• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Chit Chat

I hate Brad

Remember when I posted on behalf of FI? (Click here). He really loved everyone's advice, and talked to Brad. Gave him all the details to rent from the place here YET AGAIN, but also said he can do whatever he wants. 

Several days later, I get included in a facebook message Brad sent out to all the other groomsmen (and FI was NOT included in this message) saying "I checked with the suit place. You can't rent from them." WTF, yes you can. We went there in person three different times and talked to them. And why the fuck is Brad saying this to all the guys (and me) instead of talking to FI about it first to clear it up? ugh. FI calls the suit place and double checks. Yes you can rent from them. Calls Brad to clarify. Apparently Brad told them the wrong thing over the phone (how? It's not that difficult) so got the wrong info. FI then has to re-clear it all up with each of the groomsmen. Brad just says "k." 

Didn't hear another word from Brad until yesterday when he texts FI about renting a tux for Brad's wedding. FI was never asked to be in Brad's wedding party, and felt bad about that for a minute but then moved on. So he assumed he was accidentally included in a group text. He checked with Brad. Nope. FI is a groomsman in Brad's wedding. Brad never bothered to ask him or mention it because he "assumed it was just implied." Um...? 

Brad is demanding that all his guys get their tuxes NOW. His wedding is 7 months away. Ours is in less than 2 months and some of our GMS-- including Brad-- don't even have their suits yet. So FI checks out the tux rental and it's stupid expensive, of course. Beyond his budget. Which he has no say-so in cuz Brad never checked with him. We start adding up costs and it's going to cost us about $600 to attend/take part in this wedding, not including a gift and their cash bar (cuz yes this is the same wedding I snarked on where crazypants bride is spreading the word to bring flasks since her cash bar will be super expensive for the guests). 

FI doesn't particularly want to take part in this wedding anymore, especially since he was never even asked, and the costs are more than we can afford. We're having trouble paying for our own wedding right now, and trying to save money to buy a house. But he feels like he's kind of stuck and can't decline, since now it's been assumed all along that he was in. So he's just gonna go along with it. (I don't agree with this at all but ultimately it's FI's decision). 

Just more of Brad being a rude, thoughtless pain in the ass. I jokingly said that I'll start contacting Brad and his FI and bombarding them with randomass questions about what my FI should wear in their wedding and in the meantime my FI should start bombarding Brad with whining and complaints and shitty comments about the attire. Totally joking. But fuck. Brad has made a lot of shit really difficult and I'm super pissed at this new turn of events. 

End rant. 

What would you do in this situation? Like I said, the choice is really FI's, but I think this sucks. 
image
«1

Re: I hate Brad

  • "Brad, I'm so sorry, but I was just informed that I have a mandatory business trip at the same time as your wedding. Best of luck to you and TackyBride!"

    Lol yes, we talked about not going at all, before this happened! Neither of us have much interest in going. But now FI is IN the wedding?! Ugh. Stupid. He knows how I feel about it... 
    image
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    Ugh! Thoughtless indeed. Brad and his future wife sound like peaches.

    Honestly, I really think your FI should at least talk to Brad and say "sorry this suit is out of my budget." Standing up for himself isn't being rude, isn't dropping out, and isn't being unreasonable. You shouldn't have to break your budget for this guy- just because he's not being considerate doesn't mean you just have to go along with it.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    novella1186
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I would just have your FI tell Brad the truth.  Tell him that financially it is just not possible.

    novella1186emmaaa
  • Ugh! Thoughtless indeed. Brad and his future wife sound like peaches.

    Honestly, I really think your FI should at least talk to Brad and say "sorry this suit is out of my budget." Standing up for himself isn't being rude, isn't dropping out, and isn't being unreasonable. You shouldn't have to break your budget for this guy- just because he's not being considerate doesn't mean you just have to go along with it.

    Thank you! My thoughts exactly. To go over budget for someone who you consider the friendship has pretty much run its course anyway, and who has constantly been a rude asshole, is just beyond stupid to me. 
    image
    lovegood90
  • buttercup1958buttercup1958 Blue Smokey Mountains
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    a4e.jpg

    This is how I feel about this. Time to move on from Brad and his FI. They will always be whiny and be dramatic. There's nothing to do. They either show up in the correct attire or they don't. Your FI can go to the wedding if he wants but I wouldn't let him complain about it.ALL THE FUCKS I GIVE ARE ON THIS SHELF - ALL THE FUCKS I GIVE ARE ON THIS SHELF  dudeshelves

    You should have this attitude when dealing with them!

    image
    chibiyuimrsdee15
  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Does your FI really want to be in Brad's wedding? Based on your previous post, it sounds like Brad hasn't been a very good friend to your FI at all. If your FI doesn't want to be in his wedding, and if the cost is too much, there's nothing wrong with (graciously) backing out. I assume if he did, Brad would probably drop out of your WP as well, but from the previous post it sounds like that might not be the worst thing.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker



    FiancB
  • blabla89 said:

    Does your FI really want to be in Brad's wedding? Based on your previous post, it sounds like Brad hasn't been a very good friend to your FI at all. If your FI doesn't want to be in his wedding, and if the cost is too much, there's nothing wrong with (graciously) backing out. I assume if he did, Brad would probably drop out of your WP as well, but from the previous post it sounds like that might not be the worst thing.

    Honestly that's where I'm confused. At first, FI seemed to not want anything to do with it, and I was venting about what an asshole Brad is. Then FI made a comment that maybe he'll just be in it, so I backed off and said I don't want my shitty opinion of Brad to influence his choice and I don't want to give him the impression that I'm "not allowing" him to be in the wedding if he wants to be, or something like that. It's FI's "friend" and FI's choice. 

    So then he said his decision is to be in the wedding. I don't know if it's cuz he felt pressured into it (since he did say he felt pressured) or if he just has a sense of loyalty to Brad since they've been friends for 20 years, even though Brad kind of treats him like crap. Or if he's worried about the backlash of dropping out, or...? I just want to understand WHY FI wants to be in this wedding because I'm confused. 

    And no one-- including him-- should ONLY do something because they feel pressured. 
    image
  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    If it were me, I'd tell my FI that he should do whatever he thinks is right, and that I will support that choice. I would share what I would do in his shoes (i.e., peace the fuck out! And sigh with relief if that meant Brad dropped out of my wedding, because I am sick of him anyway), but I wouldn't press it.

    HOWEVER. I would also tell him that, whatever he decides to do, he needs to own. I won't listen to him complain about Brad and the costs, nor will I take kindly to being asked to go without something so that he can pay for this stupid tux, etc. He is going into this eyes open, so there can be no whining. Is he ready to make that promise to you?
    image
    This baby knows exactly how I feel
    novella1186Maggie0829
  • If it were me, I'd tell my FI that he should do whatever he thinks is right, and that I will support that choice. I would share what I would do in his shoes (i.e., peace the fuck out! And sigh with relief if that meant Brad dropped out of my wedding, because I am sick of him anyway), but I wouldn't press it.


    HOWEVER. I would also tell him that, whatever he decides to do, he needs to own. I won't listen to him complain about Brad and the costs, nor will I take kindly to being asked to go without something so that he can pay for this stupid tux, etc. He is going into this eyes open, so there can be no whining. Is he ready to make that promise to you?
    Part of me feels like since we're combining finances and money is tight, I can say "it's not ok for you to spend x amount on this stupid tux" because I would be fine with FI calling out something like that with me. Like if he told me "You cannot spend this insanely high amount on a pair of designer boots you don't need, because we can't afford it right now." But part of me feels like that would make me be a controlling bitch. I do not want to be a controlling bitch. 

    I think also, though, if this were one of FI's awesome guy friends instead of Brad, I would feel better about the high cost. So maybe it really is just me being unreasonable because of my own bad feelings towards Brad :( 
    image
  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    edited March 2015

    If it were me, I'd tell my FI that he should do whatever he thinks is right, and that I will support that choice. I would share what I would do in his shoes (i.e., peace the fuck out! And sigh with relief if that meant Brad dropped out of my wedding, because I am sick of him anyway), but I wouldn't press it.


