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Wedding Etiquette Forum
ink365
member
what's wrong with a honeymoon registry?
I noticed a couple posts suggesting that it is frowned upon to have a honeymoon registry. I was wondering about the reasoning behind this.
I have had a couple friends who had honeymoon registries for their wedding and thought it was a cool idea. My SO and I were talking about having one in addition to a more traditional registry when we get married.
We have been living together for over a year now and already have most of the things we need for the house, so we thought it might be better to ask for contributions towards cool experiences on our honeymoon rather than stuff we don't really need.
I'm curious to hear what the thoughts are towards proper etiquette in this situation.
As a side note, the BF and I are not yet officially engaged, though we have bought a ring (yay!), so it's all just talk and speculation at this point. Just lurking on the forums triyng to get a feel for what is and isn't appropriate before I have to start thinking about actually planning anything (yikes).
I have had a couple friends who had honeymoon registries for their wedding and thought it was a cool idea. My SO and I were talking about having one in addition to a more traditional registry when we get married.
We have been living together for over a year now and already have most of the things we need for the house, so we thought it might be better to ask for contributions towards cool experiences on our honeymoon rather than stuff we don't really need.
I'm curious to hear what the thoughts are towards proper etiquette in this situation.
As a side note, the BF and I are not yet officially engaged, though we have bought a ring (yay!), so it's all just talk and speculation at this point. Just lurking on the forums triyng to get a feel for what is and isn't appropriate before I have to start thinking about actually planning anything (yikes).
This discussion has been closed.
Re: what's wrong with a honeymoon registry?
2) Companies take a cut from the gifts given to the couple. Meaning Aunt Sue gave you $100, but you'll only receive 97. This adds up quickly for your guests.
3) Aunt Sue will think she gave you a zip lining excursion, or what have you, but really you'll just get the cash back from the company. Which means you can use the cash however you like, so Aunt Sue didn't buy you a zip lining excursion at all...
4) Everyone, and I mean everyone, knows that cash gifts are totally acceptable and that the couple can use the cash on a honeymoon if they so choose. This essentially makes the honeymoon registry pointless.
5) They are different from traditional registries in that a registry is essentially a wish list - not an ask for specific items.
ETA: Yay for lurking and learning! You'll learn a lot here. I sure did!
Because it's asking for gifts, when gifts are not actually required. Traditional registries aren't an ask, just a list to give people an idea of your style and what you might need (although they can become tacky and a definite ask if they get shared all over creation). No one needs to be told that cash is a good gift, although they may need some help knowing whether you would want a 20 qt stockpot.
In addition, it's just bad financial sense.
Scenario 1: You don't register. People, because they are not idiots, know this means you don't need much, and give you cash for their gift amount. You get to keep 100% of the money they give you.
Scenario 2: You set up a Honeyfund. People, who are confused and think they're really directly giving you a cool experience, donate their gift amount. Other people, who know how Honeyfunds work and are disgusted by the ask for money, give you less money than they were originally going to. You get to keep 93-97% of the money they give you.
edit - typo
Formerly martha1818
Why not read one of the 100+ threads that have already covered this topic in extensive detail?
I agree that asking for money is tacky. How saying "these are the extras we want to do on our honeymoon. If you are going to give us something we would like to be abe to do these things over receiving an item." Is any different than saying "these are the things we want/need for the house."
I was not aware that honeymoon registries worked lIke that. I have not done any research on them, as I am no where near the point of actually going to set one up.
The one I looked at was through a cruise line, and all I noted was, hey we could set up a registry where people could get us horseback riding on the beach instead of a Cook set. I didn't look at anything beyond that.
It was just an honest question. I don't see a reason to get snarky and sarcastic.
PP's have covered it so I'll just pull up a chair and wait for the response from the OP...
I agree that asking for money is tacky. How saying "these are the extras we want to do on our honeymoon. If you are going to give us something we would like to be abe to do these things over receiving an item." Is any different than saying "these are the things we want/need for the house."
I was not aware that honeymoon registries worked lIke that. I have not done any research on them, as I am no where near the point of actually going to set one up.
The one I looked at was through a cruise line, and all I noted was, hey we could set up a registry where people could get us horseback riding on the beach instead of a Cook set. I didn't look at anything beyond that.
It was just an honest question. I don't see a reason to get snarky and sarcastic.
If you need other people to pay for your cruise ahead of time, then you shouldn't have booked a cruise. Book the honeymoon you can afford. It's not your guests' responsibility to pay for your vacation.
Ok. But what if we go on a cruise? I assume all of your shore excursions have to be booked in advance. Cash wouldn't help after the fact in that case.
I agree that asking for money is tacky. How saying "these are the extras we want to do on our honeymoon. If you are going to give us something we would like to be abe to do these things over receiving an item." Is any different than saying "these are the things we want/need for the house."
I was not aware that honeymoon registries worked lIke that. I have not done any research on them, as I am no where near the point of actually going to set one up.
The one I looked at was through a cruise line, and all I noted was, hey we could set up a registry where people could get us horseback riding on the beach instead of a Cook set. I didn't look at anything beyond that.
It was just an honest question. I don't see a reason to get snarky and sarcastic.
It really depends on where you are HM, but we had to pay 50% of our safari lodge when we booked 7 months out. Then because of exchange rates we ended up paying with other 50% 4 months out.
Sorry I missed it. Would have been much safer for me, although clearly less entertaining for you guys.
You guys do make some good points as to why they are pretty much impractical unless you wait to honeymoon, and in bad taste regardless.
Sorry to come off as defensive. I was not prepared for backlash when I posted. First time and all...
Yes, this! I give money at weddings 99% of the time (that 1% being if it's someone older/clearly more "established" than me- ie I felt too weird giving my dad $ as his wedding gift, same with my uncle).
But if I'm being outright asked for money, I make a point to get them a boxed gift. But if there were no mention of honeymoon registries, gift cards, cash, etc? They totally would have gotten cash from me.
Formerly martha1818
No it's not. You've posted before...
I was not expecting such a harsh response on the manners board. Oh the irony...