Wedding Etiquette Forum

Do we HAVE to dance?

So the topic of our "first dance" has come up, and I have no good feelings about it whatsoever. Neither of us knows how to dance, neither of us cares that we don't know how to dance, and neither of us enjoys dancing at all.

Can we just....not?
«1

Re: Do we HAVE to dance?

  • We didn't have a first dance.  Or a bouquet toss.  And I wasn't even wearing a garter for DH to go searching for.  This is a instance of your day, you can do what you want.   You don't have to do it.  If you're having a dance, just have the DJ start up the music to get everyone else going

  • You can absolutely skip this. It isn't an etiquette issue, therefore it doesn't matter if you do it or not. If you don't feel comfortable, skip it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    image
  • edited March 2015
    Won't people harass us about it and try to tell us we have to dance and create a giant argument?
  • Won't people harass us about it and try to tell us we have to dance and create a giant argument>

    I would hope people aren't that rude. Geez! If they do, just have a canned statement ready, "we won't be doing a first dance...how did you like the food? Thank you so much for coming, it's great to see you and John.. how's life in Springfield?"

    No, you don't have to do this. A reception is just a party, so if you don't want to do spotlight dances, tosses, etc. you aboslutely do not have to.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited March 2015
    No one even asked us.  And if they do, then they are rude and suck.  Just tell them you hadn't planned on any spotlight dances, but you could maybe speak to the DJ and arrange one for them and their date if they're so set on one.  ;)

    ETA - clarity

  • edited March 2015



    I would hope people aren't that rude.

    I fully anticipate that FH's mom will harass the living crap out of us and demand it.


  • I would hope people aren't that rude.

    I fully anticipate that FH's mom will harass the living crap out of us and demand it.
    Tell her she can go out and dance then. Show her to the dance floor :) You do not have to dance. It's ridiculous for people to pressure you otherwise. Sadly, some people are just stuck on tradition.

    image
  • FI and I are not doing a first dance, or any spotlight dances. It just wasn't genuine to us cuz it's not something we care about or wanted to do. The whole idea of it, to me, seems very odd. 

    Why do something you don't want to just because other people do it? 
    image
  • Is it really that you can't dance, or do you not want the spotlight? If you think your family will harass you about it, see if you can a) let them know you don't want it but b) suggest maybe the family "opening" the dance floor. To me, that's an ok compromise. 
    Otherwise, don't even have any conversations about it. Have the DJ or band announce the floor is open and be done with it. 
    ________________________________




  • I would hope people aren't that rude.

    I fully anticipate that FH's mom will harass the living crap out of us and demand it.
    Then your FH should tell her well in advance that it's not happening. He should also talk to her about y'alls concerns and kindly ask her to refrain from hassling you about it on your wedding day.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • It's not about the spotlight.  It's about that I don't know how to dance and that I hate dancing.  I don't know why people think it's fun.


  • I would hope people aren't that rude.

    I fully anticipate that FH's mom will harass the living crap out of us and demand it.
    Then your FH should tell her well in advance that it's not happening. He should also talk to her about y'alls concerns and kindly ask her to refrain from hassling you about it on your wedding day.
    Harassment is her main export, with guilt as a close second.  :-P
  • It's not about the spotlight.  It's about that I don't know how to dance and that I hate dancing.  I don't know why people think it's fun.

    Ok cool. So just have your DJ or band announce the floor is open to anyone who wants to dance and be done with it. If anyone harasses you, bean dip, or say, "Oh, then YOU can be the first one out there! Cool!"
    ________________________________




  • I would hope people aren't that rude.

    I fully anticipate that FH's mom will harass the living crap out of us and demand it.
    Then your FH should tell her well in advance that it's not happening. He should also talk to her about y'alls concerns and kindly ask her to refrain from hassling you about it on your wedding day.
    Harassment is her main export, with guilt as a close second.  :-P


    Good luck! I get it, my Mom keeps telling me I HAVE TO do things too. I already caved on one thing (a veil) and I completely regret buying it so since then I have been putting my foot down. ( ex: No we don't "have to" have boutonnieres.) If the spotlight isn't an issue maybe you could come up with a different "first" that if more your style? haha first Mario Kart Race as a married couple? Or do a goofy dance on purpose?



  • I would hope people aren't that rude.

    I fully anticipate that FH's mom will harass the living crap out of us and demand it.
    If she doesn't ask about it, just don't bring it up, since it's not her business anyway. She can discover at the wedding that it isn't happening. If she does ask about it, your FH can tell her that it's not happening, the subject is closed, please do not bring it up again, thank you.
  • Well now the stakes have been raised.  I talked to my FH about this, and he says we should dance.

    I don't wanna dance!
  • Well now the stakes have been raised.  I talked to my FH about this, and he says we should dance.

    I don't wanna dance!

    Why does he think you "should"? 
    image
  • Because it's expected and because he wants to.
  • Because it's expected and because he wants to.

    That is when I would say "Ok I will sit in a chair while you do a little dance for me" ha ha.
  • We've been discussing it in IMs.

    I'll get a better idea of his thoughts tonight at home.

    (If I can pull him away from the babies... we're getting a litter of foster kittens tonight!)
  • We've been discussing it in IMs.

    I'll get a better idea of his thoughts tonight at home.

    (If I can pull him away from the babies... we're getting a litter of foster kittens tonight!)

    Please post pictures!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
  • If you don't dance, the marriage becomes invalid. That's just a fact.

    Dancing is always optional. 
  • Because it's expected and because he wants to.

    I quite frankly don't give a fuck about what's expected, but that's just me. I would never do something that made me uncomfortable or that I genuinely didn't want to do just because other people expected it. 
    image
  • What about the part where he WANTS to do it?
  • What about the part where he WANTS to do it?

    Ok....then do it if you want to? Or talk to him about how uncomfortable it makes you and come to an agreement? This isn't that hard to figure out.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


  • We've been discussing it in IMs.

    I'll get a better idea of his thoughts tonight at home.

    (If I can pull him away from the babies... we're getting a litter of foster kittens tonight!)



    1) PICTURES!!!

    2) Tell him that if you dance at the wedding it will make the kittens cry, he doesn't want to make kittens cry does he?

  • What about the part where he WANTS to do it?

    Agree with PP. Have a conversation with him about it. If it's truly important to him, then find a compromise. 

    I did not want us to write our own vows and FI initially agreed. Just wasn't something I had any interest in, and I felt like it was a lot of pressure. Then he brought it up again and expressed that he REALLY wanted to do it, and it was important to him. Since it's his wedding too and he should also get what he wants, I decided to suck it up. Not writing them wasn't hugely important to me, but writing them was a big deal to him, so we're writing them. 

    Figure out if this dancing thing is something you absolutely won't do, or if you're willing to do it because it's important to your FI, or if you can find some sort of middle ground. 
    image
  • We've been discussing it in IMs.

    I'll get a better idea of his thoughts tonight at home.

    (If I can pull him away from the babies... we're getting a litter of foster kittens tonight!)



    1) PICTURES!!!

    2) Tell him that if you dance at the wedding it will make the kittens cry, he doesn't want to make kittens cry does he?

    OMG that's the best!  I can just picture the epic dispair on is face at the thought of sobbing kittens!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards