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Do I have to mention my Fiance's 3y old Son in my vows?

Knottie88612348Knottie88612348 member
in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
My fiance has a 3 year old son. We met with the officiant yesterday and he asked if we wanted him to mention or say anything about his son during the ceremony. I'm not that close with his son, so I personally don't want to say or mention him when I saw my vows. He's the ring barrier so he's involved in the wedding. 

But do I mention him in my vows? If so, how or what would I say? 

Or should I have the officiant mention him? If so, how would we incorporate him?  f
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Re: Do I have to mention my Fiance's 3y old Son in my vows?

  • lovegood90lovegood90 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Nope, wedding vows should just be about and between the two people getting married. I think it would be pretty inappropriate to mention his son or include him in the ceremony in any way (other than being a ring bearer if you choose).

    Formerly martha1818

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  • flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie88612348 said:
    My fiance has a 3 year old son. We met with the officiant yesterday and he asked if we wanted him to mention or say anything about his son during the ceremony. I'm not that close with his son, so I personally don't want to say or mention him when I saw my vows. He's the ring barrier so he's involved in the wedding. 

    But do I mention him in my vows? If so, how or what would I say? 

    Or should I have the officiant mention him? If so, how would we incorporate him?  f

    The wedding is about the two of you making a commitment to one another. Incorporating him in the vows is inappropriate because he's not a part of the marital relationship between the two of you... Even though that marital relationship probably means you'll be involved in his life. But the same goes for your FI's friends, on a different level.

    As PP said, he can be ring bearer, but the wedding is not and does not need to be about him, apart from being sure he's well cared for during the ceremony and reception just like any other guest.

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  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    The wedding is about you and your fiancé joining together.  A three year old cannot make a commitment and should not be involved in the process (other than perhaps being a ring-bearer).  


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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You are right not to include him in the vows. Ringbearer is a great role for him, provided there will be someone to take care of him if he has a meltdown rather than walk the aisle (it's certainly happened with older children than he)

    That said, why are you not close to or trying to get to know your future stepson? Putting myself in your fiancé's shoes, I think I would be hurt.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Ring bearer is an appropriate role for your stepson-to-be. And you are correct that he shouldn't be part of your vows. He will be included just by being there. Take photos together. And yes, get to know him.
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  • fwtx5815fwtx5815 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    You do not need to involve him directly.

    The only appropriate thing I can think of - if either you or your fiancé insist on mentioning him (not the officiant, only do this if you two are comfortable) - would be to say something along the lines of: "I promise to support you as a parent in raising your son," or something along those lines. But even that is not necessary.

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     fka dallasbetch 


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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Agree with PPs. The vows should be just between you and your FI. 
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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Knottie88612348 said:
    My fiance has a 3 year old son. We met with the officiant yesterday and he asked if we wanted him to mention or say anything about his son during the ceremony. I'm not that close with his son, so I personally don't want to say or mention him when I saw my vows. He's the ring barrier so he's involved in the wedding. 

    But do I mention him in my vows? If so, how or what would I say? 

    Or should I have the officiant mention him? If so, how would we incorporate him?  f
    Yeah, yeah, all the PPs are right, you don't have to mention him at all. But...the bold concerns me. I mean it's fine and all you two are the bestest of friends but...you do realize you're signing to have this kid around forever right? This isn't just your FI's son, he'll be your step-son to.

    The bolded just kind of make it sound like...you're completely uninterested in the kid as a whole. That's....not good.

    And hey maybe that's not what you meant. I just want you to realize, he's 3, so he's not going anywhere anytime soon and you're gonna be his brand new step-mom. You might want to work on having a closer relationship with said son. 
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Of course not. Marriage vows are between/about 2 people. From one person to another person. 

    In fact, I would think including the 3 y/o would be odd. He'll be perfectly fine and involved as a ring bearer.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    Including the 3 year old as the ring bearer is appropriate. The marriage ceremony is a verbal contract between the bride and groom.

    I hope that you'll grow to love your fi's son. If you're not open to that idea, marrying his dad isn't a good idea.

                       
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