So I should have known: with all the positives in my life (DH doing well, dad's cancer, etc), there'd be something bad happening. Well, it's happening.
Grandma, my adorable, humorous, lovely grandma, the only one I've ever known, is dying. She contracted pneumonia about 2 weeks ago. After week one, she called me, told me she was on the mend, though coughing a lot. As of last Wednesday, though, her fever is back up and she's very confused. As of Friday, she's incoherent and in pain. They are calling hospice on Monday, though they've started giving her a medication under the tongue akin to morphine. I don't want her to have to linger in pain, but I'm in a lot of pain and tears letting go.
For background: Grandma is 93, bedridden the past year, and minimal eyesight. Her mind, though, is quite sharp, though she occasionally forgot non essential details. I took FI to meet her the Christmas after we got involved, and he found her adorable (she'd shrunk to 4'5'', he's 6'3'' and got down on his knees so she could "see" him by feeling his face and give him a hug. While technically, she and I are not biologically related, she is my Grandma, and I'm her only grandchild. She's been in my life before I was born, and I remember being thrilled to get mail from her as a 4 year old, even if it was just a postcard from her house. She's a wonderful woman, has always given me great advice, spoiled me gently on occasion, and has been a willing ear. I'll always have her with me in some sense- not just memories, the stones from her engagement ring are in my ring, and I've photos and other memory items from her.
DH is being awesome in holding me when necessary. We're facing two losses in the year since we got married, and we're facing this together. But my RL friends are busy with situations and dramas of their own, and I can't burden them further with my pain. So I'm reaching out to my fellow knotties, hoping for hugs, and gentle prayers that Grandma's passing is swift, painless, and thoughts that I remember the good times with her over the bad (like the time she kicked my ass in cards, snickered, and got roses in her cheeks from the bit of wine we gave her : D )