Mostly just a vent
FI & I decided a long time ago if/when we got married it would be small. Our parents have known this from hypothetical conversations that have randomly been brought up over the years.
Fast forward and we get engaged. We get a small venue and start working on the guest list.
FI tells me about a conversation he had with his mom. Apparently FMIL told FSIL (FI's SS) about the wedding. FSIL lives on the east coast, while we're in the midwest. FI & FSIL are not close - they never call, email, text, or converse outside of family functions they both happen to be at. They met as adults and do not have a relationship. However, apparently FSIL thinks we should wait and plan our wedding around when she is going to be back in our state. She's not even on FIs working list for his side [Did I tell you guys about having to plan xmas at FI's (not FSILs) grandma's house around her and it preventing FSD from attending xmas? Same one.] I don't expect this to be the last we hear about this. I will defer to FI and FI will stand his ground.
So last night I'm talking to my dad (who is being super cute and excited about us getting married on his birthday) and he asks if everything's finalized. I make the mistake of mentioning no, FI & I need to put in our contract our request for the tables/chairs we require from the venue that we'll turn in this weekend so we have to finalize the GL first.
I reiterate that we're keeping it small. SM suggests we send out pre-announcements telling people we're keeping it small but that we're thinking of them.
Dad starts naming off names of people he thinks would come if invited with the excuse that "Oh, its only x people."
I again reiterate our goal of "small" and that it's not that I don't want to see/celebrate with those few people, but I alone have 8 aunts/uncles and 27 first cousins just on my dad's side. Not including their spouses.
Dad expresses that he wishes he was in a better situation to help us financially.
I think he got the point by the time I got off the phone. We want a small wedding. I'm not opposed to sending announcements day-of or after-the-fact but they're sure as hell not going to be "Oh sorry you aren't invited next month" notes.
I think this has actually shrunk my working guest list. I was considering adding a few members of extended family if we had room who I see outside of weddings/funerals but if its going to cause drama I can wait and see them 3.5 months later at my brother's wedding. I'm so glad we chose a short engagement. I don't envy people who have to deal with GLs for a year or more. Props to you that have done it.
Formerly known as flutterbride2b