Chit Chat

Engaged Before Living Together - Weird or No?

Hello all! First post EVER on here :)

Some info about myself: 21, graduating from my university this winter, boyfriend is graduating this Spring. Then he's off to a year of grad school. So we'll both be done school by Spring 2016 - yay! We've discussed the future (and continue to discuss it every day) and want to get married as soon as we can financially swing a wedding. We're both in good spots career-wise; I have a job guaranteed after graduation and he likely will, too. We're both quite anxious to be engaged to each other, and boyfriend has said multiple times that he really, really wants to propose shortly after we've graduated. We plan to will hold off living on our own (aka, living under our respective parents' roofs) until 1-3 months after he's finished school, so that the both of us have a little more money in our accounts before we're paying our own rent/utility bills.

So my question here is whether or not it's "weird" to get engaged months prior to living together. We've discussed how we both would rather be living with each other the whole time we're engaged--but we're also pretty excited/anxious to make things official. Thoughts? Comments? Yay/nay?

PS - Yes, I know, the "logical" answer here is to simply wait out those few months and THEN get engaged once we're in our own apartment. We're just bouncing around ideas here.Very excited :)
«13

Re: Engaged Before Living Together - Weird or No?

  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Hello all! First post EVER on here :)

    Some info about myself: 21, graduating from my university this winter, boyfriend is graduating this Spring. Then he's off to a year of grad school. So we'll both be done school by Spring 2016 - yay! We've discussed the future (and continue to discuss it every day) and want to get married as soon as we can financially swing a wedding. We're both in good spots career-wise; I have a job guaranteed after graduation and he likely will, too. We're both quite anxious to be engaged to each other, and boyfriend has said multiple times that he really, really wants to propose shortly after we've graduated. We plan to will hold off living on our own (aka, living under our respective parents' roofs) until 1-3 months after he's finished school, so that the both of us have a little more money in our accounts before we're paying our own rent/utility bills.

    So my question here is whether or not it's "weird" to get engaged months prior to living together. We've discussed how we both would rather be living with each other the whole time we're engaged--but we're also pretty excited/anxious to make things official. Thoughts? Comments? Yay/nay?

    PS - Yes, I know, the "logical" answer here is to simply wait out those few months and THEN get engaged once we're in our own apartment. We're just bouncing around ideas here.Very excited :)
    That's how it was done for hundreds of years. *GASP* People got engaged, typically lived with their parents until their wedding day and then moved in together after the wedding. It's perfectly acceptable to do whatever you feel is right for you and your partner.

    image
    CMGragainemmaaamadamerwin
  • Hello all! First post EVER on here :)

    Some info about myself: 21, graduating from my university this winter, boyfriend is graduating this Spring. Then he's off to a year of grad school. So we'll both be done school by Spring 2016 - yay! We've discussed the future (and continue to discuss it every day) and want to get married as soon as we can financially swing a wedding. We're both in good spots career-wise; I have a job guaranteed after graduation and he likely will, too. We're both quite anxious to be engaged to each other, and boyfriend has said multiple times that he really, really wants to propose shortly after we've graduated. We plan to will hold off living on our own (aka, living under our respective parents' roofs) until 1-3 months after he's finished school, so that the both of us have a little more money in our accounts before we're paying our own rent/utility bills.

    So my question here is whether or not it's "weird" to get engaged months prior to living together. We've discussed how we both would rather be living with each other the whole time we're engaged--but we're also pretty excited/anxious to make things official. Thoughts? Comments? Yay/nay?

    PS - Yes, I know, the "logical" answer here is to simply wait out those few months and THEN get engaged once we're in our own apartment. We're just bouncing around ideas here.Very excited :)
    Of course it's not weird. Some people don't live together until they get married. Some people like my mom still maintain separate households for years AFTER getting married (long story, don't ask). Living together isn't a prerequisite for anything. Just follow your own timeline, try not to get ahead of yourself, and enjoy the state of the relationship that you're in, on your own terms, without worrying about other people's living situations.

    image
    image
    CMGragain
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hello all! First post EVER on here :)

    Some info about myself: 21, graduating from my university this winter, boyfriend is graduating this Spring. Then he's off to a year of grad school. So we'll both be done school by Spring 2016 - yay! We've discussed the future (and continue to discuss it every day) and want to get married as soon as we can financially swing a wedding. We're both in good spots career-wise; I have a job guaranteed after graduation and he likely will, too. We're both quite anxious to be engaged to each other, and boyfriend has said multiple times that he really, really wants to propose shortly after we've graduated. We plan to will hold off living on our own (aka, living under our respective parents' roofs) until 1-3 months after he's finished school, so that the both of us have a little more money in our accounts before we're paying our own rent/utility bills.

    So my question here is whether or not it's "weird" to get engaged months prior to living together. We've discussed how we both would rather be living with each other the whole time we're engaged--but we're also pretty excited/anxious to make things official. Thoughts? Comments? Yay/nay?

    PS - Yes, I know, the "logical" answer here is to simply wait out those few months and THEN get engaged once we're in our own apartment. We're just bouncing around ideas here.Very excited :)
    No.  It's not weird.  Some couples don't even live together until after the wedding.  You do what is right for you.  If anyone tries to judge you for it, don't listen to them.  You guys are thinking rationally about your future together and trying to get yourselves on a good financial footing as well.  I think you are doing it all right!
    CMGragain
  • NowIamMrsKleinNowIamMrsKlein Cold Canadian North (British Columbia) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I can understand living separately and being engaged, if living separately was on your own or with roommates and living apart was a more of a religious choice.

    As an adult I could not imagine living with my parents while I was engaged simply to save on some utilities money. There is obviously a honeymoon/blissful period after getting engaged and I think that living with your parents would kind of put a damper on that.

    Personally I would wait the couple months until you are able to live together outside of your parents house. It will make the engagement period a lot more special, imo. It's only a couple months;)
    image
  • Getting engaged before living together, weird? no. But personally I would wait. The time after college and getting your first job is a huge life change.

    You are going to hate me saying this, but you are young. I just turned 26 and can say in the year I graduated college, I changed a lot. I am not saying you too will not make it but you should wait until you are financially stable.

    ashley8918PrettyGirlLostCLoGreenEyes
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2015
    Why would it be weird?  Lots of people don't live together before marriage, even, so not living together before being engaged is no different. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    ashley8918hellohkbPrettyGirlLost
  • arrippaarrippa Sam Adams Craft Commonwealth member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    We are not even going to live together until after we are married. You need to do what works for you and your FI. Every relationship is different and there is no wrong or weird way of doing it.

     


    CMGragain
  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Um, no. Why would it be weird?

    ...And even if it was, why does it matter?
    hellohkb
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    FMIL and FFIL didn't live together until they got married. My cousin and her husband didn't live together until about a year and a half AFTER they got married. Different things work for different people based on their current life setup, schedules, etc. It's a thing that happens and if you guys can work it out, good on ya.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

    image
  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Eh, not weird.

    Do whatever actually feels right for you--I tend to agree with @soontobemrsklein that I would personally rather suck it up and live somewhere cheap and/or shitty, but together rather than with the 'rents right after graduation, but then again, my parents' place is really nice, so...toss up.

    You'll rarely hear us say this kind of thing (at least not when it comes to cash bars and gaps) but: You do You.
    image
    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • Nope. FI and I are long distance. We've never lived together.

    We have made the situation work for us, and the pay off is being together very soon! 

    Do what makes the most sense for your situation and realtionship. 


    image
  • No, not weird at all. Why would that be weird? =/


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers



    ashley8918
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Does it matter if it's weird? Do what's right for you and what works for you as a couple. 


    This.  I don't really understand the initial question to be honest.  Why would it be weird, if it's what you want to do?
    image
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Do what's right for you as a couple.  Screw anyone who tries to make you feel bad about the choices that work best for you as a couple.  It's not their business. 


    image
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    My SIL was like 8 months pregnant when my brother asked her to marry him.  They were not living together at the time.  They still didn't move in together until their wedding which was 7 months later.

    Now I thought that was weird.  Come on, you have a child and are engaged.  Kind-of a silly to make living together the line they wanted to draw.

    Today is their 20th wedding anniversary.  Just because I found it odd doesn't mean it doesn't work for someone people.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • khugs15khugs15 The Heart of Dixie member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Not weird at all to me, and even if it was, who cares what anyone else thinks!

    My FI & I aren't living together until we get married because we want to wait & save up and have money to put down on a house.

    Echoing PP's: You do what feels right for you & your FI.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    image
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 2015

    Does it really matter if you are living together the whole time you are engaged? I honestly wouldn't worry about it. Everyone just does things in an order that works for them. If getting engaged and then moving in together a few months is what works for you then do it that way.

    ETA: If you would prefer to live together before getting engaged then tell your BF that you'd rather put of the engagement until you've lived together for awhile. I'm just not sure what exactly it is you're worried about from your post.



  • Nope. If it's the right choice for you, then that's all that matters.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    H and I didn't live until we got married. Not weird.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    We were also married before we lived together. It isn't that uncommon.

    I don't really understand your issue.
    image
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    To the original question, I sure hope it's not weird, it's what we did. ;)

    It's quite traditional, but sometimes it's just what's most logical for an individual couple. 
    ________________________________


  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    We didn't move in together until over a year after we got engaged. We had a 2.5 year engagement. That's what worked for us. 

    Don't worry about what's "weird" versus "normal". Worry about what's healthy and makes you happy.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
    ashley8918
  • H and I didn't live together until we got married. As someone said above, that's the way it was done for years and years until relatively recently. Not weird at all.

    [Deleted User]MrsAitch
  • I was engaged to my fiance for 6 months before we lived together. I spent every weekend at his house before that, but yeah.

    Do what works for you.
  • When I was married, you were supposed to pretend that you were a virgin until after marriage.

    Did somebody write a new set of rules that I didn't hear about?  I thought part of the women's movement was to give us choices, not install a new set of rules.

    It is OK to wait until marriage before sex.
    It is OK to wait until marriage before you live together.
    It is OK to live together before you are married or engaged.
    It is OK to have (safe) sex when you decide that it is time.

    It is YOUR choice.  Sheesh!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • mrscomposermrscomposer Mani-snow-ba member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer

    I don't understand the question. 

    That's kind of like saying "well, some people take public transit to work, but some people drive their own vehicles - will people think it's weird if we drive our own vehicles?"  Both are completely acceptable and normal choices.  Living together vs. not living together are both completely normal and acceptable choices.

    We didn't live together until we got married, for the record.  We also don't live in a town with public transit.

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
    ashley8918
  • Look at the reason you are deciding not to live together for a bit. To save money. To me, that's not weird, that's pretty smart! Don't worry if other people think it's weird, not weird at all.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards