I know you can't tell people what to wear but...(question, PIP)

blabla89 · March 2015

FMIL is convinced that if she doesn't write something about "casual dress" on the evites for our RD, that everyone will get all dressed up and then be upset when they find that the restaurant is totally casual. It's a tapas restaurant with kind of an island theme, and we have a private room, and I know some of the ladies will be wearing dresses, so it's not like dressing nicely would be widely out of place. I know FMIL will probably tell her guests by word of mouth, but I don't really want any kind of dress code going on the evites to the rest of the guests.

I keep telling FMIL that the formality of the invitation (lol, it's an evite) and conveys the formality of the event. So my question is...when you look at this, would you assume it's an informal event? Is there some appropriate way to convey this without dictating a dress code?

mrscomposer · March 2015

The fact that it's not black and white with engraved lettering is a pretty big clue. A pretty and vibrant colour combo like that doesn't exactly scream ball gown to me.

Based on that invite, I'd wear a nice (short) dress, or dress pants and a nice top (which would be my go-to outfit for any RD, regardless of invite). And I have a hard time believing that people will dress nicely and then be upset when they see the location (if they're not familiar with it - do you have a lot of OOT guests coming to the RD?). Unless it's at a Dairy Queen or McDonalds, you're going to look fine dressed nicely.

We did our RD 'dress code' by word of mouth - "well, this is what I'M wearing."

Blue_Bird · March 2015

I would dress up a little, but certainly not in my finest. That said, if FMIL is hosting this event, I think you should just let this go.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

Trust that your guests will do their research and figure out for themselves the formality of the event. Whenever I'm invited somewhere, I always end up asking mutual people invited what they plan to wear. Usually, someone knows (either through word of mouth or from previous visits to the venue) the formality of the location. If no one i know is going, then I google the venue and figure it out from there.

There is no such things as being too dressed up (well, unless you're wearing an evening gown), so I wouldn't worry about how people are dressed. If people come dressed up, it's really not the end of the world.

esstee33 · March 2015

I would dress about as nicely as I would to any kind of not-super-fancy event. Maybe a sundress. Don't put anything on the invitations! If people getting sorta dressed up wouldn't be that out of place, you're borrowing stress.

jacques27 · March 2015

People can easily google the restaurant and realize you're not having dinner at Le Bernardin or Alinea or Per Se or any other Michelin-starred restaurant. You're fine.

Maggie0829 · March 2015

The fact that it is an e-vite would be the most telling sign that the dinner is not super fancy.

emmaaa · March 2015

A lot of our guests for the RD asked us what they should wear. I basically said, "I mean it's not super fancy or anything but I'm wearing a dress because I like dresses and H is wearing khakis. But honestly, it doesn't matter, you an wear whatever you want!"

thisismynickname2 · March 2015

I've been dressed up for an RD at a pizza joint. It's a rehearsal, and by default a wedding event, so by default I'm going to look nice. I think this is a non-issue.

novella1186 · March 2015

If I got an evite, I would automatically know not to wear a formal gown lol. Regardless of how casual it is, I'd still dress nice (probably wear a sundress cuz I love wearing dresses) but that wouldn't upset me or make me feel out of place in any way.

I think your FMIL is making this a bigger thing than it needs to be. Tell her that she and you can both spread the news by word of mouth that it's casual and that's that.

ElcaB · March 2015

I evited for my RD, but spread the word verbally that it was casual dress. Almost everyone coming to the RD was also helping us set up beforehand, so I didn't want anyone thinking they had to bring a change of clothes.

I wore yoga pants & an active top, so ours was super casual.

MandyMost · March 2015

If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with a super formal invitation then I'll likely wear a cocktail dress. If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with any other kind of invitation (including the one here) then I'll likely dress as if I'm going to a nice dinner, which can essentially be summed up as no jeans or sneakers or athletic clothing. And I'd assume that's what others would be wearing.

If you do expect people to be wearing jeans or sneakers or really casual, then I think it's important that you spread the word by word-of-mouth. You're asking for RSVPs, that's a perfect time to let people know "Oh, btw, the event is totally casual. We'll be wearing jeans!".

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

MandyMost said:
If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with a super formal invitation then I'll likely wear a cocktail dress. If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with any other kind of invitation (including the one here) then I'll likely dress as if I'm going to a nice dinner, which can essentially be summed up as no jeans or sneakers or athletic clothing. And I'd assume that's what others would be wearing.

If you do expect people to be wearing jeans or sneakers or really casual, then I think it's important that you spread the word by word-of-mouth. You're asking for RSVPs, that's a perfect time to let people know "Oh, btw, the event is totally casual. We'll be wearing jeans!".

Dark jeans worn with a dressy top, shoes, and accessories would be fine, and would not look casual.

