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Can someone talk some sense into me, please? Re: hair

novella1186novella1186 member
5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
in Chit Chat
I'm annoying the fuck out of myself. Pretty much from the get-go I decided to wear my hair down for my wedding. I always wear it down so that's how I'm comfortable and that's how I feel the most beautiful. And FI loves my hair down. No-brainer, right? 

Well, my mom's constant nagging and criticism has really gotten to me. She keeps telling me if I wear my hair down I'm not going to look special on my wedding day. So this weekend I spent 4 or 5 hours practicing a bunch of down hairstyles and decided that none of them looked special, and I was not going to look special, and then I'd feel ugly the whole day. 

I got so stressed over it that I actually started crying, and I'm not a crier. FI gave me the pep talk, that however I want to look is fine and my mom's snarky comments don't matter and that I'll be beautiful with my hair down blah blah blah. 

Now I'm sitting in my office googling up-dos and wondering if I should start making frantic phone calls to hair stylists to see if I can squeeze in a hair trial and make an appointment for the wedding day. 

The thing that keeps getting to me is the detail on the back of my dress and that I shouldn't cover it with hair (see photo) so then I get really carried away and think "Well, I obviously chose the wrong dress if I want my hair down." 
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This is seriously such a stupid thing to get so worked up about. But when I get into moods like this and get fixated on worrying about something, my stupid brain is like a run-away train and I don't know how to calm myself back down and Stop. Fucking. Worrying. I need a xanax or something. 

Any advice or "stop worrying, dumbass" comments will be very much appreciated. I need to get over this and get back to more important things. 
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Re: Can someone talk some sense into me, please? Re: hair

  • redheadbride15redheadbride15 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Ignore your mother. Seriously. Someone convinced me of this when I was like 13 and it's still the best piece of advice I've ever received. It's saved me considerable heartache over the years. Your dress will look amazing with hair down. You will feel comfortable and look beautiful without needing to fit into whatever your mother's idea of "special" is.
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  • PamBeesly524PamBeesly524 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    That sucks that your mom is being so negative about your hair, but seriously, don't worry! If you love your hair down, and your FI loves your hair down, then rock your hair down! I think I remember you posting your hair and makeup not that long ago and you looked absolutely fabulous. You aren't going to look any less "special" with your hair a certain way... You'll look special no matter what because you'll be wearing a wedding dress.

    Try and block out the negative vibes! Sending positive ones your way.

    ETA: your dress pic finally completed loaded for me... IT'S SO PRETTY!
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited March 2015
    Thank you so much ladies! I know common sense is that hair styles aren't that big of a deal and definitely can't make or break a wedding day. But sometimes I just need to hear it (or read it) from other people to get the crazy side of my brain to shut up. 
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Stop worrying, dumbass. 

    Ok, that aside, while this isn't something to cry over, I agree it's something to angst over. My husband wanted me to wear my hair down, but I have fine hair that doesn't hold a curl, so no way. 

    I certainly recommend a trial, because I don't know about you, but I cannot do ANYTHING special with my hair. Nothing, nada, zilch. Pinterest tutorials be damned. 

    There are a lot of styles that are up, yet loose and soft. I think that would be a good compromise for you. I'd definitely want to show off that gorgeous dress back. Maybe even a half-up would good too, as you'll still have it kind of down, but less hair over the dress detail. 
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  • dolewhipperdolewhipper member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I agree with lacq. Sweep those tresses to the side or in front of you to show your back off during the ceremony. You're going to be beautiful AND special because you're the one everyone is there for.


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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    Minus walking down the aisle (which is what, like less than a minute?), people are generally going to be seeing you from the front/side, so they won't even notice that your hair might cover some of the back of your dress.  

    Wear your hair down! if that's what makes you the most comfortable and beautiful, then it's a clear decision!  
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I should clarify something in my comment. I only said it's worth some "angst" because I know the amount of hours I spent Googling and Pinning hair ideas was out of this world. I had a ridiculously hard time deciding what to do! But I agree with the others that wearing hair down is still special. I mean really, who says that. 
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  • minttobemrsbminttobemrsb member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    First off, I love your dress. And aside from walking down the aisle, how often are people going to be staring at the back of your dress?? 

    Your mother is wrong. Wearing your hair down isn't going to make you look any less special. You're going to be the woman at the front of the room/space wearing a giant white lace dress and gleaming in excitement. That will be plenty special enough and I'm sure you will look beautiful.
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  • blabla89blabla89 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Ignore your mom. Your hair looked great in the trial pics you posted. But if YOU want to wear your hair up to show off the back of the dress, don't panic. There are plenty of styles you could do yourself, so no need to frantically call stylists.

    imageimageimageimage
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  • minttobemrsbminttobemrsb member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    if you're still stressed, might I recommend that you buy yourself a new wine glass...

    Cheers to Monday! :)
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Wear your hair down! Many, many brides wear their hair down and besides your hair isn't what makes your wedding special or anything about that day special. Do what feels comfortable for you and forget what your mom says.



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  • lnixon8lnixon8 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Could you do something like this? Down, but pinned or hairsprayed to the side so you still see the back of the dress?

