How many for a house party?

[Deleted User] · February 2015

plainjane0415 said:
When I read the title of this post my brain immediately went here:

But yea, just based off of PPs, a house party doesn't sound cool in this context.

I went to the same place...

JoanE2012 · February 2015

Nothing says how much you care about your friends like giving them a second string title and bitch jobs to do the day of your wedding. They are your friends, not your slaves for the day. Pay someone to do the dirty work so they can actually enjoy your wedding.

JCbride2015 · February 2015

Don't do this. It would be so hurtful to your friends. Either include them as bridesmaids (an uneven party is fine) or let them enjoy themselves as guests.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2015

ks3388 said:

Hi there! I'm planning to have 7-8 bridesmaids, and would like to know how many people would make for a sufficient house party (if there even is an unwritten rule about how many or how few you can have). There were 2 girls I really wanted to be bridesmaids, but my fiance has quite a few less groomsmen than I do bridesmaids already and we would be looking at 10 bridesmaids and 6/7 groomsmen if I kept those two extra. So my question is, can I have a house party of only 2-3 girls? And if so, what exactly does the house party do?

Thanks!

1. You don't need even sides. Restricting your WP because of even sides is stupid. These are supposed to be your dearest friends and family that you are honoring by asking them to serve a ceremonial role in your wedding.

2. 10BMs is fine, as long as you can afford all of the gifts, bouquets, and SO's at the RD. I had 10BMs.

3. House Parties are rude. They are not common in Texas, or anywhere else. They might be common in your circle, but that doesn't make them any less rude.

LtPowers · February 2015

Never heard of this before, but I'm north of the Mason-Dixon.

I could almost see it being acceptable if (and only if): it was a really large group (like an entire sorority or school class); attire wasn't dictated, merely suggested; and no "special" duties or jobs were assigned. Then it might be cute -- but then it's also just a group of friends deciding to coordinate their outfits.

littlepep · February 2015

plainjane0415 said:

When I read the title of this post my brain immediately went here:

But yea, just based off of PPs, a house party doesn't sound cool in this context.

Me too! I thought, man, I haven't heard it called a house party since college (which was way too long ago for my liking). Disappointed to find out we are not planning a party here.

antoto · February 2015

I've lived in both the Midwest and Southwest. I have never heard of these and thought you meant a legit house party (like a party you throw in your house) AND WAS SO CONFUSED. Anyways, this sounds ridiculous. Parties do not need to be even. Pick your favorite girls (and/or dudes!) who you adore and want to stand next to you on your wedding day. Then ask them to be BMs. That's it.

Just be prepared that having a really large bridal party means a lot of extra coordinating/gifting/etc. I had 7 and was definitely surprised at the amount of work it was - but 100% worth it.

delujm0 · February 2015

OP, how would you like it if one of your "best friends" came up to you and said:

"My FI doesn't have enough groomsmen for me to add you as my 9th bridesmaid, so i'd like to do you the honor of not having you actually be in my wedding, but giving you duties that a table could do instead, just to show you how much i love you."

First, these two girls are, apparently, your 9th and 10th best friends. You either think they're important enough to be bridesmaids or readers, or you don't think that and you make them guests. Second, no one thinks it's an "honor" to have to be unpaid help on your wedding day. They'd rather just enjoy the party.

Whenever i hear that someone is having a "house party" i wonder how bridezilla they were to their actual bridesmaids. Because apparently they don't think they have enough bridesmaids to cover all of the "duties" that need to be done, so they need to bring on more unpaid help. that job is called a "wedding coordinator," and you pay one to do work for you on your wedding day. You don't "honor" your nearest and dearest with obligations that they aren't interested in. i don't care where you're from. it's rude.

charcoalandblush · February 2015

And for good measure....

For the love of God, please don't make them your personal attendant(s).

flantastic · February 2015

charcoalandblush said:

And for good measure....

For the love of God, please don't make them your personal attendant(s).

This is the only thing which seems worse to me than house party. Sometimes the PAs don't have to buy a specific dress, but what you usually get with a house party is "Here, do the bitch job of handing out programs before the ceremony and consider it an honor," while with PAs it's more like "Here, do the bitch job of carrying all my stuff around all day and getting me water, etc. and consider it an honor."

misshart00 · February 2015

Here's the other thing: rude or not, if you have no idea what the purpose of something is, you probably shouldn't do it.

littlepep · February 2015

charcoalandblush said:

And for good measure....

For the love of God, please don't make them your personal attendant(s).

I know someone who made a girl her personal attendant and then promoted her to bridesmaid when another girl dropped out. I would have been so embarrassed. Then again, I would have said no to that nonsense to begin with.

ks3388 · February 2015

Thanks all. I didn't realize how rude this is considered, but I'm glad I now know before I made that mistake (and it makes sense) My wedding planner suggested the concept to me (I live in the DFW area and that's where I've seen most of these house parties), but I would certainly never want to make these girls feel like second-rate friends. That said, I would prefer a smaller bridal party, and I didn't think about the idea of having a reader before now.

Per @aurianna's suggestion, I've only been to one other wedding with a reader, but perhaps that's a good alternative for me to consider since it's still considered a "kinder" honor. Would you recommend readers still come to the bachelorette and whatnot? I'd still like to include them in as many activities as possible.

levioosa · February 2015

ks3388 said:

Thank you. I didn't realize how this is considered rude outside of Texas, but I'm glad I now know. My wedding planner suggested the concept to me, and I'd seen it in lots of friends' wedding albums, but I would certainly never want to make these girls feel like second-rate friends. That said, I would prefer a smaller bridal party, and I didn't think about the idea of having a reader before now. I've only been to one other wedding with a reader, but perhaps that's a good alternative for me to consider. Would you recommend they still come to the bachelorette and whatnot? I'd still like to include them in as many activities as possible.

The thing is, it's rude everywhere, not just outside of Texas. Common=/= etiquette or right.

Your wedding planner just wants to make money. Honestly, I'd fire any wedding planner who tried to get me to do something so rude.

Having the girls read something is fine, but don't ask them to pass out programs, watch the guest book, or do anything else that is a "job." Doing a reading is an honor. Doing a job a basket or table could do is not.

littlepep · February 2015

Inviting them to pre-wedding events like showers and the bachelorette are totally fine. As long as someone is invited to the wedding, they can be invited to wedding-related events.

ks3388 · February 2015

Perfect, thanks all! Glad y'all saved me from making an awful mistake! I really would like to actually honor them, not make them feel like they're being stuck with grunt work!

floridabride44 · February 2015

ks3388 said: Thanks all. I didn't realize how rude this is considered, but I'm glad I now know before I made that mistake (and it makes sense) My wedding planner suggested the concept to me (I live in the DFW area and that's where I've seen most of these house parties), but I would certainly never want to make these girls feel like second-rate friends. That said, I would prefer a smaller bridal party, and I didn't think about the idea of having a reader before now.
Per @aurianna's suggestion, I've only been to one other wedding with a reader, but perhaps that's a good alternative for me to consider since it's still considered a "kinder" honor. Would you recommend readers still come to the bachelorette and whatnot? I'd still like to include them in as many activities as possible.

**** Boxes WTF****

Anyone can be invited to your bachelorette party, as long as they are also invited to the wedding. (and as long as the # of guests is approved by whoever is hosting your bachelorette party, to make sure it fits in their budget of what they have planned) There's no rule that says pre-wedding parties have to be limited to just the people "participating" in the wedding! But they do have to be limited to people who are invited to the wedding.

ShesSoCold · February 2015

ks3388 said:

Perfect, thanks all! Glad y'all saved me from making an awful mistake! I really would like to actually honor them, not make them feel like they're being stuck with grunt work!

Thank you for actually reading what we were saying. I know it's easy to get defensive when it feels like so many people are piling on.

AddieCake · February 2015

A miracle is upon us! Thank you, OP, for not being BSC.

MGP · February 2015

ks3388 said:

Perfect, thanks all! Glad y'all saved me from making an awful mistake! I really would like to actually honor them, not make them feel like they're being stuck with grunt work!

So glad to hear that! You will unfortunately get bad advice from people along your way of planning, so just think logically. When people come to these boards and ask if something is rude/inappropriate/against etiquette I pose this question and it usually kills the discussion because they aren't willing to answer it:

"Is it appropriate for me to think that (insert name/title here)'s time is better spent doing (insert wedding task/responsibility here) than enjoying my wedding?"

These are actual questions that have come up in various threads:

"Is it appropriate for me to think that my grandmother's time is better spent making and serving food for my reception than enjoying my wedding?" Answer is obviously hell no.

"Is it appropriate for me to think that my college friend's time is better spent decorating and cleaning up my wedding venue than enjoying my wedding?" Answer again is obviously hell no.

"Is it appropriate for me to think that my sister's time is better spent standing up during my ceremony as an honor attendant than enjoying my wedding?" Answer here is yes, because not only is she a guest she is an honored guest that is not tasked with anything but an honor job.

I am sure you get the jist. Please stick around!

SP29 · February 2015

OP- You can invite whomever you like to your bachelorette or shower (if they are offered to you), as long as that person has also been invited to the wedding.

Your wedding party should be your nearest and dearest. It's OK not to have all your friends in your party. I believe it was Addie who said, ask the people whom you would call up at 3am to bury a body. Sides also don't have to be equal.

DH and I had two each (a MOH/best man and a bridesmaid/groomsman), plus our flower girl and ring bearer. I stressed about who to ask too... I have two friends that I've known since grade 9, but we're not super close, though always still friends. I struggled about whether I *SHOULD* invite them. I decided not to. One of them got married before me, the other is getting married next month, and neither asked me to be in their WP. And that is A-OK! Before my wedding, me and my group of friends from my hometown went out and got manicures together the day before, then friend #1 (from above) hosted a small gathering at her place afterwards. We are all still good friends, even though we also have other friends too.

aurianna · February 2015

OP,

Ahhhh! It's really difficult to hear so many people disagreeing with your plans/ideas. So you are being so graceful here.

As others have said, assuming the host of the pre-wedding parties is ok hosting another guest, anyone can be invited to those parties.

The readers are really treated like any other guests at a wedding with the following additions:
1. If you have programs, you can put their names in them.
2. If you'd like the readers to participate in the rehearsal (if you are having one), then the readers and their significant others also get to come to the rehearsal dinner
3. They obviously get to read at your wedding. As speaking during the ceremony is something only the officiant, bride & groom typically do, it's a pretty big deal.

Also, if you're doing post-ceremony pictures, you could probably tell your photographer you want one with you and your readers. I'd just snap that one first so then they could go off to the reception.

The only thing to be careful of, is not everyone is comfortable with public speaking. So if anyone seems hesitant or declines the offer, it isn't because they don't love you. Stage freight is just really bad with some people (I know it is with me!).

How many for a house party?

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