Anyone else have a small registry?

Re: Anyone else have a small registry?

• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  March 2015

  Makenna+Nick said:

  My Fiance and I have 3 registries with a max total of 11 items entailing all 3 of them. All of these items are reasonably priced, because when we picked them out we were thinking of our guests and how we don't want people having to pay extravagant amounts. We also have asked for funding, if people wish to gift to us, in OUR purchase towards a bedroom set. We did not list the price of the set because we do not want our guests to feel obligated in gifting this bedroom set to us, it is only if they wish to help us when we buy it ourselves. We only want to let people know if they wish to gift anything to us, we don't need very much, but these are the things that we could use in starting a home together.

  
  

  One of my bridesmaids has recently stated to me that I should add more to the registry since my Fiance's side of the family is quite large, excluding the family friends invited too. I don't particularly want to, but I do see her point if our registry items are bought out and family has nothing left to buy for us. We're really only asking for 11 inexpensive items and I expect some family could possibly give us money (although I do not bank on receiving anything, because that's not what a wedding is about). Anyone else with a small registry run into problems with this or any other problems? I'd like to keep my registry where it is at if it is not going to be a problem.

  Asking for money is against etiquette. It's perfectly fine to have a small registry if you don't really need "stuff", but you have to wait for people to say "there isn't much on your registry" or "where are you registered?" and you can reply with "we just had a couple of things on there... we are saving up for a bedroom set." People will get it. 

  
  

  Everyone knows money is the best gift. It's just rude to proactively ASK for it.

  
  

  Keep in mind though, that if you have a small registry, it's not practical for you to have a shower. Showers are for boxed gifts. So if all you want is money, you'll forgo a shower.

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• LoveMeKenna member

  

  March 2015

  You are right it is rude to outright ask for money, which is not what we did. That was a bad choice of words on my behalf above. What was said was that we do not need much, but one thing that could not go on the registry that we do need is a bedset we are looking to purchase and any help would be greatly appreciated. That wasn't asking for money, that's asking for help with an item that could not traditionally go on the registry. 

  
  

  And unfortunately I cannot "forgo" my shower, my bridesmaids have already planned it and will not cancel it just because I have a small registry. My shower isn't about receiving gifts anyways, its to get the women in my families and friends together before the wedding for those who might not make it to the wedding itself.

  
  

  Thanks for your input, but do you also have an answer for my original question as well?

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  March 2015

  Makenna+Nick said:

  You are right it is rude to outright ask for money, which is not what we did. That was a bad choice of words on my behalf above. What was said was that we do not need much, but one thing that could not go on the registry that we do need is a bedset we are looking to purchase and any help would be greatly appreciated. That wasn't asking for money, that's asking for help with an item that could not traditionally go on the registry. 

  
  

  And unfortunately I cannot "forgo" my shower, my bridesmaids have already planned it and will not cancel it just because I have a small registry. My shower isn't about receiving gifts anyways, its to get the women in my families and friends together before the wedding for those who might not make it to the wedding itself.

  
  

  Thanks for your input, but do you also have an answer for my original question as well?

  To the bolded - a shower is literally for showering the bride with gifts. It's way tacky to ask for (no matter how it's done) to ask for money for a shower. If you don't want gifts at your shower, and your friends are throwing you a shower, see if they are okay with a bridal tea or lunch instead. Those are for getting the women together without gifts.

  
  

  My H and I didn't need much and preferred cash. So we created a smaller registry and most of the items were purchased for the shower. We only received one registry gift for the wedding itself. All the other gifts were cash and we didn't say anything to anyone about wanting money. 

  
  

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• LoveMeKenna member

  

  March 2015

  Ok I guess I should make it clear, I am not asking anyone in either of my families for money. I have not asked for money on my registry and I do not want anyone to bring me money or gifts or anything else to my bridal shower.

  
  

  Seriously, I have some relatives I'm concerned about them not making it to the wedding, so my bridesmaids have planned a tea party style bridal shower for them to come to in case they do not make it to the wedding.

  
  

  I have never said ANYTHING about wanting money. When I say "recieving gifts" I'm including money in that.

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• lovegood90 member

  

  March 2015

  Makenna+Nick said:

  You are right it is rude to outright ask for money, which is not what we did. That was a bad choice of words on my behalf above. What was said was that we do not need much, but one thing that could not go on the registry that we do need is a bedset we are looking to purchase and any help would be greatly appreciated. That wasn't asking for money, that's asking for help with an item that could not traditionally go on the registry. 

  
  

  And unfortunately I cannot "forgo" my shower, my bridesmaids have already planned it and will not cancel it just because I have a small registry. My shower isn't about receiving gifts anyways, its to get the women in my families and friends together before the wedding for those who might not make it to the wedding itself.

  
  

  Thanks for your input, but do you also have an answer for my original question as well?

  I'm sorry, but that is exactly asking for money and is still rude. Just because you didn't say "Give us money" still means you asked for money.
  

  Formerly martha1818

  

  
  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  March 2015 edited March 2015

  If you're having a shower, you need to add more things to the registry.  This is explains why the BM is pushing you to add to the registry. 

  
  

  A single registry with 11 items on it would be fine if you weren't having the shower. (11 items divided into 3 registries is silly regardless.) 

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  March 2015

  LoveMeKenna said:

  You are right it is rude to outright ask for money, which is not what we did. That was a bad choice of words on my behalf above. What was said was that we do not need much, but one thing that could not go on the registry that we do need is a bedset we are looking to purchase and any help would be greatly appreciated. That wasn't asking for money, that's asking for help with an item that could not traditionally go on the registry. 

  
  

  And unfortunately I cannot "forgo" my shower, my bridesmaids have already planned it and will not cancel it just because I have a small registry. My shower isn't about receiving gifts anyways, its to get the women in my families and friends together before the wedding for those who might not make it to the wedding itself.

  
  

  Thanks for your input, but do you also have an answer for my original question as well?

  You're welcome... because I took time out of my day to type out a thoughtful response to a total stranger on the internet. I did answer your original question. You simply didn't like my answer.

  
  

  "Asking for help" to purchase a bedroom set IS asking for money. Unless you're literally asking people to accompany you to the store, help you load the car, help move it into your home, and/or help assemble the furniture. Is that what you're asking for "help" with? No? Then the "help" you're asking for is money. Even without knowing you, I believe you're smart enough to make that connection.

  
  

  A shower is for boxed gifts. The term "shower" literally means to "shower" the bride in gifts. So no matter what your opinion on it may be, if you call it a shower, it's a gift giving event. Period. To ask for money at a wedding shower is a major etiquette faux pas. So you have a couple options:

  
  

  1) Have your shower be a "bridal lunch/brunch/tea" instead. These are non-gift giving events, so you're covered.

  2) Add more stuff to your registry so shower guests don't buy you a bunch of picture frames you don't like and towels that don't match anything in your house.

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• photokitty mod

  

  March 2015

  Personally, if you had 3 registries and I went to the trouble to look at all of them I would be super annoyed to find 11 or fewer items on each of them. If you want a small registry, just make one.

  
  

  And when people ask, the key word here is ASK - don't offer up this info unprompted - tell them you are saving up a bedroom set and bedding. If I saw the suggestion of "helping" you pay for your bedroom set on your wedding website I would pick something of the registry that was left or a random boxed gift bc I would be offended that you suggested I give you cash.

  
  

  If you plan to have a shower I think you will have a problem, in that people will just select random boxed gifts for you. If that's cool with you, then you have no problem.

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  March 2015

  photokitty said:

  Personally, if you had 3 registries and I went to the trouble to look at all of them I would be super annoyed to find 11 or fewer items on each of them. If you want a small registry, just make one.

  
  

  And when people ask, the key word here is ASK - don't offer up this info unprompted - tell them you are saving up a bedroom set and bedding. If I saw the suggestion of "helping" you pay for your bedroom set on your wedding website I would pick something of the registry that was left or a random boxed gift bc I would be offended that you suggested I give you cash.

  
  

  If you plan to have a shower I think you will have a problem, in that people will just select random boxed gifts for you. If that's cool with you, then you have no problem.

  If I'm invited to a shower for someone who only has 11 items on her registry, she's getting a picnic basket if I like her, a metal rooster if I don't.

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• kvruns member

  

  March 2015

  11 items across 3 registries doesn't make a lot of sense to me. To be honest I would assume you opened a registry online and never got around to actually doing it, or had just made one to get coupons and it wasn't a real registry.
  
  No where should you list you want money for a bedroom set. You can definitely spend the money you receive on it but don't post it anywhere

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• julieanne912 member

  

  March 2015 edited March 2015

  Is there a way where people could pay the store directly for the bedroom set?  A friend of mine did that with a piece of art (they had no other registry and this was not listed on the invitation or anything like that).  But it was a small local gallery, so I don't know what kind of store this bedroom set you want is at.  

  
  

  ETA, I would definitely try to add more things to your registry... things like extra towels and sheets will always be useful to you even if you don't need them immediately, and some people greatly prefer to give a physical gift (versus contributions to something else or cash), especially for a shower.  

  Married 9.12.15

  
  

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• photokitty mod

  

  March 2015 edited March 2015

  Saw your wedding website. Asking for funds is asking for money. Straight up asking for money - calling it funds doesn't change the fact that you are asking for cash or check.

  I think your BMs better change the wording of of your party to a "bridal tea" or "bridal luncheon." Out of 11 items on your 3 registries you only have 2 items that are less than $40. People are going to find you rude, if you're cool with that then you don't have a problem, but to answer your question again, yes I think you have a problem.

  
  We didn't register. I also didn't have a shower. Everyone knows cash is always appropriate, appreciated and often preferred - literally everyone on earth knows this. Some people will want to get you a physical gift. 
  But I have good news  
  For our wedding the gifts broke down like this: 75% cash or check, 20% gift cards and 5% physical gifts. If you want money or don't need anything don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-) 
   There is nothing wrong with saying, when asked where you are registered, we are saving up for the a bedroom set (or house or big screen TV or whatever it is you'd like to purchase). GL!

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• photokitty mod

  

  March 2015

  PS - asking people to bring their own liquor and mixers is super rude. I recommend registering for a wedding etiquette guide in advance of your shower. Ms. Manners is highly regarded and she can help you stop offending your guests and teach you how to properly host them.

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• poodledoodleooo member

  

  March 2015

  How do you find folk's websites?
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  March 2015

  sjf2715 said:

  How do you find folk's websites?
  

  stalking

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  March 2015

  photokitty said:

  PS - asking people to bring their own liquor and mixers is super rude. I recommend registering for a wedding etiquette guide in advance of your shower. Ms. Manners is highly regarded and she can help you stop offending your guests and teach you how to properly host them.

  Also, "Dressy Casual" is not a thing.  In fact, it's an oxymoron.  And "semiformal" isn't a thing either.  So your whole "dress code" is a mess.

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• levioosa member

  

  March 2015 edited March 2015

  Oof.  Do not do this, OP.  It is rude, no matter how you slice it because you are essentially asking for money proactively.  Don't register at all, and then when people ask, mention that you are saving up for a nice bed.  People will get it.  Everyone knows cash is a great gift.
  
  Don't have a shower (because a shower is literally to "shower" the bride with gifts), and have a bridal luncheon instead, if it is important for you to see relatives.  If you decide to proceed with the shower, you need to add more items to your registry. 
  
  ETA:  You also need things at lower price points if you are having a shower.  Nearly everything on your registries is $40+, with almost all of them being $90+. 
  
  Remove the dress code and "asking your guests to dress nicely" from your website.  Do not include it on invitations.  It sounds incredibly condescending, and it's not your place to dictate what people wear.  They are adults and can dress themselves.  There is also no such thing as "dressy casual."  Asking your guests to bring their own drinks/alcohol is also extremely rude.  Your wedding ceremony is about you and FI.  The reception is a thank you to your guests for attending.  You wouldn't give someone a gift card to a store and then make them buy something for you.  You also would ask people over for dinner and then charge them for the chicken.  If you are going to host something, it must be for the entire reception, and guests should never have to open their wallets for it.  It's not rude to have a dry wedding, either.  Host what you can afford. 
  

  
  

  
  

  

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