Children at the wedding?

Re: Children at the wedding?

• flantastic member

  

  February 2015

  jazzyfeisty said:

  My family is trying to bully me into changing my "no one under the age of 21" rule to allow my 2-year old nephew to attend the entire day. their reasoning is: "He's your nephew, why wouldn't you want him there?"    Um... terrible twos???

  In my eyes, I have seen him at church screaming and no one removing him or trying to quiet him.... in fact, the parties involved will tell you "everyone thought it was so cute!"- and I have no urge to have him serenade everyone during my vows. Also, I guess my situation is unique because my nephew and sister live with my parents, so my own mother is hawk-eyed over him and only him whenever he is around and sher literally cannot focus on anything else. She is having early withdrawal at the thought of him not being invited. 

  So they are continuously barraging me to change my mind, even after I offered the compromise that yes he can sit through the ceremony but during the reception I would make sure there was a babysitter at the hotel so that he would be accommodated and the adults can enjoy the evening. Apparently this is Bridezilla at its worst.

  
  

  Thoughts??

  Either invite him or don't. If you're paying for the wedding, you're under no obligation to invite the kid. Many posters here had child-free weddings, which is a valid choice.

  However, you can't offer a "compromise" and invite him to only part of the event. Parents have reasons for not wanting to use someone else's childcare. Parents also have the right to decline the invitation if their kids aren't invited, so you can't be mad if that's your sibling's choice.
  

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• zitiqueen member

  

  February 2015

  Is your 2-year-old nephew an only child?

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2015 edited February 2015

  It's perfectly reasonable to not want children at your wedding but you also have to consider that if he's not invited to the wedding then your sister may not attend as well.  By offering a babysitter is considered rude because you cannot tell your sister how to parent.
  
  You also cannot invite children to the ceremony but not invite them to the reception.  That is also considered rude.
  
  I would trust that in that event that if he began to cry during the ceremony or reception that his mother or another family member would walk out of the hall to quieten him, feed him, change him, etc.
  
  Hopefully I wasn't too much of a biddy with this.
  

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• KatWAG member

  

  February 2015

  Either invite him to the entire event or dont invite him at all.

  However, I do think it's ironic that you would allow your nephew to attend the ceremony, where he could cry through your vows. But would ask him to leave during the party, where no one would notice a little extra noise.

  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  February 2015 edited February 2015

  Well, here's my biddy opinion. 

  
  

  It's perfectly fine to not invite kids. We only invited my cousin's daughters (11 and 13) and my H's step-sisters kids (9 and 13). That's it. No young children. But honestly, your attitude about this is off-putting. I don't like kids. Shit, we went out for breakfast yesterday morning and a family with 2 kids chose to sit right on top of us and their kids pretty much coughed and sneezed over my meal. It was fucking gross and I hated it. But there's something to be said for being a gracious person, and conducting yourself with integrity. You seem like you're whining about this, and it comes off as incredibly immature. 
  

  
  

  Also, inviting kids to just the ceremony is rude. Just don't invite them at all. 

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• mikenberger member

  

  February 2015 edited February 2015

  Well it's quite obvious that the 2yr old cares about the ceremony and not the fun reception to follow. 

  
  

  
  

  What? That doesn't sound right? Yeah, because it doesn't fucking make sense.

  
  

  ETA: Don't invite him to anything or invite him to everything. Just like a regular guest.

  
  

  
  

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• lovegood90 member

  

  February 2015

  I answered this when you asked it in the other thread, but just keep standing your ground and don't invite children to either the ceremony or reception. It would be rude to invite them to only one and not the other.

  Formerly martha1818

  

  
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  February 2015

  I'm a biddy according to your post in another thread, but I'll respond to you nicely anyway.

  
  

  I had a child free wedding. It's my personal opinion (and not everyone shares it), that weddings are adult events. We don't like screaming/mis-behaved children and we didn't want them at our wedding. Some people weren't happy. OH WELL.

  
  

  If you're paying for the wedding yourself, you can do whatever you want. If you are accepting financial assistance from someone, that person does get a say. If you don't want that person to get a say, then you decline their money and host things yourself. 

  
  

  That being said, make a decision and stick to it. You don't have to provide reasons, you don't have to explain yourself. Just say, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but (nephew) will not be invited. How is your job going, I haven't asked you in a while." Wash/repeat as necessary. 