    HOWEVER. I would also tell him that, whatever he decides to do, he needs to own. I won't listen to him complain about Brad and the costs, nor will I take kindly to being asked to go without something so that he can pay for this stupid tux, etc. He is going into this eyes open, so there can be no whining. Is he ready to make that promise to you?
    Part of me feels like since we're combining finances and money is tight, I can say "it's not ok for you to spend x amount on this stupid tux" because I would be fine with FI calling out something like that with me. Like if he told me "You cannot spend this insanely high amount on a pair of designer boots you don't need, because we can't afford it right now." But part of me feels like that would make me be a controlling bitch. I do not want to be a controlling bitch. 

    I think also, though, if this were one of FI's awesome guy friends instead of Brad, I would feel better about the high cost. So maybe it really is just me being unreasonable because of my own bad feelings towards Brad :( 
    I get that. I was thinking more along the lines of if your FI were the one who thought the costs were too high--if he mentions that it's over budget of his own accord, without your prompting, I think you're allowed to speak up. (Also, if you two have an arrangement where there is "fun money" for each of you, then this would definitely come out of his fun money and not out of the family pot, right?)
    image
    This baby knows exactly how I feel
    novella1186
  • bizzy592bizzy592 member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    Wow, Brad sucks.

    Ending toxic friendships is tricky.. If they perceive even a tiny slight, they'll make drama. If they're firmly out of your life at that point, that's cool, but if you'd ever have to see Brad and Felicia at family functions, could be painful.

    If the former - maybe your second cousin twice removed has an elective surgery that day, and needs moral support? If the latter.. I know it's going to be a big expense, and a wedding full of etiquette blunders.. but... $600 might not be a bad trade-off for a lack of drama going forward. It sounds like they'll be out of your lives for the most part either way after that.


    novella1186
  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    If it were me, I'd tell my FI that he should do whatever he thinks is right, and that I will support that choice. I would share what I would do in his shoes (i.e., peace the fuck out! And sigh with relief if that meant Brad dropped out of my wedding, because I am sick of him anyway), but I wouldn't press it.


    HOWEVER. I would also tell him that, whatever he decides to do, he needs to own. I won't listen to him complain about Brad and the costs, nor will I take kindly to being asked to go without something so that he can pay for this stupid tux, etc. He is going into this eyes open, so there can be no whining. Is he ready to make that promise to you?
    Part of me feels like since we're combining finances and money is tight, I can say "it's not ok for you to spend x amount on this stupid tux" because I would be fine with FI calling out something like that with me. Like if he told me "You cannot spend this insanely high amount on a pair of designer boots you don't need, because we can't afford it right now." But part of me feels like that would make me be a controlling bitch. I do not want to be a controlling bitch. 

    I think also, though, if this were one of FI's awesome guy friends instead of Brad, I would feel better about the high cost. So maybe it really is just me being unreasonable because of my own bad feelings towards Brad :( 
    I get that. I was thinking more along the lines of if your FI were the one who thought the costs were too high--if he mentions that it's over budget of his own accord, without your prompting, I think you're allowed to speak up. (Also, if you two have an arrangement where there is "fun money" for each of you, then this would definitely come out of his fun money and not out of the family pot, right?)
    Regardless of where the money comes from, if your FI chooses to be in the wedding, I think it's reasonable to tell Brad that the tux rental is out of his budget, and then discuss lower-cost alternatives. And I think it's reasonable for you to nudge him toward doing so.

    Ultimately the "budget" for WP costs is what each person feels comfortable spending, not how far they can possibly stretch their finances to make it work. If your FI isn't comfortable dropping $600 on Brad's wedding then he can speak up.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker



    novella1186
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Wow, Brad sucks.

    Ending toxic friendships is tricky.. If they perceive even a tiny slight, they'll make drama. If they're firmly out of your life at that point, that's cool, but if you'd ever have to see Brad and Felicia at family functions, could be painful.