Maggie0829 · March 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

MandyMost said:
If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with a super formal invitation then I'll likely wear a cocktail dress. If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with any other kind of invitation (including the one here) then I'll likely dress as if I'm going to a nice dinner, which can essentially be summed up as no jeans or sneakers or athletic clothing. And I'd assume that's what others would be wearing.

If you do expect people to be wearing jeans or sneakers or really casual, then I think it's important that you spread the word by word-of-mouth. You're asking for RSVPs, that's a perfect time to let people know "Oh, btw, the event is totally casual. We'll be wearing jeans!".
Dark jeans worn with a dressy top, shoes, and accessories would be fine, and would not look casual.

Yeah this kind of thing is my go to going out outfit, unless of course I am going somewhere that has a dress code.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

Maggie0829 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

MandyMost said:
If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with a super formal invitation then I'll likely wear a cocktail dress. If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with any other kind of invitation (including the one here) then I'll likely dress as if I'm going to a nice dinner, which can essentially be summed up as no jeans or sneakers or athletic clothing. And I'd assume that's what others would be wearing.

If you do expect people to be wearing jeans or sneakers or really casual, then I think it's important that you spread the word by word-of-mouth. You're asking for RSVPs, that's a perfect time to let people know "Oh, btw, the event is totally casual. We'll be wearing jeans!".
Dark jeans worn with a dressy top, shoes, and accessories would be fine, and would not look casual.
Yeah this kind of thing is my go to going out outfit, unless of course I am going somewhere that has a dress code.

Yep, me too!

huskypuppy14 · March 2015

MandyMost said:
If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with a super formal invitation then I'll likely wear a cocktail dress. If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with any other kind of invitation (including the one here) then I'll likely dress as if I'm going to a nice dinner, which can essentially be summed up as no jeans or sneakers or athletic clothing. And I'd assume that's what others would be wearing.

If you do expect people to be wearing jeans or sneakers or really casual, then I think it's important that you spread the word by word-of-mouth. You're asking for RSVPs, that's a perfect time to let people know "Oh, btw, the event is totally casual. We'll be wearing jeans!".

Box?

My sister had her rehearsal dinner at a bowling alley and her FIL payed for everyone to bowl. Everyone wore jeans and it was obvious that it was appropriate attire based on the venue.

I disagree that jeans are never appropriate.

SP29 · March 2015

I think your invite (or e-vite) is very appropriate.

When I see e-vite, with bold colours, bold less formal font, I know I shouldn't show up in a gown. I would dress the same as I would going out to dinner. Probably a nice dress, but not the same dress I'd wear to a wedding. Or, pants with a nice top, fancier jewelry.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

What's the worst that can happen? A man shows up in a suit, takes two steps into the establishment, takes of his jacket and takes it back out to the car. He walks into the party room, takes off his tie and puts it in his date's purse. He loosens his collar and his cuffs and proceeds to have a delicious meal. I'm pretty sure no women are going to be bummed about an excuse to wear a cute dress they love.

southernbelle0915 · March 2015

We went through the same thing with my MIL on the RD invites. She's constantly convinced that everything should have a dress code on it because SHE can never figure out what to wear.

We probably didn't handle it in the best etiquette way possible. When we sent them to her for review, she asked us to put a dress code on it. We just didn't and sent them anyway... Not etiquette approved, but in our minds, it was better than the etiquette misstep of telling people what to wear.

Anyway, to answer your question... Yes, I would think it was relatively casual. I usually just look up the restaurant and wear whatever I'd wear if H an I went on a date there.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

Some people will be dressed up no matter what, because that's their personality. If anyone is in question about the formality of the resturant, they will ask you, your parents or FMIL (depending on who they know best).

JellyBean52513 · March 2015

@Maggie0829 can you be my personal stylist? Both of those outfits are incredibly cute

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

JellyBean52513 said:
@Maggie0829 can you be my personal stylist? Both of those outfits are incredibly cute

I was actually the one to post the outfits ;-) I'd love to work with Maggie to style you, though.

MandyMost · March 2015

Maggie0829 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

MandyMost said:
If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with a super formal invitation then I'll likely wear a cocktail dress. If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with any other kind of invitation (including the one here) then I'll likely dress as if I'm going to a nice dinner, which can essentially be summed up as no jeans or sneakers or athletic clothing. And I'd assume that's what others would be wearing.

If you do expect people to be wearing jeans or sneakers or really casual, then I think it's important that you spread the word by word-of-mouth. You're asking for RSVPs, that's a perfect time to let people know "Oh, btw, the event is totally casual. We'll be wearing jeans!".
Dark jeans worn with a dressy top, shoes, and accessories would be fine, and would not look casual.

Yeah this kind of thing is my go to going out outfit, unless of course I am going somewhere that has a dress code.

