For those waiting for a proposal....

Knottie28105715 · February 2015

I am curious to know...

How long have you been waiting?

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?

peekaboo2011 · February 2015

I wouldn't say I'm "waiting for a proposal." We're not engaged yet, that is the status of our relationship. It's the place that we are because we've made choices that mean that we're not getting engaged/married within the next year or so.

We've been together just over 3 years. We are currently reevaluating our timeline. I'm in this for the long run, so there isn't a "time limit" on an engagement. A time limit suggests that there's an ultimatum involved. I don't believe in relationship ultimatums.

The reasons that we are not engaged are frankly none of your business. We're not engaged because we've prioritized other things over engagement/marriage. Financial security, a home, etc. We'll get engaged when it's the right time for us. We won't get engaged just because it's something that you're supposed to do at a certain point, or because "oh hey we've been together x years, time to do it," and we definitely will not be getting engaged just because I want a ring on my finger.

lifeisajourney · February 2015

peekaboo2011 said:

I wouldn't say I'm "waiting for a proposal." We're not engaged yet, that is the status of our relationship. It's the place that we are because we've made choices that mean that we're not getting engaged/married within the next year or so.

We've been together just over 3 years. We are currently reevaluating our timeline. I'm in this for the long run, so there isn't a "time limit" on an engagement. A time limit suggests that there's an ultimatum involved. I don't believe in relationship ultimatu
ms.
The reasons that we are not engaged are frankly none of your business. We're not engaged because we've prioritized other things over engagement/marriage. Financial security, a home, etc. We'll get engaged when it's the right time for us. We won't get engaged just because it's something that you're supposed to do at a certain point, or because "oh hey we've been together x years, time to do it," and we definitely will not be getting engaged just because I want a ring on my finger.

If it's none of her business then why bother to reply?

Swazzle · February 2015

I'm married now but I'm going to answer anyway.

How long have you been waiting?

He proposed to me a little after we'd been together for 4 years.

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?

We were on the same page very early on as far as wanting to get married (to each other). If there had been hesitation on his part, I would not have waited forever because marriage is something I wanted at some point in my life.

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?

We started dating when we were 22. I had just graduated college and started my first "real" job, he had just started a new job, and getting married just wasn't a priority to us for a while. We were getting to know each other and enjoying being in a relationship/living together. Eventually, H's work situation became more steady and we started saving for our future together and decided it was the right time for us.

lifeisajourney · February 2015

My situation is weird but basically I was engaged to my sons father whom I dated for 5 years before we got engaged. About 4 months after our engagement we broke up. I was devastated. Dated a lot of guys to try to fill the void and did a lot of soul searching. Now we are back together (My ex-fiance/son's father) and we plan to get "re-engaged." He wants to do my whole proposal over, new ring and all, as sort of a symbol of our relationship journey and growth. I'm looking forward to it but I'm not antsy about it. I'm enjoying what we have. We arent living together and are still in therapy and working hard to get our foundation together so that we dont repeat the same mistakes, but I do believe he's the man I'm meant to spend forever with. So I'm excited about our future, but patient about it as well.

labro · February 2015

lifeisajourney said:

peekaboo2011 said:

I wouldn't say I'm "waiting for a proposal." We're not engaged yet, that is the status of our relationship. It's the place that we are because we've made choices that mean that we're not getting engaged/married within the next year or so.

We've been together just over 3 years. We are currently reevaluating our timeline. I'm in this for the long run, so there isn't a "time limit" on an engagement. A time limit suggests that there's an ultimatum involved. I don't believe in relationship ultimatu
ms.
The reasons that we are not engaged are frankly none of your business. We're not engaged because we've prioritized other things over engagement/marriage. Financial security, a home, etc. We'll get engaged when it's the right time for us. We won't get engaged just because it's something that you're supposed to do at a certain point, or because "oh hey we've been together x years, time to do it," and we definitely will not be getting engaged just because I want a ring on my finger.

If it's none of her business then why bother to reply?

^^^ That was extremely unnecessary.

How long have you been waiting?

I'm already married. H and I dated for about 2 1/2, nearly 3 years before we got engaged.

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?

We never talked about a specific timeline. I did tell him that I didn't want to live together indefinitely unless we both agreed that marriage was within a 3 to 5 year period.

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?

I don't think there were any reasons in particular. We had a stable relationship, we were living together, we both had full-time well-salaried jobs. It was just the right time for us when it happened. When we first started dating we agreed to take it slow and the timing was perfect for us.

GoldenPenguin · February 2015

lifeisajourney said:

If it's none of her business then why bother to reply?

Great. You're back.

GoldenPenguin · February 2015

I'm engaged, but I'll also answer.

How long have you been waiting?

He proposed about a year & a half into our relationship.

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?

We were on the same page very early on as far as wanting to get married (to each other). If there had been hesitation on his part, I would not have waited forever because marriage is something I wanted at some point in my life. <-- Pretend I said all of this too. Thanks @swazzle.

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?

Once we had our first serious conversation about getting engaged (we were together a year in September, and had our first "we're going to get engaged" convo right after Christmas), it was just a matter of getting the ring made. I thought he was going to propose as soon as he got the ring, but he actually had it for a couple weeks beforehand. I knew it was coming, I just didn't know when, and was fantastically surprised when it happened.

Peaseblossom55 · February 2015

I'm married but I'll play

How long have you been waiting?

We were together almost 3 1/2 years before he proposed

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?

We both knew we wanted to marry each other pretty early on. I was willing to wait I knew it would happen eventually.

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?

H is a procrastinator, and he knew he wanted to propose at a specific place so he had to wait over a year from when he decided to actually propose in order to do it. Waiting for me was so hard, but it was well worth the wait.

lifeisajourney · February 2015

I never left. I've been keeping up with the posts and replying when I feel like it.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

lifeisajourney said:

peekaboo2011 said:

I wouldn't say I'm "waiting for a proposal." We're not engaged yet, that is the status of our relationship. It's the place that we are because we've made choices that mean that we're not getting engaged/married within the next year or so.

We've been together just over 3 years. We are currently reevaluating our timeline. I'm in this for the long run, so there isn't a "time limit" on an engagement. A time limit suggests that there's an ultimatum involved. I don't believe in relationship ultimatu
ms.
The reasons that we are not engaged are frankly none of your business. We're not engaged because we've prioritized other things over engagement/marriage. Financial security, a home, etc. We'll get engaged when it's the right time for us. We won't get engaged just because it's something that you're supposed to do at a certain point, or because "oh hey we've been together x years, time to do it," and we definitely will not be getting engaged just because I want a ring on my finger.

If it's none of her business then why bother to reply?

Well that was rude. I'm pretty sure if she doesn't want to explain the reasons why she isn't engaged yet then there is nothing wrong with that.

We are already married but I like to answer questions:

How long have you been waiting?

We dated for almost a year before getting engaged.

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?

We didn't have a time limit and I would have waited for as long as DH was comfortable with once he was ready to propose. We had spoken about getting married early on in our relationship so neither of us expected that it would be long before we got engaged.

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?

I had just graduated college and was working my first job and DH was about to get a promotion so both of us were in a good time in our lives to where we felt that it was a good time to settle down. We were living on our own and moved in together shortly before we got married.

BeachMommy2B · February 2015

How long have you been waiting?
I don't know that I've been "waiting". Our relationship was a whirlwind from the beginning. We met and were having a lot of fun. I wasn't really sure about anything serious. Then 4 months later we found out we were having a baby.

Now she is a year old and I couldn't imagine not having my little family.

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?

We've had our ups and downs. He was unsure about ever wanting to get married at one point, etc. I can't say if I would really stick to a time limit. Marriage is extremely important to me, but I love him and he is my an amazing father to our DD. Luckily he is totally on board now so I don't think it will be an issue I will need to consider. He even said last night "you know we're going to be engage soon, right?" I'm still not going to wait on pins and needles, but its nice to hear.

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?
Partly because he was unsure, now, I think he is just saving up and waiting on timing. Plus we have only been together a little over 2 years. So it's not like we were in a sprint to the alter.

lifeisajourney · February 2015

Why was it rude? I just asked a question. I was genuinely curious about why you would tell somebody that something is "none of their business" and then proceed to tell them the exact thing you just told them was "none of their business"

KeptInStitches · February 2015

I'm engaged, but I'll play.

How long have you been waiting? We were together (I think) about 5.5 years before now-FI proposed.

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)? I kind of had a time limit? I remember mentioning he wasn't going to be the King of England and I wasn't going to wait seven years for him. We pushed a few boundaries back and forth through the process (which I find healthy - there had been mention of him proposing about 2 years before he actually did, which led to some pretty significant issues for both of us which we were able to resolve, hence healthy). Obviously we didn't push my upper limit for how long I would wait so I'm not sure what I would have done at that point. It probably would have really depended on the reasons we were still waiting.

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet? It took a while mostly because of financial issues and communication issues. FI has quite a bit of student loan debt that he (now we) is working very hard to pay off. In addition, his job, while it pays ok, wasn't at fair market value. Once he got a pay adjustment, we were able to take the extra money and work at making more of our pipe dreams reality (house, engagement/wedding, etc.). As far as communication issues, that's something we still are working on. I'm not as good at asking for what I want and sometimes my voice gets drowned in the context of our relationship. It's something we both have to be mindful of.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

lifeisajourney said:

Why was it rude? I just asked a question. I was genuinely curious about why you would tell somebody that something is "none of their business" and then proceed to tell them the exact thing you just told them was "none of their business"

It's definitely none of OP's business on why any of us are engaged/not engaged/married/etc... but she chose to explain anyways as did most of us because we wanted to share validation that there are good and mature reasons why a proposal may not have come yet. So I don't see why you even had to reply with what you said....that's why it's rude.

peekaboo2011 · February 2015

lifeisajourney said:

Why was it rude? I just asked a question. I was genuinely curious about why you would tell somebody that something is "none of their business" and then proceed to tell them the exact thing you just told them was "none of their business"

Actually, I didn't give her any actual response there. None of those things are specific. They are general, noncommittal responses, and then I told her why we would not be getting engaged. Our specific reasons for not being engaged are frankly no one's business but ours, and the people that we choose to share that with. I choose not to share that with internet strangers.

lifeisajourney · February 2015

Unnecessary? Maybe. Rude? No. Just like telling OP her post was "none of her business" was unnecessary, and in my opinion a little closer to rude than my question was.

@southernpeach89

bethsmiles · February 2015

How long have you been waiting?

We've been together almost 6.5 years. Like PPs, I'm not sure how much of that time I would consider myself "waiting" for a proposal. We've been talking/planning to get engaged for quite a few years now but it's not like my life has been on hold while I twiddle my thumbs waiting for a ring.

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?

I have no time limit. I've had other people tell me to give him an ultimatum or set some sort of time limit in my head for him to propose but BF is my best friend, I love having him in my life - he makes my good days even better and helps me get through the bad ones. I don't want to just get married, I want to marry him.

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?

There are a lot of reasons. We met when we were 18, our freshman year of college. We wanted both of us to finish school, have jobs, be financially on our own and secure. Achieving all of that takes time. If it were entirely up to me I would have had him propose already but I'm the impulsive one in the relationship, BF always makes sure he has all his ducks in a row before doing anything. I'm definitely glad we've chosen to wait because I know it's going to make the first years of marriage a lot easier when we aren't struggling financially to stay afloat.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

@lifeisajourney Well I thought what you said came off as rude and unnecessary so IMO it should not have been said. I don't believe what @peekaboo2011 said was rude because it's her choice whether to post this stuff or not. That's her decision.

Swazzle · February 2015

I guess I'll play Captain Save-A-Newb today and jump in on this but this is the 'Not Engaged Yet' board. Asking why someone has not, yet, gotten engaged is not at all what I would consider inappropriate, rude, or out of left field.

cu97tiger · February 2015

lifeisajourney said:

Why was it rude? I just asked a question. I was genuinely curious about why you would tell somebody that something is "none of their business" and then proceed to tell them the exact thing you just told them was "none of their business"

This might be the first time, but I agree with LIAJ on this one. I thought peek's comment was the rude one. This is a NEY board, if you don't feel comfortable sharing that info, don't, but it isn't rude to ask why other people are waiting to get engaged.

My DH and I got engaged after just over 3 years together. I was ready to get engaged after 2 years, but he needed more time. It was a rough time for us (mostly for me) but it was worth the wait. I knew it wouldn't be long, and I'm glad I didn't push him to do it any faster than he was comfortable with. I think the reason he needed more time was that he had been married before, and he wanted to be ultra/super/completely/totally sure before he got married again, because the divorce was the hardest thing he had ever gone through.

eilis1228 · February 2015

I'm engaged, but I'll answer:

How long have you been waiting?

We got engaged about 3.5 years into the relationship.

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?

I don't know that I agree with ultimatums/time limits. Each relationship moves at its own pace, and some relationships never progress to marriage but last longer than quite a few marriages. I've been in it for the long haul since fairly early on in the relationship, and that wouldn't have changed even if he hadn't proposed yet.

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?

FI's reasoning behind the timing of the proposal had to do with finances. We knew we would be paying for the wedding ourselves, and he wanted to pay off his student loan debt and put away some money into savings first.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

How long have you been waiting?

Not long. We haven't even been dating that long. But I've known him for many years, and had a feeling for a long time that he was the man I would marry. Not a happy butterflies feeling, but a sinking "...THIS guy?" feeling. I couldn't stand him at first, but I still knew. He grew on me.

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?

Eh, however long it takes. I'd love to be married within four years, but if jobs fall through or money isn't there or whatever, then that's just how it is.

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?

We're broke. We want to buy a house as a wedding present to ourselves, but we need money to do that first, which means he has to graduate college and get his job. Eventually!

Dignity100 · February 2015

I'm already married but here are my answers:

How long have you been waiting?
We were together for 6 years when we got engaged. I'm not sure how long I had been 'waiting'; I'll say more in the 'why we waited' section.

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?
I was getting a little antsy. We are an older couple and H still wants to have kids and I don't feel comfortable having youngsters in the house we are living in now (narrow stairs - 2 giant dogs, not a good combo).

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?
We worked together in the same department structure. We didn't want to get engaged or 'declare' our relationship status while we were in the department; even though we had different managers things could have changed where we'd be put under the same manager and one of our jobs would have been affected. After I switched jobs, H wanted to wait until he switched jobs and he had a few other things he wanted to take care of. We were pretty open about our timeline and goals.

AlPacina · February 2015

How long have you been waiting?

We've been together for over 2 years. I wasn't waiting for a proposal until he made a comment about how he thought it would have been cool to propose at an event last summer. Then all of a sudden the excitement of "Oh my gosh, he's thought about how he's going to propose!" got to me. So I guess I've been "waiting" for less than a year.

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?

I will wait for a long time, but not forever. I'm not even close to the point of thinking about a time limit yet.

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?

One reason is that my BF doesn't think you truly know someone after only two years, which is understandable. We learn more and more about each other as time passes, and we've helped each other through different types of trials. But additionally, I know that once he makes up his mind about something, he tends to do things quickly. He will want a short engagement, so I'm really not waiting for him to be ready to be engaged. I'm waiting for him to be ready to be married.

Ollie08 · February 2015

How long have you been waiting?

I honestly don't feel like I "waited" at all. We were only together for 16 months before we decided to get married. Our 2nd dating anniversary would have been in March of this year.

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?

Honestly, for DH, I would have been willing to wait for several years. I might have gotten antsy around the 5 year mark, but I'll never know for sure.

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?
We didn't really have a proposal in the traditional sense. We'd discussed getting married, we knew we wanted to be married. It was a matter of deciding whether or not we wanted a wedding. When DH said he realized he didn't want the wedding and all that it entailed, we bought some rings, had the pastor marry us in front of our immediate families, and we took them to lunch.

It would have been a much different story if H wanted a wedding (I was married once before, so it didn't matter to me, but I am his only marriage). We would not have been able to afford the affair the way we would have liked for the foreseeable future. We mutually decided that at the end of the day we cared most about getting married, and less about a wedding. It just worked for us.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

How long have you been waiting?
H and I were friends and then besties for a couple years, dated a little bit, broke up for a few months, dated for 7 months, got engaged and then got married 8.5 months later.

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?
H was waiting on me to be ready to get engaged.

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?
I wanted to be sure that he was serious about getting his finances together and start paying on his student loans before we got engaged.

teddygirl9 · February 2015

How long have you been waiting?

-We've been together for almost 9 years. I guess I would say I've been actively 'waiting' for a proposal for about a year now. We've purchased a house together, are starting to settle down, etc.

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?

-If I were to put an actual time on it, probably until I am 30. That would be another 4.5/5 years. We've discussed getting married before then, so if he changed his mind or started having doubts and pushed it back that much I'd want to reconsider. If something else happened, like a lost job or whatever that is a different story.

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?

-We're young. I think he also wants to follow an arbitrary time line that his brother followed. Money isn't really an issue, but we could always save up more lol.

minskat30 · February 2015

I'm married but I'll play.

How long have you been waiting?

He proposed about a year & a half of dating.

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?

We were on the same page not to wait too long. We were both in our 30s if that matters.

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?

Once we spoke about it, H wanted to live together before getting married. We waited for his lease to be up before he officially moved but he was spending the nights 4-5 nights a week before that anyways. Then it was just a matter of designing a ring and once he got it he pretty much proposed. From him moving in to the proposal was a matter of a few months.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

How long have you been waiting?

We'll have been together 2 years this upcoming March. My BF told me last July that he planned to propose by Memorial Day 2015. It was more like torture at first playing the waiting game and trying to figure out when he would get down on one knee. Eventually I just decided to chill and let it happen when it happens.

How long are you willing to wait (if you have at time limit for it)?

I don't mind waiting a couple more years, since I know hes the man I want to marry. But I will not wait forever because I would like to start a family soon.

What reason(s) the proposal hasn't come yet?
I'm not 100% sure. But a lot of last year, my BF was laid off. So I know he is working on saving up his money again and we're saving up to move in together.

bethsmiles · February 2015

@justadream0315 - Don't be afraid to ask your BF why the proposal hasn't come yet. I feel like this is a conversation a lot of women avoid having because they don't want nag or seem pushy but it's so important to know you are both on the same page. It's your life and your relationship too, you shouldn't be totally in the dark about what's happening.

For those waiting for a proposal....

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