The priest finally called

MadHops21 · February 2015

I've been leaving VM's for him the past 3 weeks and finally got the call now.

I'm going to a church that's closer to my reception space, it's not my own parish. I was going to have my ceremony there, but I booked my reception 50+ minutes away and I don't want people driving that distance between ceremony and reception.

He mentioned that you would normally marry with your parish, and it's uncommon to marry at another. The distance makes it another diocese, but since FI is Lutheran, it might be more doable since it'd be a small ceremony and not a full mass.

2 things;

1) Is it okay that I marry at another church? I've been with my church for 20 years (went to Catholic school there with brothers K-8, then regular mass) and he mentioned talking to them to have them approve it or something? Is this common?

2) I cannot do a full mass if FI is Lutheran? I thought churches were accepting Lutherans now for full masses. I could be mistaken, though. As much as my mom would LOVE for FI to convert, I'm not letting him get pushed into something he doesn't want to do.

flantastic · February 2015

MadHops21 said:

I've been leaving VM's for him the past 3 weeks and finally got the call now.

I'm going to a church that's closer to my reception space, it's not my own parish. I was going to have my ceremony there, but I booked my reception 50+ minutes away and I don't want people driving that distance between ceremony and reception.

He mentioned that you would normally marry with your parish, and it's uncommon to marry at another. The distance makes it another diocese, but since FI is Lutheran, it might be more doable since it'd be a small ceremony and not a full mass.

2 things;

1) Is it okay that I marry at another church? I've been with my church for 20 years (went to Catholic school there with brothers K-8, then regular mass) and he mentioned talking to them to have them approve it or something? Is this common?

2) I cannot do a full mass if FI is Lutheran? I thought churches were accepting Lutherans now for full masses. I could be mistaken, though. As much as my mom would LOVE for FI to convert, I'm not letting him get pushed into something he doesn't want to do.

1) Yeah, that's fine. The idea is that you usually marry as part of your own faith community, and I love that idea, but it will still be the sacrament and the members of your faith community who you invite will still be present.

2) Lutherans have the right to go to full Masses, just like anyone who's baptized, and your marriage will still be sacramental because he's baptized. But since the reception of communion is still limited to those who have the same beliefs about what the Eucharist is, Lutherans don't receive, and it's often considered awkward if one of the two people that the Mass is being celebrated around can't receive. However, I believe you have the right to a Mass if you want it - the Rite of Marriage without Mass is just the recommended form when you're not both Catholic.

edit for clarity

holyguacamole79 · February 2015

MadHops21 said:

I've been leaving VM's for him the past 3 weeks and finally got the call now.

I'm going to a church that's closer to my reception space, it's not my own parish. I was going to have my ceremony there, but I booked my reception 50+ minutes away and I don't want people driving that distance between ceremony and reception.

He mentioned that you would normally marry with your parish, and it's uncommon to marry at another. The distance makes it another diocese, but since FI is Lutheran, it might be more doable since it'd be a small ceremony and not a full mass.

2 things;

1) Is it okay that I marry at another church? I've been with my church for 20 years (went to Catholic school there with brothers K-8, then regular mass) and he mentioned talking to them to have them approve it or something? Is this common?

I don't know why your home parish would have to approve of it. The pastor of the home parish may need to provide some sort of affadavit to the church where you want to marry to show that you are a registered Catholic. I think the only issue would be if you were a parishioner at St Mary's and you wanted to get married at St. John's with the priest of St Mary's presiding. Which priest were you calling? The one of the church where you want to marry, or the one of the church where you are looking to get married?

2) I cannot do a full mass if FI is Lutheran? I thought churches were accepting Lutherans now for full masses. I could be mistaken, though. As much as my mom would LOVE for FI to convert, I'm not letting him get pushed into something he doesn't want to do. You can definitely do a full Mass if your FI is Lutheran, Methodist, Baptist, etc. I believe the only issue would be if your FI is not baptized. Perhaps the priest assumed that you wouldn't want to have a full Mass?