These outfits are great, but it's just not something I would wear to a rehearsal dinner unless I'm specifically told it's more casual. As nice as these outfits are, to me, they're not nice enough for a "nice dinner out". If I knew the event was in a bowling alley, and I didn't get any more info, this is probably what I'd wear. It's not what I'd normally wear bowling, but it's what I'd wear to a rehearsal dinner in a bowling alley.

I guess simply because it's a rehearsal dinner I'd step it up a notch, unless I was specifically told otherwise.

ChemFanatic25 · March 2015

JellyBean52513 said:
@Maggie0829 can you be my personal stylist? Both of those outfits are incredibly cute

**Stuck in the damn box!**
@PrettyGirlLost
I was thinking the same thing! Those are such cute outfits and they actually would be perfect for me to wear to work. I need to learn how to dress.

KatieinBkln · March 2015

Your FMIL is totally overthinking it. No one will show up in a ball gown or smoking jacket, I promise. Anything else? Probably totally fine and no one would even notice.

Even if I'm told a place is casual (like, a restaurant, not a bowling alley or picnic) I'll probably still wear a dress, because I like to dress up for things. So having a dress code wouldn't change anything for someone like me.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

MandyMost said:

Maggie0829 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

MandyMost said:
If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with a super formal invitation then I'll likely wear a cocktail dress. If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with any other kind of invitation (including the one here) then I'll likely dress as if I'm going to a nice dinner, which can essentially be summed up as no jeans or sneakers or athletic clothing. And I'd assume that's what others would be wearing.

If you do expect people to be wearing jeans or sneakers or really casual, then I think it's important that you spread the word by word-of-mouth. You're asking for RSVPs, that's a perfect time to let people know "Oh, btw, the event is totally casual. We'll be wearing jeans!".
Dark jeans worn with a dressy top, shoes, and accessories would be fine, and would not look casual.

Yeah this kind of thing is my go to going out outfit, unless of course I am going somewhere that has a dress code.
These outfits are great, but it's just not something I would wear to a rehearsal dinner unless I'm specifically told it's more casual. As nice as these outfits are, to me, they're not nice enough for a "nice dinner out". If I knew the event was in a bowling alley, and I didn't get any more info, this is probably what I'd wear. It's not what I'd normally wear bowling, but it's what I'd wear to a rehearsal dinner in a bowling alley.

I guess simply because it's a rehearsal dinner I'd step it up a notch, unless I was specifically told otherwise.

Lol, there's nothing casual about those looks. These are casual looks:

Fashion is definitely a taste thing, but I just don't believe you have to wear slacks or a skirt/dress to be "dressy." Dark jeans worn properly are very dressy, and often more flattering than dress pants.

And an RD is not the Met Gala ;-)

VulgarGirl · March 2015

@PrettyGirlLost, I want a thread where you just post outfits. Can we do that?

I'm not a dressy person by nature. Hell I wore a cocktail dress to my own wedding. I'm in cutoffs and flip flops today (yes be jealous people who don't live here), at work. So for a RD, I'd probably wear some dark jeans, cute shoes, and a nice top.

JellyBean52513 · March 2015

Sorry, @PrettyGirLost, not paying attention! And yup, based on your other outfit posts, I definitely want to hire you full-time. Dress me like a paper dol!! lol

MandyMost · March 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

MandyMost said:

Maggie0829 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

MandyMost said:
If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with a super formal invitation then I'll likely wear a cocktail dress. If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with any other kind of invitation (including the one here) then I'll likely dress as if I'm going to a nice dinner, which can essentially be summed up as no jeans or sneakers or athletic clothing. And I'd assume that's what others would be wearing.

If you do expect people to be wearing jeans or sneakers or really casual, then I think it's important that you spread the word by word-of-mouth. You're asking for RSVPs, that's a perfect time to let people know "Oh, btw, the event is totally casual. We'll be wearing jeans!".
Dark jeans worn with a dressy top, shoes, and accessories would be fine, and would not look casual.

Yeah this kind of thing is my go to going out outfit, unless of course I am going somewhere that has a dress code.
These outfits are great, but it's just not something I would wear to a rehearsal dinner unless I'm specifically told it's more casual. As nice as these outfits are, to me, they're not nice enough for a "nice dinner out". If I knew the event was in a bowling alley, and I didn't get any more info, this is probably what I'd wear. It's not what I'd normally wear bowling, but it's what I'd wear to a rehearsal dinner in a bowling alley.

I guess simply because it's a rehearsal dinner I'd step it up a notch, unless I was specifically told otherwise.
Lol, there's nothing casual about those looks. These are casual looks:

Fashion is definitely a taste thing, but I just don't believe you have to wear slacks or a skirt/dress to be "dressy." Dark jeans worn properly are very dressy, and often more flattering than dress pants.

