living with their FI before marriage, and therefore don't need to worry about furnishing their new home together upon marriage, or waiting until later in their lives to get married, so they are likely to already have enough material possessions for their home on their own. Do you look less favorably on people getting married and having showers thrown for them in those situations? Do you think that the necessity or practicality of wedding showers in general is fading?

(Full disclosure: I got married after living with my SO for five years and happily accepted a couple's shower thrown by my best friends where we received lots of awesome but admittedly non-essential gifts that were mostly upgrades of things we already had. Just for background.)

JCbride2015 · February 2015

themosthappy91 said:

So on another thread someone was talking about showers and how the point of them is "to prepare you for something you've never done before", which led me to wonder- do you foresee a time in the future when wedding showers are obsolete or no longer considered good ettiqutte? The reality is more and more people are either living with their FI before marriage, and therefore don't need to worry about furnishing their new home together upon marriage, or waiting until later in their lives to get married, so they are likely to already have enough material possessions for their home on their own. Do you look less favorably on people getting married and having showers thrown for them in those situations? Do you think that the necessity or practicality of wedding showers in general is fading? (Full disclosure: I got married after living with my SO for five years and happily accepted a couple's shower thrown by my best friends where we received lots of awesome but admittedly non-essential gifts that were mostly upgrades of things we already had. Just for background.)

I might be in the minority, but I really like showers and do not side-eye them for second/third/etc. weddings, either. I think the purpose of them is evolving a bit. For sure, most couples live together before marriage and already have some basics. But a shower is a nice time to gather with family and friends and "shower" the bride or couple with gifts. People like gifts, so I don't think showers will ever become obsolete.

When I attend a shower for a couple who already lives together, I understand I'm probably giving an upgrade item and not, say, the first blender they've ever owned. That's fine and something I am happy to do.

Full disclosure from me: Fi and I have lived together since 2009 and our house is pretty "set up." I hear that my sister and FMIL are throwing a shower together although I don't have details yet. I'm honored they want to do that and I don't feel weird accepting even though we already have a household.

lyndausvi · February 2015

I would rather them go away then this trend of finding ways to get cash from your friends instead.

I owned my own condo and lived with DH. I had a small shower and happily received physical gifts from family and friends. Like you some were non-essential and/or upgrades.

If I didn't really want/need anything I would have declined the shower. I would not have instead asked for money for a HM, house or whatever ridiculous things people ask for these days.

Both our families normally give cash at weddings anyway.

huskypuppy14 · February 2015

In my circle it doesn't look like they are going anywhere. I lived with my H for 2 years before we got married. And we both were living on our own for many years. That doesn't mean we had a lot of things for setting up a house. Sure some things were upgrades, but there were plenty of things we registered for that we never had in the first place (china for example).

rcher912 · February 2015

I don't see them going anywhere, although I do see what you're getting at.

All the showers I've been to are really awkward for this reason, and also because many people at showers don't know each other (again, at least at the ones I've been to - just everyone knows either the B or G from some random place, and now we're all assembled...)

I hate small talk, so they're my nightmare. I'm not convinced I want one, but my mother tends to love stuff like this, so, while I'm not expecting one I am pretty sure that's where we're headed. Which will be nice for me, cause I'll finally know people at a shower besides the bride...lol

I want them to die.

mlg78 · February 2015

I've got two showers on my calendar now and I'm expecting two more invites this year so I don't see showers going anywhere anytime soon. I like showers...but I do side eye them after your first wedding. As long as you don't register for a honeymoon, I love registries, showers, and celebrating the upcoming wedding.

Dreamergirl8812 · February 2015

My MIL offered me a shower and I respectfully declined. Sitting around with a bunch of women who don't know each other while I open presents. Ugh.

That being said, I'm happily attending a baby shower in a few weeks.

chibiyui · February 2015

I like showers, I like shopping for shower gifts, I like cake.

Every so often if I can't attend or don't want to attend (don't know anyone else going, don't like anyone else going) I'll send a gift or bring the gift to the wedding.

I will agree that I'd rather see showers die out then people continue to try and turn showers into cash grabs.

esstee33 · February 2015

I don't think showers are necessarily going anywhere, and I don't really think they should. Just because couples are living together before marriage doesn't change the simple necessity of household items they may or may not have. Like, not many people just starting out have actually decent dishes and towels and sheets. You get the shitty, scratchy sheets in college because that's what's cheap, but they don't last. You get hand-me-downs and mismatched things and plastic cups from Target when they're on clearance. Showers are a good way to provide a couple with actually nice things that will last.

JCbride2015 · February 2015

esstee33 said:

I don't think showers are necessarily going anywhere, and I don't really think they should. Just because couples are living together before marriage doesn't change the simple necessity of household items they may or may not have. Like, not many people just starting out have actually decent dishes and towels and sheets. You get the shitty, scratchy sheets in college because that's what's cheap, but they don't last. You get hand-me-downs and mismatched things and plastic cups from Target when they're on clearance. Showers are a good way to provide a couple with actually nice things that will last.

@esstee33 Have you been creeping in my house again?

esstee33 · February 2015

JCbride2015 said:

esstee33 said:

I don't think showers are necessarily going anywhere, and I don't really think they should. Just because couples are living together before marriage doesn't change the simple necessity of household items they may or may not have. Like, not many people just starting out have actually decent dishes and towels and sheets. You get the shitty, scratchy sheets in college because that's what's cheap, but they don't last. You get hand-me-downs and mismatched things and plastic cups from Target when they're on clearance. Showers are a good way to provide a couple with actually nice things that will last.

@esstee33 Have you been creeping in my house again?

Yes. Sorry.

abl13 · February 2015

I like wedding showers because it's a nice way to give couples some nice things that they'll use forever. With that being said, I hate when couples register for only super expensive stuff. Then it crosses the line to gift grabby. I don't think they should go away as long as it isn't a blatant gift/cash grab.

I dislike baby showers. If you can get knocked up you can buy your own baby stuff. I just hate buying stuff off a baby registry and knowing that they will not get a ton of use out of it. I would rather give something sentimental which I will give after the baby is born. i am more a fan of very close family/friends being at a shower instead of absolutely everyone you've ever met which unfortunately is how they are done in my area.

themosthappy91 · February 2015

abl13 said:

I like wedding showers because it's a nice way to give couples some nice things that they'll use forever. With that being said, I hate when couples register for only super expensive stuff. Then it crosses the line to gift grabby. I don't think they should go away as long as it isn't a blatant gift/cash grab. I dislike baby showers. If you can get knocked up you can buy your own baby stuff. I just hate buying stuff off a baby registry and knowing that they will not get a ton of use out of it. I would rather give something sentimental which I will give after the baby is born. i am more a fan of very close family/friends being at a shower instead of absolutely everyone you've ever met which unfortunately is how they are done in my area.

That's an interesting perspective- I'm just curious, why exactly are wedding showers different than baby showers to you? Like I guess I'm saying, what stops you from having the attitude of "If you're ready to get married you should be able to provide stuff for yourself", which is sort of the equivalent to the idea you mentioned of "if you get knocked up you can buy your own stuff"? Honestly curious, not snarking.

In my opinion, I guess in both cases it seems to be more about giving things that the recipient will enjoy rather than things that they would be unable to provide for themselves.

abl13 · February 2015

Idk, I know it's an unpopular opinion. I think it's just that baby stuff rarely is used for more than a year, whereas my parents have been married over 30 years and my mom uses things she was gifted at her shower regularly. In my area it is also common to invite TONS of people to baby showers. They aren't intimate affairs and the parents receive so much stuff that they've admitted that lots of it went unused. I'd just rather give you a more personal gift after the baby is born. Also I've been to baby showers when that was the last time I ever talked to the new mom. Just seems gift grabby.

novella1186 · February 2015

esstee33 said:

I don't think showers are necessarily going anywhere, and I don't really think they should. Just because couples are living together before marriage doesn't change the simple necessity of household items they may or may not have. Like, not many people just starting out have actually decent dishes and towels and sheets. You get the shitty, scratchy sheets in college because that's what's cheap, but they don't last. You get hand-me-downs and mismatched things and plastic cups from Target when they're on clearance. Showers are a good way to provide a couple with actually nice things that will last.

This. I'm really excited for my showers because there's stuff we legitimately need. Our dishes are old ugly chipped ones on loan from FMIL and we're supposed to give them back to her. I still have stuff I bought at Goodwill in college.
Our bath towels are on their way out; I got them on sale about 9 years ago and some of them have holes in them, the hems have somehow come off so they're shredding, there's bleach spots for some reason, etc. I've never had nice pillows or nice sheets.
My blender is broken because it got dropped down a flight of cement stairs while I was moving. Some of our other kitchen appliances are old junky hand-me-downs. I've never owned nice pans (definitely registered for a couple copper-bottomed ones and I REALLY hope I get those!).
We own one lamp and I bought it at Goodwell for $4 because I thought it would be fun to spray-paint it a cool color (and I was right, but it's so old that we unplug it when we're not home because it seems like it could be a fire hazard).

