Do we HAVE to dance?

drunkenwitch · March 2015

PurplekittenMew said:

drunkenwitch said:

PurplekittenMew said:
We've been discussing it in IMs.

I'll get a better idea of his thoughts tonight at home.

(If I can pull him away from the babies... we're getting a litter of foster kittens tonight!)

1) PICTURES!!!
2) Tell him that if you dance at the wedding it will make the kittens cry, he doesn't want to make kittens cry does he?
OMG that's the best! I can just picture the epic dispair on is face at the thought of sobbing kittens!

I can be pretty evil sometimes.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

thisismynickname said:
Another thought, based on the fact that your fiance wants to dance.

There are really no expectations for the first dance. Contrary to social media belief, most couples do not recreate the epic Dirty Dancing finale. Many people on TK even think taking dancing lessons is overkill because the couple looks forced and unnatural.

Swaying in a circle like 6th graders is totally normally and appropriate.

As a potential compromise because your fiance wants this, dance for one minute of a song. Just one minute. I actually saw that once; a bride-- and you have to know her sense of humor- danced for only about 30 seconds before she announced, "I'm done!" and the DJ changed the song and friends flooded the dance floor.

Just some other ideas for you

If he really wants to do it, sway in a circle for one minute, then separate and each of you go and get someone else to dance with, a parent, your MOH, flower girl, etc, you guys dance for one minute while telling the person you're dancing with that when you separate one minute from now, it's their job to get someone else out on the dance floor. At some point the song will end or the DJ will realize what's up and will change it up to a fast song so everyone can start dancing. Then you move away from the dance floor to get a drink, pee, eat a cupcake, or talk to Aunt Mabel and your part of the "dancing" is done until you get drunk enough to get back out there.

I won't be having a first dance either. But then I won't be having a dance floor at all, so there's that.

mollybarker11 · March 2015

thisismynickname said:

Another thought, based on the fact that your fiance wants to dance.

There are really no expectations for the first dance. Contrary to social media belief, most couples do not recreate the epic Dirty Dancing finale. Many people on TK even think taking dancing lessons is overkill because the couple looks forced and unnatural.

Swaying in a circle like 6th graders is totally normally and appropriate.

As a potential compromise because your fiance wants this, dance for one minute of a song. Just one minute. I actually saw that once; a bride-- and you have to know her sense of humor- danced for only about 30 seconds before she announced, "I'm done!" and the DJ changed the song and friends flooded the dance floor.

Just some other ideas for you

If your fiance really wants to do it these are great suggestions to follow. I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing when I dance to upbeat music but slow-dancing like this is very easy! You don't even have to waltz, just hug & sway.

Keeping it short is a great idea. Let the DJ know how long and then s/he can invite the other guests to the floor once your agreed-upon time is up. Knowing there's an end in sight will ensure you don't feel like you're in a time warp just waiting for the others to join in so you can sit.

And I get the fear of being goaded into it. At my cousin's wedding, the bride did not want to dance and a whole mob of women crowded in front of her table trying to coax her out. Obviously that did not make the bride any more comfortable or willing to dance, it just made all the women look completely foolish. If anyone bugs you about it they'll only be making themselves look like pests.

JellyBean52513 · March 2015

I agree with everything PPs have said, and second the fact that if he wants to do it, try to find it in you to suck it up just do it.

Consider which is worse: MIL's harassment, followed by her guilt trip of reminding you that you denied her the chance to witness her son's first dance (which could continue well beyond the wedding itself) OR swaying in a circle for 60-90 seconds while whispering "omg this is so awkward this is so weird lol I hate being stared at, is it over yet? I need a drink stat lol" to each other.

It's one thing if you have legitimate anxiety about it, which I take very seriously and understand because I'm extremely anxious about things like this myself. However, if you're not at risk for a panic attack and hyperventilating in the middle of the dance floor, I suggest just getting over it and giving your FI the first dance that he wants, regardless of why he wants it. PPs gave great suggestions on ways to minimize the experience as much as possible.

