TL;DR: I need a Lean In group. Sheryl Sandberg style!
I refuse to say that this is a female issue, because it isn't (that's far too generalized), but I would guess that females encounter this more than males, and so I'd like to throw it out here and get some thoughtful advice and experience.
I have an anxiety disorder. That's just a fact. I know it impacts my daily life, and I'm on medication, but obviously when shit hits the fan, that's not enough and my shit hits the fan a little harder than most.
On top of that, I've always been a crier. When I'm really angry (like really ragey) I end up in tears because my body is literally so overwhelmed with emotion...it just happens. I've had similar things happen when I'm frustrated, taken aback/surprised (I hate surprises), and happy, and obviously, sad. But I'm a crier.
Things have been brewing at my workplace, both for me personally and for the organization as a whole - we're severely understaffed right now, which puts us all in a state of constant crisis.
Outside of work I'm planning a wedding, and as some may remember from a previous thread, grieving the loss of my FMIL, who passed away at Thanksgiving. It's been a tough winter outside of work.
And finally, today, at work, my boss told me I'm not a team player, I'm not pulling my weight, and my attitude is far too dismissive and we need to have a meeting with my direct supervisor about it.
I freaking lost it. I couldn't stop crying for like an hour. I ended up taking extra of my anxiety meds -- the only reason I didn't leave entirely was because I had an important event with students and parents at the end of that hour (which, thank god, was enough of a change of pace and the meds kicked in that I got through it with what I'm going to say were flying colors).
But I can't do that. I can't cry every time a supervisor is mad at me or I'm mad at them. I suppose I should head back to therapy but...am I crazy?????
Re: NWR - Sad/Angry/Frustrated/Taken Aback...and I cry.
I also suffer from anxiety (and depression and panic attacks) and I cry at the drop of a hat. I have gotten better at the crying (when I feel the lump forming, I excuse myself and go somewhere quiet and I can usually calm myself down).
I know it's hard to not cry at work. I have cried many times in the bathroom stall or even in my car at lunch time. After years of this, I have managed to find way to help me avoiding crying at work. Sometimes I will redirect my mind to other thoughts when I feel the lump coming, redirect my emotions (instead of sad, get mad) or even focus on my breathing.
One of the reasons I don't talk about my wedding, is the thought of wedding planning sent me into a panic attack. I am working 15 hour days and they though of adding that on was too much for me. We decided to just enjoy being engaged and not worry about planning. The wedding has been out on hold until we decided it's time to start planning.
Short story is I forgot to invite big boss into a meeting and he cursed me out. I went in the next day to ask him to refrain from using that kind of language and he went into a big lecture about how I'm not doing my job these days and my attitude sucks. I thought it'd be a short conversation about a very simple and professional request and was just so taken aback and hurt by the way he reacted. Oy.
@missdelilah the diet thing doesn't sound weird at all. Actually I think it would help me in a number of ways but it's a battle haha. I Don't see myself giving up processed foods but dairy makes my sinuses crazy so I might forgo that for awhile and literally "clear my head"
Also, I love it when people who clearly aren't paying attention tell you you're doing it wrong. Whaa?