• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Customs and Traditions

bridesmaids gifts question

2»

Re: bridesmaids gifts question

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    It never ceases to amaze me the absolute ludicrous things people say on these forums. Just ignore the hate, it's you and your fiance's day, so don't let random people get you down! If you want your bridesmaids to wear cowboy boots, parkas, spaceship helmets, or whatever that's your prerogative! When they agree to become a bridesmaid they agree to that. As long as you were considerate of their feelings/budget and didn't ask for designer dresses/boots that they can't afford it's no different than if they had to buy stilettos. Rock your style! :)

    I know my bridesmaids well enough (And I hope you do too) to know that they would like jewelry as a gift, so if you think a ring is the way to go, excellent! I would maybe give it to them at your Bridal Shower, and then let them know you'll gladly get them sized to fit and they can wear it to the wedding or not. If you still want to get them something on your wedding day, you could always opt for something small, like a clutch. That was one of my favorite gifts I got as a bridesmaid, and it had jewelry in it as well. I was just grateful to be part of her big day. I've also gotten giftcards to my favorite coffee place. (She got each girl a giftcard to one of her favorite places.)



    Really? So the people who really aren't comfortable with their pictures being taken in a robe (because that's the only reason these robes are ever given) or have wide calves which they feel look ridiculous in cowboy boots, they should just suck it up because your ability to dress them up like a doll for pictures is sooo important? You're contradicting yourself by saying "as long as you're considerate of their feelings/budget" because you're also directly advocating that they agree to put their feelings/budget aside when they're a BM.

    If someone asked what my budget was for cowboy boots, I would answer that it was $0. At least the dress I have a chance at wearing again. But I imagine that I wouldn't really be asked.

    [Deleted User]
  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary

    It never ceases to amaze me the absolute ludicrous things people say on these forums. Just ignore the hate, it's you and your fiance's day, so don't let random people get you down! If you want your bridesmaids to wear cowboy boots, parkas, spaceship helmets, or whatever that's your prerogative! When they agree to become a bridesmaid they agree to that. As long as you were considerate of their feelings/budget and didn't ask for designer dresses/boots that they can't afford it's no different than if they had to buy stilettos. Rock your style! :)

    I know my bridesmaids well enough (And I hope you do too) to know that they would like jewelry as a gift, so if you think a ring is the way to go, excellent! I would maybe give it to them at your Bridal Shower, and then let them know you'll gladly get them sized to fit and they can wear it to the wedding or not. If you still want to get them something on your wedding day, you could always opt for something small, like a clutch. That was one of my favorite gifts I got as a bridesmaid, and it had jewelry in it as well. I was just grateful to be part of her big day. I've also gotten giftcards to my favorite coffee place. (She got each girl a giftcard to one of her favorite places.)

    @rachdzog08 When someone agrees to become a bridesmaid, it is because they are the bride's nearest and dearest friends and they want to stand by her while she gets married. They do not sign up to be props or decorations. The only duties a bridesmaid has is to buy the dress that is in their budget, show up and look happy, and be sober enough to walk down the aisle and stand up straight. That is it. Your idea of what a bridesmaid is suppose to do sound like you should just hire friends for the day because I would never want to be treated like that. 

    FTR, I was MOH in September for a Pinterest wedding explosion. It was really cute and perfect for the Bride and Groom. She asked us all to wear brown cowboy boots for a few pictures. We all did because very single one of us already owned them. We didn't have to go out and spendmoney on boots, and she knew that. 

  • Sigh. Ok. So as for the bridesmaid robes I hope you are close enough to your bridesmaids to know that "Jane dresses very modestly, I doubt she would be comfortable in that. Maybe I'll do something else instead." And are you so incredibly uncomfortable with your seemingly wide calves you can't make an exception for one day? I am positive no one is going to look at these pictures later and be like "This picture would be lovely if the third bridesmaid from the left's calves didn't look so wide!"