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  • flyingfoxesflyingfoxes member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Another vote for swept off to the side, then you get the best of both worlds - you can see the back, plus you get to wear your hair down, plus it's probably just "different" enough from normal to be a "special occasion" hairdo. 
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  • lavenderfields13lavenderfields13 member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    So I think we should probably be best friends because every time I see a post about you stressing out I'm like "see someone else stresses out over the little things too!". haha

    I understand getting upset over it. I want to wear my hair down too because I wear it up a lot since it's a mess and hard to wear down without doing anything to it and I'm lazy. FI loves when my hair is down and looks nice though. So I want my hair down with loose curls for the wedding. My aunt did a quick trial for me (she's doing my hair for the wedding) and I had a meltdown because I felt like my hair is too short and I wanted it longer. I contemplated wearing it up because I was so ridiculously upset that it wasn't long enough. I had to talk some sense into myself.
    Then I was thinking I was going to look "underwhelming" on my wedding day because I want my hair to look soft and natural and I'm not wearing blingy jewelry because it's just not me. I'm crazy.
    Like everyone else said - don't listen to your mom. If you feel most beautiful with your hair down then you're going to look beautiful! Sometimes people have these ideas of what a bride is supposed to look like and get caught up in it. 
     




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  • classicalandedgyclassicalandedgy member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper

    Your mom's comment be damned do what you want and feel good in, she doesn't know SHIT!  My mom says stupid shit all the time.  I have learned to just let it go and chalk it up to a difference in opinions... and you know what they say about opinions...

    That said, if you really want a compromise ditto on the side swept look... But, really you will be beautiful anyway that you choose to wear your hair! 

     

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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Stop worrying, (your mom is a) dumbass.

    I love the side-swept wavy look. I'd do that for the ceremony when people are looking at your back, and then at the reception when you want to be more comfortable, toss it back over.
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  • mrsdee15mrsdee15 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    First off, your dress is GORGEOUS!!

    Now that that's out of the way, ditto PPs on wearing your hair down or swept to the side, whatever makes you feel the most beautiful.  Your mom's comment makes no sense to me, so many brides I see have hair up.  Ignore it and go for what makes you happiest.  You're going to be beautiful no matter what you choose!
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  • jenna8984jenna8984 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    My honest 2 cents- your hair doesn't have to be up but it should have a little something going on. Curls, fancy pins, sideswept, etc. I get legitimately pissed every time I see Jennifer Aniston on the red carpet in some glamorous gown and her hair is the exact same down and straightened every time. I'm like do SOMETHING with it!! Just doesn't fit the level of formality in my eyes. But that Jessica Chastain picture that @lnixon8 posted is fabulous.

                                                                     

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  • littlepeplittlepep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    First, your dress is gorgeous! Second, you need to wear your hair how you are comfortable. I'm planning to do down too because I never wear my hair up. I hate it up. I don't like the nonsense of it wont look like "wedding" hair. Like that's a thing that's universal. It doesn't look like your hair is super long anyway so you'll still be able to see the back but like PPs said, you can always move it to the side or wear it slight to the side.
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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I think everyone has to throw a fit over something small and simple  near their wedding. I say wear it up only because when you wear your hair down it could fall out easier. At least, that's what my justification is for myself. I always wear my hair down as well! Plus the back of your gown is so amazing that I don't think you should cover it with your hair. 
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Thanks so much, everyone. I'm getting back to a calm, rational state of mind now lol. 
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Stop listening to your mom and do whatever makes you feel beautiful. Fwiw, I think hair down and swept to the side like the pics some pps posted would be stunning. You are going to look gorgeous whatever you do. Don't overthink it and let it stress you out.


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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited March 2015
    Just popping by to also show off another hairstyle shape option that is "down" but not at the same time. You could not even have a braid, but have hair from the front criscross across the back. I didn't want my hair up either :)

    ETA: I think this shape would work for your dress because you could still see that it gives an open back.

    image   image   image

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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I just remembered I have a picture on my phone of the back of my dress with my hair totally down and curled (cuz that's how I normally wear it) with the veil. So here's the total package: 

    When I looked at it before I thought it was fine. After all my mom's comments, I started to think it was all wrong. But I like the suggestions from you ladies, especially with the side-swept thing, because that wouldn't be complicated... 

    Thank you, again! 
    image
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  • lavenderfields13lavenderfields13 member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    novella1186 said:

    I just remembered I have a picture on my phone of the back of my dress with my hair totally down and curled (cuz that's how I normally wear it) with the veil. So here's the total package: 


    When I looked at it before I thought it was fine. After all my mom's comments, I started to think it was all wrong. But I like the suggestions from you ladies, especially with the side-swept thing, because that wouldn't be complicated... 

    Thank you, again! 
    This pic looks gorgeous and you can still see the detail of the dress! Yeah, ignore your mom.
     




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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    lavenderfields13 said:

    novella1186 said:

    I just remembered I have a picture on my phone of the back of my dress with my hair totally down and curled (cuz that's how I normally wear it) with the veil. So here's the total package: 


    When I looked at it before I thought it was fine. After all my mom's comments, I started to think it was all wrong. But I like the suggestions from you ladies, especially with the side-swept thing, because that wouldn't be complicated... 

    Thank you, again! 
    This pic looks gorgeous and you can still see the detail of the dress! Yeah, ignore your mom.
    Thank you! At my age I really should no better than to take her comments to heart. 
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  • amelishaamelisha member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Dude. Your hair isn't even long enough to cover the detail on the back of the dress! You can still see it and it looks great! Wear it down. 

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  • briannamarie1024briannamarie1024 member
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment

    I went through the same thing a couple weeks ago. Everyone was telling me "you're the bride, you have to wear a veil, have your hair up, wear heels, blah blah blah" It's so easy to listen to other people's opinions, especially moms. But at the end of the day its your wedding, and you have to be happy with how you look in those pictures you paid a fortune for! Be yourself, hair up or down doesn't make you any more special. You're wearing a beautiful white dress, saying your vows in front of all your family and friends, and marrying the person you chose to spend your life with. That's what's important!  

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