Rules/Etiquette re: S.O.'s/kids

Knottie38213341 · February 2015

What are the rules and etiquette regarding inviting significant others and children? If I have my own children who will be at the wedding, does this mean that I can't tell others not to bring their children? Trying to shorten the guest list but want to be fair.

manateehugger · February 2015

Knottie38213341 said:

What are the rules and etiquette regarding inviting significant others and children? If I have my own children who will be at the wedding, does this mean that I can't tell others not to bring their children? Trying to shorten the guest list but want to be fair.

You are not required to invite children, but remain prepared for the possibility that guests with very young children or guests who will have to travel may decline if they cannot bring their kids along.

I'm of the opinion that children can and should be treated like any other potential guests (though I would try not to split up siblings) and can be invited or not invited as the relationship dictates. Your own children? Obviously invited. If your 2nd cousin you see every 2 years asks why your kid is allowed to be there but she couldn't bring little Suzie, feel free to look at her like she's a crazy person.

For significant others, no if ands or buts, they all have to be invited. Length of relationship or whether you know the SO doesn't matter.

floridabride44 · February 2015

If someone has a SO, you must invite them. You do not, however, have to give a plus one to truly single guests unless you want to.

Even if your own children will be at the wedding, it's okay to not invite other guests' children. A kid-free wedding is perfectly fine. Just don't put "Adults Only" anywhere on the invitation or wedding website. Just include only the names of the invited adults on the invitation inner envelope. There are lots of threads on here that have good tips for helping your guests understand that the only people who are invited are listed on the envelope (such as including '___ seats have been reserved in your honor' on the RSVP card)

julieanne912 · February 2015

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

MairePoppy · February 2015

Of course you can invite your kids to your wedding, whether or not you invite other kids.

You should address the invitations to the adults that you want to invite. If any of them add their children to their RSVPs, you should call them and say, 'I'm sorry for the misunderstanding but the invitation was for you and your husband. I hope you'll still be able to attend.'

Significant others should be invited. It's rude to invite half of a social unit to a wedding.

MyNameIsNot · February 2015

You must invite s/o's. It doesn't matter if you know them or how long they've been together. If they are a couple, they need to be invited together. (PP's suggestion that she'll exclude s/o's she doesn't know is rude and insulting.)

Kids are a different thing. You can invite some kids, all kids, or no kids. It's been my experience that you'll have to deal with less complaining (albeit by rude people) if you are clear in where you draw the line. No kids beyond your first cousins, great. Only out of town kids, ok. Only family kids, easy. But when you start saying these kids are invited because they're well behaved, but not those because they're hyper, you run into more people questioning your decision and trying to get you to make an exception. Of course you don't have to do anything, but whining is sometimes part of the deal when you limit kids, especially if you're inviting a lot of them.

KatWAG · February 2015

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

julieanne912 · February 2015

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

floridabride44 · February 2015

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

Because it's courteous to your guests. If someone invited me to their wedding without my FI (simply because they had never met him) I would decline that invitation immediately. It's rude to not invite significant others. You do not have to extend plus ones to TRULY single guests, but if someone is in a relationship it's rude to only invite one half of a social unit.

Your wedding is not all about you. It's about hosting your guests well. If you want it to be all about you, elope.

LondonLisa · February 2015

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

This is one of the rudest things you can do. No ifs, ands, or buts, one must ALWAYS be invited with their SO. If you say "do you have a BF, Partner, Husband?" and the answer is "yes", you are inviting both of them. You are not required to give plus ones (for truly single guests) but it is a good idea and very gracious to keep a few spots if you find out that someone has recently started a relationship.

I highly doubt you would be happy if you had a friend that hadn't bothered to get to know your fiance, and then invited you to a party but said "Don't bring that random you are engaged to". I'm willing to bet you would be incredibly offended. That is exactly how your guests will see what you are proposing to do.

Maggie0829 · February 2015

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

climbingsingle · February 2015

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

Well then I guess I should have left out some of my husband's relatives. I hadn't met his cousins that live in Florida. Or his friend from school that lives in Arizona. Yeah, fuck those people. I'd never met them, why should they be invited?!?!?!

mikenberger · February 2015

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

You're kidding, right? You have to be kidding. Put their shoes on your feet.