ALSO! I would NOT answer any questions relating to the first dance with anything other than "We're keeping it a surprise!" Don't say, "we haven't decided yet" because that will probably invite suggestion upon suggestion from people. Also, don't say anything that implies you might not be doing the dance. You're opening yourself up to discussion about it. If you say it's a surprise and leave it at that, you don't leave a door open for discussion.

Maggie0829 · March 2015

If your FI really wants to dance (and not just because it is expected) then I would just dance with him. Tell your DJ that after a minute make an announcement like "Bride and Groom invite all guests to join them on the dance floor" or something like that. Then you are no longer being watched but rather in a crowd with your guests.

drunkenwitch · March 2015

Let's get back to the important issue, WHERE ARE THE KITTEN PICTURES? ??!!!

PurplekittenMew · March 2015

I am currently enraged about the kittens.

The woman is neglecting her pets. She refuses to clean the cat urine or feces. it's so bad that the upstairs neighbors complained about the smell.

AND NOW SHE'S REFUSING TO SURRENDER THE CAT AND KITTENS LIKE SHE SAID SHE WOULD.

I've emailed three rescue organizations in Wisconsin to find out what we can do (my rescue organization is in Illinois, where I live).

In the meantime, that poor cat and her babies are living in their own filth, and I am very concerned that mommacat is not getting proper nutrition for her nursing little ones.

SUCH. RAGE.

drunkenwitch · March 2015

I will nit actually type out what I want to do to that digusting piece of trash because it would get me banned, for now I will rage with You.

laceykeo · March 2015

Regarding the dance...

Do you have a couple friends you can talk to about joining you guys on the floor after the first chorus?
You and new hubby go up there, do the romantic sway, then a couple other people join you, everyone else joins in and it's done.

Regarding the kittens...

Can you call whatever the American version of the R.S.P.C.A is? A.S.P.C.A?
That's awful for a cat, truly.
For a Mumma-cat nursing?
For those kittens?
Outright horrific.

whovianstark · March 2015

PurplekittenMew said:
I am currently enraged about the kittens.

The woman is neglecting her pets. She refuses to clean the cat urine or feces. it's so bad that the upstairs neighbors complained about the smell.

AND NOW SHE'S REFUSING TO SURRENDER THE CAT AND KITTENS LIKE SHE SAID SHE WOULD.

I've emailed three rescue organizations in Wisconsin to find out what we can do (my rescue organization is in Illinois, where I live).

In the meantime, that poor cat and her babies are living in their own filth, and I am very concerned that mommacat is not getting proper nutrition for her nursing little ones.

SUCH. RAGE.

This really upsets me. I would organize a rally with signs outside her house. That is completely unacceptable, especially when you offered to do all of the work for her!

kvruns · March 2015

I can't dance and don't like the spotlight idea, we are doing one and I'm doing one with my dad bu I plan to have both of them super short, like half of the song if that.

Another option, not sure anyone else mentioned is what about one of those anniversary dances? I'm not big on a lot of that stuff but could that appease FMIL? You are being specially honored during that dance by being told to sit down right away in one of those "who has been married for one hour" categories,so that's your spotlight. That would also get you dancing with others and not feeling self conscious. This might be the one time I advocate a wedding "tradition" dance

Jen4948 · March 2015

kvruns said:
I can't dance and don't like the spotlight idea, we are doing one and I'm doing one with my dad bu I plan to have both of them super short, like half of the song if that.

Another option, not sure anyone else mentioned is what about one of those anniversary dances? I'm not big on a lot of that stuff but could that appease FMIL? You are being specially honored during that dance by being told to sit down right away in one of those "who has been married for one hour" categories,so that's your spotlight. That would also get you dancing with others and not feeling self conscious. This might be the one time I advocate a wedding "tradition" dance

Anniversary dances have the potential to make people uncomfortable if they are single, recently divorced or widowed, or their relationships aren't going well. And the longest-together couple may not want to be so recognized. I'd skip it.

OP, I'd agree to a 30 second dance and then open the dance floor.

Do we HAVE to dance?

Re: Do we HAVE to dance?

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