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• novella1186 member

  

  February 2015

  I think PP have covered the etiquette issues pretty well, so I have nothing to add to that. I will say that if someone was harassing me about the same issue over and over, I would stop responding. I would not engage in a conversation with them at all unless they were willing to talk about a different topic. Once you make yourself clear on your decision, it's no longer up for discussion. 

  
  

  However, I'd also like to say that if you're willing to let this kid be at your ceremony, why are you not willing to allow him to be at your reception? I assume he's your only nephew. It's possible to have a child-free wedding [for the most part] and only allow this 1 child to be present, because it's inviting in "circles" (as in, children of siblings are allowed, but no other children are allowed). I'd rather make the exception than constantly battle it out, especially with these circumstances. All that being said, though, it is totally fine and totally etiquette acceptable to not invite any kids at all, including this one. You just have to decide where you stand on this, because you can't invite him to only part of the wedding (only the ceremony but then not the reception) and then stick to your guns and don't let your family pester you about it. 

  

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• ashley8918 member

  

  February 2015 edited February 2015

  OMG, Yes, 1 kid will toes ruin your wedding forever and you will have no choice but to have a redo, because your marriage will be invalid! /end sarc

  
  

  (P.S. THIS IS SARCASM, for those of you big, important people who don't have time to analyze sarcasm)

  
  

  But, really. If you don't want kids at your wedding, you dont have to and there is nothing wrong with that. But, I, personally, don't think it would kill you to make an exception.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  February 2015

  ashley8918 said:

  OMG, Yes, 1 kid will toes ruin your wedding forever and you will have no choice but to have a redo, because your marriage will be invalid! /end sarc

  
  

  (P.S. THIS IS SARCASM, for those of you big, important people who don't have time to analyze sarcasm)

  
  

  But, really. If you don't want kids at your wedding, you dont have to and there is nothing wrong with that. But, I, personally, don't think it would kill you to make an exception.

  Whether or not it "kills" someone to invite children or make an exception is beside the point. As you pointed out, the OP is not required to do so. If that means that the parents of the children in question don't attend, the OP will have to accept that. But she is not required to invite anyone's kid-even if the kids' parents threaten not to attend if she doesn't.

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• ashley8918 member

  

  February 2015

  Jen4948 said:

  OMG, Yes, 1 kid will toes ruin your wedding forever and you will have no choice but to have a redo, because your marriage will be invalid! /end sarc

  
  

  (P.S. THIS IS SARCASM, for those of you big, important people who don't have time to analyze sarcasm)

  
  

  But, really. If you don't want kids at your wedding, you dont have to and there is nothing wrong with that. But, I, personally, don't think it would kill you to make an exception.

  Whether or not it "kills" someone to invite children or make an exception is beside the point. As you pointed out, the OP is not required to do so. If that means that the parents of the children in question don't attend, the OP will have to accept that. But she is not required to invite anyone's kid-even if the kids' parents threaten not to attend if she doesn't.

  Yeah... which is what I said. It's totally fine NOT to make an exception. My exact words were that if she didn't want kids at her wedding she didn't have to, and there was nothing wring with that. No where did I say she should/had to/was required to make an exception. Only that IMO, it isn't a big deal to make said exception. But neither way is wrong. Calm yourself.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  February 2015

  ashley8918 said:

  
  

  Jen4948 said:

  
  

  ashley8918 said:

  OMG, Yes, 1 kid will toes ruin your wedding forever and you will have no choice but to have a redo, because your marriage will be invalid! /end sarc

  
  

  (P.S. THIS IS SARCASM, for those of you big, important people who don't have time to analyze sarcasm)

  
  

  But, really. If you don't want kids at your wedding, you dont have to and there is nothing wrong with that. But, I, personally, don't think it would kill you to make an exception.

  Whether or not it "kills" someone to invite children or make an exception is beside the point. As you pointed out, the OP is not required to do so. If that means that the parents of the children in question don't attend, the OP will have to accept that. But she is not required to invite anyone's kid-even if the kids' parents threaten not to attend if she doesn't.

  
  

  Yeah... which is what I said. It's totally fine NOT to make an exception. My exact words were that if she didn't want kids at her wedding she didn't have to, and there was nothing wring with that. No where did I say she should/had to/was required to make an exception. Only that IMO, it isn't a big deal to make said exception. But neither way is wrong. Calm yourself.
  
  Ashley, I was calm when I wrote my response before, and I'm calm now. I find it really inappropriate of you to assume that because someone disagrees with you that 2) you know their emotional state and 2) they are having a tantrum. Can you please just accept that sometimes people disagree with you without condescending to them? Because that's what your "calm yourself" amounts to.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2015 edited February 2015

  Stick with what you and your fiancé decided, and change the subject if you get asked about it again.

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• ashley8918 member

  

  February 2015

  Jen4948 said:

  Jen4948 said:

  OMG, Yes, 1 kid will toes ruin your wedding forever and you will have no choice but to have a redo, because your marriage will be invalid! /end sarc

  
  

  (P.S. THIS IS SARCASM, for those of you big, important people who don't have time to analyze sarcasm)

  
  

  But, really. If you don't want kids at your wedding, you dont have to and there is nothing wrong with that. But, I, personally, don't think it would kill you to make an exception.

  Whether or not it "kills" someone to invite children or make an exception is beside the point. As you pointed out, the OP is not required to do so. If that means that the parents of the children in question don't attend, the OP will have to accept that. But she is not required to invite anyone's kid-even if the kids' parents threaten not to attend if she doesn't.

  Yeah... which is what I said. It's totally fine NOT to make an exception. My exact words were that if she didn't want kids at her wedding she didn't have to, and there was nothing wring with that. No where did I say she should/had to/was required to make an exception. Only that IMO, it isn't a big deal to make said exception. But neither way is wrong. Calm yourself.

  Ashley, I was calm when I wrote my response before, and I'm calm now. I find it really inappropriate of you to assume that because someone disagrees with you that 2) you know their emotional state and 2) they are having a tantrum. Can you please just accept that sometimes people disagree with you without condescending to them? Because that's what your "calm yourself" amounts to.

  Good lord, really?

  
  

  I took no issue with your disagreement. It was just pretty clear that I wasn't telling the OP that she HAD to/was required to make the exception and include that kid.

  
  

  The fact that you are choosing to read condescension into what I said, is exactly the same as me reading a lack of calmness into your post. You were calm? Great, cool. No condescencion here.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  February 2015 edited February 2015

  ashley8918 said:

  
  

  Jen4948 said:

  
  

  ashley8918 said:

  
  

  Jen4948 said:

  
  

  ashley8918 said:

  OMG, Yes, 1 kid will toes ruin your wedding forever and you will have no choice but to have a redo, because your marriage will be invalid! /end sarc

  
  

  (P.S. THIS IS SARCASM, for those of you big, important people who don't have time to analyze sarcasm)

  
  

  But, really. If you don't want kids at your wedding, you dont have to and there is nothing wrong with that. But, I, personally, don't think it would kill you to make an exception.

  Whether or not it "kills" someone to invite children or make an exception is beside the point. As you pointed out, the OP is not required to do so. If that means that the parents of the children in question don't attend, the OP will have to accept that. But she is not required to invite anyone's kid-even if the kids' parents threaten not to attend if she doesn't.

  
  

  Yeah... which is what I said. It's totally fine NOT to make an exception. My exact words were that if she didn't want kids at her wedding she didn't have to, and there was nothing wring with that. No where did I say she should/had to/was required to make an exception. Only that IMO, it isn't a big deal to make said exception. But neither way is wrong. Calm yourself.

  Ashley, I was calm when I wrote my response before, and I'm calm now. I find it really inappropriate of you to assume that because someone disagrees with you that 2) you know their emotional state and 2) they are having a tantrum. Can you please just accept that sometimes people disagree with you without condescending to them? Because that's what your "calm yourself" amounts to.

  
  

  Good lord, really?

  
  

  I took no issue with your disagreement. It was just pretty clear that I wasn't telling the OP that she HAD to/was required to make the exception and include that kid.

  
  

  The fact that you are choosing to read condescension into what I said, is exactly the same as me reading a lack of calmness into your post. You were calm? Great, cool. No condescencion here.

  
  
  Then why did you even need to say "calm yourself" if you had no issue with what I said? It was offensive.

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• ashley8918 member

  

  February 2015

  Jen4948 said:

  ashley8918 said:

  
  

  Jen4948 said:

  
  

  ashley8918 said:

  
  

  Jen4948 said:

  
  

  ashley8918 said:

  OMG, Yes, 1 kid will toes ruin your wedding forever and you will have no choice but to have a redo, because your marriage will be invalid! /end sarc

  
  

  (P.S. THIS IS SARCASM, for those of you big, important people who don't have time to analyze sarcasm)

  
  

  But, really. If you don't want kids at your wedding, you dont have to and there is nothing wrong with that. But, I, personally, don't think it would kill you to make an exception.

  Whether or not it "kills" someone to invite children or make an exception is beside the point. As you pointed out, the OP is not required to do so. If that means that the parents of the children in question don't attend, the OP will have to accept that. But she is not required to invite anyone's kid-even if the kids' parents threaten not to attend if she doesn't.

  
  

  Yeah... which is what I said. It's totally fine NOT to make an exception. My exact words were that if she didn't want kids at her wedding she didn't have to, and there was nothing wring with that. No where did I say she should/had to/was required to make an exception. Only that IMO, it isn't a big deal to make said exception. But neither way is wrong. Calm yourself.

  Ashley, I was calm when I wrote my response before, and I'm calm now. I find it really inappropriate of you to assume that because someone disagrees with you that 2) you know their emotional state and 2) they are having a tantrum. Can you please just accept that sometimes people disagree with you without condescending to them? Because that's what your "calm yourself" amounts to.

  
  

  Good lord, really?

  
  

  I took no issue with your disagreement. It was just pretty clear that I wasn't telling the OP that she HAD to/was required to make the exception and include that kid.

  
  

  The fact that you are choosing to read condescension into what I said, is exactly the same as me reading a lack of calmness into your post. You were calm? Great, cool. No condescencion here.

  
  
  Then why did you even need to say "calm yourself" if you had no issue with what I said? It was offensive.
  
  ----------------
  If you are offended by something so silly, and not at all offensive, you are not ready for the internet.

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• delujm0 member

  

  February 2015

  OP think my question is, if your cheif concern is that your nephew will scream during your ceremony, which is valid, then why is your suggested compromise to invite him only to the ceremony?  this doesn't make an ounce of sense.  a loud baby won't be noticed during the reception.  the ceremony is another story.  obviously it's rude to invite people, including children, to only one or the other, but i'm just having trouble with your logic here.

   

  Honestly, it sounds more like youre jealous at all of the attention that your nephew gets on a daily basis and don't want him to deract from your wedding.

   

  Here's the situation.  You are totally within your rights to not invite your nephew provided that your parents, who want him invited, are not contributing to the cost of the wedding.  If they are contributing financially, they get some say over the guest list.  Additionally, should you choose not to invite him, you cannot be upset if your sister declines to attend.  You can't have it both ways - you can't decline to invite someone's kid and then expect that person to still show up.

   

  The only child at our wedding was our 8 month old nephew.  Believe me when i say he is the center of everyone's attention 24/7.  but he in no way detracted from our wedding day.  i'm told that he started acting up during the ceremony and a friend who was in charge of him (because both of his parents were in the wedding party) took him outside.  we didn't even know this had happened.  SIL wanted to be able to enjoy the reception, so she asked us for a reference to a local babysitter, who met her in her hotel room during the cocktail hour and put him to bed while she returned to the wedding.  Note that SHE asked US for a babysitter reference, and we didn't require that of her.    that is how this is handled.  either invite the kid and trust his parents or caretakers to be responsible about removing him from the ceremony if he is loud, or don't invite him and accept that your sister might not be in attendance.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2015 edited June 2015

  
  

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• danamw member

  

  February 2015

  If you talk about it again with your mom, ask her "if he starts crying during the ceremony, who is going to take him out of the church?' If she or his mother are going to do that, fine. They usually don't remove him, but tell them, for your ceremony, you want him removed.

  This advice will go over like a fart in church, but ..... Benadryl?

  
  

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• ashley8918 member

  

  February 2015

  danamw said:

  If you talk about it again with your mom, ask her "if he starts crying during the ceremony, who is going to take him out of the church?' If she or his mother are going to do that, fine. They usually don't remove him, but tell them, for your ceremony, you want him removed.

  This advice will go over like a fart in church, but ..... Benadryl?

  
  

  
  

  
  

  You had better be fucking joking. And even if you are, it's not funny and you are the worst.