You and your FI live pretty close his cousin Steve. Steve is getting married. For one reason or another, even though you've been dating your FI for a certain amount of time, you've made it Facebook official and you're #1 on each other's Myspace pages.... you haven't met Steve. Your FI gets Steve's invite in the mail. You're not invited. You're not welcome to come and party with his family because he doesn't know you.

Your FI has a best friend, Joe. Same thing. Joe went away for school and hasn't been back to visit. But your FI and Joe text and Facebook all the time. Joe gets engaged. FI gets the invite in the mail. Your name isn't on there. You're not invited. How do you feel? It's not YOUR fault that you haven't Joe. Hell, it's not even really Joe's fault. But Joe doesn't know you and hasn't invited you, so I guess he doesn't want to get to know you.

Tough tits, cupcake. You invite SOs. Period. End of story. You do not have to invite +1s for truly single people. And if someone gains a SO by your wonderful perfect spectacular day, hopefully they'll ask if they can bring along their SO and you'll graciously say yes, instead being a horrible bitch. Because nobody likes a horrible bitch. And you're not a horrible bitch. You're a woman that wants to share the best day of her life with everybody that is near to you and the person they choose to share their life/time with.

redoryx · February 2015

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

So you'd seriously be okay having your FI invited to a wedding but not you simply because through whatever circumstances came about, the couple getting married has never met you.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

You asked about etiquette so here it is:

- ALL SOs get invited whether you know/like them or not.
- you can invite your own kids without inviting others' kids.
- if you invite only some kids, just don't split families. Meaning, don't invite the 16 y/o but not the 10 y/o

If you were going to invite whoever you wanted and follow you own made up rules, why come here and ask for etiquette advice?

AddieCake · February 2015

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding?

I had never met my MIL, SIL, or BIL until our rehearsal dinner. We invited them 8 weeks before that, though. Should I not have invited them? I mean, they are my husband's mother, sister, and brother and all, but shit, since I had never met them.....

We also had never met the spouses of several of our guests until the reception. Should we not have invited them?

You're ridiculous. I don't like you.

julieanne912 · February 2015

AddieCake said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding?

I had never met my MIL, SIL, or BIL until our rehearsal dinner. We invited them 8 weeks before that, though. Should I not have invited them? I mean, they are my husband's mother, sister, and brother and all, but shit, since I had never met them.....

We also had never met the spouses of several of our guests until the reception. Should we not have invited them?

You're ridiculous. I don't like you.

I'm so sad that you don't like me. You invite who you want to invite to your wedding, period, whether you've met them or not. I personally find it very strange that you never met your in laws until right before your wedding. Rather "ridiculous". And, obviously family is very different than your FI's hockey teammate from high school's girlfriend who has only been in his life for 2 months. To equate those two groups of people as being the same, is ridiculous as well.

floridabride44 · February 2015

juliejulezzzzz said:

AddieCake said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding?

I had never met my MIL, SIL, or BIL until our rehearsal dinner. We invited them 8 weeks before that, though. Should I not have invited them? I mean, they are my husband's mother, sister, and brother and all, but shit, since I had never met them.....

We also had never met the spouses of several of our guests until the reception. Should we not have invited them?

You're ridiculous. I don't like you.

I'm so sad that you don't like me. You invite who you want to invite to your wedding, period, whether you've met them or not. I personally find it very strange that you never met your in laws until right before your wedding. Rather "ridiculous". And, obviously family is very different than your FI's hockey teammate from high school's girlfriend who has only been in his life for 2 months. To equate those two groups of people as being the same, is ridiculous as well.

Well hopefully your FI won't mind that his hockey teammate doesn't come to the wedding, because he will likely decline your invitation if you so rudely disregard his relationship.

julieanne912 · February 2015

redoryx said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

So you'd seriously be okay having your FI invited to a wedding but not you simply because through whatever circumstances came about, the couple getting married has never met you.

Actually no, it wouldn't bother me. It would be a bit odd since we've lived together for over 3 years, but in the end, I'm not that interested in going to a wedding full of people I don't know either, so I wouldn't be bothered at all.

