Invites and Paper

"Together with their Parents"

Can someone clarify the etiquette behind this wording on an invitation?   I found a set of invites with this wording and I really like the simplicity of the design.  When I emailed my mom a proof, she got really upset because the parents are not listed.   My parents (as well as my Fi's parents) are contributing to the wedding.  We are also paying.  

I tried to explain to my mom that this is just a simplified way of saying that everyone (B&G and parents) are contributing.  She wasn't buying it.     She said everyone will talk about me for not following the traditional wording.    I want to stand my ground on this one because I'm paying for the invites, but I don't want to look like a fool when it comes to etiquette and tradition.   I thought this was acceptable wording.  

Re: "Together with their Parents"

  • It is acceptable. Who is actually hosting?
  • That's the thing; I'm not sure what it means for someone to "host a wedding."  I thought whoever paid was the host.
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I put on mine, "together with their families" because we're all paying for the wedding, his parents and my mom/stepdad and my dad, and s well as us. But we're hosting and all the RSVPs come back to us. It was just simpler with an inclusive wording.

    I would stand firm on this one. But maybe omit parents and use families? Either one though, I would find acceptable and wouldn't look twice.

  • edited March 2015
    I guess we're hosting because we're the ones in charge of getting back the RSVPs.  I'm the one paying for the invites and stuffing them, so I feel like I have the final say in the wording    I've done most of the planning, but my mom has helped because I live in another state.   My mom has visited vendors when I wasn't able to because of the distance issue.  
  • It is technically acceptable according to etiquette.  However, if your mother is contributing to the wedding and wants her name on the invitation instead of a generic reference to "parents," that's something I would personally take into consideration.  We named both sets of parents on our wedding invites because they are both contributing significant chunks of change to the wedding, and I felt like it was appropriate.  The wording wasn't super bulky--just something along the lines of "Together with Mr. and Mrs. John Doe and Mr. and Mrs. Robert Smith, Firstname Middle Name Doe and Firstname Middlename Smith request the pleasure of your company at their marriage celebration."

    It's up to you how to handle this, and if you're in love with these invites and cannot possibly fit the parents' names on them, then this may be a battle worth fighting.  But if your mother is contributing significantly to your wedding and wants to be named personally as a host on the invite, I feel like that's a reasonable request.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    It is acceptable wording.  But like bostonbride said, if my Mom was contributing to the wedding and really wanted her name listed on the invite then I would just list the parents names.  A piece of paper that your guests will throw in the trash once your wedding is over with is not worth, in my eyes, a battle with your Mom.

  • That's the thing; I'm not sure what it means for someone to "host a wedding."  I thought whoever paid was the host.
    Not necessarily. Will your parents be the point-people for any questions that come up prior to the wedding, or will you? Are they handling RSVPs, or you? Will they be receiving/welcoming guests at the wedding/reception, or you? Will they be tending to any needs/issues that arise, or will you? Essentially, will they be acting like guests at a dinner party, or like the hosts?

    If all of you will equally be sharing those roles, "together with their parents" is perfectly acceptable. Nobody should judge you for it. However, if this is "my parents are throwing this wedding, I'm just showing up" I would give their input a little more weight. But then give consideration to how much your FI's parents are performing the hosting duty as well. Your parents don't just get slotted in because it's tradition, though.

    The only thing that is not traditionally acceptable is to word the invitation with yourselves appearing as the hosts, even when it's true. That's when invites are worded in the passive voice, because it's seen as rude to invite people to a party in your own honor, i.e. "the pleasure of your company is requested at the wedding of msbride and msFI." No hosts listed. Whereas "together with their parents/families, msbride and msFI request the honor of your presence at their wedding" is acceptable because there are others in addition to you extending the invitation.

  • We worded our invites with "Together with their parents, Bride and Groom request the honor of your presence at their wedding, blah blah blah". We did it this way because my parents helped, his parents helped, and FI and I paid for a lot of things. I figured it was the best way to include everyone, and nobody took any offense to it. However, if your mom is contributing a large amount financially and would like the invite to read as if she is the hostess, I would think it's a good idea to honor that. Like others have said, the guest won't take much notice of the exact wording anyway, so it's better to make peace with your Mom.
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    We were in the same situation with the hosts. Everyone helping financially, everyone hosting. My parents were the point people for their friends and family, in laws were the point people for their friends and family, and we were the point people for our friends. 

    Since there were only two sets of parents (no step parents) we found it easier to do Mr. and Mrs. Bride parents and Mr. and Mrs. Groom parents request the pleasure of your company blah blah blah. 

    It's perfectly fine to do together with their families but I think it's less traditional. I wouldn't die on this hill if your mom wants her name on the invites. 


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