Pre-wedding Parties

Who throws a shower?

I am a bridesmaid for my friend and the bride told me that I and the other bridesmaids should give her the shower. I was kinda shocked when she said that, I was under the impression that the MOH and bridemaids threw the personal shower and bachelorette, but not the regular shower.   I am getting married soon also, and we have the same bridesmaids.  I do not expect them to pay for a shower for me, I think that is a lot to ask because they have to do the bachelorette party and buy dresses and a shower gift themselves.

I'm confused, maybe it is different depending on what part of the country you live, but in my experience the mother of the bride or groom or a family member threw the shower. That is all I have ever known.
 
The problem is, too, that  the bride lives in a different state from the rest of us, so I don't know where and how to go about giving her a shower, nor how many family members she would want to invite.

Re: Who throws a shower?

  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    The bride was presumptuous to tell you to throw her a shower.  A shower is a gift that anyone, really can throw for the bride, although Kristin will be quick to tell you that in the south, the mom doesn't throw the shower.  =)

    Anyhoodle:  the other thing is that a gift is not a requirement and you are not under any obligation to throw a shower.

    And I'm not sure what a "personal" shower is.  In our circle, a shower is a small gathering for the bride's closest friends and family and most people purchase gifts from the registry.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    a personal shower is a small party with women, usually involves lingire and then later going out for the bachelorette.
  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2011
    My experience is that traditionally the bridesmaids throw the shower a relative would only throw a shower if they were also a bridesmaid.  The idea of family throwing a shower is pretty new to me.  I think a lot has to do with where you live and your circle. 

    I agree with trix that you do not have to throw her a shower or a bachelorette party, that is your choice. 
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    No one should ever tell anyone to throw any kind of party in their honor. The bride was rude.

    The only duties the MOH and BMs have are to buy the chosen dress, show up on time for the wedding and have good will toward the couple.

    Showers and bachelorette parties are 'extras'. The wedding party can volunteer to host them or not. You should let the bride know what size and type of party you are able to throw, if any. You could ask her if she would prefer a small, regular shower in lieu of the personal/bachelorette party.

    Do not be pressured into throwing parties you can't afford.
                       
  • loop0406loop0406 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have always heard that mother of brides should not throw b showers. It's usually the MOH and bridesmaids.
  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Most of the bridal showers I've been to have been hosted by the mom or FMIL of the bride with the bridal party. Depending on how large the shower is or where it's held, that's a lot of money to expect the MOH or BM's to handle on their own. My mom threw my shower, but listed my bridal party as the hosts on the invitations. As the OP mentioned, it's A LOT to expect someone to buy a dress, pay for a bridal shower, bachelorette, gifts for all events, and maybe even traveling for the wedding. Everyone does it differently, but what's not done across the board is the bride demanding or requesting a shower. As pp's mentioned, a shower and/or bachelorette party is thrown for you as a gift. They're not necessary, and if no one has the means to host such a party you'll still be just as married on your wedding day with or without those parties.

    OP: You should be honest with the bride-to-be and let her know it wasn't her place to ask for a shower especially if it's an extra shower on top of another one already being thrown for her. It's just too much to ask of her bridal party, and if her bridal party wants to throw her one, they will, but she shouldn't be asking for it. Just let her know what that's asking of everyone financially on top of everything else going on never mind the fact that you're trying to plan your own wedding. HTH!
  • edited December 2011
    This bride is totally out of line.  She can not tell or require or force you and make you feel guilty about throwing a shower.  You do not have to throw one.  Everyone can tell you that anyone can throw a shower.  A mother, a cousin, an aunt, a grandmother, a neighbor etc.  You are right, usually the mother steps in and takes care of it because it's her daughter and it means a lot to the mother that her daughter have a nice shower.  You can ask anybody on wedding party board and they will tell you the same.  You do not have to throw a shower in the least bit.  I am betting that the brides mother maybe isn't throwing one and the bride really wants a shower so bride is putting it all on her bridal party.  Really, anyone on the wedding party boards will also tell you that you are absolutley not required to even attend the bridal shower, esp since you live out of state.  I would skip out on the shower, esp with how entitled and bossy this bride is being.  Again, do not throw her a shower because it was very rude for her to even ask you to.  Bridal party members should not feel obligated that they have to do something, and it was very rude of the bride to not just ask but basically force you to do so
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