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Sending gifts when not attending?

Lusitano8Lusitano8 member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Registry and Gift Forum
Hi,

Just out of curiosity why do some people send a gift when they can't attend a wedding and others don't? Is there a correct etiquette for this? I assumed that you don't need to send a gift if you can't attend, just a nice congratulations, or if you know they couple well you send something. 

Is this something that is more common for 20-30 somethings to not send gifts? As we got close to our wedding date I started receiving gifts from some family friends who can't come but barely know us. It's very thoughtful of them to think of us. I noticed that they are all older so I thought maybe it's more traditional?

Obviously some younger friends might not have the financial resources to send gifts, but if you take this out of the equation is there a general gift guide? Do you send a gift to every wedding you can't attend? I want to be sure I send at least a small gift for future weddings if this is protocol. 

Thanks! 
 
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Re: Sending gifts when not attending?

  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Lusitano8 said:

    Hi,


    Just out of curiosity why do some people send a gift when they can't attend a wedding and others don't? Is there a correct etiquette for this? I assumed that you don't need to send a gift if you can't attend, just a nice congratulations, or if you know they couple well you send something. 

    Is this something that is more common for 20-30 somethings to not send gifts? As we got close to our wedding date I started receiving gifts from some family friends who can't come but barely know us. It's very thoughtful of them to think of us. I noticed that they are all older so I thought maybe it's more traditional?

    Obviously some younger friends might not have the financial resources to send gifts, but if you take this out of the equation is there a general gift guide? Do you send a gift to every wedding you can't attend? I want to be sure I send at least a small gift for future weddings if this is protocol. 

    Thanks! 
     
    Gifts are never required for a wedding.  You also shouldn't be doing guessing games about your friend's and family's financial situations.  It's none of your business.  Graciously accept any gifts, and immediately send a thank you card.  If you can't attend a wedding and feel like giving a gift, by all means, give one.  But don't feel pressured to, since they aren't required and should never be expected. 


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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Nope.  Not required.  Gifts are NEVER required.  I've given gifts for weddings I'm not invited to and not given gifts for weddings where I am invited.  Sometimes I give more, sometimes less, depending on my relationship with the couple and my personal financial situation at the time.
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  • poodledoodleooopoodledoodleooo member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    There is no rule for this. People give gifts when they want to and don't when they don't want to. Simple.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    sjf2715 said:

    There is no rule for this. People give gifts when they want to and don't when they don't want to. Simple.

    Exactly, if there was a rule it'd be called an Entry Fee or something else other than "gift".
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Just personal preference - nothing more, nothing less.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Lusitano8 said:

    Hi,


    Just out of curiosity why do some people send a gift when they can't attend a wedding and others don't? Is there a correct etiquette for this? I assumed that you don't need to send a gift if you can't attend, just a nice congratulations, or if you know they couple well you send something. 

    Is this something that is more common for 20-30 somethings to not send gifts? As we got close to our wedding date I started receiving gifts from some family friends who can't come but barely know us. It's very thoughtful of them to think of us. I noticed that they are all older so I thought maybe it's more traditional?

    Obviously some younger friends might not have the financial resources to send gifts, but if you take this out of the equation is there a general gift guide? Do you send a gift to every wedding you can't attend? I want to be sure I send at least a small gift for future weddings if this is protocol. 

    Thanks! 
     
    You don't have to give a  gift whether you come to the wedding or not. I would agree that most people do give a gift if they attend, but there is no requirement. 

    I've gone to pretty much every wedding I've been invited to. If I couldn't attend and it was a close friend or family member, I would absolutely give them a gift. If I thought I was just a courtesy invite, it would depend. 

    If you want to give a gift, give a gift. If you don't, don't. 
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  • Knottie86983567Knottie86983567 member
    First Comment
    Proper etiquette dictates that you provide a gift for every wedding to which you are invited.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie86983567 said:

    Proper etiquette dictates that you provide a gift for every wedding to which you are invited.

    Actually proper etiquette says that you ought to want to give a wedding gift if you are close enough to someone to accept their wedding invitation, but gifts are never required.  Proper etiquette definitely does not dictate that you send a gift for every wedding to which you are invited, @Knottie86983567.



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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Proper etiquette dictates that you provide a gift for every wedding to which you are invited.
    No, this is not correct. 

    I got invited to a wedding of people I've never met. It was quite obviously a "courtesy invite". I didn't attend, nor did I send a gift. I did send a nice card after I RSVP'd "no", though. 

    As a guest, I would never ATTEND a wedding empty handed. But if I'm merely invited and don't attend, I feel no obligation to send a gift. Sometimes I want to (even if I can't make it), but that's different than being obligated.
    *********************************************************************************

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Knottie86983567 said:

    Proper etiquette dictates that you provide a gift for every wedding to which you are invited.

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    It's strictly up to the guests whether or not they give the couple gifts.
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  • Knottie86983567Knottie86983567 member
    First Comment
    Sorry ladies, but you're wrong. Etiquette dictates that recipients of wedding invite are to give gifts.

    But it sounds like a lot of you have already broken this rule, so maybe you just want to make yourselves feel better. ;)


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  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2015
    Knottie86983567 said:

    Sorry ladies, but you're wrong. Etiquette dictates that recipients of wedding invite are to give gifts.


    But it sounds like a lot of you have already broken this rule, so maybe you just want to make yourselves feel better. ;)


    That is not a reputable source.  It also says that you can register for cash, which is incredibly rude. Your wedding is not a charity.  Emily Post has started to go awry of proper etiquette.  Although that article was spot on about thank you notes.  


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  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I've sent gifts when I wasn't even invited to the wedding. I just feel like it's polite.

    But it's just personal preference, and I in no way felt slighted at people who send cards only or nothing.
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