     I completely 100% agree that you should take bridesmaids' feelings as a major concern. I just think if nothing is majorly wrong (too revealing, too uncomfortable, too expensive) a bridesmaid should compromise? Not "suck it up." For instance, some of my bridesmaids are very busty, so I know an unsupportive, low cut strapless isn't the way to go. However, just because one of them doesn't like turquoise, doesn't mean I'm going to change my colors around. And for the record, I just looked at WalMart.com and you can get cowboy boots for $30. That's less than I've spent for shoes in any wedding I've ever been in.

    I've been in weddings were I didn't love the dress, but it made the bride happy so why would I make a big deal if I didn't like it? It's not my day...and whoa, I survived! I even had a great time, gasp!

    Emmaaa, I totally agree those are the duties of a bridesmaid. I just think asking them to wear a dress or shoes that isn't their favorite for one day isn't exactly asking for anything extreme. Again, as long as it's nothing one of them is majorly uncomfortable with for modesty, budget, or other big reason.

    You can have a vision for your bridesmaids without "Dressing them up like dolls." I'm curious what you guys plan on doing for your bridesmaids if you are so concerned with making sure they never have to compromise on a single thing.

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Sigh. Ok. So as for the bridesmaid robes I hope you are close enough to your bridesmaids to know that "Jane dresses very modestly, I doubt she would be comfortable in that. Maybe I'll do something else instead." And are you so incredibly uncomfortable with your seemingly wide calves you can't make an exception for one day? I am positive no one is going to look at these pictures later and be like "This picture would be lovely if the third bridesmaid from the left's calves didn't look so wide!"

     I completely 100% agree that you should take bridesmaids' feelings as a major concern. I just think if nothing is majorly wrong (too revealing, too uncomfortable, too expensive) a bridesmaid should compromise? Not "suck it up." For instance, some of my bridesmaids are very busty, so I know an unsupportive, low cut strapless isn't the way to go. However, just because one of them doesn't like turquoise, doesn't mean I'm going to change my colors around. And for the record, I just looked at WalMart.com and you can get cowboy boots for $30. That's less than I've spent for shoes in any wedding I've ever been in.

    I've been in weddings were I didn't love the dress, but it made the bride happy so why would I make a big deal if I didn't like it? It's not my day...and whoa, I survived! I even had a great time, gasp!

    Emmaaa, I totally agree those are the duties of a bridesmaid. I just think asking them to wear a dress or shoes that isn't their favorite for one day isn't exactly asking for anything extreme. Again, as long as it's nothing one of them is majorly uncomfortable with for modesty, budget, or other big reason.

    You can have a vision for your bridesmaids without "Dressing them up like dolls." I'm curious what you guys plan on doing for your bridesmaids if you are so concerned with making sure they never have to compromise on a single thing.



    I just never understand what makes the vision so damn important that you would even go so far as to ask someone to spend an extra $30 for a pair of super-low quality boots they would never wear again.

    My BMs and I started with "purple and warm fabric for November." We found a purple dupioni which had several dresses within everyone's budget. The girls each got to choose the style of dress which made them comfortable. I've seen three of the four wear it again, to NYE parties and such. I didn't give a fuck about their shoes or jewelry because it doesn't matter at all. This really isn't that difficult.

  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    @rachdzog08 Asking them to wear a dress in their budget is one thing, requesting specific shoes is another. Yes $30 boots from Walmart exist. But some people would much rather wear heels and spend that $30 there. Or maybe they don't have the extra $30 and could have just wore something they already have. The dress is part of their duties, not shoes.

    As far as gifts, it is very important to think of your bridesmaids' tastes and interests. Shop for them like it is their birthday, many gifts aren't one size fits all. and no matter what anyone tells me, if you buy them a gift and expect them to wear or use it for your wedding day, it is not a gift for them, that's a gift for you. 

    tcnoblelevioosa
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    emmaaa said:

    @rachdzog08 Asking them to wear a dress in their budget is one thing, requesting specific shoes is another. Yes $30 boots from Walmart exist. But some people would much rather wear heels and spend that $30 there. Or maybe they don't have the extra $30 and could have just wore something they already have. The dress is part of their duties, not shoes.


    As far as gifts, it is very important to think of your bridesmaids' tastes and interests. Shop for them like it is their birthday, many gifts aren't one size fits all. and no matter what anyone tells me, if you buy them a gift and expect them to wear or use it for your wedding day, it is not a gift for them, that's a gift for you. 
    QFT
    tcnoblelevioosa
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer

    I'm curious what you guys plan on doing for your bridesmaids if you are so concerned with making sure they never have to compromise on a single thing.

    Letting them pick.

    I mean honestly. I couldn't give less of a fuck what my parents wore to my wedding (we didn't have a WP, so I guess that also answers your question) and gave her a rough idea ("wear what you'd wear to [restaurant that we go to].") and that was that.

    Low stress for me. High comfort/enjoyment/happiness for her.
  • dcbride86dcbride86 Washington, DC member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer

    Sigh. Ok. So as for the bridesmaid robes I hope you are close enough to your bridesmaids to know that "Jane dresses very modestly, I doubt she would be comfortable in that. Maybe I'll do something else instead." And are you so incredibly uncomfortable with your seemingly wide calves you can't make an exception for one day? I am positive no one is going to look at these pictures later and be like "This picture would be lovely if the third bridesmaid from the left's calves didn't look so wide!"

     I completely 100% agree that you should take bridesmaids' feelings as a major concern. I just think if nothing is majorly wrong (too revealing, too uncomfortable, too expensive) a bridesmaid should compromise? Not "suck it up." For instance, some of my bridesmaids are very busty, so I know an unsupportive, low cut strapless isn't the way to go. However, just because one of them doesn't like turquoise, doesn't mean I'm going to change my colors around. And for the record, I just looked at WalMart.com and you can get cowboy boots for $30. That's less than I've spent for shoes in any wedding I've ever been in.

    I've been in weddings were I didn't love the dress, but it made the bride happy so why would I make a big deal if I didn't like it? It's not my day...and whoa, I survived! I even had a great time, gasp!

    Emmaaa, I totally agree those are the duties of a bridesmaid. I just think asking them to wear a dress or shoes that isn't their favorite for one day isn't exactly asking for anything extreme. Again, as long as it's nothing one of them is majorly uncomfortable with for modesty, budget, or other big reason.

    You can have a vision for your bridesmaids without "Dressing them up like dolls." I'm curious what you guys plan on doing for your bridesmaids if you are so concerned with making sure they never have to compromise on a single thing.




    To me, shoes are totally different in part because of the comfort factor.  Cowboy boots (especially low quality boots) can rub against the skin.  I've gotten rashes on my calves from the boot touching my skin.  While I'm happy to wear a color I don't like to be in a friend's wedding, I would like to be comfortable. 

    None of my BMs have to buy new shoes at all.  A couple are because they want new shoes and my wedding is a good excuse, but I asked them to wear nude or silver shoes in any style (flats, wedges, heels, etc.).  Why not put your BMs comfort above a cutesy picture?

    [Deleted User]
  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary

    I'm curious what you guys plan on doing for your bridesmaids if you are so concerned with making sure they never have to compromise on a single thing.

    Letting them pick.

    I mean honestly. I couldn't give less of a fuck what my parents wore to my wedding (we didn't have a WP, so I guess that also answers your question) and gave her a rough idea ("wear what you'd wear to [restaurant that we go to].") and that was that.

    Low stress for me. High comfort/enjoyment/happiness for her.
    Yep. I said, "I like this designer in this color. I don't care what style you get." They then found a designer on Etsy that was cheaper and I said okay. I told them to wear whatever shoes they wanted and to do their hair however they wanted. It was not hard.

  • edited March 2015


    Sigh. Ok. So as for the bridesmaid robes I hope you are close enough to your bridesmaids to know that "Jane dresses very modestly, I doubt she would be comfortable in that. Maybe I'll do something else instead." And are you so incredibly uncomfortable with your seemingly wide calves you can't make an exception for one day? I am positive no one is going to look at these pictures later and be like "This picture would be lovely if the third bridesmaid from the left's calves didn't look so wide!"