ETA: I have some friends who got married at a cathedral near the beach because they love the church and the location. They also flew in a priest friend from another state to officiate the Mass. So, it's definitely do-able. It may involve a bit more paperwork, but it is doable.

lovegood90 · February 2015

I'm not going to comment on the religious rules because I'm not familiar with them. But if you already signed a contract and put a deposit down on a venue that's almost an hour away from your usual church, I think you made the decision already right then. Because you're right, it's pretty unreasonable to expect people to travel that far IMO.

flantastic · February 2015

Oh, and on the permission thing from your current parish - we have to do this for all the sacraments (I coordinate Confirmation and First Communion). If you're in one parish, your sacramental development is technically the responsibility of your pastor, and so he's supposed to delegate that responsibility to the other pastor if you're going to receive your sacraments in a different parish.

holyguacamole79 · February 2015

OP - have you already booked your reception venue? Some priests don't react too kindly to people booking the reception prior to the ceremony.

Also, for future reference, I'd encourage you to call the parish office and ask for the person who coordinates weddings. Priests are often busy and there should be one or two people at the church dedicated to weddings who can help you with this stuff.

lyndausvi · February 2015

My sister didn't get married in her parish. She got married in another [border] state which was in a different diocese. It wasn't a problem. It helped it was my grandparent's parish (they were deceased by the time of the wedding) parish and my parents got married there (but it wasn't their parish either). Her own pastor didn't have any problem with them getting married elsewhere.

Not sure about the full mass, but I thought you could. Although I'm seeing less full masses these days. My SIL and her DH (both Catholic) had the choice of a full mass or a receiving line. First time I heard that one. They picked the receiving line. I guess it's to speed up the the day.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

flantastic · February 2015

pinkrevenge said:

Mad respect to those of you who do all that extra stressing for your faith; I'm not baptized, so the pressure to have a mass / religious ceremony of any kind was nipped in the bud pretty easily. That, and we were getting married two and a half hours away from where we lived, so any kind of premarital classes / counseling would have been a total nightmare to go to. One catholic neighbor told me my ceremony was too short (the officiant and reader freaked and blazed through it, so the vows and such were only 7 minutes long) and that was about it.

I obviously have no tips because I didn't have the church in my life.

We got married in the parish where I grew up, which is 4 hours away from where we live. We just went to those classes where we lived and gave them the little certificate we got. I mean, it's more than most people are required to do to get married, I suppose, but it wasn't bad. The fact that the Church is very much the same throughout the world helps with that - they feel confident trusting the same process in another place.

If a priest insists that no, you have to go through his diocese's prep or whatever, he's doing it wrong.

holyguacamole79 · February 2015

flantastic said:

pinkrevenge said:

Mad respect to those of you who do all that extra stressing for your faith; I'm not baptized, so the pressure to have a mass / religious ceremony of any kind was nipped in the bud pretty easily. That, and we were getting married two and a half hours away from where we lived, so any kind of premarital classes / counseling would have been a total nightmare to go to. One catholic neighbor told me my ceremony was too short (the officiant and reader freaked and blazed through it, so the vows and such were only 7 minutes long) and that was about it.

I obviously have no tips because I didn't have the church in my life.

We got married in the parish where I grew up, which is 4 hours away from where we live. We just went to those classes where we lived and gave them the little certificate we got. I mean, it's more than most people are required to do to get married, I suppose, but it wasn't bad. The fact that the Church is very much the same throughout the world helps with that - they feel confident trusting the same process in another place.
If a priest insists that no, you have to go through his diocese's prep or whatever, he's doing it wrong.

Ditto @flantastic. We had an 8 month engagement, and the 4 months of our engagement, I was traveling to MN every week for work (fly up Monday morning, fly back Thursday night). The deacon who was preparing us was incredibly flexible and worked around my schedule. He also let us know that Skype was an option.

I have a friend who is going through marriage prep right now and they are doing theirs 100% virtually since she is a flight attendant. She is from TX, he lives in Phoenix, and they are getting married in New Orleans. The priest who will officiate their wedding is in MN, so that adds another dimension of difficulty. But you make it work.

lyndausvi · February 2015

Really good friends of ours got married in Vienna. Austria not CA. They lived in Chicago. They did their pre-cana in Chicago. NBD

holyguacamole79 · February 2015

lyndausvi said:

My sister didn't get married in her parish. She got married in another [border] state which was in a different diocese. It wasn't a problem. It helped it was my grandparent's parish (they were deceased by the time of the wedding) parish and my parents got married there (but it wasn't their parish either). Her own pastor didn't have any problem with them getting married elsewhere.