I mean I could go on and on. We've been getting by with the old junky stuff, and most of it is just fine as long as it can function, but some of it is really falling apart.

I get what you mean about showers not being so necessary, though. I have a friend who just got married and had a full house full of stuff that was pretty new and nice, but she registered for tons of new stuff anyway because she felt like "redecorating and picking a new color scheme." So that cast-iron roasting pan had to go, because she needed a RED cast-iron roasting pan. That's the crap I side-eye.

themosthappy91 · February 2015

novella1186 said:

esstee33 said:

I don't think showers are necessarily going anywhere, and I don't really think they should. Just because couples are living together before marriage doesn't change the simple necessity of household items they may or may not have. Like, not many people just starting out have actually decent dishes and towels and sheets. You get the shitty, scratchy sheets in college because that's what's cheap, but they don't last. You get hand-me-downs and mismatched things and plastic cups from Target when they're on clearance. Showers are a good way to provide a couple with actually nice things that will last.

This. I'm really excited for my showers because there's stuff we legitimately need. Our dishes are old ugly chipped ones on loan from FMIL and we're supposed to give them back to her. I still have stuff I bought at Goodwill in college.
Our bath towels are on their way out; I got them on sale about 9 years ago and some of them have holes in them, the hems have somehow come off so they're shredding, there's bleach spots for some reason, etc. I've never had nice pillows or nice sheets.
My blender is broken because it got dropped down a flight of cement stairs while I was moving. Some of our other kitchen appliances are old junky hand-me-downs. I've never owned nice pans (definitely registered for a couple copper-bottomed ones and I REALLY hope I get those!).
We own one lamp and I bought it at Goodwell for $4 because I thought it would be fun to spray-paint it a cool color (and I was right, but it's so old that we unplug it when we're not home because it seems like it could be a fire hazard).

I mean I could go on and on. We've been getting by with the old junky stuff, and most of it is just fine as long as it can function, but some of it is really falling apart.

I get what you mean about showers not being so necessary, though. I have a friend who just got married and had a full house full of stuff that was pretty new and nice, but she registered for tons of new stuff anyway because she felt like "redecorating and picking a new color scheme." So that cast-iron roasting pan had to go, because she needed a RED cast-iron roasting pan. That's the crap I side-eye.

OMG... I hope she offered the old one to you (or someone else... though of course I hope it was you :P) and didn't just throw it away!

[Deleted User] · February 2015

themosthappy91 said:

So on another thread someone was talking about showers and how the point of them is "to prepare you for something you've never done before", which led me to wonder- do you foresee a time in the future when wedding showers are obsolete or no longer considered good ettiqutte? The reality is more and more people are either living with their FI before marriage, and therefore don't need to worry about furnishing their new home together upon marriage, or waiting until later in their lives to get married, so they are likely to already have enough material possessions for their home on their own. Do you look less favorably on people getting married and having showers thrown for them in those situations? Do you think that the necessity or practicality of wedding showers in general is fading? (Full disclosure: I got married after living with my SO for five years and happily accepted a couple's shower thrown by my best friends where we received lots of awesome but admittedly non-essential gifts that were mostly upgrades of things we already had. Just for background.)

I really don't see them going out because of the tradition factor. I also have to agree with PP that not every couple that's living together has everything they need. When you're young, you don't always have a ton of money to buy everything you need to furnish and stock your home. Fi and I have lived together for over 2 years and I can honestly say our housewares are pitiful, Most of my housewares are mismatched stuff I got on sale/clearance. I'm really glad I'm going to get nice, new stuff that matches. I can finally invite people over and not have to apologize for the mismatched dish ware or the fact that I only own 3 wine glasses.

novella1186 · February 2015

themosthappy91 said:

novella1186 said:

esstee33 said:

I don't think showers are necessarily going anywhere, and I don't really think they should. Just because couples are living together before marriage doesn't change the simple necessity of household items they may or may not have. Like, not many people just starting out have actually decent dishes and towels and sheets. You get the shitty, scratchy sheets in college because that's what's cheap, but they don't last. You get hand-me-downs and mismatched things and plastic cups from Target when they're on clearance. Showers are a good way to provide a couple with actually nice things that will last.

This. I'm really excited for my showers because there's stuff we legitimately need. Our dishes are old ugly chipped ones on loan from FMIL and we're supposed to give them back to her. I still have stuff I bought at Goodwill in college.
Our bath towels are on their way out; I got them on sale about 9 years ago and some of them have holes in them, the hems have somehow come off so they're shredding, there's bleach spots for some reason, etc. I've never had nice pillows or nice sheets.
My blender is broken because it got dropped down a flight of cement stairs while I was moving. Some of our other kitchen appliances are old junky hand-me-downs. I've never owned nice pans (definitely registered for a couple copper-bottomed ones and I REALLY hope I get those!).
We own one lamp and I bought it at Goodwell for $4 because I thought it would be fun to spray-paint it a cool color (and I was right, but it's so old that we unplug it when we're not home because it seems like it could be a fire hazard).

I mean I could go on and on. We've been getting by with the old junky stuff, and most of it is just fine as long as it can function, but some of it is really falling apart.

I get what you mean about showers not being so necessary, though. I have a friend who just got married and had a full house full of stuff that was pretty new and nice, but she registered for tons of new stuff anyway because she felt like "redecorating and picking a new color scheme." So that cast-iron roasting pan had to go, because she needed a RED cast-iron roasting pan. That's the crap I side-eye.

OMG... I hope she offered the old one to you (or someone else... though of course I hope it was you :P) and didn't just throw it away!

I actually have no idea where it went but I WISH she would have offered it to me! Cast iron just gets better with age! Fuck what color it is.

lyndausvi · February 2015

themosthappy91 said:

novella1186 said:

esstee33 said:

I don't think showers are necessarily going anywhere, and I don't really think they should. Just because couples are living together before marriage doesn't change the simple necessity of household items they may or may not have. Like, not many people just starting out have actually decent dishes and towels and sheets. You get the shitty, scratchy sheets in college because that's what's cheap, but they don't last. You get hand-me-downs and mismatched things and plastic cups from Target when they're on clearance. Showers are a good way to provide a couple with actually nice things that will last.

This. I'm really excited for my showers because there's stuff we legitimately need. Our dishes are old ugly chipped ones on loan from FMIL and we're supposed to give them back to her. I still have stuff I bought at Goodwill in college.
Our bath towels are on their way out; I got them on sale about 9 years ago and some of them have holes in them, the hems have somehow come off so they're shredding, there's bleach spots for some reason, etc. I've never had nice pillows or nice sheets.
My blender is broken because it got dropped down a flight of cement stairs while I was moving. Some of our other kitchen appliances are old junky hand-me-downs. I've never owned nice pans (definitely registered for a couple copper-bottomed ones and I REALLY hope I get those!).
We own one lamp and I bought it at Goodwell for $4 because I thought it would be fun to spray-paint it a cool color (and I was right, but it's so old that we unplug it when we're not home because it seems like it could be a fire hazard).

I mean I could go on and on. We've been getting by with the old junky stuff, and most of it is just fine as long as it can function, but some of it is really falling apart.

I get what you mean about showers not being so necessary, though. I have a friend who just got married and had a full house full of stuff that was pretty new and nice, but she registered for tons of new stuff anyway because she felt like "redecorating and picking a new color scheme." So that cast-iron roasting pan had to go, because she needed a RED cast-iron roasting pan. That's the crap I side-eye.

OMG... I hope she offered the old one to you (or someone else... though of course I hope it was you :P) and didn't just throw it away!

The things people waste money on and/or worry about amaze me.

The color a fucking roasting pan? WTF?

kvruns · February 2015

I'd beenleaning toward no registry and no shower bc we already have upgraded stuff for the most part. Today my bridesmaids said they are already planning one for me and I said I didn't plan on registering so it would be silly. They are going to do a bridal get together type of thing but not a real shower which I wasok with. I always like a reason to see friends and they were really into planning it and said they knew my mom would like it too so I relented.

csuave · February 2015

When I called my Aunt/Godmother to tell her I was engaged she said she wanted to throw me a shower. She was so excited about it she was talking about it that early! This was my one official shower and the only one I will ever have. It was family only and under 20 people. I barely came up with enough things to put on the registry since we already had most of what we needed and two of many things, but we worked at it and put together a list of things that would be nice for starting our married life together.

It was a lovely afternoon spending time with the women in my family and while I am not a fan of showers this type of family event is an exception because it is more about family than it is about gifts and is a rite of passage of sorts. If my niece/Goddaughter gets married one day a family shower for her will be one shower that I actually want to host and look forward to.

On the other hand, I hope showers with large guest lists of people that don't know each other go out of style. They are not intimate and seem more likely to be about gifts.

allispain · February 2015

I didn't have a shower, but all of my friends who have gotten married over the last couple of years have had them. Most have been pretty tasteful - just family and close friends. However, one that I went to they had invited a TON of people - it seemed very gift-grabby to me. I mean 70 people at a shower? No thanks.

Kahlyla · February 2015

I think the odds are actually against them dying out, partly because many of the same people who are living with their fiances now and receiving showers will likely reciprocate and carry on the tradition by hosting or supporting others' showers. I mean if showers are still happening now and they're even often still being hosted by members of older generations who may not have lived together before marriage, then it doesn't seem likely that all of today's brides are just going to randomly decide they want no further part in it.

If anything, many of us have grown up with the idea of cohabiting before marriage and if it doesn't seem to run counter to the idea of showers now, then why would that change?

As for me, I used to be pretty painfully shy and sort of hated showers for that reason, but I can enjoy them now. Some of my favourite shower gifts were from off-registry, and when we were having our first baby we didn't register at all and I loved receiving books, handmade toys, handmade quilts, and the like.

esstee33 · February 2015

@novella1186 - Did you use your towels to dry your face after using any kind of acne cleanser? I bought new towels last year and started using a new acne wash right after that, without realizing that the cleanser would bleach my towels! So now the nice, new towels I bought like 6 months ago are fucked beyond repair. >:(

thisismynickname2 · February 2015

themosthappy91 said:

So on another thread someone was talking about showers and how the point of them is "to prepare you for something you've never done before", which led me to wonder- do you foresee a time in the future when wedding showers are obsolete or no longer considered good ettiqutte? The reality is more and more people are either living with their FI before marriage, and therefore don't need to worry about furnishing their new home together upon marriage, or waiting until later in their lives to get married, so they are likely to already have enough material possessions for their home on their own. Do you look less favorably on people getting married and having showers thrown for them in those situations? Do you think that the necessity or practicality of wedding showers in general is fading? (Full disclosure: I got married after living with my SO for five years and happily accepted a couple's shower thrown by my best friends where we received lots of awesome but admittedly non-essential gifts that were mostly upgrades of things we already had. Just for background.)

I hope they go away, yes.

Here's my reasoning-- two people are getting married. They are having a wedding. People give a couple gifts for the occasion of getting married.

For a young couple that's never lived on their own, a shower makes sense. They are likely to get a ton of boxed gifts and it's easier to do this kind of thing at a shower. However, this doesn't negate the fact that online shopping and shipping is so easy a monkey could do it.

What showers have turned into, in my opinion, is a gift grab, or an actual separate occasion worthy of getting gifts. NO! People seem to have some bonkers idea that they need a shower to get gifts. Or, they'll get double the gifts by having a shower. I loathe this attitude. I have one gift budget for the occasion of you getting married, and I will spend that budget accordingly. I can give you $200 cash, or I can get you $100 cash at the wedding and a $100 kitchen gadget at your shower.

Also, I see this attitude that a shower, or multiple showers, is an entitlement to celebrate the spechul snowflake's achievement of landing a man. It's gross.

I thought your reception was the celebration of your marriage. Apparently I'm wrong, so yes, I want wedding showers to go away.

Finally, baby showers? Awesome. That's the only time you get to celebrate the arrival of a baby, because the period after birth is tiring and maybe overwhelming for the new parents. The shower IS the celebration of the occasion. I see baby showers in a totally different light.

novella1186 · February 2015

esstee33 said:

@novella1186 - Did you use your towels to dry your face after using any kind of acne cleanser? I bought new towels last year and started using a new acne wash right after that, without realizing that the cleanser would bleach my towels! So now the nice, new towels I bought like 6 months ago are fucked beyond repair. >:(

Damn! I didn't even know that could happen! Maybe that's what the spots are from. I hardly ever use bleach and I definitely never use it on colored towels so the spots were a total mystery to me.

MandyMost · February 2015

I refused to have any kind of shower because I felt it was inappropriate. We lived together for years, we owned a house together, and also I know we make more money the the majority of the close relatives that would have been invited to a shower. If I want new pots and pans I'll buy them...it didn't feel right to essentially ask my relatives to buy them for me. Also, when you already have a home together, like we did, the only stuff we really wanted were upgrades and stuff we wouldn't buy ourselves...essentially all expensive stuff. It felt odd to think about registering for cheap stuff that if we needed we would just buy, and also inappropriate to only register for expensive stuff.

However, I'm on board with having a baby shower. To me that's totally different. It will be our first baby, of course we'll need baby stuff! Yes, we'll register for stuff, but I'm fine with people bringing stuff not on the registry of course. Actually, I almost never buy something off the registry when I go to baby showers. I just buy clothes or books or cute things. I also always buy clothes in larger sizes (usually 6-9 months), because I hear everyone has tons of newborn clothes. I hope people will buy something they thing we need even if it's not on the registry. Also, if they want to give a sentimental gift instead of a useful one, that's fine too.

themosthappy91 · February 2015

MandyMost said:

I refused to have any kind of shower because I felt it was inappropriate. We lived together for years, we owned a house together, and also I know we make more money the the majority of the close relatives that would have been invited to a shower. If I want new pots and pans I'll buy them...it didn't feel right to essentially ask my relatives to buy them for me. Also, when you already have a home together, like we did, the only stuff we really wanted were upgrades and stuff we wouldn't buy ourselves...essentially all expensive stuff. It felt odd to think about registering for cheap stuff that if we needed we would just buy, and also inappropriate to only register for expensive stuff.

However, I'm on board with having a baby shower. To me that's totally different. It will be our first baby, of course we'll need baby stuff! Yes, we'll register for stuff, but I'm fine with people bringing stuff not on the registry of course. Actually, I almost never buy something off the registry when I go to baby showers. I just buy clothes or books or cute things. I also always buy clothes in larger sizes (usually 6-9 months), because I hear everyone has tons of newborn clothes. I hope people will buy something they thing we need even if it's not on the registry. Also, if they want to give a sentimental gift instead of a useful one, that's fine too.

Yep this was our situation exactly and why I had some misgivings about having a shower, though we did end up accepting one. I know we are more financially comfortable than basically all of our friends so I felt weird about registering for a bunch of nice upgrade stuff that we really didn't need... I made sure we had plenty of items from different price ranges on the registry, but still.

I'm so torn about this subject because personally I love showers, love celebrating, love buying people gifts even if they are silly and impractical/unnecessary gifts. But a lot of that has to do with the fact that I feel financially able to spoil my friends with fancy unnecessary stuff- I have to wonder if I would resent buying gifts for a couple in my situation if I was on a tighter budget.

d&bbride2015 · February 2015

esstee33 said:

I don't think showers are necessarily going anywhere, and I don't really think they should. Just because couples are living together before marriage doesn't change the simple necessity of household items they may or may not have. Like, not many people just starting out have actually decent dishes and towels and sheets. You get the shitty, scratchy sheets in college because that's what's cheap, but they don't last. You get hand-me-downs and mismatched things and plastic cups from Target when they're on clearance. Showers are a good way to provide a couple with actually nice things that will last.

I'm so glad this thread was posted. I was going to ask a similar question. I was told recently because my FI and I live together already we should NOT have a shower. I was feeling pretty bad about having one until now. Your response especially made me feel so much better about it

thisismynickname2 · February 2015

d&bbride2015 said:

esstee33 said:

I don't think showers are necessarily going anywhere, and I don't really think they should. Just because couples are living together before marriage doesn't change the simple necessity of household items they may or may not have. Like, not many people just starting out have actually decent dishes and towels and sheets. You get the shitty, scratchy sheets in college because that's what's cheap, but they don't last. You get hand-me-downs and mismatched things and plastic cups from Target when they're on clearance. Showers are a good way to provide a couple with actually nice things that will last.

I'm so glad this thread was posted. I was going to ask a similar question. I was told recently because my FI and I live together already we should NOT have a shower. I was feeling pretty bad about having one until now. Your response especially made me feel so much better about it

Maybe we should separate the concepts of having registries from having showers.

You can have a registry and not have a shower. People can ship things to your home whenever they want or even bring their boxed gift to the wedding. But, to have a shower, you should probably have a registry so people have an idea of what you want to receive.

Yes, absolutely, even couples living together for a long time have old, worn out stuff they'd like to upgrade. They can have a registry for nice new stuff without having to have a separate "event" to go along with it.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

I have seen changes in the traditional, women's only shower toward couple friendly showers. I definitely welcome that trend.

But I don't think the tradition as a concept is going anywhere. I think you make a strong point, but I don't see wedding showers become obsolete. I think people enjoy attending them, throwing them, and shopping for them to make it stop. I have no beef with wedding showers as long as they're sufficiently hosted and that all guests are invited to the wedding. If I did for some reason, I'd just decline.

Are Wedding Showers Becoming Obsolete?

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