     I completely 100% agree that you should take bridesmaids' feelings as a major concern. I just think if nothing is majorly wrong (too revealing, too uncomfortable, too expensive) a bridesmaid should compromise? Not "suck it up." For instance, some of my bridesmaids are very busty, so I know an unsupportive, low cut strapless isn't the way to go. However, just because one of them doesn't like turquoise, doesn't mean I'm going to change my colors around. And for the record, I just looked at WalMart.com and you can get cowboy boots for $30. That's less than I've spent for shoes in any wedding I've ever been in.

    I've been in weddings were I didn't love the dress, but it made the bride happy so why would I make a big deal if I didn't like it? It's not my day...and whoa, I survived! I even had a great time, gasp!

    Emmaaa, I totally agree those are the duties of a bridesmaid. I just think asking them to wear a dress or shoes that isn't their favorite for one day isn't exactly asking for anything extreme. Again, as long as it's nothing one of them is majorly uncomfortable with for modesty, budget, or other big reason.

    You can have a vision for your bridesmaids without "Dressing them up like dolls." I'm curious what you guys plan on doing for your bridesmaids if you are so concerned with making sure they never have to compromise on a single thing.



    Here's the thing: my bridesmaids already were compromising for me wayyyy before I told them about what I want them to wear. They chose to stand up for me when they could have spent that lovely Saturday in September in front of Netflix. So I compromise for them back. It actually is important for me for my bridesmaids to wear gold accessories (belt/shoes, no one's going to notice jewelry) for a cohesive look, as they are choosing their own dresses. So I went to Amazon and bought five pairs of well-reviewed gold flats. And the world kept on turning.

    Even if a bridesmaid decides she hates her gold flats and chucks them across the chapel during the ceremony, it wouldn't, like, rip the marriage certificate in half or something and therefore wouldn't ruin the day. There are things more important than my bridal "vision."

    ETA: I feel like it's important to mention that I'm not made of money and I am loath to spend $30 on a pair of shoes for myself, let alone make my friends and family buy them. In fact, the gold flats I found were stupidly on sale and I used credit card points so that five pairs of shoes cost $30. If I hadn't found this great deal, then eff it, they would have worn their own, non-gold shoes.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    image
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    Sigh. Ok. So as for the bridesmaid robes I hope you are close enough to your bridesmaids to know that "Jane dresses very modestly, I doubt she would be comfortable in that. Maybe I'll do something else instead." And are you so incredibly uncomfortable with your seemingly wide calves you can't make an exception for one day? I am positive no one is going to look at these pictures later and be like "This picture would be lovely if the third bridesmaid from the left's calves didn't look so wide!" On the other hand, nobody is going to look at your wedding photos and go "OMG. That bridesmaid isn't wearing boots! And that one is wearing flats! SHE HAS HEELS ON!" There is no need to force your girls to buy $30 boots that they will wear once. 

     I completely 100% agree that you should take bridesmaids' feelings as a major concern. I just think if nothing is majorly wrong (too revealing, too uncomfortable, too expensive) a bridesmaid should compromise? Not "suck it up." For instance, some of my bridesmaids are very busty, so I know an unsupportive, low cut strapless isn't the way to go. However, just because one of them doesn't like turquoise, doesn't mean I'm going to change my colors around. And for the record, I just looked at WalMart.com and you can get cowboy boots for $30. That's less than I've spent for shoes in any wedding I've ever been in.

    I've been in weddings were I didn't love the dress, but it made the bride happy so why would I make a big deal if I didn't like it? It's not my day...and whoa, I survived! I even had a great time, gasp!

    Emmaaa, I totally agree those are the duties of a bridesmaid. I just think asking them to wear a dress or shoes that isn't their favorite for one day isn't exactly asking for anything extreme. Again, as long as it's nothing one of them is majorly uncomfortable with for modesty, budget, or other big reason.