Not sure about the full mass, but I thought you could. Although I'm seeing less full masses these days. My SIL and her DH (both Catholic) had the choice of a full mass or a receiving line. First time I heard that one. They picked the receiving line. I guess it's to speed up the the day.

Whoa - the Church gave them that option?? Interesting ........

lyndausvi · February 2015

holyguacamole79 said:

lyndausvi said:

My sister didn't get married in her parish. She got married in another [border] state which was in a different diocese. It wasn't a problem. It helped it was my grandparent's parish (they were deceased by the time of the wedding) parish and my parents got married there (but it wasn't their parish either). Her own pastor didn't have any problem with them getting married elsewhere.

Not sure about the full mass, but I thought you could. Although I'm seeing less full masses these days. My SIL and her DH (both Catholic) had the choice of a full mass or a receiving line. First time I heard that one. They picked the receiving line. I guess it's to speed up the the day.

Whoa - the Church gave them that option?? Interesting ........

Yep. You could do one or the other, not both. The church is the diocese catherdral too.

holyguacamole79 · February 2015

lyndausvi said:

holyguacamole79 said:

lyndausvi said:

My sister didn't get married in her parish. She got married in another [border] state which was in a different diocese. It wasn't a problem. It helped it was my grandparent's parish (they were deceased by the time of the wedding) parish and my parents got married there (but it wasn't their parish either). Her own pastor didn't have any problem with them getting married elsewhere.

Not sure about the full mass, but I thought you could. Although I'm seeing less full masses these days. My SIL and her DH (both Catholic) had the choice of a full mass or a receiving line. First time I heard that one. They picked the receiving line. I guess it's to speed up the the day.

Whoa - the Church gave them that option?? Interesting ........

Yep. You could do one or the other, not both. The church is the diocese catherdral too.

I've never heard of that! But then again, it's more common down here for couples to do table visits instead of a receiving line. We were told that we had 30 minutes after the wedding for pictures, but there was no mention of receiving line protocol.

Tami87 · February 2015

lyndausvi said:

holyguacamole79 said:

lyndausvi said:

My sister didn't get married in her parish. She got married in another [border] state which was in a different diocese. It wasn't a problem. It helped it was my grandparent's parish (they were deceased by the time of the wedding) parish and my parents got married there (but it wasn't their parish either). Her own pastor didn't have any problem with them getting married elsewhere.

Not sure about the full mass, but I thought you could. Although I'm seeing less full masses these days. My SIL and her DH (both Catholic) had the choice of a full mass or a receiving line. First time I heard that one. They picked the receiving line. I guess it's to speed up the the day.

Whoa - the Church gave them that option?? Interesting ........

Yep. You could do one or the other, not both. The church is the diocese catherdral too.

-----------------
I had the option of pictures in church or receiving line due to time restraints, but never heard of suggesting a ceremony outside of mass to have a receiving line. I guess it makes sense logistically, I am just surprised a priest would suggest two practicing Catholics not have a full mass, unless there were family dynamics or something that made a ceremony outside of mass make more sense.

To answer the OP's question we got married not in our home parish, but had to get a letter from the priest at our home parish. But it shouldn't be much of an issue.

MadHops21 · February 2015

flantastic said:

MadHops21 said:

I've been leaving VM's for him the past 3 weeks and finally got the call now.

I'm going to a church that's closer to my reception space, it's not my own parish. I was going to have my ceremony there, but I booked my reception 50+ minutes away and I don't want people driving that distance between ceremony and reception.

He mentioned that you would normally marry with your parish, and it's uncommon to marry at another. The distance makes it another diocese, but since FI is Lutheran, it might be more doable since it'd be a small ceremony and not a full mass.

2 things;

1) Is it okay that I marry at another church? I've been with my church for 20 years (went to Catholic school there with brothers K-8, then regular mass) and he mentioned talking to them to have them approve it or something? Is this common?

2) I cannot do a full mass if FI is Lutheran? I thought churches were accepting Lutherans now for full masses. I could be mistaken, though. As much as my mom would LOVE for FI to convert, I'm not letting him get pushed into something he doesn't want to do.

1) Yeah, that's fine. The idea is that you usually marry as part of your own faith community, and I love that idea, but it will still be the sacrament and the members of your faith community who you invite will still be present.
2) Lutherans have the right to go to full Masses, just like anyone who's baptized, and your marriage will still be sacramental because he's baptized. But since the reception of communion is still limited to those who have the same beliefs about what the Eucharist is, Lutherans don't receive, and it's often considered awkward if one of the two people that the Mass is being celebrated around can't receive. However, I believe you have the right to a Mass if you want it - the Rite of Marriage without Mass is just the recommended form when you're not both Catholic.
edit for clarity

FMIL told me FI was baptized, did first communion, and confirmation, just all as Lutheran instead of Catholic. I didn't know Lutherans could do that, I only have studied Catholicism.

holyguacamole79 said:

MadHops21 said:

I've been leaving VM's for him the past 3 weeks and finally got the call now.

I'm going to a church that's closer to my reception space, it's not my own parish. I was going to have my ceremony there, but I booked my reception 50+ minutes away and I don't want people driving that distance between ceremony and reception.

He mentioned that you would normally marry with your parish, and it's uncommon to marry at another. The distance makes it another diocese, but since FI is Lutheran, it might be more doable since it'd be a small ceremony and not a full mass.

2 things;

1) Is it okay that I marry at another church? I've been with my church for 20 years (went to Catholic school there with brothers K-8, then regular mass) and he mentioned talking to them to have them approve it or something? Is this common?

I don't know why your home parish would have to approve of it. The pastor of the home parish may need to provide some sort of affadavit to the church where you want to marry to show that you are a registered Catholic. I think the only issue would be if you were a parishioner at St Mary's and you wanted to get married at St. John's with the priest of St Mary's presiding. Which priest were you calling? The one of the church where you want to marry, or the one of the church where you are looking to get married?

2) I cannot do a full mass if FI is Lutheran? I thought churches were accepting Lutherans now for full masses. I could be mistaken, though. As much as my mom would LOVE for FI to convert, I'm not letting him get pushed into something he doesn't want to do. You can definitely do a full Mass if your FI is Lutheran, Methodist, Baptist, etc. I believe the only issue would be if your FI is not baptized. Perhaps the priest assumed that you wouldn't want to have a full Mass?

ETA: I have some friends who got married at a cathedral near the beach because they love the church and the location. They also flew in a priest friend from another state to officiate the Mass. So, it's definitely do-able. It may involve a bit more paperwork, but it is doable.

I spoke to the priest that we are hoping to go to. He's actually in charge when I called their receptionist. He handles all weddings and everything.

FI is baptized, had first communion, and confirmation.

flantastic said:

Oh, and on the permission thing from your current parish - we have to do this for all the sacraments (I coordinate Confirmation and First Communion). If you're in one parish, your sacramental development is technically the responsibility of your pastor, and so he's supposed to delegate that responsibility to the other pastor if you're going to receive your sacraments in a different parish.

This makes sense, but my parish is my own, FI doesn't go there. He went to a Lutheran church. Will this cause more trouble and paper work?

holyguacamole79 said:

OP - have you already booked your reception venue? Some priests don't react too kindly to people booking the reception prior to the ceremony.

Also, for future reference, I'd encourage you to call the parish office and ask for the person who coordinates weddings. Priests are often busy and there should be one or two people at the church dedicated to weddings who can help you with this stuff.

Apparently the priest at this church coordinates the weddings. I was pretty surprised, but everything goes through him first I guess. There's not one person otherwise that is in charge of setting up appointments and meetings and such. I have no idea why the priest does it since I know he's busy. I saw online that there were 2 other women who handle ceremonies and weddings, but everytime I call the church number (3 different times), I get transferred to the priest to set up everything.

flantastic · February 2015

I would believe that the "wedding coordinator" ladies only step in once the priest has approved the date, and they don't have anything to do with the diocesan paperwork - the priest does that. The ladies will help you with stuff like "Will you have a unity candle?"

The fact that FI is Lutheran and not a member of your parish shouldn't create more paperwork. The delegation from your parish is just for you and should be as simple as a form letter from your pastor.

If you want a full Mass, tell the priest that you want it and that it's your baptismal right to have it, and that your FI is okay with it (as long as he is). But your FI won't be receiving Communion. The sacraments in the two faiths have the same names but aren't quite the same.

MadHops21 · February 2015

flantastic said:

I would believe that the "wedding coordinator" ladies only step in once the priest has approved the date, and they don't have anything to do with the diocesan paperwork - the priest does that. The ladies will help you with stuff like "Will you have a unity candle?"
The fact that FI is Lutheran and not a member of your parish shouldn't create more paperwork. The delegation from your parish is just for you and should be as simple as a form letter from your pastor.
If you want a full Mass, tell the priest that you want it and that it's your baptismal right to have it, and that your FI is okay with it (as long as he is). But your FI won't be receiving Communion. The sacraments in the two faiths have the same names but aren't quite the same.

I figured they weren't the same since it's a different religion, but still under Christianity.

That sounds about right for the coordinators, I was surprised they let me talk to the priest. The first thing he did was ask what date before we started really talking just to be sure he had it open. He does, and said he does the full ceremonies since he's the only priest there, but the deacons help out with small ceremonies.

We have a meeting with him next Wednesday, so we will get more details, but I was just lost on the parish bit where we have to get "permission" or whatever from my parish for this priest to do it. Fi doesn't practice so much anymore, but comes with me to my church every once in a while. I didn't know if we needed something from his Lutheran church or not, as this one we want is Catholic.

So many rules and details and lines, I never been a part of this process before so it's all brand new to me.

flantastic · February 2015

It's cool, we and they can walk you through it.

Yeah, deacons can preside over the Rite of Marriage. But since they can't preside over Mass, you'd need a priest for that. BIL and SIL actually had a full Mass celebrated by a priest they knew, but the vows were led by SIL's grandfather, who's a deacon. The grandfather also has baptized both their kids.

Since the Lutherans don't have the same hierarchical structure where they're responsible to everyone else for an area or group of believers, they don't have the same concern over who's responsible for your FI getting married. So he shouldn't need permission from them.

Tami87 · February 2015

MadHops21 said:

FMIL told me FI was baptized, did first communion, and confirmation, just all as Lutheran instead of Catholic. I didn't know Lutherans could do that, I only have studied Catholicism.

I highly recommend you learn more about the differences between Catholicism and the Lutheran faith and talk to you fiance about what faith you want to raise future children in etc. If you get married in a Catholic church you will be promising to raise your children Catholic and your FI will be agreeing not to prevent you from keeping this promise. Honestly, I find it worrying that you don't understand the differences between your FI's faith and your own. If faith is something that is important to you and your FI, you should really be talking about this and understand the differences in your faith traditions.

A Catholic can marry a non-Catholic in a Catholic church. There is extra paper work, but the priest takes care of it and it is usually not an issue. But your FI will not be permitted to receive communion in a Catholic church, and if you go forward with your Catholic wedding plans a ceremony outside of mass is probably the way to go. It is very very similar to a Lutheran wedding ceremony and would prevent any issues about making it clear who should receive communion in a Catholic church.

MadHops21 · February 2015

Tami87 said:

MadHops21 said:

FMIL told me FI was baptized, did first communion, and confirmation, just all as Lutheran instead of Catholic. I didn't know Lutherans could do that, I only have studied Catholicism.

I highly recommend you learn more about the differences between Catholicism and the Lutheran faith and talk to you fiance about what faith you want to raise future children in etc. If you get married in a Catholic church you will be promising to raise your children Catholic and your FI will be agreeing not to prevent you from keeping this promise. Honestly, I find it worrying that you don't understand the differences between your FI's faith and your own. If faith is something that is important to you and your FI, you should really be talking about this and understand the differences in your faith traditions.

A Catholic can marry a non-Catholic in a Catholic church. There is extra paper work, but the priest takes care of it and it is usually not an issue. But your FI will not be permitted to receive communion in a Catholic church, and if you go forward with your Catholic wedding plans a ceremony outside of mass is probably the way to go. It is very very similar to a Lutheran wedding ceremony and would prevent any issues about making it clear who should receive communion in a Catholic church.

We aren't worried about being faith based. He's not practicing or really mind anything, as long as he is a good person and as am I. Faith isn't important to either of us, maybe just a bit for me since I want to raise our children Christian and FI doesn't mind at all. He supports whatever I decide since he's isn't caring about faith. He wants them go to through the sacraments, but doesn't mind if it's Lutheran or Catholic.

flantastic · February 2015

MadHops21 said:

Tami87 said:

MadHops21 said:

FMIL told me FI was baptized, did first communion, and confirmation, just all as Lutheran instead of Catholic. I didn't know Lutherans could do that, I only have studied Catholicism.

I highly recommend you learn more about the differences between Catholicism and the Lutheran faith and talk to you fiance about what faith you want to raise future children in etc. If you get married in a Catholic church you will be promising to raise your children Catholic and your FI will be agreeing not to prevent you from keeping this promise. Honestly, I find it worrying that you don't understand the differences between your FI's faith and your own. If faith is something that is important to you and your FI, you should really be talking about this and understand the differences in your faith traditions.

A Catholic can marry a non-Catholic in a Catholic church. There is extra paper work, but the priest takes care of it and it is usually not an issue. But your FI will not be permitted to receive communion in a Catholic church, and if you go forward with your Catholic wedding plans a ceremony outside of mass is probably the way to go. It is very very similar to a Lutheran wedding ceremony and would prevent any issues about making it clear who should receive communion in a Catholic church.

We aren't worried about being faith based. He's not practicing or really mind anything, as long as he is a good person and as am I. Faith isn't important to either of us, maybe just a bit for me since I want to raise our children Christian and FI doesn't mind at all. He supports whatever I decide since he's isn't caring about faith. He wants them go to through the sacraments, but doesn't mind if it's Lutheran or Catholic.

Well, if you're not really practicing (which I don't really get - it sounds like you still go to Mass fairly regularly, but you say it's not important to you?) then I think overall it's probably better if you do the Rite of Marriage outside of Mass. If Mass was super important to you I'd say make it happen, but if it isn't it's probably easier on your mixed-faith guest list to have the shorter version without Eucharist.

holyguacamole79 · February 2015

So many rules and details and lines, I never been a part of this process before so it's all brand new to me.
That's why we are here! Last time was my first time, too.

And I guess the process / interaction with the "wedding coordinator" or clergy can vary from parish to parish. H proposed to me at church before Mass, so I jokingly told the priest that we had officially "notified" the church already of our intent to marry. We dealt completely with the wedding coordinator when setting a date. She was the one that nagged us for our Baptismal certificates and other things. I know another couple who did not meet with the priest until 2 weeks before their wedding. I guess each parish sets things up differently.

MadHops21 · February 2015

flantastic said:

MadHops21 said:

Tami87 said:

MadHops21 said:

FMIL told me FI was baptized, did first communion, and confirmation, just all as Lutheran instead of Catholic. I didn't know Lutherans could do that, I only have studied Catholicism.

I highly recommend you learn more about the differences between Catholicism and the Lutheran faith and talk to you fiance about what faith you want to raise future children in etc. If you get married in a Catholic church you will be promising to raise your children Catholic and your FI will be agreeing not to prevent you from keeping this promise. Honestly, I find it worrying that you don't understand the differences between your FI's faith and your own. If faith is something that is important to you and your FI, you should really be talking about this and understand the differences in your faith traditions.

A Catholic can marry a non-Catholic in a Catholic church. There is extra paper work, but the priest takes care of it and it is usually not an issue. But your FI will not be permitted to receive communion in a Catholic church, and if you go forward with your Catholic wedding plans a ceremony outside of mass is probably the way to go. It is very very similar to a Lutheran wedding ceremony and would prevent any issues about making it clear who should receive communion in a Catholic church.

We aren't worried about being faith based. He's not practicing or really mind anything, as long as he is a good person and as am I. Faith isn't important to either of us, maybe just a bit for me since I want to raise our children Christian and FI doesn't mind at all. He supports whatever I decide since he's isn't caring about faith. He wants them go to through the sacraments, but doesn't mind if it's Lutheran or Catholic.

Well, if you're not really practicing (which I don't really get - it sounds like you still go to Mass fairly regularly, but you say it's not important to you?) then I think overall it's probably better if you do the Rite of Marriage outside of Mass. If Mass was super important to you I'd say make it happen, but if it isn't it's probably easier on your mixed-faith guest list to have the shorter version without Eucharist.

I don't go so regularly, I still say the old Catholic sayings vs the new responses and prayers. It's semi important, I went to Catholic school my whole life and had religion shoved down my throat, so to me, raising my children Catholic may differ from what my parents did with me. I don't want my child to be so sick of religion that he/she never has faith anymore, which is what happened to me the minute I graduated HS. I don't care for a Mass for my wedding since it's not so important, so I'm thinking Rite of Marriage is the best option for us.

I just didn't know of any restrictions there were for him being Lutheran and my being Catholic. My mom and dad keep pushing for a full Mass, but it feels wrong since I don't practice too much anymore (like go to church). I still pray, but I don't go every Sunday with my family to church.

CMGragain · February 2015

MadHops21 said:

Tami87 said:

MadHops21 said:

FMIL told me FI was baptized, did first communion, and confirmation, just all as Lutheran instead of Catholic. I didn't know Lutherans could do that, I only have studied Catholicism.

I highly recommend you learn more about the differences between Catholicism and the Lutheran faith and talk to you fiance about what faith you want to raise future children in etc. If you get married in a Catholic church you will be promising to raise your children Catholic and your FI will be agreeing not to prevent you from keeping this promise. Honestly, I find it worrying that you don't understand the differences between your FI's faith and your own. If faith is something that is important to you and your FI, you should really be talking about this and understand the differences in your faith traditions.

A Catholic can marry a non-Catholic in a Catholic church. There is extra paper work, but the priest takes care of it and it is usually not an issue. But your FI will not be permitted to receive communion in a Catholic church, and if you go forward with your Catholic wedding plans a ceremony outside of mass is probably the way to go. It is very very similar to a Lutheran wedding ceremony and would prevent any issues about making it clear who should receive communion in a Catholic church.

We aren't worried about being faith based. He's not practicing or really mind anything, as long as he is a good person and as am I. Faith isn't important to either of us, maybe just a bit for me since I want to raise our children Christian and FI doesn't mind at all. He supports whatever I decide since he's isn't caring about faith. He wants them go to through the sacraments, but doesn't mind if it's Lutheran or Catholic.

As others have told you, you need to understand the DIFFERENCE between Lutheran and Catholic faiths. The big one is in the nature of the mass.

I am curious. Why did you book your reception before you knew when and where you would be married? You don't know what time you ceremony will be. How can you plan a reception if you don't know this?

Tami87 · February 2015

MadHops21 said:

I don't go so regularly, I still say the old Catholic sayings vs the new responses and prayers. It's semi important, I went to Catholic school my whole life and had religion shoved down my throat, so to me, raising my children Catholic may differ from what my parents did with me. I don't want my child to be so sick of religion that he/she never has faith anymore, which is what happened to me the minute I graduated HS. I don't care for a Mass for my wedding since it's not so important, so I'm thinking Rite of Marriage is the best option for us.

I just didn't know of any restrictions there were for him being Lutheran and my being Catholic. My mom and dad keep pushing for a full Mass, but it feels wrong since I don't practice too much anymore (like go to church). I still pray, but I don't go every Sunday with my family to church.

The ceremony should be what you and your FI want and about your faith, not what your parents want.

Also below is a great website where you can get more information about Catholic weddings. http://www.catholicweddinghelp.com/

holyguacamole79 · February 2015

MadHops21 said:

flantastic said:

MadHops21 said:

Tami87 said:

MadHops21 said:

FMIL told me FI was baptized, did first communion, and confirmation, just all as Lutheran instead of Catholic. I didn't know Lutherans could do that, I only have studied Catholicism.

I highly recommend you learn more about the differences between Catholicism and the Lutheran faith and talk to you fiance about what faith you want to raise future children in etc. If you get married in a Catholic church you will be promising to raise your children Catholic and your FI will be agreeing not to prevent you from keeping this promise. Honestly, I find it worrying that you don't understand the differences between your FI's faith and your own. If faith is something that is important to you and your FI, you should really be talking about this and understand the differences in your faith traditions.

A Catholic can marry a non-Catholic in a Catholic church. There is extra paper work, but the priest takes care of it and it is usually not an issue. But your FI will not be permitted to receive communion in a Catholic church, and if you go forward with your Catholic wedding plans a ceremony outside of mass is probably the way to go. It is very very similar to a Lutheran wedding ceremony and would prevent any issues about making it clear who should receive communion in a Catholic church.

We aren't worried about being faith based. He's not practicing or really mind anything, as long as he is a good person and as am I. Faith isn't important to either of us, maybe just a bit for me since I want to raise our children Christian and FI doesn't mind at all. He supports whatever I decide since he's isn't caring about faith. He wants them go to through the sacraments, but doesn't mind if it's Lutheran or Catholic.

Well, if you're not really practicing (which I don't really get - it sounds like you still go to Mass fairly regularly, but you say it's not important to you?) then I think overall it's probably better if you do the Rite of Marriage outside of Mass. If Mass was super important to you I'd say make it happen, but if it isn't it's probably easier on your mixed-faith guest list to have the shorter version without Eucharist.

I don't go so regularly, I still say the old Catholic sayings vs the new responses and prayers. It's semi important, I went to Catholic school my whole life and had religion shoved down my throat, so to me, raising my children Catholic may differ from what my parents did with me. I don't want my child to be so sick of religion that he/she never has faith anymore, which is what happened to me the minute I graduated HS. I don't care for a Mass for my wedding since it's not so important, so I'm thinking Rite of Marriage is the best option for us.

I just didn't know of any restrictions there were for him being Lutheran and my being Catholic. My mom and dad keep pushing for a full Mass, but it feels wrong since I don't practice too much anymore (like go to church). I still pray, but I don't go every Sunday with my family to church.

Honestly, the only "restriction" would be that he cannot receive the Eucharist. And as PP said earlier, he will promise not to hinder you in raising your children Catholic. These (clicky) are questions that will be asked during marriage prep (yes, this form is specific to Galveston-Houston, but I imagine it will be somewhat standard across dioceses. @Flantastic, @tami87, do these look familiar?)

And the decision for a full Mass should be between you and your FI.

Tami87 · February 2015

Yes @holyguacamole79 that looks very similar to a form we filled out at a meeting with our priest.

flantastic · February 2015

Tami87 said:

Yes @holyguacamole79 that looks very similar to a form we filled out at a meeting with our priest.

Ditto.

MadHops21 · February 2015

CMGragain said:

MadHops21 said:

Tami87 said:

MadHops21 said:

FMIL told me FI was baptized, did first communion, and confirmation, just all as Lutheran instead of Catholic. I didn't know Lutherans could do that, I only have studied Catholicism.

I highly recommend you learn more about the differences between Catholicism and the Lutheran faith and talk to you fiance about what faith you want to raise future children in etc. If you get married in a Catholic church you will be promising to raise your children Catholic and your FI will be agreeing not to prevent you from keeping this promise. Honestly, I find it worrying that you don't understand the differences between your FI's faith and your own. If faith is something that is important to you and your FI, you should really be talking about this and understand the differences in your faith traditions.

A Catholic can marry a non-Catholic in a Catholic church. There is extra paper work, but the priest takes care of it and it is usually not an issue. But your FI will not be permitted to receive communion in a Catholic church, and if you go forward with your Catholic wedding plans a ceremony outside of mass is probably the way to go. It is very very similar to a Lutheran wedding ceremony and would prevent any issues about making it clear who should receive communion in a Catholic church.

We aren't worried about being faith based. He's not practicing or really mind anything, as long as he is a good person and as am I. Faith isn't important to either of us, maybe just a bit for me since I want to raise our children Christian and FI doesn't mind at all. He supports whatever I decide since he's isn't caring about faith. He wants them go to through the sacraments, but doesn't mind if it's Lutheran or Catholic.

As others have told you, you need to understand the DIFFERENCE between Lutheran and Catholic faiths. The big one is in the nature of the mass.

I am curious. Why did you book your reception before you knew when and where you would be married? You don't know what time you ceremony will be. How can you plan a reception if you don't know this?

One of the mistakes I've done in the wedding process so far. The reception is the most important part for me. I looked at times for the church compared to the reception normally starts, and everything is open for my date, I just never talked to the priest first. I spoke to a coordinator, or whatever they are, that can give info about weddings but not plan it.

MadHops21 · February 2015

Oh, we aren't letting my mom and dad push anything we don't want. My mom has talked to him about converting and I wanted to smack her. The audacity she has sometimes, I swear.

Me and FI talked later, and we're both fine with him not converting and he will not stop me or hinder my raising the child(ren) Catholic or religious. He's fine with what I want, as long as they grow up with right morals.

We're doing the pre-marriage counseling to talk everything else out, too. I hear it's a big group of couples on a Saturday that meet and talk with the church/priest about everything.

The priest finally called

Re: The priest finally called

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