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Can't Invite Small Children to Wedding, Trying to do damage control

JFAVWeddingJFAVWedding member
edited February 2015 in Wedding Woes
My fiance and I wanted a small, immediate-family-only wedding. That dream ended when my soon-to-be mother in law threw a literal tantrum about how selfish we are and how her friends were going to crash our wedding if they were not invited. So, I informed her that any wedding we might have will be large because my father is one of eleven children and most of his siblings have at least two kids. She didn't care.

Now, here I am with a reasonable venue, 3 months from our date and dealing with my first cousins on my father's side -- they are incredibly bitter that we are not inviting their 6-month to 3-year-old children to our wedding. There are 20 babies among my first cousins right now. We can neither afford the cost nor the space because the caterer still counts small children, but this does not seem to assuage them. Am I offering a bitter insult? Does anyone have thoughts on damage control? We're a pretty tight family and the last thing I want is to be on the bad side of our family reunion next Christmas. It seems like a lot of the aunts and uncles that I counted on so much growing up are siding with their children, and it's really starting to get to me. :( Thanks for reading this,

Best,
Jamie
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Re: Can't Invite Small Children to Wedding, Trying to do damage control

  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The real objection is likely the fact that your cousins don't have a sitter thus no way for any of them to attend even though they want to.  Instead of pooling together on the cost of a sitter, that's off the table.  In their mind/perception, your not wanting the kids there means you don't want them there either and they're hurt by this, so yes you'll be the "bad guy" at the next family reunion.  Regardless, they knew by having kids this could potentially happen.  That said, fall on your sword, take responsibility for your decision, stick to your plan to not invite kids that age.  And, whatever you do - DO NOT blur lines and let one family's kids but not another's to attend!
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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Some people think the babies they plopped out are not only the center of their world, but also the center of everyone else's world. You just burst their sad little bubble and they are realizing that their precious angel babies aren't always the most important things ever.


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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Who is paying for this reception?  If it's you and your FI, just get used to saying "Unfortunately, we couldn't invite everyone we would have liked to" and move on from there.  Unless these people are paying for your reception, they don't get to demand invitations for anyone, and to do so is unacceptably entitled. 

    Just checking:  you're not splitting up families, are you?  i.e. mom, dad, and the six year old are invited, but their two year old isn't?  Because that would be a valid issue.  Otherwise, they can hire a sitter and STFU, or stay home and STFU. 

    As for damage control, unfortunately you can't make people like your decisions, or be reasonable.  You might just have to suck it up on this one.
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