And an RD is not the Met Gala ;-)

I disagree. As I stated, and you proved, jeans can look great, but I disagree that they can ever really be "dressy". They're jeans. Even with heels, and a dark wash, and great accessories they're still jeans. And I wouldn't wear jeans to a fancy event, ever. If other people are all wearing dresses or dress pants and you're there in your dark jeans and heels, you're going to look under-dressed, no matter how you accessorized. You might be fine with that, but I'm not. To each her own. I hate feeling under-dressed for stuff, so when I'm getting "dressed up" I never wear jeans.

VulgarGirl · March 2015

@MandyMost but a RD might not be a dressed up event. We had ours a local restaurant that's fairly casual. You can have pizza and beer in a park for a RD. It's just "food after rehearsing".

Also, and I'm not sure where @PrettyGirlLost resides, but different areas of the country are different in their levels of "dressed up". My wife works in a law firm, we live in Arizona, aside from when they actually go to court, almost no one wears a suit on a regular basis. If they do it's a very simple two piece suit and the jacket is often left behind. We're the west coast, we're also the burning hot southwest, we're much more casual here.

If we lived back east, my wife would wear a suit to work almost everyday. That's just the way it is there.

I can't think of a single resturant I've been to where a pair of nice dark jeans and dressy top wouldn't be appropriate.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

MandyMost said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

MandyMost said:

Maggie0829 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

MandyMost said:
If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with a super formal invitation then I'll likely wear a cocktail dress. If I'm invited to a rehearsal dinner with any other kind of invitation (including the one here) then I'll likely dress as if I'm going to a nice dinner, which can essentially be summed up as no jeans or sneakers or athletic clothing. And I'd assume that's what others would be wearing.

If you do expect people to be wearing jeans or sneakers or really casual, then I think it's important that you spread the word by word-of-mouth. You're asking for RSVPs, that's a perfect time to let people know "Oh, btw, the event is totally casual. We'll be wearing jeans!".
Dark jeans worn with a dressy top, shoes, and accessories would be fine, and would not look casual.

Yeah this kind of thing is my go to going out outfit, unless of course I am going somewhere that has a dress code.
These outfits are great, but it's just not something I would wear to a rehearsal dinner unless I'm specifically told it's more casual. As nice as these outfits are, to me, they're not nice enough for a "nice dinner out". If I knew the event was in a bowling alley, and I didn't get any more info, this is probably what I'd wear. It's not what I'd normally wear bowling, but it's what I'd wear to a rehearsal dinner in a bowling alley.

I guess simply because it's a rehearsal dinner I'd step it up a notch, unless I was specifically told otherwise.
Lol, there's nothing casual about those looks. These are casual looks:

Fashion is definitely a taste thing, but I just don't believe you have to wear slacks or a skirt/dress to be "dressy." Dark jeans worn properly are very dressy, and often more flattering than dress pants.

And an RD is not the Met Gala ;-)
I disagree. As I stated, and you proved, jeans can look great, but I disagree that they can ever really be "dressy". They're jeans. Even with heels, and a dark wash, and great accessories they're still jeans. And I wouldn't wear jeans to a fancy event, ever. If other people are all wearing dresses or dress pants and you're there in your dark jeans and heels, you're going to look under-dressed, no matter how you accessorized. You might be fine with that, but I'm not. To each her own. I hate feeling under-dressed for stuff, so when I'm getting "dressed up" I never wear jeans.

Define fancy, though. That's a subjective term and I don't think an RD is inherently a "fancy" event by mere virtue that it's an RD. Met Gala- fancy. Dinner at a Michelin Star restaurant- fancy. RD at a nice restaurant- not necessarily fancy. It's just a dinner.

To me, pants are just pants. I pulled out a pair of my dress pants and a pair of my dark jeans and laid them on my bed side by side just now. . . There's nothing that makes one inherently more dressy or fancy than the other. For me, it's what you wear with your pants/jeans and how well they are tailored that makes them dressy or not.

This is just my opinion, though and not meant to try and refute yours or argue with you to be nasty or change your mind. I'm looking at this as a fun discussion and I'm learning how your mind works ;-)

@MagicInk I think I should be able to handle that. . . check CC later!

@Jellybean52513 I'd love to be a MUA/Stylist. I wasn't as into fashion as I am now- and I'm not a slave to the current trends by any means nor an expert- but I was always a shopaholic. It's a SERIOUS addiction ><

But several years back my younger sister started subscribing to every fashion related magazine and watching a ton of fashion related reality TV- Project Runway, Top Model, Kardashians- it's fashion related, have you seen their clothes?!- and a bug crawled up my butt and I started looking at clothes in a different way. . . and shopping a little wiser ;-)

I know you can't tell people what to wear but...(question, PIP)

Re: I know you can't tell people what to wear but...(question, PIP)

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