So my narcissistic mother has convinced her sister to boycott my wedding in solidarity

Re: So my narcissistic mother has convinced her sister to boycott my wedding in solidarity

• LondonLisa member

  

  February 2015

  JenLD2015 said:

  My bio mom is a malignant narcissist to the highest degree. I maintained a relationship with her, until she assaulted me. From then on it has been zero contact. My fiancée and good friends all strongly support my decision Now, my bio mom has convinced her sister (my aunt) whom she has always bullied, into boycotting my wedding. On the outset, I'm fine with it. One less toxic person to worry about. On the other hand, I'm kind of offended that my aunt is putting her own bully's needs, ahead of mine. I know I have absolutely no way of changing the situation, but it's ok to feel a little hurt in the process. My feelings on all of it are: the people who really want to be there will. The rest is just not worth getting upset over. Right? I need some Knotties support that this is the right attitude. Thanks ladies!

  That is really hard and I am sorry to hear that. Firstly, I'm sending you a hug!

  
  

  You are right, it is better to just ignore those 2 women. Biology doesn't always make a family, and without them you are starting a whole new family with the person you love. That is exciting. 

  
  

  Of course you can be sad about your aunt, but also realise this is a good learning experience. You now know she is the type who would "boycott" a wedding and that is sad. All you can do is take a step back from your relationship with her and pity that she would rather be hateful than loving. What a sad, sad life she must live. But your mother and her made their beds, and they can lie in it. 

  
  

  You are about to go through the best adventure one can ever have: building your own family with the people you chose to include. Don't worry about who isn't there, think about who IS going to be there... and be thankful that these 2 women taught you an important lesson about spite, anger and vindictiveness. 

  
  

  The best revenge is happiness. 

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• AddieCake member

  

  February 2015

  Yes, I would be hurt, too. But then I would look at it like if someone could be swayed like that they really aren't someone you need in your life anyway.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  February 2015

  That's upsetting, but I agree that if she can be so easily swayed like that, she's not someone you'd want around anyway. I'm sorry! 

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  February 2015

  JenLD2015 said:

  My bio mom is a malignant narcissist to the highest degree. I maintained a relationship with her, until she assaulted me. From then on it has been zero contact. My fiancée and good friends all strongly support my decision
  
  Now, my bio mom has convinced her sister (my aunt) whom she has always bullied, into boycotting my wedding. On the outset, I'm fine with it. One less toxic person to worry about. On the other hand, I'm kind of offended that my aunt is putting her own bully's needs, ahead of mine. I know I have absolutely no way of changing the situation, but it's ok to feel a little hurt in the process.
  
  My feelings on all of it are: the people who really want to be there will. The rest is just not worth getting upset over. Right? I need some Knotties support that this is the right attitude.
  
  Thanks ladies!

  I wouldn't look at it this way. You don't NEED either of them there. Feel hurt that she made a crappy choice, but try to let it roll off your back. You have way better things ahead of you.

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• novella1186 member

  

  February 2015

  I'm really sorry you have to deal with this. I can definitely relate; my sister has been super toxic and awful, so I mentioned to my mom that I would prefer my sister not be invited to the shower. My mom then lashed out (despite everything my sister had put me through) and snapped that she would either force the host of my shower to cancel so I couldn't have one, or tell my grandma and everyone else not to come. And usually my mom and I actually have a decent relationship, so it stung. Really fucking bad. 

  
  

  Losing someone you thought you had a relationship with for the sake of someone who is toxic and terrible just sucks. But this is truly your aunt's loss. I feel very sorry for her, letting someone demand and control what she does with her own life. How sad. Your aunt is the one missing out on something wonderful (your wedding) and YOU are only missing out on someone who would rather act like an asshole than support (so you actually aren't missing anything at all). 

  
  

  What helps me is to think of my FI's family and my close friends and everyone I'm so excited to celebrate with, all the people who do support me, the look on FI's face when he sees me in my dress, the fact that I'll be his wife at the end of the day, and all the other positive, awesome things involved. That stops me from getting wrapped up in all the hurt and negativity my family has caused. I suggest you do the same, because you deserve to be happy and your horrible mom does not get to ruin that for you. 

  

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• KatieinBkln member

  

  February 2015

  This is really shitty, but I think you have the right attitude. If you feel like being charitable you can tell yourself your aunt is tangled up in your mom's manipulations, and that she's weak, not cruel. It still sucks, though. I'm sorry you're going through it.

  
  

  This baby knows exactly how I feel

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  February 2015

  You have a right to feel hurt, but I think you need to find a way to move forward. You'll be better off without these manipulative women in your life.

                     

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• levioosa member

  

  February 2015

  This definitely sucks.  You have a right to feel hurt, but I think you have a great attitude.  You know both of their true colors now and can move on.  I also feel bad that your aunt can be so easily manipulated. Look forward to celebrating the day with people who 100% support you and show you unconditional love.  That's what matters. 
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• JenLD2015 member

  

  February 2015

  Thanks ladies!! It is sad when people live down to expectations. However, on the other hand, you are all right! I can now live freely of that relationship and enjoy those who really, love and support my future hubby and I. Thanks again!

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