friend invited people to my bachelorette party

Psych819 · February 2015

I am completely annoyed with one of my friends. My bridal party let me know when my bachelorette party would be so I invite some other ladies that are invited to the wedding if I wanted to. I sent out invites to a few friends from my grad school class that were invited. However, one of these ladies took it upon herself to invite others from my class to the bachelorette party. She was fully aware that these several ladies were not invited to my wedding. Her excuse when confronted, was “They are all okay with coming to the bachelorette party but not being invited to the wedding”. This was not here call to make. I did not invite them to my bachelorette party for a reason. Now, I have ladies informing me that they booked hotel rooms and are excited to come party. I feel like I don’t know what to do about this. Unfortunately, I wasn't given enough time between my friend inviting people and being able to inform them why I hadn't invited them.(due to not wanting to invite people to pre-wedding parties without being invited to the wedding) Now, I don’t want to seem like a bitch for saying not to come.I feel like I'm at a loss. I’m just frustrated and confused on why she did this.

AlexisA01 · February 2015

Psych819 said:

I am completely annoyed with one of my friends. My bridal party let me know when my bachelorette party would be so I invite some other ladies that are invited to the wedding if I wanted to. I sent out invites to a few friends from my grad school class that were invited. However, one of these ladies took it upon herself to invite others from my class to the bachelorette party. She was fully aware that these several ladies were not invited to my wedding. Her excuse when confronted, was “They are all okay with coming to the bachelorette party but not being invited to the wedding”. This was not here call to make. I did not invite them to my bachelorette party for a reason. Now, I have ladies informing me that they booked hotel rooms and are excited to come party. I feel like I don’t know what to do about this. Unfortunately, I wasn't given enough time between my friend inviting people and being able to inform them why I hadn't invited them.(due to not wanting to invite people to pre-wedding parties without being invited to the wedding) Now, I don’t want to seem like a bitch for saying not to come.I feel like I'm at a loss. I’m just frustrated and confused on why she did this.

Just in case.

It looks bad on the host that invited these people, not you. Hopefully other knotties will give you more advice.

Psych819 · February 2015

Thanks AlexisA01.

I just don't understand what possessed her to do this. I feel like she wanted certain people there and completely disregarded me entirely.

To top it all off, she is an older woman who has married off 2 daughters already. I'm sure she is aware of what kind of situation she put me into.

floridabride44 · February 2015

It wasn't your idea to invite these people, so you're not the one at fault for making the faux pas, your friend is. I think at this point it would do more damage to uninvite these girls from the bach party. It sucks she did that, but what's done is done. Your friend is the rude one, not you.

JellyBean52513 · February 2015

Well, before I can answer your question, what is your ultimate goal here? Are you ok with partying with these girls for your bach party and you're just looking for a way to address the obvious faux pas that your friend created, or do you want them not to attend?

AlexisA01 · February 2015

Psych819 said:

Thanks AlexisA01.

I just don't understand what possessed her to do this. I feel like she wanted certain people there and completely disregarded me entirely.

To top it all off, she is an older woman who has married off 2 daughters already. I'm sure she is aware of what kind of situation she put me into.

No problem. You are in the clear etiquette wise. Your host will have to explain the awkward conversation to the guest not invited to the wedding. Don't uninvited them, because that will cause problems and hurt feels.

JellyBean52513 · February 2015

AlexisA01 said:

Psych819 said:

Thanks AlexisA01.

I just don't understand what possessed her to do this. I feel like she wanted certain people there and completely disregarded me entirely.

To top it all off, she is an older woman who has married off 2 daughters already. I'm sure she is aware of what kind of situation she put me into.

No problem. You are in the clear etiquette wise. Your host will have to explain the awkward conversation to the guest not invited to the wedding. Don't uninvited them, because that will cause problems and hurt feels.

I don't think this is the proper way to handle it, in this particular situation. First of all, when we see situations where, just for example, mom is verbally inviting all her 2nd cousins without bride's permission, we say that it's on mom to explain to the cousins that they actually aren't invited. I wouldn't make OP's bridal party do the dirty work of explaining the offending friend's mistake, the friend who invited them all should do that! Second of all, if OP just throws her hands up and backs away while her bridal party has to explain to these classmates that they weren't supposed to be invited to the bach party because OP isn't inviting them to wedding, it kinda makes OP look like a stuck-up jerk who can't face her own classmates.

Furthermore, OP said she didn't invite these classmates for a reason. I don't know what that reason is as she didn't tell us, but she obviously doesn't want them there. Like I said in my reply, any advice to OP at this point will depend on whether or not she can live with them attending the bach party or if she really doesn't want them to come. I do agree that telling them at this point that they aren't welcome, after having booked hotel rooms, might not be worth the trouble it can cause, but that still doesn't mean she should be forced to either a) celebrate her bach party with people she specifically didn't invite for a reason, or b) make her bridal party--the hosts--awkwardly explain to her classmates why they weren't invited in the first place.

Psych819 · February 2015

I honestly don't mind these ladies attending seeing as I have no issues with them. I didn't invite them to the wedding due to not being very close with them. Due to budget reasons, I invited the people from my class that I actually still talk to and hang out with since graduation. I think I am going to just leave the situation alone, seeing as people have made arrangements already. I do however, want to readdress the friend that took it upon herself to invite others.

AlexisA01 · February 2015

JellyBean52513 said:

AlexisA01 said:

Psych819 said:

Thanks AlexisA01.

I just don't understand what possessed her to do this. I feel like she wanted certain people there and completely disregarded me entirely.

To top it all off, she is an older woman who has married off 2 daughters already. I'm sure she is aware of what kind of situation she put me into.

No problem. You are in the clear etiquette wise. Your host will have to explain the awkward conversation to the guest not invited to the wedding. Don't uninvited them, because that will cause problems and hurt feels.

I don't think this is the proper way to handle it, in this particular situation. First of all, when we see situations where, just for example, mom is verbally inviting all her 2nd cousins without bride's permission, we say that it's on mom to explain to the cousins that they actually aren't invited. I wouldn't make OP's bridal party do the dirty work of explaining the offending friend's mistake, the friend who invited them all should do that! Second of all, if OP just throws her hands up and backs away while her bridal party has to explain to these classmates that they weren't supposed to be invited to the bach party because OP isn't inviting them to wedding, it kinda makes OP look like a stuck-up jerk who can't face her own classmates.

Furthermore, OP said she didn't invite these classmates for a reason. I don't know what that reason is as she didn't tell us, but she obviously doesn't want them there. Like I said in my reply, any advice to OP at this point will depend on whether or not she can live with them attending the bach party or if she really doesn't want them to come. I do agree that telling them at this point that they aren't welcome, after having booked hotel rooms, might not be worth the trouble it can cause, but that still doesn't mean she should be forced to either a) celebrate her bach party with people she specifically didn't invite for a reason, or b) make her bridal party--the hosts--awkwardly explain to her classmates why they weren't invited in the first place.

Did I misread and think the host invited the extra people!? Is so whoops, sorry about that. I thought I read it as the Host allowed the extra people.

teddygirl9 · February 2015

Does the host know that this girl invited these randos? If not, I would talk to her about that first. Can they accomodate the extras? The host can then talk to this person and hopefully set her straight. Someone should talk to her, because who knows what else she might do. I can just imagine 'Oh they are totally fine coming to the wedding but not eating' or some crap like that. Good luck!

SP29 · February 2015

Definitely awkward situation. If you're OK with these people coming, I might let it go in regards to them, but I would definitely give your friend an earful! That was just rude of her to invite her own guests to someone else's event.

Psych819 · February 2015

Thanks ladies!!

Jen4948 · February 2015

Probably the reason she did it is because she got overexcited about the party and took it for granted that you would be okay with it and didn't know, because for whatever reason the subject didn't come up earlier, that you weren't as close to these people as she thought (maybe because she is close to them although you aren't). But in any case, I agree with you that it was wrong of her to invite them.

friend invited people to my bachelorette party

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