I think people read my original comment the wrong way. When I referring to significant others, I meant the ones in new relationships that might come about between sending the invitation and the actual wedding. So, for example, FI's hockey buddy in Wyoming is single right now. Our save the dates are being sent out in March. Our invites are going to be sent out in June for an early September wedding. Hockey buddy meets a girl and they are in a relationship starting in August. Do I all of a sudden have to invite her too?

DaniBites · February 2015

julieanne912 · February 2015

climbingwife said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

Well then I guess I should have left out some of my husband's relatives. I hadn't met his cousins that live in Florida. Or his friend from school that lives in Arizona. Yeah, fuck those people. I'd never met them, why should they be invited?!?!?!

Good lord, I meant "I" figuratively. Obviously if my FI knows them (and has included them on his part of the guest list), then they are getting an invite. You ladies read things far too literally.

Maggie0829 · February 2015

juliejulezzzzz said:

AddieCake said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding?

I had never met my MIL, SIL, or BIL until our rehearsal dinner. We invited them 8 weeks before that, though. Should I not have invited them? I mean, they are my husband's mother, sister, and brother and all, but shit, since I had never met them.....

We also had never met the spouses of several of our guests until the reception. Should we not have invited them?

You're ridiculous. I don't like you.

I'm so sad that you don't like me. You invite who you want to invite to your wedding, period, whether you've met them or not. I personally find it very strange that you never met your in laws until right before your wedding. Rather "ridiculous". And, obviously family is very different than your FI's hockey teammate from high school's girlfriend who has only been in his life for 2 months. To equate those two groups of people as being the same, is ridiculous as well.

julieanne912 · February 2015

hsgator said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

AddieCake said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding?

I had never met my MIL, SIL, or BIL until our rehearsal dinner. We invited them 8 weeks before that, though. Should I not have invited them? I mean, they are my husband's mother, sister, and brother and all, but shit, since I had never met them.....

We also had never met the spouses of several of our guests until the reception. Should we not have invited them?

You're ridiculous. I don't like you.

I'm so sad that you don't like me. You invite who you want to invite to your wedding, period, whether you've met them or not. I personally find it very strange that you never met your in laws until right before your wedding. Rather "ridiculous". And, obviously family is very different than your FI's hockey teammate from high school's girlfriend who has only been in his life for 2 months. To equate those two groups of people as being the same, is ridiculous as well.

Well hopefully your FI won't mind that his hockey teammate doesn't come to the wedding, because he will likely decline your invitation if you so rudely disregard his relationship.

See time line in previous post. How can I invite his girlfriend if she doesn't exist when invitations are sent out?

floridabride44 · February 2015

juliejulezzzzz said:

redoryx said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

So you'd seriously be okay having your FI invited to a wedding but not you simply because through whatever circumstances came about, the couple getting married has never met you.

Actually no, it wouldn't bother me. It would be a bit odd since we've lived together for over 3 years, but in the end, I'm not that interested in going to a wedding full of people I don't know either, so I wouldn't be bothered at all.

I think people read my original comment the wrong way. When I referring to significant others, I meant the ones in new relationships that might come about between sending the invitation and the actual wedding. So, for example, FI's hockey buddy in Wyoming is single right now. Our save the dates are being sent out in March. Our invites are going to be sent out in June for an early September wedding. Hockey buddy meets a girl and they are in a relationship starting in August. Do I all of a sudden have to invite her too?

1st bolded: You wouldn't want to accompany your FI to a wedding? You'd rather him have to go alone? You sound like such a sweetheart.

2nd bolded: You should send out invitations 6-8 weeks ahead of your wedding date (unless you're having a destination wedding). So for an early September wedding, the earliest you should mail invitations is the 2nd week of July.

3rd bolded: Yes, if hockey buddy calls and says "Hey, I have a girlfriend now, can she come to the wedding with me?" it would be polite to say yes. Try to leave a little bit of wiggle room in your budget for this type of situation.