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• slothiegal member

  

  February 2015

  danamw said:If you talk about it again with your mom, ask her "if he starts crying during the ceremony, who is going to take him out of the church?' If she or his mother are going to do that, fine. They usually don't remove him, but tell them, for your ceremony, you want him removed. This advice will go over like a fart in church, but ..... Benadryl?
  
  
  .....just so I'm totally clear here, your advice is that OP suggest to the mother of the child (because after all, it's not her own), that she drug him, yes?

  
  

  
  

  
  

  ....I'm just gonna sit this one out, y'all. 

  

  
  

  
  

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• danamw member

  

  March 2015

  I just know that pediatricians recommend Benadryl to kids who are going on a plane trip.

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• ashley8918 member

  

  March 2015 edited March 2015

  danamw said:

  I just know that pediatricians recommend Benadryl to kids who are going on a plane trip.

  1) I gather that you are not a pediatrician (and even if you were, you wouldn't be prescribing shit to randos over the internet)

  
  

  ETA And I do not know of a single doctor who would recommend this. One that would should lose their license to practice.
  

  
  

  2) Benadryl is an allergy medicine, not an im-a-shit-parent-and-dont-know-how-to-calm-my-child-appropriately medicine. What you are recommended is selfish, awful, and straight up dangerous. Recommending a drug for off label use is dangerous because it has not been tested and approved by the FDA for that usage. The chances of a serious adverse event or overdose are unknown, and should not be fucked with. 

  
  

  PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, tell me that you do not and will not be having children. Otherwise, someone should call CPS on your ass.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  March 2015

  Stand your ground, it's your day. Everyone is going to have an opinion on everything you do, ultimately you just have to do what is best for you and your fiance on YOUR special day. If they keep hounding you just calmly say that sorry, the discussion is closed. Having a particular vision for your day, whether it involves children or not, does not make you a Bridezilla. Just stay calm and stick to your guns!
  

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• princessofgenovia member

  

  March 2015

  For some people Benadryl actually acts as an "upper" making them more hyperactive. Especially in children.
  
  Says someone who was given it as a child and kept her parents up until 2 am.

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• banana468 member

  

  March 2015

  There's a huge difference between trying to get a child to sleep when little ears can't handle a change in cabin pressure during flights so the result is screaming in pain and wanting the child to be quiet for a wedding. Really? ??

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• ohannabelle member

  

  March 2015

  
  

  If you talk about it again with your mom, ask her "if he starts crying during the ceremony, who is going to take him out of the church?' If she or his mother are going to do that, fine. They usually don't remove him, but tell them, for your ceremony, you want him removed.

  This advice will go over like a fart in church, but ..... Benadryl?

  
  

  
  
  Benadryl, first of all, isn't recommended for children under 6. That's when it's used properly, for it's intended purpose. 

  
  

  Go look at the website. Number one information item says WARNING- Do not use to make a child sleepy. Also the information that this product might cause excitability, especially in children. Shakiness, dizziness, headache, dry mouth, irritability...just not something anyone should willingly subject a child to. 

  
  

  Please, not on a plane, where a normal cranky child might suddenly become a sleepless, "excitable," shaking and irritable child, because that's not an improvement, and if the child gets seriously sick or has an adverse reaction or overdoses, you can't even jump in the car and head for the ER. 

  
  

  And sure as hell not for a party so the bride can relax and enjoy the day.

  
  

  How about never?

  
  

  Children have actually died from being tranquillized with Benadryl. I'll say that twice, for emphasis. Children have actually died from being tranquillized with Benadryl. Parents have been legally prosecuted. Not once, but multiple cases. 

  
  

  I hope nobody, nobody, nobody lurking reads this thread and thinks, oh, Benadryl. Good idea to drug a two year old with. Because I read it on the internet, and someone said pediatricians recommend it. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• ashley8918 member

  

  March 2015

  banana468 said:

  There's a huge difference between trying to get a child to sleep when little ears can't handle a change in cabin pressure during flights so the result is screaming in pain and wanting the child to be quiet for a wedding. Really? ??

  Yes, there is a difference. But drugging them with something not approved for such a use is wrong as hell in both instances.

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• ashley8918 member

  

  March 2015

  princessofgenovia said:

  For some people Benadryl actually acts as an "upper" making them more hyperactive. Especially in children.
  
  Says someone who was given it as a child and kept her parents up until 2 am.

  This is my daughter. I had to give it to her for an allergic reaction, and now we call it baby crack. She was bouncing off the walls, like literally.

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