Dictating Shoes

thisismynickname2 · March 2015

artbyallie said:

hicoco said:
Everyone keeps telling me not to get the shoes and that she won't even notice, but I'm too wimpy to do that, God forbid she checks before we walk down the aisle or something.
But what's the worst that could happen if she does? She kicks you out two seconds before you all hit the aisle? Then she's the world's biggest bridezilla and not any kind of friend worth keeping.

Tell her you stepped in dog diarrhea and had to run home and change your shoes.

Tell her the strap/heel broke on the cheap pair she made you buy.

Tell her a man stole your strappy sandals.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

I dictated what shoes my bridesmaids needed. However, I also bought them for them. And they are super cute flat sandals that they can and will wear again.

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226 · March 2015

Even if she was paying, I would still be annoyed because I cannot walk in heels. They hurt my feet and make me clumsy. But, I guess I would be a little less annoyed because at least I am not wasting my money. The shoes have not been brought up for a few weeks so I'm sort of just seeing what happens..everyone's comments made me laugh, though.

MandyMost · March 2015

Knottie6174271 said:
I dictated what shoes my bridesmaids needed. However, I also bought them for them. And they are super cute flat sandals that they can and will wear again.

YOU think they are super cute flat sandals that they can and will wear again. They might think they are uncomfortable monstrosities that they want to throw in a fire (regardless of what they say to your face).

People need to start owning their decisions. If you want everyone in the same shoes, acknowledge that you don't care if your BMs will wear them again, and you just want them to match for your wedding.

dresdendoll · March 2015

hicoco said:
Even if she was paying, I would still be annoyed because I cannot walk in heels. They hurt my feet and make me clumsy. But, I guess I would be a little less annoyed because at least I am not wasting my money. The shoes have not been brought up for a few weeks so I'm sort of just seeing what happens..everyone's comments made me laugh, though.

You should ask the bride what would be worse: you falling on your face while walking down the aisle or your shoes not matching her vision.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

hicoco said:
Even if she was paying, I would still be annoyed because I cannot walk in heels. They hurt my feet and make me clumsy. But, I guess I would be a little less annoyed because at least I am not wasting my money. The shoes have not been brought up for a few weeks so I'm sort of just seeing what happens..everyone's comments made me laugh, though.

There's nothing to "see." You don't like that style of shoe, they hurt your feet, and you don't want to waste the money on them. So you DO NOT buy them. Period. Not only do you DO NOT but them, but you DO NOT discussing this lack of buying with the bride.

You show up on the day of the wedding wearing whatever the hell you feel comfortable in, and if she notices and has a hissy you either slip her a Haldol and tell her to stop being a pyscho, or you ignore her and walk away.

Knottie6174271 said:
I dictated what shoes my bridesmaids needed. However, I also bought them for them. And they are super cute flat sandals that they can and will wear again.

You might think they are super cute and that they will wear them again, but unless they each specifically squeed over the shoes and told you they would wear them again, you can't make that assumption. As I said earlier- or maybe in another, similar thread- I don't really care for sandals and I like very specific styles for the rare occasions when I'd wear them.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

hicoco said:

You might think they are super cute and that they will wear them again, but unless they each specifically squeed over the shoes and told you they would wear them again, you can't make that assumption. As I said earlier- or maybe in another, similar thread- I don't really care for sandals and I like very specific styles for the rare occasions when I'd wear them.

My dear...no assumptions were made. They are all absolutely delighted with the shoes. All three were consulted during the purchase. Just because you don't care for sandals aren't your
style, doesn't mean that others feel the same. Clearly.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

Knottie6174271 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

hicoco said:

You might think they are super cute and that they will wear them again, but unless they each specifically squeed over the shoes and told you they would wear them again, you can't make that assumption. As I said earlier- or maybe in another, similar thread- I don't really care for sandals and I like very specific styles for the rare occasions when I'd wear them.
My dear...no assumptions were made. They are all absolutely delighted with the shoes. All three were consulted during the purchase. Just because you don't care for sandals aren't your
style, doesn't mean that others feel the same. Clearly.

1st my dear, drop the condescending attitude, clearly.