    If the former - maybe your second cousin twice removed has an elective surgery that day, and needs moral support? If the latter.. I know it's going to be a big expense, and a wedding full of etiquette blunders.. but... $600 might not be a bad trade-off for a lack of drama going forward. It sounds like they'll be out of your lives for the most part either way after that.


    I mean, I won't even pay half of that for tickets to The Book of Mormon.
    Yeah, if I am going to spend $600 on something then that should be something that I will enjoy and like.  Not something that I will go through just to not have any drama.  I mean you/your FI will spend this money but there will still be drama because Brad will still be around.

    KatieinBklnnovella1186
  • edited March 2015
    I totally get your dilemma. FI and I don't share finances, and don't have plans to for now, so unless we run into a situation where I'm the only one paying bills I never feel like I have a right to say, "I think it's stupid for you to spend your money on X." And even if he did, I would feel weird saying no as long as it's not coming out of my budget. But this is a case where to me, it's not just about the money. It's definitely more about the stress he's putting himself through by putting up with Brad's shit, both for your wedding and Brad's. 

    If you're itching to say something, you can maybe frame it like, "Honey, I think you're a great friend and I understand you want to help Brad out, but what he did was really inconsiderate and no one will judge you if you decide you don't want to participate in his wedding. We can be washing our hair that night." 

    KatieinBkln said, definitely don't put up with whining about it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    image
    novella1186
  • I brought it up at lunch just to see what was on FI's mind about it. He STILL doesn't seem too excited to be included in Brad's wedding and he's still super annoyed that Brad never bothered to ask him. 

    I asked FI what he wanted to do, and he said he wants to wait and see how Brad acts at our wedding. See if he's rude, if he's an asshole, if he makes shitty comments to us, etc. FI thinks that will give him a clear sign that the friendship is done and not worth salvaging, and then he'll let Brad know that he's not going to be participating in that shitshow of a wedding. 

    It sounds to me like he doesn't want to do it but he's waiting for that clear excuse, like "You did x, now I'm out." But we'll see what happens, I guess. 
    image
  • MadHops21 said:

    I think this needs repeating, especially now that he's going full blown crazy with his own wedding


    ted fuck you thunder - Fuck you brad you can suck my dick
    lol yeah I think that makes his tantrums over the suit for our wedding even more annoying to me. He's in the planning process for a wedding, so he should get it. But no, he has to be a difficult asshole about everything. But then when it comes to his own wedding he's all "Get your tux NOW the end!" 

    Oh, you want the tuxes rented 7 months out? But you don't have your suit for ours with less than 2 months to go? And you picked a super expensive rental but you bitched and whined about the $120 rental for ours? And you didn't let FI get a say-so in this, but you bitched and whined about having to pick ANY GRAY SUIT IN THE WORLD for ours? AND you went behind FI's back and told all his GMs that they couldn't rent from the place we picked when that wasn't even true? AND I had to be harassed by your crazypants FI over something that you could have easily asked my FI about yourself? 

    AAAH!!!! I just want to punch him right in the nuts. 
    image
  • I can see your FI not wanting to upset the apple cart and saying no with your wedding coming up and Brad being in it.  Is there enough time between them that FI could talk to him after yours?  Although then it is kind of like dropping out if he's waiting a couple months to say no.  Hmm tough situation all around
  • kvruns said:

    I can see your FI not wanting to upset the apple cart and saying no with your wedding coming up and Brad being in it.  Is there enough time between them that FI could talk to him after yours?  Although then it is kind of like dropping out if he's waiting a couple months to say no.  Hmm tough situation all around

    There's more than 5 months between the two weddings so there's still time to figure stuff out. The whole thing is just annoying to me, mostly because I was already sick of dealing with Brad before this happened. 
    image
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    At the very least, I would strongly urge your FI to hold off on ordering his tux until after your wedding. If he wants to spend $600 to not rock the boat, whatever that's his prerogative, but he should at least not do it 7 months before, no matter what Brad says.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    novella1186huskypuppy14
  • At the very least, I would strongly urge your FI to hold off on ordering his tux until after your wedding. If he wants to spend $600 to not rock the boat, whatever that's his prerogative, but he should at least not do it 7 months before, no matter what Brad says.

    Yeah after I talked to FI a little bit earlier, this is pretty much his plan. If Brad acts like a giant douche at our wedding then he's going to talk to him and say the friendship has clearly run its course and he won't be in Brad's wedding. 
    image
    lovegood90
  • MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    Maybe Brad doesn't want to get a suit because he's paying for his own for the wedding and wants to wear that? Save money? But he should know that the demands he is making is making him a hypocrite....

    I say punch him! 
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 
    Funny Awkward animated GIF
    novella1186NowIAmSyp
  • porkchops926porkchops926 Cape Cod member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Since Brad sounds so shitty to begin with, part of me is wondering if this whole tux rental thing is just an elaborate "tit for tat fuck you" because he is (irrationally) pissed about having to rent a suit for your wedding. 

    Like, maybe he purposefully found an incredibly expensive tux rental and is demanding the early timeline just to impart how much he was (again, irrationally) put out by your wedding.

    Seems completely nuts but considering he sounds nuts I wouldn't put it past him. 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    AprilH81
  • Since Brad sounds so shitty to begin with, part of me is wondering if this whole tux rental thing is just an elaborate "tit for tat fuck you" because he is (irrationally) pissed about having to rent a suit for your wedding. 


    Like, maybe he purposefully found an incredibly expensive tux rental and is demanding the early timeline just to impart how much he was (again, irrationally) put out by your wedding.

    Seems completely nuts but considering he sounds nuts I wouldn't put it past him. 
    That's actually a really interesting point because you're right, I wouldn't put it past him. That totally sounds like that type of passive aggressive bullshit he's known for.
    image
  • At the very least, I would strongly urge your FI to hold off on ordering his tux until after your wedding. If he wants to spend $600 to not rock the boat, whatever that's his prerogative, but he should at least not do it 7 months before, no matter what Brad says.

    I was supposed to be a BM in a wedding for a BSC bridezilla. She demanded the dresses be ordered 10 months out, right around Christmas. I told her I didn't have the money to get the (way over my unasked for budget) dress at that time. Instead of being understanding she told me if I didn't get the dress right.this.minute I could no longer be in her wedding. Maybe Brad will do the same.



    Anniversary
    novella1186
  • bride2b71614bride2b71614 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    I'll address Brad not getting the suit first; maybe you should stop telling Brad anything. Stop bugging him about the suit. Stop talking wedding details with him. Yes, he is your FI's best man, but if he continues to act like an ass, why engage? I still stand with what I said before, the only requirement of the bridal party is to show up, on time, in the agreed upon attire, and sober enough to stand up with you at the alter. In my book, those who do not do this on your wedding day automatically decide to be a guest rather than a member of the wedding party. I think I would be livid if I found out that a person sent out misinformation that could defer other groomsmen from obtaining a suit without CCing the groom (who would play the most important part in this). That is shady and not cool. I wouldn't have the patience for that at this point, and I am surprised that your FI continues to want to be friends with someone who is such a dick to him. 

    Brad in general: You mentioned that there are other groomsmen who didn't get the suit? I thought Brad was the only person who didn't. I can see that Brad gets a rise out of you, and I think he enjoys that. You are the one he keeps speaking with, and you continue to give him what he wants. Not CCing your FI but you? Asking about the color of the shoes? There's a reason for that.  For the next two months, defer his shit to your FI (messages, calls etc.) you don't need any additional drama, or craziness right now. If Brad shows up and does his part as a best man, great! If not, let him be a guest and don't worry about it. I agree with PPs who think that having FI hold off on renting a tux until after your wedding have the right idea. If Brad decides to act like an ass, and doesn't want to put any effort into something as small as obtaining a rental, why should your FI give him the same courtesy? 
    novella1186huskypuppy14
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards