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If you've ever been a BM...

Can you share some of the best/worst stories of being a bridesmaid (or flower girl, GM, whatever)? I've been reading some horror stories and I want some more. I've never been one and I want it engrained in my head how not to be shitty to my BMs.

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Re: If you've ever been a BM...

  • tojaitojai member
    10 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary
    Technically wasn't a BM in the wedding but this happened to them too -

    Bride and groom invited more people than they wanted to host, expecting declines from the groom's extended family due to travel.  Groom's extended family all accepted, and apparently the groom "put his foot down" and insisted that the guest list be below a certain number.  The bride had to contact guests to let them know that their SOs had to be uninvited.  I was really upset when she broke the news to me, but then she also told me the that the SOs for the BP were being uninvited too.  I think she meant it to soften the blow, like she wasn't singling my DH out in particular, but to me it actually made the situation seem worse.

    Needless to say we did not attend (and she also made a rude comment about that) but I felt just awful for her BMs.  I was surprised none of them dropped out.

    hellohkbthemuffinman16[Deleted User]
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2015
    One gave me a bunch of taffeta, the dress pattern, and asked me to sew my dress. Another asked me if I was planning to grow my hair out for the wedding.
  • I was told (not asked) that I was MOH for my BSC sis. She picked out a dress without asking for budgets or opinions, or even seeing it in person because she liked it on Pinterest. We were told to get the dress by a date almost 10 months before the wedding because waiting longer would stress her out. This was all around Christmas. I didn't have the money for the dress, which was double what I could afford and would require extensive alterations, and wasn't able to drive to the bridal salon 2 hours away to get measured by her deadline. She told all the BMs to buy a specific pair of shoes that didn't match the formality of the dress. Shoes I would never wear again, and were expensive. Not cowboy boots, but something similar. She also demanded matching accessories and jewelry, and required everyone to get their hair, make up and nails professionally done to all match by stylists of her choosing. Everything at my expense, of course. When I expressed my financial concerns to her she accused me of not loving her, being jealous she was younger than me and getting married the same year, being jealous that she and her BF dated 3 years less than DH and I did before getting engaged, and told me that if I didn't do exactly what she wanted then I would ruin her special day. This was followed by a subtle threat to actually hold me down and put the shoes she wanted on my feet for her wedding. I was then given an ultimatum - I had 3 days to get the dress or I couldn't be in her wedding. I didn't get the dress. She promoted a BM to MOH and asked a new BM so the sides would be even.

  • I don't really have any horror stories. There were some etiquette faux pas in all the weddings I was in, but I was always treated well as a bridesmaid.

    I think the biggest thing was when so many extra people showed up to one friend's wedding who hadn't RSVPed (she said it's common in her culture/circles for people to want to "surprise you" with their presence at your wedding, so she couldn't get answers from them. She has accounted for extras, but undershot) that there wasn't a place left for the WP to sit. They had to set up a spare table for us on the balcony.

  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    The one I'm currently in:

    Requires hair/make up and she's not paying for it.
    Has been demanding a weekend long bachelorette party in which she invited 16 people where only 12 can sleep.
    Planned two of her own bridal showers
    Wants us all to wear 5" heels (I successfully talked her out of that one. But not without much bitching and moaning. Mind you, she always planned on wearing flats for the wedding.)
    Asked that I keep my hair longer for her wedding (I'm threatening to chop it off after my wedding a month earlier)
    Expects us to be available every evening and the full day for the week prior to her wedding.

    I've been in two prior and neither one asked my budget for the dress or let me pick it out. Both told me what shoes I was wearing without asking. One went apeshit on me because I didn't use a $3 off coupon for our hairstyles "do you have any idea what I had to go through to get these!?" And apeshit on me in front of the cashier at Beauty Works.

    The current wedding I'm in, she subscribes to the thought process of "it's my day. You don't like it, fuck you. I never liked you anyways." Honestly, and I hate to say it, we probably will not be friends after this. I've tried to lead by example, but she does not care.

  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Can't say I have any particularly terrible stories. The friend who I thought was going to be a bridezilla turned out to be really chill. I found out later that two of the other BMs in her wedding were actually b-listed so the sides would be even...please don't do that to any of your BMs :)
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  • AuroraRose41AuroraRose41 New York member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    I have mentioned her on a few other boards, but I just dropped out as a BM for a bridezilla. Here are the reasons why: 

    -Never asked a dress budget and picked out dresses online without seeing them in person
    -B-listed some girls
    -Replaced some who dropped out
    -Required us to pay for hair, makeup, shoes, jewelry, and nails (french manicures)
    -Is planning her own 70 person bridal shower, at an expensive country club, dictating menu, bar arrangement, theme, expensive decorations, favors, invitations, etc. and invoicing the bridal party. 
    -Had a mandatory envelope stuffing at her house to put together the shower invites. (I had already dropped out by the time it happened, but I wouldn't have gone anyways). 
    -Is planning her own bachelorette party complete with a lingerie shower
    -And the icing on the cake that made me drop out: Called me a bad friend for deciding not to go on a "dress shopping" trip at a salon two hours away from where everyone lived because a bad winter storm was going to hit later that day. The "dress shopping" was to just try on dresses because she told us to order them online from a different retailer, and I told her I found places in my local area where I could try them on before she even planned this trip. There were multiple car accidents and power outages that afternoon due to the weather. I told her she was a bad friend for putting her wedding above her so called friends' safety. We haven't spoken since. 

    ETA: some clarifying details. I was also the only OOT BM who was in town visiting my family for the holidays during the dress shopping incident. The storm was a bad one (a Nor'Easter IIRC) that hit the East Coast right after New Year's. 

  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    One, I was phoned by the MOB and told the shower being hosted by us BM's was on this date, and could I please bring a cheese plate for x number of people.  No budget was asked, and I wasn't given the chance to offer.  Mind you, it was my first wedding and I had no idea how this all worked, so I went with it, even though the cheese was a little expensive for me.  

    I was MOH for my BFF.  She got married outside in October in Canada.  Partially my fault for not bringing something more, but it was OOT for me.  Her cocktail hour was outside too.  I was hypothermic when DH finally picked me up.  She also didn't consider transportation for us, had a cash bar with tickets and friends working it, and never confirmed the clean up crew, so asked all of us at the reception to help with clean up.  She honestly didn't see it as rude.  She saw it as she'd be happy to help so why wouldn't everyone else.  I wasn't happy.  
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  • H O L Y   S H I T B A L L S some of these are pretty bad. @holyguacamole79 Do you sew? If you don't know how, that must have been an awkward conversation...

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  • I, thankfully, haven't had any really bad stories. The worst, though, was for my BFF (who I love dearly). But the shoes her sister/MOH picked out were strappy six inch stilleto things that we all called The Shoes of Death and when we got to the church for the rehearsal we realized there was a huge fucking grate in the middle of the aisle that somehow the bride had never noticed before so that made walking kind of awkward. Her grandmother *insisted* we wear hose and the mom picked them out and asked us for our sizes and being a curvy gal I had the embarrassment of being all "I need the Queen size" (WORST NAME EVER FOR A SIZE OF PANTYHOSE) and then she went out and bought these like satiny sheeny hose and again, we're wearing strappy open toed shoes. Like WTF

    The MOH and I were the only ones tattooed and the bride/MOH's mom hates the MOH's tattoos. Like with a fiery burning passion. So she wanted the MOH to cover them up which meant I had to cover them up (out of some weird thing of fairness). Only I have a black tattoo and the MOH has these big colorful ones and the makeup she bought was awful and it was not happening for either us. But we tried and so the morning of, there we are, the two of us in this tiny hotel bathroom trying to cover up each other's tattoos and the cover up made it all look way more obvious and the MOH got cover up make up on her dress and the MOB and FOB kinda flipped and it was like this whole big drama and I'm just sitting there with my sad partially covered tattoo. 


    I love my BFF but I'm pretty sure her mother and grandmother railroaded her into a lot of the things that happened and I really wish she would have spoken up about a lot of it but she didn't. 
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I was in a wedding once in June. She had us wear a very heavy two piece dress (very popular in the early 2000s) and GLOVES. It ended up being 95 degrees the day of the wedding. She also insisted that we wear dye able shoes. So there were about 5 pairs you could choose from - all incredibly uncomfortable. I think we had to get our hair done? I can't remember. She is a very sweet girl, but yeah, that sucked. 

    I also was once in a wedding for a woman that turned into a crazy Bridezilla. She kicked out a fellow BM because she had to work and couldn't attend a dress shopping outing. She stopped speaking to a friend because she couldn't attend the bridal shower. She demoted and promoted people to MOH. Our gift was an ugly heart shaped necklace we had to wear the day of the wedding. She insisted we take pictures outside, in strapless dresses in February. She expected all of her BP to attend the after party. There was more, but I think I blocked it out. 

  • Thankfully, I've never had to deal with a bridezilla. (I had to deal with a passed out drunk BM ON THE WEDDING DAY, but that's a totally different story...)

    One of my friends and BM is also a BM in another wedding later in the year. She is stressing big time over some of the demands/desires of the bride. She never once asked them about their budget and decided on a $300 dress that must be ordered online because they don't have the store where they live. Then she texted everyone to say that hair and makeup was going to be at x time by y person and was going to be about $100. Now she wants everyone in the same shoes. The nail on the head was her asking this BM to send her a picture of her tattoo (She's got a quote near her collarbone) The bride was worried that her tattoo would show up in the dress she bought and was trying to figure out if the MUA could cover it up or if the photographer would be able to edit it out of pictures "where it matters." 

    The quote really got to me. I probably would've already bounced, but if not, that would've done it for me. When a friend's tattoo in a picture matters more than you getting married...priority check. 
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    hellohkbAuroraRose41[Deleted User]
  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Hmmm first one I was ever in I was 28 and had no clue how anything worked so I just went with the flow of the other girls. I got invoiced my portion for the bachelorette limo but other than that it was totally fine, especially the bride.

    Second one was my brother's. I had started coming on here so I learned a little more about it's ok to speak up if you have a budget, you don't have to just go along with things. So I told her my dress budget was $130. She said well my friends already picked this one that you have to get- it's $200. uuuugh got it only because it's my brother. Then she took us shoe shopping and said get anything in the store. So I come back with these awesome grey pumps that I can totally wear again to work. She says "No they must be champagne". I'm like bitch, you said anything....there are only 2 shoes in the whole store which are champagne...fuck those were uncomfortable. I told her best friend that my contribution to the shower could be no more than $100. The girl invoiced me $130 on the spot at the shower. So apparently telling people your budget means nothing!

    Then the one I am currently MOH in, bride is being very cool. She bought the dress and shoes. She doesn't want a shower but she's making us go to her Jack & Jill, which I told her how terrible they are but she knows and doesn't care. Whatever, at least I don't have to contribute to the food or anything I just have to show up.



  • dolewhipperdolewhipper [wh]orlando member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Oh, boy, do I have a story.

    I love my BFF but she went bridezilla the week of her wedding. First of all, we were all in a mood because of the following requests demands:

    -"Help" her the week of the wedding by being in the town the wedding would be taking place 4 days before the actual wedding. So I had to ask off Tuesday-Sunday and be with her the whole time.
    -Pay to get our hair done (not horrible because it was only $25 for a beautiful updo)
    -Buy specific shoes which cost more than the dress ($85 shoes that I hate and are super uncomfortable) all because she liked how the rhinestones looked.

    The week of the wedding she was a mess. Insanely stressed out, family pulling her in all different directions, so I get it. She had a "vision" and believed it had to be PERFECT. She needed us all there with her, but at the same time she refused to delegate things that needed to be done to us because she was a control freak. She made us go to all the final vendor meetings with her and her mom, and they retold the story of how they found her moms wedding dress and now she was wearing it and blah blah. We ended up making a drinking game out of it considering how many times they were retelling this (almost 15 minute long) story. At one point I think we heard one specific phrase 12 times within a couple hours.

    Two days before the wedding she was a total nut case, flipping out and taking her stress out on us. No one wanted to be around her but I have a high tolerance for that stuff since I knew it wasn't "her" and stayed with her, driving all around town. The other BMs went around trying to find things to help her with. To give you an idea of her stress and control freak levels, one of the BMs is a dance teacher. The bride's family is Greek so of course they wanted to do the Zorba (I believe it's called?) during the reception, so the bride was trying to teach us. But some of us weren't getting it, and the BM stepped in to help some of us. Bride FLIPPED her shit, started crying, saying how no one wanted to listen to her, blah blah. 

    Night before the wedding some of the GM took the groom to a sports bar since he never had a bachelor party. One of the GM who likes to joke around and is very sarcastic kept saying how it was his goal to make the groom super drunk and hung over the next day. We all knew he was joking but the bride was FREAKING out. When she tried calling the groom and the phone went straight to VM, she completely lost it, throwing her phone to the window. That finally was what set me off personally, since we were staying at her aunts (amazing beautiful) lakehouse, screaming "YOU DO NOT DISRESPECT THIS HOUSE BECAUSE YOU'RE FREAKING OUT!" That shut her up real quick, and I continued chewing her out on her behavior.

    If it wasn't for the fact that the bride drove us to the wedding destination and we didn't have a car, she might not have had a bridal party at the wedding. Me and my other best friend gave the usual MOH speech for the reception and it was insanely awkward as we didn't want to be there, and we kept going to our hotel room to drink straight whiskey as she had a cash bar. 

    It could have been an awesome wedding, but her stress level got the best of her and she took it out on us. One of the BMs decided after the wedding she didn't want anything to do with her after that.  They're not friends anymore. 


  • BM in the following wedding:

    -OOT wedding for entire guest list (no problem if the following didn't also occur)
    -Informed day before wedding, that as a BM we were responsible for paying for, making, and providing an appetizer for the wedding (there was a list divided out to every BM)
    -had to wrap the silverware, make the bouquets, and boutonnieres for the wedding party
    -small wedding on beach, middle of day, high sun, everyone was sunburned at end
    -all guests went to reception, bridal party stayed for pictures (more sun, more burn)
    -arrived to reception - all appetizers were gone - no food for bridal party/family
    -had friends of bride make reception dinner, not enough food
    -B&G had own special cake, everyone else had a sheet cake (no problem, but don't advertize it)
    -Groomsmen was set-up to be DJ
    -End of reception - was handed a garbage bag and broom to 'help clean-up' (seriously!)
    -B&G left for 'their honeymoon', wedding guests were kindly 'asked' to clean-up so that B&G would get their deposit back on the room...including folding tables/chairs and vacuuming!!!!
    -But 'they were on a budget, so it was ok.'

    Still the worst most 'WTF!' wedding i've ever been to/heard of.   All of the above dictates for the bridal party were not known until the arrival date when everyone was handed an itenerary of everything that was to be done for the wedding and their jobs for it....seriously, they even had the groomsmen raking the sand the day of to make it 'perfect for the ceremony', before then enlisting them to decorate the reception area, and then mandating they be done by a certain time so they could 'freshen' up.  

    PS: The groom even had the gall to mention to my DH prior to our wedding that we should take a que from them, because they managed to spend less than $900 on their entire wedding by enlisting their friends to the best of their skills.  My DH, has he's heard my version of the story, wanted to reply (but didn't) 'No you got a $900 wedding by enslaving your guests and requiring them to pay for your wedding.'
    hellohkb[Deleted User]
  • All I got is the nightmare story about my MOH for my wedding, but I'm gonna refrain since I think you've all heard plenty about my sister :P 

    My worst experience being a BM was that the bride didn't check on our budgets so I had to pay a lot for a dress I hated. Definitely not the worst thing that could happen. 
  • littlepeplittlepep South Carolina member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Yikes! The worst thing that has ever happened to me was that I had a dress I hated and I had to wear pumps. I can barely walk in those freaking things. I looked so stressed/angry walking down the aisle because I was trying not to slip on the wood floor. 

    This is why I told my BMs to wear whatever shoes they are most comfortable in because no one's going to be looking at their feet anyway. 
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  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    I've never been asked for a dress budget. TK was the first I'd ever heard of that.

    Agreed. I had no idea it was a thing. Makes sense. But yeah, never even thought about it.

  • hicocohicoco Chicago member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    I was in a wedding this past year where we were forced to attend a mandatory brunch the day after the wedding so we could watch them open their gifts. And that's just the tip of the iceberg..she also told us we were going to have to light all her sparklers and then diffuse them afterwards and we weren't happy about that but she ended up not doing them.
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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    I've never been asked for a dress budget. TK was the first I'd ever heard of that.

    Same, I've been in 4 weddings, not once have I been asked a budget.  Not just for a dress, but for anything related to the wedding.
  • edited June 2015

    I'm out.
    hellohkbcharcoalandblush[Deleted User]
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I've never been asked for a dress budget. TK was the first I'd ever heard of that.

    This too. Not once have I ever been asked for a budget. And I have been in 6. 

  • khugs15khugs15 The Heart of Dixie member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    My cousin is one of the sweetest girls I've ever known, but when I was in her wedding 3 years ago, she didn't ask me for my budget.

    We went to this real ritzy bridal boutique & the rest of the BMs picked out this dress that was way out of my price range. At the time, I was the only girl who was single, in college, and BROKE. I remember going into the dressing room by myself crying my eyeballs out because I couldn't afford the dress, but I didn't want my cousin to have to choose a different one. I ended up calling my mom crying and she helped me pay for the dress. My cousin ended up finding out after the wedding and apologized profusely.
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Thankfully I don't have horror stories from brides! Whew! The funniest "oops" was that the first wedding of my friends was in the south in summer and we picked out these heavy, floor length BM gowns. That was really stupid of us. Live and learn! 

    As a BM for another bride, a fellow BM was BSC, trying to make us throw a shower for the bride that none of us could afford and basically being a control freak about everything. She really wanted to be MOH, and the truth was, the bride didn't even intend to ask her to be a BM. The MOH mistakenly assumed this chick was a BM and was talking all sorts of bridal party stuff in the presence of this chick, so the chick assumed she was one. When the bride asked me what to do, I said that the chick really adored the bride and I knew she would be hurt not to be asked to be a BM, so the bride included her. Bad on me, but that's honestly what I thought. 

    Fast forward to BSC BM's own wedding, thank GOD I was not in the bridal party, because she was a zilla. Every pre-wedding etiquette faux pas you can think of; basically treated her bridal party like slaves. But the wedding went off fairly faux-pas-free, so there's that. 

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2015

    I've spoken of this wedding before.  It wasn't so much the bride as her mom.  She was a 100% Momzilla.  First, she owned her own business in an expensive town.  She had many grand schemes for this wedding, but trickled the cost down to the BMs.

    She dictated the shower.  It had to be at a restaurant.  I asked about having it in a hall where you can bring in your own food and MOB scoffed at that.  Saying "My family does not have showers in halls!"  I offered to bake the cake for the shower (I have the skill set to do it.)  The look of horror on her face at the thought of a home baked cake!  I successfully won that battle, but afterwards supposedly the FI was aghast that bride would not get the cake she really wanted!  It was a cannoli cake, which I can make!  So he offered to pay for the cake.  Me and other BMs don't believe this story and it was just MOB's way of getting the cake she wanted.  Turns out bride didn't care for cannoli cake all that much.

    One of the BMs was from KY and not coming up for the shower.  Even though MOB invoiced her, she refused to pay.  We made it clear to MOB that we wouldn't be picking up this BM's portion.  But when the shower occurred, our invoiced portion was higher by the exact percentage to absorb KY BM's portion.  I should have written a check for the initial amount I was told, but I was naïve.  Also, 2 BMs were brides sisters, they were not invoiced for the shower.  It was split 5 ways instead of 7.

    Day of wedding, (ETA) no booze of any kind at their house while getting ready.  Not even champagne!  Damn, I needed booze to get through that day!  Right before we arrived, MOB sent back all of our bouquet's because they weren't right.  Now this florist was not around the corner, they were a 30-45 minute trip one way.  We needed to board the trolley to go to the church.  So we go, still no flowers.  MOB insists we cannot start the ceremony until our bouquets arrive.  So we sit outside of the church in the trolley.  There is light conversation.  We start spying the priest at the doors of the church, giving us the eye as to why aren't we starting.  FOB comes out and says we need to start.  MOB says no, not until the flowers arrive.  About 10 minutes later, FOB comes back and says we need to start now because the wedding will be cutting into regularly scheduled confession.  MOB goes "CONFESSION CAN WAIT!!!!" Silence fell over the trolley and no one said another word.  Another few minutes goes by and FOB comes back and says if we don't start now, he is not performing the ceremony.  So out of the trolley we go and line up in the back.  Literally the first BM is to start walking down the aisle and the florist bursts in the back door!  I grab that BM and tell her to wait.  Give her a bouquet and off she goes. 

    Bride is overjoyed the bouquets have shown up.  She asks, how do the BM ones look?  Brides sister goes "They look like crap."  Best thing to tell a neurotic bride!  At least MOB wasn't there at this time because she probably would have sent them back again! 

    Ceremony goes off fine.  No pictures in the church because confession is starting.  Load up the trolley and THANK GOD the GM are sharing their flasks!  We stop somewhere and get pictures.  Then we head to the reception venue.  I just want to go grab a drink but am repeatedly told we are still going to get more pictures.  In the time we are waiting for everyone to gather, I could have gotten a drink.  I was annoyed.  Then we go out to the golf course and photog wants us to hold hands with our GM partners - uh what?  I don't know this guy!  As soon as photog says he is done with BP, I'm off to the cocktail hour.  And H (BF at time) already has a drink waiting for me!  Knew he was a keeper even back then!

    The only good thing that came out of this is that it taught me to stand up for myself and my budget.  Next wedding, MOH tried to invoice me and I gave her a big Nope!  Myself and the other BMs are all no longer friends with this bride.  She all thinks its our fault that we are not friends anymore.  1 person maybe, but when 3 friends phased you all out of your life - you need to do some self-reflecting.

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I've been a BM a bunch of times.  Outside of bad dresses (hello the 90's were not good for BM dresses) I only have one terrible story,

    That was my brother's wedding.  Where there was a gap.  We showed up at the venue 2 hours early for pictures as there was a nice lake backdrop.  Then we were ORDERED to setup the reception.    As in moving tables, chair, linens.  We had to do it all.   In our beautiful hunter green velvet dresses.  In April in Arizona.    

    The HT was on a stage.  Stage was too small for the WP.  We all had to cram up there.  That part sucked.    The MIL yelled at me because I didn't personally invite her to do the cousin shot.  The fact I got on stage and invited the entire room to do the cousin shot wasn't good enough.     
    Note - cousin shot started out has just cousins doing a shot my family does at weddings.  But then the aunts and uncles felt left out, so it was increased to include, well everyone.

    All the other weddings were pretty chill.  Kind-of ugly dresses, but we were able to pick our own shoes.  I was OOT for most of them.  The couple (or their parents) always paid for my accommodations or let me stay with them or found another person to stay with to cut down on expenses.   It was always offered to me.   They normally picked up some food costs too. I.E I would met with the couple and her parents to breakfast at the hotel and they always seems to cover the costs.   Not expected, but appreciated.  

    One wedding I flew up to go BM dress shopping with everyone.   I'm fairly sure that was the only wedding that had us all together.  The other times it was not everyone, including me not being there.    Anyway, we ordered the dress in April or so for the Oct wedding.   

     I didn't show back up until town the Monday before the wedding.  I.E I missed all the pre-parties.    I went to the shop on Tuesday, had my alterations done and picked up the dress on Thursday for the Friday wedding.   At no time did the bride stress out that I didn't have my dress altered yet.   Being in the islands it was more practical for me to make arrangements with the salon to do it this why then shipping a dress back and forth to the islands.  It helps that I only ever need a hem.  One time I need the straps taken in.  Even my own wedding dress I only needed a hem.    I some how are the prefect BM dresses size.

    I have to say except for brother's wedding being a BM wasn't horrible.   Of course, I was a BM back in the dark ages where DW B-parties were not the range.  Actually only a few people even had an in-town.   

    Showers were traditionally thrown by the MOH and/or BMs, but  not required.   Especially if you were OOT.  It was more like... "hey we are planning on throwing a shower, if you can help great!".   Some people did, some didn't.  Some put in more than others.  It just wasn't a big deal and no one was getting all butt-hurt if someone couldn't help.  I planned the shower and spent more money then the others yet I still gave all the BM's equal credit.

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I've never had a to deal with a bridezilla - but I was in a wedding party where one of the other bridesmaids was total crap. I ended up taking the brunt of awful bridesmaid's crap while trying to shield the bride from all of her shit. So, my suggestion is to not only be an awesome bride, but also select your bridesmaids carefully, and don't force them to be best friends.
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