Maggie0829 · February 2015

hsgator said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

redoryx said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

So you'd seriously be okay having your FI invited to a wedding but not you simply because through whatever circumstances came about, the couple getting married has never met you.

Actually no, it wouldn't bother me. It would be a bit odd since we've lived together for over 3 years, but in the end, I'm not that interested in going to a wedding full of people I don't know either, so I wouldn't be bothered at all.

I think people read my original comment the wrong way. When I referring to significant others, I meant the ones in new relationships that might come about between sending the invitation and the actual wedding. So, for example, FI's hockey buddy in Wyoming is single right now. Our save the dates are being sent out in March. Our invites are going to be sent out in June for an early September wedding. Hockey buddy meets a girl and they are in a relationship starting in August. Do I all of a sudden have to invite her too?

1st bolded: You wouldn't want to accompany your FI to a wedding? You'd rather him have to go alone? You sound like such a sweetheart.

2nd bolded: You should send out invitations 6-8 weeks ahead of your wedding date (unless you're having a destination wedding). So for an early September wedding, the earliest you should mail invitations is the 2nd week of July.

3rd bolded: Yes, if hockey buddy calls and says "Hey, I have a girlfriend now, can she come to the wedding with me?" it would be polite to say yes. Try to leave a little bit of wiggle room in your budget for this type of situation.

Still the same timeline even if you are having a DW.

mikenberger · February 2015

julieanne912 · February 2015

hsgator said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

redoryx said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

So you'd seriously be okay having your FI invited to a wedding but not you simply because through whatever circumstances came about, the couple getting married has never met you.

Actually no, it wouldn't bother me. It would be a bit odd since we've lived together for over 3 years, but in the end, I'm not that interested in going to a wedding full of people I don't know either, so I wouldn't be bothered at all.

I think people read my original comment the wrong way. When I referring to significant others, I meant the ones in new relationships that might come about between sending the invitation and the actual wedding. So, for example, FI's hockey buddy in Wyoming is single right now. Our save the dates are being sent out in March. Our invites are going to be sent out in June for an early September wedding. Hockey buddy meets a girl and they are in a relationship starting in August. Do I all of a sudden have to invite her too?

1st bolded: You wouldn't want to accompany your FI to a wedding? You'd rather him have to go alone? You sound like such a sweetheart.

2nd bolded: You should send out invitations 6-8 weeks ahead of your wedding date (unless you're having a destination wedding). So for an early September wedding, the earliest you should mail invitations is the 2nd week of July.

3rd bolded: Yes, if hockey buddy calls and says "Hey, I have a girlfriend now, can she come to the wedding with me?" it would be polite to say yes. Try to leave a little bit of wiggle room in your budget for this type of situation.

1st: I believe the question was, in so many words "You'd be ok with your FI getting invited to a wedding and you aren't" and my answer was, yes, I'd be OK with that. Again, like I said, a bit odd since we've been living together for quite awhile and I've been to all his family events etc., but in the end, it's the couple's choice about who to invite. I don't get upset by stuff like that.

2nd: That's great, I'm planning on getting them ready to go by the end of June. I'm doing them myself, including hand addressing 110 of them, so I'm giving myself some extra time.

3rd: Of course, if hockey buddy called and said he'd really like to bring his new girlfriend, I would definitely say yes. I purposely booked a venue that's a bit larger than what we needed since I'm assuming there will be last minute additions, and will have extra place settings as well.

My point was, I can't invite a significant other that doesn't exist when I send out the invites, and to keep the guest list smaller (which everyone says to do to help with the budget), we are not doing plus ones for friends that are single at the time of the invitations. We both have large families so our "small" guest list is still quite large, we're at 202 on the invite list right now.

I was very single until I was 29 years old, so you can imagine I've been to my fair share of weddings. I would say over half did not give me a plus one, including those weddings where I only knew the bride and groom and pretty much nobody else. I never once felt insulted or anything like that, I usually felt honored that I received an invitation to their wedding.

Maggie0829 · February 2015

juliejulezzzzz said:

hsgator said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

redoryx said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

So you'd seriously be okay having your FI invited to a wedding but not you simply because through whatever circumstances came about, the couple getting married has never met you.

Actually no, it wouldn't bother me. It would be a bit odd since we've lived together for over 3 years, but in the end, I'm not that interested in going to a wedding full of people I don't know either, so I wouldn't be bothered at all.

I think people read my original comment the wrong way. When I referring to significant others, I meant the ones in new relationships that might come about between sending the invitation and the actual wedding. So, for example, FI's hockey buddy in Wyoming is single right now. Our save the dates are being sent out in March. Our invites are going to be sent out in June for an early September wedding. Hockey buddy meets a girl and they are in a relationship starting in August. Do I all of a sudden have to invite her too?

1st bolded: You wouldn't want to accompany your FI to a wedding? You'd rather him have to go alone? You sound like such a sweetheart.

2nd bolded: You should send out invitations 6-8 weeks ahead of your wedding date (unless you're having a destination wedding). So for an early September wedding, the earliest you should mail invitations is the 2nd week of July.

3rd bolded: Yes, if hockey buddy calls and says "Hey, I have a girlfriend now, can she come to the wedding with me?" it would be polite to say yes. Try to leave a little bit of wiggle room in your budget for this type of situation.

1st: I believe the question was, in so many words "You'd be ok with your FI getting invited to a wedding and you aren't" and my answer was, yes, I'd be OK with that. Again, like I said, a bit odd since we've been living together for quite awhile and I've been to all his family events etc., but in the end, it's the couple's choice about who to invite. I don't get upset by stuff like that.

2nd: That's great, I'm planning on getting them ready to go by the end of June. I'm doing them myself, including hand addressing 110 of them, so I'm giving myself some extra time.

3rd: Of course, if hockey buddy called and said he'd really like to bring his new girlfriend, I would definitely say yes. I purposely booked a venue that's a bit larger than what we needed since I'm assuming there will be last minute additions, and will have extra place settings as well.

My point was, I can't invite a significant other that doesn't exist when I send out the invites, and to keep the guest list smaller (which everyone says to do to help with the budget), we are not doing plus ones for friends that are single at the time of the invitations. We both have large families so our "small" guest list is still quite large, we're at 202 on the invite list right now.

I was very single until I was 29 years old, so you can imagine I've been to my fair share of weddings. I would say over half did not give me a plus one, including those weddings where I only knew the bride and groom and pretty much nobody else. I never once felt insulted or anything like that, I usually felt honored that I received an invitation to their wedding.

I didn't realize there was difference between single and very single.

Sweetie are your quads, glutes and calves sore? Because the amount of back peddling you have just done has to be at least 100 miles worth.

julieanne912 · February 2015

Maggie0829 said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

hsgator said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

redoryx said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

So you'd seriously be okay having your FI invited to a wedding but not you simply because through whatever circumstances came about, the couple getting married has never met you.

Actually no, it wouldn't bother me. It would be a bit odd since we've lived together for over 3 years, but in the end, I'm not that interested in going to a wedding full of people I don't know either, so I wouldn't be bothered at all.

I think people read my original comment the wrong way. When I referring to significant others, I meant the ones in new relationships that might come about between sending the invitation and the actual wedding. So, for example, FI's hockey buddy in Wyoming is single right now. Our save the dates are being sent out in March. Our invites are going to be sent out in June for an early September wedding. Hockey buddy meets a girl and they are in a relationship starting in August. Do I all of a sudden have to invite her too?

1st bolded: You wouldn't want to accompany your FI to a wedding? You'd rather him have to go alone? You sound like such a sweetheart.

2nd bolded: You should send out invitations 6-8 weeks ahead of your wedding date (unless you're having a destination wedding). So for an early September wedding, the earliest you should mail invitations is the 2nd week of July.

3rd bolded: Yes, if hockey buddy calls and says "Hey, I have a girlfriend now, can she come to the wedding with me?" it would be polite to say yes. Try to leave a little bit of wiggle room in your budget for this type of situation.

1st: I believe the question was, in so many words "You'd be ok with your FI getting invited to a wedding and you aren't" and my answer was, yes, I'd be OK with that. Again, like I said, a bit odd since we've been living together for quite awhile and I've been to all his family events etc., but in the end, it's the couple's choice about who to invite. I don't get upset by stuff like that.

2nd: That's great, I'm planning on getting them ready to go by the end of June. I'm doing them myself, including hand addressing 110 of them, so I'm giving myself some extra time.

3rd: Of course, if hockey buddy called and said he'd really like to bring his new girlfriend, I would definitely say yes. I purposely booked a venue that's a bit larger than what we needed since I'm assuming there will be last minute additions, and will have extra place settings as well.

My point was, I can't invite a significant other that doesn't exist when I send out the invites, and to keep the guest list smaller (which everyone says to do to help with the budget), we are not doing plus ones for friends that are single at the time of the invitations. We both have large families so our "small" guest list is still quite large, we're at 202 on the invite list right now.

I was very single until I was 29 years old, so you can imagine I've been to my fair share of weddings. I would say over half did not give me a plus one, including those weddings where I only knew the bride and groom and pretty much nobody else. I never once felt insulted or anything like that, I usually felt honored that I received an invitation to their wedding.

I didn't realize there was difference between single and very single.

Sweetie are your quads, glutes and calves sore? Because the amount of back peddling you have just done has to be at least 100 miles worth.

Are all members on TheKnot message boards this bitchy? Because I'm new here and I'm thinking that maybe I shouldn't participate here anymore.

And, I haven't backpeddled at all. I elaborated and explained based on people's attacks on my comments. Apparently no matter what I say, it's wrong, so I'll probably not post in this thread again. Have a great day, hope it gets better for ya!

flantastic · February 2015

juliejulezzzzz said:

hsgator said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

redoryx said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

So you'd seriously be okay having your FI invited to a wedding but not you simply because through whatever circumstances came about, the couple getting married has never met you.

Actually no, it wouldn't bother me. It would be a bit odd since we've lived together for over 3 years, but in the end, I'm not that interested in going to a wedding full of people I don't know either, so I wouldn't be bothered at all.

I think people read my original comment the wrong way. When I referring to significant others, I meant the ones in new relationships that might come about between sending the invitation and the actual wedding. So, for example, FI's hockey buddy in Wyoming is single right now. Our save the dates are being sent out in March. Our invites are going to be sent out in June for an early September wedding. Hockey buddy meets a girl and they are in a relationship starting in August. Do I all of a sudden have to invite her too?

1st bolded: You wouldn't want to accompany your FI to a wedding? You'd rather him have to go alone? You sound like such a sweetheart.

2nd bolded: You should send out invitations 6-8 weeks ahead of your wedding date (unless you're having a destination wedding). So for an early September wedding, the earliest you should mail invitations is the 2nd week of July.

3rd bolded: Yes, if hockey buddy calls and says "Hey, I have a girlfriend now, can she come to the wedding with me?" it would be polite to say yes. Try to leave a little bit of wiggle room in your budget for this type of situation.

1st: I believe the question was, in so many words "You'd be ok with your FI getting invited to a wedding and you aren't" and my answer was, yes, I'd be OK with that. Again, like I said, a bit odd since we've been living together for quite awhile and I've been to all his family events etc., but in the end, it's the couple's choice about who to invite. I don't get upset by stuff like that.

2nd: That's great, I'm planning on getting them ready to go by the end of June. I'm doing them myself, including hand addressing 110 of them, so I'm giving myself some extra time.

3rd: Of course, if hockey buddy called and said he'd really like to bring his new girlfriend, I would definitely say yes. I purposely booked a venue that's a bit larger than what we needed since I'm assuming there will be last minute additions, and will have extra place settings as well.

My point was, I can't invite a significant other that doesn't exist when I send out the invites, and to keep the guest list smaller (which everyone says to do to help with the budget), we are not doing plus ones for friends that are single at the time of the invitations. We both have large families so our "small" guest list is still quite large, we're at 202 on the invite list right now.

I was very single until I was 29 years old, so you can imagine I've been to my fair share of weddings. I would say over half did not give me a plus one, including those weddings where I only knew the bride and groom and pretty much nobody else. I never once felt insulted or anything like that, I usually felt honored that I received an invitation to their wedding.

It's great that you personally would not be offended if your FI were invited to a social event without you. However, it would still be incredibly rude of whoever invited him. Doesn't matter whether you decide to let it go or hate them forever - it's still rude of them.

Your earlier posts said nothing about new relationships formed between invites and the event. You have to accommodate SOs who are in relationships before invites go out. My FI's cousins are dating new people every six months or so. We called them to find out if they had BFs at the time so that we could invite them. They did. We invited them. That's what you have to do.

What you actually said in your earlier post was "Why should I invite them if I don't know them?" The reason is that they are in a relationship with your invited guest and you need to respect that relationship. Whether or not you have met them or like them is irrelevant.

Now you're backpedaling and talking about hockey friend and his hypothetical new girlfriend after invites go out and saying that situation is the only one you've ever been discussing. Whatever. Do what you say you're going to do and accommodate her if you have room, because that is the gesture of a gracious host. If you don't have room, it's not required, but be apologetic.

Maggie0829 · February 2015

juliejulezzzzz said:

Maggie0829 said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

hsgator said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

redoryx said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

So you'd seriously be okay having your FI invited to a wedding but not you simply because through whatever circumstances came about, the couple getting married has never met you.

Actually no, it wouldn't bother me. It would be a bit odd since we've lived together for over 3 years, but in the end, I'm not that interested in going to a wedding full of people I don't know either, so I wouldn't be bothered at all.

I think people read my original comment the wrong way. When I referring to significant others, I meant the ones in new relationships that might come about between sending the invitation and the actual wedding. So, for example, FI's hockey buddy in Wyoming is single right now. Our save the dates are being sent out in March. Our invites are going to be sent out in June for an early September wedding. Hockey buddy meets a girl and they are in a relationship starting in August. Do I all of a sudden have to invite her too?

1st bolded: You wouldn't want to accompany your FI to a wedding? You'd rather him have to go alone? You sound like such a sweetheart.

2nd bolded: You should send out invitations 6-8 weeks ahead of your wedding date (unless you're having a destination wedding). So for an early September wedding, the earliest you should mail invitations is the 2nd week of July.

3rd bolded: Yes, if hockey buddy calls and says "Hey, I have a girlfriend now, can she come to the wedding with me?" it would be polite to say yes. Try to leave a little bit of wiggle room in your budget for this type of situation.

1st: I believe the question was, in so many words "You'd be ok with your FI getting invited to a wedding and you aren't" and my answer was, yes, I'd be OK with that. Again, like I said, a bit odd since we've been living together for quite awhile and I've been to all his family events etc., but in the end, it's the couple's choice about who to invite. I don't get upset by stuff like that.

2nd: That's great, I'm planning on getting them ready to go by the end of June. I'm doing them myself, including hand addressing 110 of them, so I'm giving myself some extra time.

3rd: Of course, if hockey buddy called and said he'd really like to bring his new girlfriend, I would definitely say yes. I purposely booked a venue that's a bit larger than what we needed since I'm assuming there will be last minute additions, and will have extra place settings as well.

My point was, I can't invite a significant other that doesn't exist when I send out the invites, and to keep the guest list smaller (which everyone says to do to help with the budget), we are not doing plus ones for friends that are single at the time of the invitations. We both have large families so our "small" guest list is still quite large, we're at 202 on the invite list right now.

I was very single until I was 29 years old, so you can imagine I've been to my fair share of weddings. I would say over half did not give me a plus one, including those weddings where I only knew the bride and groom and pretty much nobody else. I never once felt insulted or anything like that, I usually felt honored that I received an invitation to their wedding.

I didn't realize there was difference between single and very single.

Sweetie are your quads, glutes and calves sore? Because the amount of back peddling you have just done has to be at least 100 miles worth.

Are all members on TheKnot message boards this bitchy? Because I'm new here and I'm thinking that maybe I shouldn't participate here anymore.

And, I haven't backpeddled at all. I elaborated and explained based on people's attacks on my comments. Apparently no matter what I say, it's wrong, so I'll probably not post in this thread again. Have a great day, hope it gets better for ya!

Rules/Etiquette re: S.O.'s/kids

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