2nd, in your original post you did not tell us that you asked your BMs for their opinions when picking the sandals. All you said was that they were super cute sandals that your BMs will wear again. @MandyMost and I both responded to that statement and our point was that unless your BM's actually told you they would wear the sandals again, you can't assume that they would.

Brides come on this board all the time and tell us how much their BM's loved their BM robes for getting ready pics, the dresses they picked for them to wear, the hair and shoes they insist on having their BMs wear. . . and then BM's come on here and share their stories of how they secretly hated all of that shit but never told the bride.

And I used my tastes as an example or an anecdote as to why you can't make assumptions. My point was not that just because I don't like sandals no one else will. That's just stupid, clearly.

artbyallie · March 2015

Knottie6174271 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

hicoco said:

You might think they are super cute and that they will wear them again, but unless they each specifically squeed over the shoes and told you they would wear them again, you can't make that assumption. As I said earlier- or maybe in another, similar thread- I don't really care for sandals and I like very specific styles for the rare occasions when I'd wear them.
My dear...no assumptions were made. They are all absolutely delighted with the shoes. All three were consulted during the purchase. Just because you don't care for sandals aren't your
style, doesn't mean that others feel the same. Clearly.

They could have been lying to spare your feelings. The majority of people will do that, particularly when someone's wedding/child/work of art/whatever is important to them is involved. Especially if it was put to them like 'I'm thinking about buying these shoes for the bridesmaids to wear; what do you think?' People will assume there's only one right way to answer that question even if you claim you would have accepted negative responses. Own that you wanted matching shoes regardless because they didn't really get a choice.

MobKaz · March 2015

artbyallie said:

hicoco said:
Everyone keeps telling me not to get the shoes and that she won't even notice, but I'm too wimpy to do that, God forbid she checks before we walk down the aisle or something.
But what's the worst that could happen if she does? She kicks you out two seconds before you all hit the aisle? Then she's the world's biggest bridezilla and not any kind of friend worth keeping.

If she were to truly check just seconds before walking up the aisle, you have learned many things in that nano second. You have learned that your friend is BSC. You have learned she is NO friend at all. You have learned that it was wise to save the money and lose the "friend".

If she were to have a fit, I would give her 3 choices...
1. Let it go.
2. Offer to walk barefoot.
3. Offer to bow out of the wedding party (and the friendship), and immediately proceed to take a seat at the ceremony. When people start to ask what is wrong, tell them that the bride chose shoes over sanity.

strawberry917 · March 2015

It might be cool to suggest brides get a similar/matching color shoe but in the heel height of their choice!

levioosa · March 2015

Knottie6174271 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

hicoco said:

You might think they are super cute and that they will wear them again, but unless they each specifically squeed over the shoes and told you they would wear them again, you can't make that assumption. As I said earlier- or maybe in another, similar thread- I don't really care for sandals and I like very specific styles for the rare occasions when I'd wear them.
My dear...no assumptions were made. They are all absolutely delighted with the shoes. All three were consulted during the purchase. Just because you don't care for sandals aren't your
style, doesn't mean that others feel the same. Clearly.

My dear, of course you did! (You can stop being condescending anytime, btw). The bride in the last wedding I was in mandated our shoes and bought them. Of course I told her they were adorable, because what else was I supposed to say? And then I promptly gave them away to goodwill when the wedding was over because they were shoes I would have never bought on my own. They were also bought online (so we didn't get to try them on beforehand) and were half a size too small for everyone. And the girl who never wears heels looked like a hobbled horse when she tried to walk. They also gave every single girl blisters. So that was fun. But, you know, we all matched, and that's what mattered.

poodledoodleooo · March 2015

Loving all the answers on this thread! Thanks, Knotties, your insights were (generally) fantastic

VulgarGirl · March 2015

Knottie6174271 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

hicoco said:

You might think they are super cute and that they will wear them again, but unless they each specifically squeed over the shoes and told you they would wear them again, you can't make that assumption. As I said earlier- or maybe in another, similar thread- I don't really care for sandals and I like very specific styles for the rare occasions when I'd wear them.
My dear...no assumptions were made. They are all absolutely delighted with the shoes. All three were consulted during the purchase. Just because you don't care for sandals aren't your
style, doesn't mean that others feel the same. Clearly.

themuffinman16 · March 2015

The only thing I requested was that the bridesmaids not wear flip flops during the ceremony. We had long dresses, so they could wear whatever they wanted, in any color. I just don't like the sound flip flops make. After the ceremony, have at it!

Cookie Pusher · March 2015

themuffinman16 said:
The only thing I requested was that the bridesmaids not wear flip flops during the ceremony. We had long dresses, so they could wear whatever they wanted, in any color. I just don't like the sound flip flops make. After the ceremony, have at it!

I gave my mom and sisters flip flops (I got a bunch at Old Navy when they were $1) in case they wanted to wear them or change into them or whatever. Everyone ended up wearing heels for the ceremony. My mom and one of my sisters completely changed outfits and shoes after the introductions. Considering I changed dresses and shoes 3 times, I couldn't care less what everyone else was doing as long as they were comfortable - even if I had to endure the flip flop sound!

loveontheplayground · March 2015

I was a bridesmaid for my fiancee's uncle's wife. She went a step ahead and asked for my shoe size. Two days before the wedding I was given a pair of heels with a plastic covering across the upper part of the toe. By the end of the night I was in a lot of pain that I hobbled to the car and my feet were covered in blisters.

Needless to say, all I ask is the girls were the same color shoe and that's about it.

Vivandiere8 · March 2015

I went to a wedding where the brides maids all had to wear a specific pair of high heeled shoes. Every last girl was in horrible pain even before they walked down the isle, and they had very stressful smiles plastered on their faces. They all said after that all they thought the whole walk down, and through the whole wedding was "WHEN IS THIS DONE SO I CAN TAKE THEM OFF!"

IT's just something to think about as a bride. Even if you paid for the shoes they will never want to wear again is that the thought you want running through your friends minds during your wedding? A dress you aren't crazy about is far easier to ignore than shoes that hurt your feet.

My brides maids asked for guidelines so I just said nude dress shoes with the added understanding that this could be really be nude, light tan, dark tan. No pictures were ruined. Though I also did the thing with the dresses where they were the same color and desiner but any style they wished. I adored the look in the pictures and I'm glad to see this trend rising.

huskypuppy14 · March 2015

Ladies, if a shoe a bride insists you wear are hurting your feet, take them off! Seriously, it's not that hard. Any bride who cares more about the look than the comfort of her bridesmaids is a horrible friend.

At my sisters wedding I wore the shoes for the rehearsal, and realized I couldn't wear them for the wedding so I brought other shoes in the same color. No one cared one bit. I can't believe these stories of your feet hurting all night with blisters. You have free will, take them off. No one should be in pain during a wedding for a stupid pair of shoes.

chibiyui · March 2015

I was bad and I bought wedge sandals for my bridesmaids. One asked if she could bring shoes to change into and I told her of course I want you to be comfortable. I think 3 bridesmaids changed into different shoes. One still occasionally wears them.

I know I should have just said any neutral shoe, but I bought the shoes before I really started lurking and participating in the forums.

Ironically enough, my photographer DID take a picture of their shoes. I think I might have put it in the wedding album for lols.

But really, it was just 30 bucks (clearance and store discounts yo) I should have saved, and friends nice enough to not tell me to shove it.

kaitlynmichelle · March 2015

I can't wear heels at all. If I was told to wear them for a wedding, too damn bad. Not happening.

My MOHs both ended up in black flats. I told them they could wear anything under the sun. I wore bright purple flats and ended up in hiking boots later for photos so I did not care at all what footwear people had on.

christinemireille · March 2015

When my very dearest friend got married, she had a rainbow color scheme. We all got to pick our own knee-ish length black dresses (could be from anywhere, only rule was they couldn't be sparkly and she had to approve). However, there was a mandatory shoe because we were getting them dyed to match our "color." Having large feet, I had a bit of a panic moment--the style only went to an 11, and I wear a 12. THANKFULLY, I was able to find the exact same shoe in a dyeable brand. I was reassured by the bride that, if I couldn't find the same shoe, a similar one would have been fine, but I really wasn't excited by the idea of being singled out because of my feet.

My bridesmaids are in same designer and color dresses, but I told them they could wear whatever they want on their feet as long as they're gold. One of them keeps asking, "even flats?!?" like I gave her winning lottery ticket numbers.

No one needs grumpy feet on such a happy day!!

[Deleted User] · March 2015

To be quite frank, I was surprised and rather disappointed at the reaction to my use of the term "my dear." Perhaps what you didn't know was that I work in healthcare with elderly adults, and it is a term I hear used in and use myself probably a hundred times daily. My own fiance both uses and is referred to as such daily. And I'm not apologizing for my use of the term here. It didn't occur to me that anyone would find it "condescending." Don't be so quick to pass judgement next time. You don't know someone else's backstory unless you ask!

madamerwin · March 2015

Knottie6174271 said:To be quite frank, I was surprised and rather disappointed at the reaction to my use of the term "my dear." Perhaps what you didn't know was that I work in healthcare with elderly adults, and it is a term I hear used in and use myself probably a hundred times daily. My own fiance both uses and is referred to as such daily. And I'm not apologizing for my use of the term here. It didn't occur to me that anyone would find it "condescending." Don't be so quick to pass judgement next time. You don't know someone else's backstory unless you ask!

------------BOXES--------------------

Just for the future, saying "my dear" to someone other than someone you actually hold dear is almost always viewed as condescending. Especially on forums where you are disagreeing with others on a topic (it is the same as saying "oh, sweetie..." which I also find condescending unless it's my mom saying it). Frankly, I am surprised that you are surprised by the reaction.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

Knottie6174271 said:
To be quite frank, I was surprised and rather disappointed at the reaction to my use of the term "my dear." Perhaps what you didn't know was that I work in healthcare with elderly adults, and it is a term I hear used in and use myself probably a hundred times daily. My own fiance both uses and is referred to as such daily. And I'm not apologizing for my use of the term here. It didn't occur to me that anyone would find it "condescending." Don't be so quick to pass judgement next time. You don't know someone else's backstory unless you ask!

Well bless your heart.

slothiegal · March 2015

Knottie6174271 said:
To be quite frank, I was surprised and rather disappointed at the reaction to my use of the term "my dear." Perhaps what you didn't know was that I work in healthcare with elderly adults, and it is a term I hear used in and use myself probably a hundred times daily. My own fiance both uses and is referred to as such daily. And I'm not apologizing for my use of the term here. It didn't occur to me that anyone would find it "condescending." Don't be so quick to pass judgement next time. You don't know someone else's backstory unless you ask!

Dreamergirl8812 · March 2015

Knottie6174271 said:
To be quite frank, I was surprised and rather disappointed at the reaction to my use of the term "my dear." Perhaps what you didn't know was that I work in healthcare with elderly adults, and it is a term I hear used in and use myself probably a hundred times daily. My own fiance both uses and is referred to as such daily. And I'm not apologizing for my use of the term here. It didn't occur to me that anyone would find it "condescending." Don't be so quick to pass judgement next time. You don't know someone else's backstory unless you ask!

So, you learned something new today?

[Deleted User] · March 2015

I think it comes down to a comfort issue, at least for my girls. I didn't want them to have to spend money on shoes so I told them to wear whatever color would go with their dress (chocolate brown). One BM isn't comfortable in heels, so she found a cute dark brown/metallic wedge. One BM had screws in her ankle so she is limited to what kind of shoes she can wear. My other other two BM, they love to rock the heels. If I would have made them all wear the same shoe, someone was going to be uncomfortable. To me, it was important for the bridal party to be comfortable because to me when your feet hurt or you wear an outfit that is uncomfortable, you aren't happy and that unhappiness shows in your face, even with a fake smile. My theory was happy bridal party, then it shows in the photos and in their memories.

VulgarGirl · March 2015

Knottie6174271 said:
To be quite frank, I was surprised and rather disappointed at the reaction to my use of the term "my dear." Perhaps what you didn't know was that I work in healthcare with elderly adults, and it is a term I hear used in and use myself probably a hundred times daily. My own fiance both uses and is referred to as such daily. And I'm not apologizing for my use of the term here. It didn't occur to me that anyone would find it "condescending." Don't be so quick to pass judgement next time. You don't know someone else's backstory unless you ask!

One of the guys at work calls me sweet ass and I call him sugar tits. I manage to not call other people sweet ass or sugar tits.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

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