    You can have a vision for your bridesmaids without "Dressing them up like dolls." I'm curious what you guys plan on doing for your bridesmaids if you are so concerned with making sure they never have to compromise on a single thing. I bought the damn dresses. After they picked out which dress they wanted to wear. Shoes? "Wear whatever you want." I have a bridesmaid wearing chucks as a result. How many fucks do I give? None. Because that's HER and that's what I love. But to dictate their dress and shoes to precision is dressing them up like dolls. And expecting them to purchase one time shoes is ludacrius. 



    image
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    It never ceases to amaze me the absolute ludicrous things people say on these forums. Just ignore the hate, it's you and your fiance's day, so don't let random people get you down! Gee, you're right.  Fuck everyone and their little dog too.  Who cares if you are a jerk and you alienate your friends and family, you're getting married!  Nobody in the world holds a grudge when they're treated like shit.  If you want your bridesmaids to wear cowboy boots, parkas, spaceship helmets, or whatever that's your prerogative! When they agree to become a bridesmaid they agree to that. No they damn well don't.  As long as you were considerate of their feelings/budget and didn't ask for designer dresses/boots that they can't afford it's no different than if they had to buy stilettos. This is true in that it's no more okay to tell your friends to buy stilettos than it is to make them buy any other particular shoe, including cowboy boots. Rock your style! :) BY WEARING IT YOURSELF.

    I know my bridesmaids well enough (And I hope you do too) to know that they would like jewelry as a gift, so if you think a ring is the way to go, excellent! I would maybe give it to them at your Bridal Shower, and then let them know you'll gladly get them sized to fit and they can wear it to the wedding or not. If you still want to get them something on your wedding day, you could always opt for something small, like a clutch. That was one of my favorite gifts I got as a bridesmaid, and it had jewelry in it as well. I was just grateful to be part of her big day. I've also gotten giftcards to my favorite coffee place. (She got each girl a giftcard to one of her favorite places.)





    thespeshulestsnowflake
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    Sigh. Ok. So as for the bridesmaid robes I hope you are close enough to your bridesmaids to know that "Jane dresses very modestly, I doubt she would be comfortable in that. Maybe I'll do something else instead." I don't dress particularly modestly, let alone very modestly, and there's no way in hell I'd be willing to be photographed in a robe. And are you so incredibly uncomfortable with your seemingly wide calves you can't make an exception for one day? I am positive no one is going to look at these pictures later and be like "This picture would be lovely if the third bridesmaid from the left's calves didn't look so wide!"  I don't give a fuck what random people in the future will think when looking at your pictures (and frankly, if you think many people are going to be looking at your wedding pictures in the future you're kidding yourself), I care about my personal comfort and what I am willing to put on my body in front of other people. 

     I completely 100% agree that you should take bridesmaids' feelings as a major concern. I just think if nothing is majorly wrong (too revealing, too uncomfortable, too expensive) a bridesmaid should compromise? Not "suck it up." For instance, some of my bridesmaids are very busty, so I know an unsupportive, low cut strapless isn't the way to go. However, just because one of them doesn't like turquoise, doesn't mean I'm going to change my colors around. And for the record, I just looked at WalMart.com and you can get cowboy boots for $30. That's less than I've spent for shoes in any wedding I've ever been in.  I'm not wasting $30 on any shoe that I'm never going to wear again. 

    I've been in weddings were I didn't love the dress, but it made the bride happy so why would I make a big deal if I didn't like it? It's not my day...and whoa, I survived! I even had a great time, gasp!

    Emmaaa, I totally agree those are the duties of a bridesmaid. I just think asking them to wear a dress or shoes that isn't their favorite for one day isn't exactly asking for anything extreme. Again, as long as it's nothing one of them is majorly uncomfortable with for modesty, budget, or other big reason.

    You can have a vision for your bridesmaids without "Dressing them up like dolls." I'm curious what you guys plan on doing for your bridesmaids if you are so concerned with making sure they never have to compromise on a single thing.





  • It never ceases to amaze me the absolute ludicrous things people say on these forums. Just ignore the hate, it's you and your fiance's day, so don't let random people get you down! If you want your bridesmaids to wear cowboy boots, parkas, spaceship helmets, or whatever that's your prerogative! When they agree to become a bridesmaid they agree to that. As long as you were considerate of their feelings/budget and didn't ask for designer dresses/boots that they can't afford it's no different than if they had to buy stilettos. Rock your style! :)

    I know my bridesmaids well enough (And I hope you do too) to know that they would like jewelry as a gift, so if you think a ring is the way to go, excellent! I would maybe give it to them at your Bridal Shower, and then let them know you'll gladly get them sized to fit and they can wear it to the wedding or not. If you still want to get them something on your wedding day, you could always opt for something small, like a clutch. That was one of my favorite gifts I got as a bridesmaid, and it had jewelry in it as well. I was just grateful to be part of her big day. I've also gotten giftcards to my favorite coffee place. (She got each girl a giftcard to one of her favorite places.)

    ^^ Great advice. You know your bridesmaids better than anyone else on this forum! If you do want to give them the rings at the rehearsal dinner, you could go through a third person to find their ring size. Otherwise, I would agree that the bridal shower is a great time to hand out the gifts. Alternately, you could just invite them all out for lunch one day and hand them out then.

    On a side note, to all those booing the jewelry, I happen to know a very tomboy-ish bridesmaid who is devastated that she lost the ring she received as a thank you gift. It has a sentimental attachment, even if one doesn't wear jewelry often. I think you all need to take a deep breath and remember that there is a person behind the avatar and username. Would you be so rude to a stranger you met on the street???

  • The cowboy boots are killing me.

    She's essentially asking, "Why does it have to be my responsibility to pay for the decorations at the wedding that I want?" She wants to decorate her BMs at their expense.

    How exactly is it any different than asking everyone to wear pumps? Everyone has a unique bridal style. If she's having a country-themed wedding and some of her maids already have the footwear, how is that so bad? 
    Should I be paying for my maids outfits, since I want them to wear white lace dresses and black shoes? It's all relevant. She's not asking them to wear the exact same pair of boots; only to coordinate the colour.

  • The cowboy boots are killing me.

    She's essentially asking, "Why does it have to be my responsibility to pay for the decorations at the wedding that I want?" She wants to decorate her BMs at their expense.

    How exactly is it any different than asking everyone to wear pumps? Everyone has a unique bridal style. If she's having a country-themed wedding and some of her maids already have the footwear, how is that so bad? 
    Should I be paying for my maids outfits, since I want them to wear white lace dresses and black shoes? It's all relevant. She's not asking them to wear the exact same pair of boots; only to coordinate the colour.
    You shouldn't ask them to wear pumps either. What if they aren't comfortable in heels and would rather wear flats?

    Asking for white lace dresses and black shoes is fine, since they can use something they already have and/or pick something out that fits their individual budget.

    Asking for cowboy boots is NOT because they are expensive and not something everyone owns/wears. I have lots of boots. I will never wear cowboy boots because I don't like them.
    image
  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary

    The cowboy boots are killing me.

    She's essentially asking, "Why does it have to be my responsibility to pay for the decorations at the wedding that I want?" She wants to decorate her BMs at their expense.

    How exactly is it any different than asking everyone to wear pumps? Everyone has a unique bridal style. If she's having a country-themed wedding and some of her maids already have the footwear, how is that so bad? 
    Should I be paying for my maids outfits, since I want them to wear white lace dresses and black shoes? It's all relevant. She's not asking them to wear the exact same pair of boots; only to coordinate the colour.
    You shouldn't ask them to wear pumps either. What if they aren't comfortable in heels and would rather wear flats?

    Asking for white lace dresses and black shoes is fine, since they can use something they already have and/or pick something out that fits their individual budget.

    Asking for cowboy boots is NOT because they are expensive and not something everyone owns/wears. I have lots of boots. I will never wear cowboy boots because I don't like them.


    THIS. I wear boots just about every day from a western styles to lace ups to slip ons. My cheapest pair was $90 and those were children's size. Boots are expensive. Yes you can get a cheap $30 pair at Walmart, but they will be poor quality. 

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards