I'm Jealous and I Know I Shouldn't Be

nhultberg461 · February 2015

So I was told that my parents are helping my brother and his FI with their wedding costs. I haven't asked for any help though, but it would've been nice if they possibly would offer to help. I'm the only girl out of their four kids.

I'm upset that they want to help them but don't seem to want to be helping out with ours.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

nhultberg461 said:
So I was told that my parents are helping my brother and his FI with their wedding costs. I haven't asked for any help though, but it would've been nice if they possibly would offer to help. I'm the only girl out of their four kids.
I'm upset that they want to help them but don't seem to want to be helping out with ours.

I hope you find a way to see this positively. Try to feel empowered by your independence.

beethery · February 2015

Your parents can do what they want with their money. Value your independence, they have no sway over your wedding planning if they don't give you any cash towards it.

ashley8918 · February 2015

What they contributed to someone else's wedding is not your business.

huskypuppy14 · February 2015

Is this your second wedding?

nhultberg461 · February 2015

this is one of those times I'm needing the slap back to reality

mikenberger · February 2015

Be happy you don't have that money. No money, no opinions. Revel in it.

nhultberg461 · February 2015

huskypuppy14 said:
Is this your second wedding?

Yes it is and they didn't contribute anything to my first no one did I eloped and no one was invited my choice yes

beethery · February 2015

nhultberg461 said:

this is one of those times I'm needing the slap back to reality

Slap: Get a blog, mind your own financial business.

nhultberg461 · February 2015

beethery said:

nhultberg461 said:

this is one of those times I'm needing the slap back to reality

Slap: Get a blog, mind your own financial business.

Thank you needed that

lyndausvi · February 2015

My parents often pay for my brother and his family to come out to visit them. Never us. When we a went to Disney they paid for the air fare for both brother and their families. Not me or my sister.

Sure it stings a little, but you know what? My sister and I can afford to go on family vacations. We can afford to fly out to see our families on our own. We don't need their help.

Neither of my brothers can afford such things. If my parents didn't pay they would not see their grandkids.

Sure my situation is a little different, but it's just something you have to get over.

huskypuppy14 · February 2015

nhultberg461 said:

Is this your second wedding?
Yes it is and they didn't contribute anything to my first no one did I eloped and no one was invited my choice yes

Ok, well you eloped the first time, so there was nothing for them to pay for. Now this is your second wedding, and maybe they feel you can take care of it yourself. Many parents don't pay for first weddings, and i'm assuming even less pay for second weddings.

I'm assuming this is your brother's first wedding?

Like other posters said, your parents can use their money as they wish.

nhultberg461 · February 2015

Yup brothers first wedding which I'm more then excited for. She's a doll and can't wait to get to know her better too.

I'm trying to let it go and not let it bother me. I don't have a lot of friends near me to have these talks with that can also slap me back to what I need to focus on.

It hurt more then I realized when I found out. I know it shouldn't bother me.
And like others in here that doesn't give them any input on on wedding so seeing some of the stress other brides are going through with their families I should be winning this one....sorry fi interrupted let me try that again

I should be grateful that my family isn't contributing after reading what other brides are going through with their family inputs

JCbride2015 · February 2015

nhultberg461 said:

Yup brothers first wedding which I'm more then excited for. She's a doll and can't wait to get to know her better too. I'm trying to let it go and not let it bother me. I don't have a lot of friends near me to have these talks with that can also slap me back to what I need to focus on. It hurt more then I realized when I found out. I know it shouldn't bother me. And like others in here that doesn't give them any input on on wedding so seeing some of the stress other brides are going through with their families I should be winning this one....sorry fi interrupted let me try that again I should be grateful that my family isn't contributing after reading what other brides are going through with their family inputs

Focus on this. When you accept money, you also accept strings.

sophhabobopha · February 2015

novella1186 · February 2015

nhultberg461 said:

Yup brothers first wedding which I'm more then excited for. She's a doll and can't wait to get to know her better too. I'm trying to let it go and not let it bother me. I don't have a lot of friends near me to have these talks with that can also slap me back to what I need to focus on. It hurt more then I realized when I found out. I know it shouldn't bother me. And like others in here that doesn't give them any input on on wedding so seeing some of the stress other brides are going through with their families I should be winning this one....sorry fi interrupted let me try that again I should be grateful that my family isn't contributing after reading what other brides are going through with their family inputs

YEP! I know it sucks. My dad pays for my sister to go to Europe whenever she wants, and when I went to Europe I paid my own way. But it actually makes me feel good that I can do what I want when I want and never have to depend on daddy's money.

100% of the stress and drama in wedding planning has come from my family, and I could have ignored it all if my dad wasn't paying for food. Now I'm scrambling to try to change it. I would have been way way way better off never having him involved at all. His money is NOT worth all this trouble.

Really, consider yourself lucky.

mrsk616 · February 2015

enjoy the independence..... no opinions no inviting someone you dont know from your parents work. we are eloping because of drama that his mom is starting. i dont need it and i am tired of opinions. FMIL is full of it and crabs when money is brought up. so guess what im done with it.

nhultberg461 · February 2015

I read what you are going through I'm so sorry that just sucks. Some of my moms family has it out for my dad even after 25 plus years of them not being married that I left them off the invite list and now I get to cut another 100 off because fi doesn't want big wedding. And like you said and others said since we are paying we can make those decisions.

novella1186 said:

nhultberg461 said:

Yup brothers first wedding which I'm more then excited for. She's a doll and can't wait to get to know her better too.

I'm trying to let it go and not let it bother me. I don't have a lot of friends near me to have these talks with that can also slap me back to what I need to focus on.

It hurt more then I realized when I found out. I know it shouldn't bother me.
And like others in here that doesn't give them any input on on wedding so seeing some of the stress other brides are going through with their families I should be winning this one....sorry fi interrupted let me try that again

I should be grateful that my family isn't contributing after reading what other brides are going through with their family inputs

YEP! I know it sucks. My dad pays for my sister to go to Europe whenever she wants, and when I went to Europe I paid my own way. But it actually makes me feel good that I can do what I want when I want and never have to depend on daddy's money.

100% of the stress and drama in wedding planning has come from my family, and I could have ignored it all if my dad wasn't paying for food. Now I'm scrambling to try to change it. I would have been way way way better off never having him involved at all. His money is NOT worth all this trouble.

Really, consider yourself lucky.

VulgarGirl · February 2015

You heard this...from who? Your parents? Cause if not, I wouldn't bother even thinking about it.

Oh Aunt Susie says mom and dad are paying for all of little brother's wedding. Truth is mom and dad gave little brother money to rent a tux.

Kind of a big difference there.

Though honestly, I paid for my own wedding and I did whatever the fuck I wanted, however the fuck I wanted, and invited whoever the fuck I wanted. Cause I was the one writing checks.

(I'm saying I of course Wifey is included in all this)

FiancB · February 2015

I think it's easy to say it's not your business but it's hard not to take it personally (though MagicInk brought up a great point that this may not even be really true). I kind of expected some help from my parents because they paid for my older sister's. Nope. Never happened.

I get it. My sister got married when she was 5 years younger than I am and fresh out of college and they had no jobs and no money. I am older and have been on my own a while and H has a steady job. Still, I am not rolling in the money over here and an offer would have been nice.

That said, they were trying to tell me what to do with my wedding even without any purse strings so if they had offered I would've declined. So there's that. It was 100% worth paying my own way just to cut down on (not totally eliminate, unfortunately) their bitching and know I could do things however I wanted.

RebeccaFlower · February 2015

It really rubs me the wrong way that you mention you're the only girl. That is an irrelevant fact. Just because you're a girl doesn't mean anything.

My H's family gave the girl triple what they gave us. Oh well, we got to choose way more and have the pride we did it without their (majority) of help.

badbnagdway · February 2015

The financial obligation of your wedding falls only on two people - the two people who are getting married. It's very generous of anyone else to give you any money. And yes, when people give money it sometimes has strings.

My mom has always been generous with my sister and I in different ways. Any of my time spent comparing who she has given more money to is wasted. Just because she gives my sister money does not mean she loves my sister more than she loves me.

nhultberg461 · February 2015

MagicInk said:
You heard this...from who? Your parents? Cause if not, I wouldn't bother even thinking about it.

Oh Aunt Susie says mom and dad are paying for all of little brother's wedding. Truth is mom and dad gave little brother money to rent a tux.

Kind of a big difference there.

Though honestly, I paid for my own wedding and I did whatever the fuck I wanted, however the fuck I wanted, and invited whoever the fuck I wanted. Cause I was the one writing checks.

(I'm saying I of course Wifey is included in all this)

My grams told me and she was mad at my dad for not even offering.

I understand being the only girl doesn't mean anything but when you are brought up believing that the brides family pays it does hurt.

I realize I shouldn't feel any jealousy at all over it but it's hard when you hear he other things my parents have done for my three brothers. It's my problem I know not anyone else's but it still bugs and tugs at me but only I can get over it and also need to tune out when I hear what parents are helping brothers with

huskypuppy14 · February 2015

nhultberg461 said:

You heard this...from who? Your parents? Cause if not, I wouldn't bother even thinking about it.

Oh Aunt Susie says mom and dad are paying for all of little brother's wedding. Truth is mom and dad gave little brother money to rent a tux.

Kind of a big difference there.

Though honestly, I paid for my own wedding and I did whatever the fuck I wanted, however the fuck I wanted, and invited whoever the fuck I wanted. Cause I was the one writing checks.

(I'm saying I of course Wifey is included in all this)
My grams told me and she was mad at my dad for not even offering. I understand being the only girl doesn't mean anything but when you are brought up believing that the brides family pays it does hurt. I realize I shouldn't feel any jealousy at all over it but it's hard when you hear he other things my parents have done for my three brothers. It's my problem I know not anyone else's but it still bugs and tugs at me but only I can get over it and also need to tune out when I hear what parents are helping brothers with

Usually the people who have the belief that the bride's family pays, also only pay for the first wedding. Think about it, you have teenage children, you've been married before, you are a full fledged adult. Why would your parents pay for your wedding? I would find it a little weird.

Not everything has to be equal. You have children, you should know that.

I have a friend who's husband has one other brother. His parents fully paid and hosted my friend's wedding, but didn't pay for his brother's wedding, because brother's wife's parents were hosting.

nhultberg461 · February 2015

huskypuppy14 said:

nhultberg461 said:

You heard this...from who? Your parents? Cause if not, I wouldn't bother even thinking about it.

Oh Aunt Susie says mom and dad are paying for all of little brother's wedding. Truth is mom and dad gave little brother money to rent a tux.

Kind of a big difference there.

Though honestly, I paid for my own wedding and I did whatever the fuck I wanted, however the fuck I wanted, and invited whoever the fuck I wanted. Cause I was the one writing checks.

(I'm saying I of course Wifey is included in all this)
My grams told me and she was mad at my dad for not even offering. I understand being the only girl doesn't mean anything but when you are brought up believing that the brides family pays it does hurt. I realize I shouldn't feel any jealousy at all over it but it's hard when you hear he other things my parents have done for my three brothers. It's my problem I know not anyone else's but it still bugs and tugs at me but only I can get over it and also need to tune out when I hear what parents are helping brothers with

Usually the people who have the belief that the bride's family pays, also only pay for the first wedding. Think about it, you have teenage children, you've been married before, you are a full fledged adult. Why would your parents pay for your wedding? I would find it a little weird.

Not everything has to be equal. You have children, you should know that.

I have a friend who's husband has one other brother. His parents fully paid and hosted my friend's wedding, but didn't pay for his brother's wedding, because brother's wife's parents were hosting.

Oh I know about this one. I've tried to be equal the best I can, but it never works out that way.

I've asked my family before and I think I need to do this again, I don't want to know what my parents do to help my other siblings. It's not my business.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

nhultberg461 said:
Oh I know about this one. I've tried to be equal the best I can, but it never works out that way.

I've asked my family before and I think I need to do this again, I don't want to know what my parents do to help my other siblings. It's not my business.

Ask them what? You shouldn't be asking them anything.

You're an adult. It's your job to pay for your wedding. Whether or not they're paying for anything for your brother has ZERO bearing on you whatsoever. Let. It. GO.

flutteringinfl · February 2015

lolo883 said:

nhultberg461 said:
Oh I know about this one. I've tried to be equal the best I can, but it never works out that way.

I've asked my family before and I think I need to do this again, I don't want to know what my parents do to help my other siblings. It's not my business.

Ask them what? You shouldn't be asking them anything.

You're an adult. It's your job to pay for your wedding. Whether or not they're paying for anything for your brother has ZERO bearing on you whatsoever. Let. It. GO.

I think maybe she means ask them not to tell her about what her parents are doing for her siblings?

lovemesomemonster · February 2015

Embrace your independence! FI's parents pay for a lot of his little brothers travels etc. but he is terrible with money (top that with no drive to work) so he would never make it to family things that involve traveling if they didn't pay.. we are financially independent and can afford it so I just look at it as a compliment, we have worked our butts off to have the disposable income and don't mind that we can spend it. They may pay for his little brother to do the family things but the way I look at it, we can afford to pay our own way for those things and then we get to enjoy other extras because we have worked to do so..

nhultberg461 · February 2015

flutteringinfl said:

lolo883 said:

nhultberg461 said:
Oh I know about this one. I've tried to be equal the best I can, but it never works out that way.

I've asked my family before and I think I need to do this again, I don't want to know what my parents do to help my other siblings. It's not my business.

Ask them what? You shouldn't be asking them anything.

You're an adult. It's your job to pay for your wedding. Whether or not they're paying for anything for your brother has ZERO bearing on you whatsoever. Let. It. GO.

I think maybe she means ask them not to tell her about what her parents are doing for her siblings?

Yes I need to ask my family again, to not tell me what my parents to/spend/whatever they want for my siblings. It's not my business.

KatieinBkln · February 2015

nhultberg461 said:

flutteringinfl said:

lolo883 said:

nhultberg461 said:
Oh I know about this one. I've tried to be equal the best I can, but it never works out that way.

I've asked my family before and I think I need to do this again, I don't want to know what my parents do to help my other siblings. It's not my business.

Ask them what? You shouldn't be asking them anything.

You're an adult. It's your job to pay for your wedding. Whether or not they're paying for anything for your brother has ZERO bearing on you whatsoever. Let. It. GO.

I think maybe she means ask them not to tell her about what her parents are doing for her siblings?

Yes I need to ask my family again, to not tell me what my parents to/spend/whatever they want for my siblings. It's not my business.

Here's how you level up from that:

Nosy Aunt/Grandma/Whoever: Did you know your parents are paying for your brother's wedding?

You: Hm. I can't imagine why that's any of my business!

Nosy relative: But they didn't pay for yourrrrssss! Isn't that SHOCKING?

You: [Laughing] I think I'm a little old to worry about that. Now, didn't you tell me you took up knitting? How is that going?

Tl; dr: Asking a shit stirrer not to stir shit is futile. But you can control how you respond.

I'm Jealous and I Know I Shouldn't Be

Re: I'm Jealous and I Know I Shouldn't Be

Choose Another Board

Search Boards