If you've ever been a BM...

lovesclimbing · March 2015

I been a bridesmaid once, a MOH once, and am currently MOH for an April wedding.

I have had nothing but good experiences. From the posts I've read here and the things I've seen, I kind of associate more expensive weddings with more crazy bridezillas. They're spending so much money and want everything to be perfect. Now I know every expensive wedding does not include a crazy bridezilla, but it does seem to be a sort of general theme, in my opinion.

The weddings I have been in have all been low-budget simple affairs. Church wedding followed by a reception at the church, afternoon affairs that are cake and punch sometimes with a lunch of sandwiches and salad.

The closest thing to a bad experience was when I was a bridesmaid. I had to buy cowboy boots and I really disliked the dress. But, the mother of the bride made the bridesmaid dresses, so I didn't have to pay anything for that, and the cowboy boots were about what I would have paid for a dress anyway. And I do occasionally still wear the cowboy boots.

At the first wedding in which I was MOH, it was super easy going. I wore shoes I already had and the bride's mom sewed the dresses (I actually helped a little with the sewing of mine), so I really had no expense at all for that wedding except travel costs, which was basically a couple tanks of gas. Stayed with family so no hotel or anything.

At the upcoming wedding, again (this seems to be a theme in my family), the MIL is sewing the dresses, so no cost there (I may need to get a couple little alterations done, but that shouldn't be too much.) The bride hasn't said anything about shoes, and the wedding is barely a month away, so I'm assuming I can wear whatever shoes I want.

None of these brides have asked for hair and makeup or jewelry or parties or help either. Most of these brides have done/are doing their own hair and makeup or having a family member help with it.

I have volunteered to host parties. For the upcoming wedding, I am hosting a bridal shower. At the wedding where I was a BM, I'm blanking and can't remember if she even had a shower. At the wedding where I was MOH, I hosted both a shower and bachelorette.

I have also always volunteered/"told" to help decorate and break down afterward. I put that in quotes because in my family, it's kind of just something you do. Everybody helps out with that, it's just done. With my sisters and at my wedding, my mom who would help coordinate stuff would say "We're planning to decorate the church at xyz time if you want to help" and we'd just show up. And when my parents start breaking down after the wedding is over, it's just kind of natural to say and help. Many hands make light work. It's never taken more than an hour or so after the wedding to get everything done.

OwningAHome1981 · March 2015

lovesclimbing said:
I been a bridesmaid once, a MOH once, and am currently MOH for an April wedding.

I have had nothing but good experiences. From the posts I've read here and the things I've seen, I kind of associate more expensive weddings with more crazy bridezillas. They're spending so much money and want everything to be perfect. Now I know every expensive wedding does not include a crazy bridezilla, but it does seem to be a sort of general theme, in my opinion.

The weddings I have been in have all been low-budget simple affairs. Church wedding followed by a reception at the church, afternoon affairs that are cake and punch sometimes with a lunch of sandwiches and salad.

The closest thing to a bad experience was when I was a bridesmaid. I had to buy cowboy boots and I really disliked the dress. But, the mother of the bride made the bridesmaid dresses, so I didn't have to pay anything for that, and the cowboy boots were about what I would have paid for a dress anyway. And I do occasionally still wear the cowboy boots.

At the first wedding in which I was MOH, it was super easy going. I wore shoes I already had and the bride's mom sewed the dresses (I actually helped a little with the sewing of mine), so I really had no expense at all for that wedding except travel costs, which was basically a couple tanks of gas. Stayed with family so no hotel or anything.

At the upcoming wedding, again (this seems to be a theme in my family), the MIL is sewing the dresses, so no cost there (I may need to get a couple little alterations done, but that shouldn't be too much.) The bride hasn't said anything about shoes, and the wedding is barely a month away, so I'm assuming I can wear whatever shoes I want.

None of these brides have asked for hair and makeup or jewelry or parties or help either. Most of these brides have done/are doing their own hair and makeup or having a family member help with it.

I have volunteered to host parties. For the upcoming wedding, I am hosting a bridal shower. At the wedding where I was a BM, I'm blanking and can't remember if she even had a shower. At the wedding where I was MOH, I hosted both a shower and bachelorette.

I have also always volunteered/"told" to help decorate and break down afterward. I put that in quotes because in my family, it's kind of just something you do. Everybody helps out with that, it's just done. With my sisters and at my wedding, my mom who would help coordinate stuff would say "We're planning to decorate the church at xyz time if you want to help" and we'd just show up. And when my parents start breaking down after the wedding is over, it's just kind of natural to say and help. Many hands make light work. It's never taken more than an hour or so after the wedding to get everything done.

My wedding was very expensive & I was not a bridezilla at all. The bridal attendant told me I was the most calm & laid back bride she ever worked with. I'm pretty whatever about most things. The most important thing about weddings are the people, so treat them kindly. Everything else is just silly minutia.

katiekessler123 · March 2015

I've been in a few weddings as a bridesmaid and have been MOH in two weddings. None of the brides were bridezillas at all...in fact they were all very easy going. The only "bad" experience I had was with one of my friend's weddings. She had picked out a place to get her hair done that was very expensive. She asked if me and the other bridesmaids wanted to get our hair done there as well. The LEAST expensive hair package for a bridesmaid started at $100, without tip of course. At that time I didn't have a full time teaching job yet, I just had a long term sub job, which doesn't pay very well. I felt so guilty doing it, but I had to say no. I just couldn't really afford it at that point in my life. Plus, it was an out of town wedding, so it was pricey for me to begin with.

WonderBride519 · March 2015

I have nothing that compares to these stories, but when my brother's BSC wife (I REFUSE to acknowledge her a my SIL) married my brother, she asked my sister and I to be BMs for the wedding she was planning in two weeks time frame. When asked what she had in mind for dresses, she sent us a text message picture of a nail polish swiped on notebook paper and told us to pick whatever dress we wanted as long as we got that color. You read that right. A. Fucking. Nail. Polish. Swipe. And to really ice that cake, it was this terrible pepto pink crap she picked up at the dollar store.

Luckily we talked her into neutral dresses (she chose black), but she then decided that we could find a pink ribbon to tie around our waist. We ended up with the trimming you put around baby blankets tied around our waist...

You can imagine just how classy the rest of the wedding was.

TrixieJess · March 2015

This will be fun: I was MOH in a wedding for a girl who I had been best friends with for 15 years at that point. She had had her wedding planned since she was 5, she just needed a groom. Well she found him, on a dating website, something that I had to keep hush-hush. I also had to not tell her parents that they were living together.

She had a wedding where money was no object, for her. She expected us to spend $350 on custom made bridesmaid dresses. Something that we agreed to. However, we thought the price included taxes and alterations and when I went with one of the other girls for my last fitting and for her to pick up, we found out it was an extra $100. The other girl was not impressed and called the bride to let her know. The bride then called me to complain that the other girl called her...What?

The bride also told me that I had to have hair long enough put up in an updo. I promptly got a pixie cut. I was told that she would have to screen and edit my speech, so I winged it (I was told it was the best speech of the night). I was told not to take off my jacket so that people could see my tattoo, jacket came off after dinner for 250 guests to see my tat in all it's glory.

One of the other bridesmaids and I got the bride a Mexican Glass Sangria set because she wanted one. We were told that she was expecting cash from everyone and only Mangia Cakes give gifts at weddings.

Suffice it to say, she didn't talk to me or the other bridesmaid who she had been friends with for as long as I had. As well, no one who attended the wedding received Thank You cards.

badbnagdway · March 2015

I have mentioned this before but my worst experience, mostly because I felt badly for the bride's mom, was finishing flower arrangements with the mother of the bride on the morning of the wedding. The flowers were supposed to have been previously finished by a variety of family members and "volunteers" but they weren't. It annoyed me that the bride wanted diy flowers for the savings but then expected others to actually do all of the work (I doubt she touched a single flower until she was handed her bouquet). And, it annoyed me that the bride's mother missed wedding-day time with her daughter because of the flowers.

I confess I trot this out whenever someone on here is considering doing their own flowers... diy = do it yourself folks.

Kahlyla · March 2015

TrixieJess said:
This will be fun: I was MOH in a wedding for a girl who I had been best friends with for 15 years at that point. She had had her wedding planned since she was 5, she just needed a groom. Well she found him, on a dating website, something that I had to keep hush-hush. I also had to not tell her parents that they were living together.

She had a wedding where money was no object, for her. She expected us to spend $350 on custom made bridesmaid dresses. Something that we agreed to. However, we thought the price included taxes and alterations and when I went with one of the other girls for my last fitting and for her to pick up, we found out it was an extra $100. The other girl was not impressed and called the bride to let her know. The bride then called me to complain that the other girl called her...What?

The bride also told me that I had to have hair long enough put up in an updo. I promptly got a pixie cut. I was told that she would have to screen and edit my speech, so I winged it (I was told it was the best speech of the night). I was told not to take off my jacket so that people could see my tattoo, jacket came off after dinner for 250 guests to see my tat in all it's glory.

One of the other bridesmaids and I got the bride a Mexican Glass Sangria set because she wanted one. We were told that she was expecting cash from everyone and only Mangia Cakes give gifts at weddings.

Suffice it to say, she didn't talk to me or the other bridesmaid who she had been friends with for as long as I had. As well, no one who attended the wedding received Thank You cards.

OMG, I haven't heard this term since leaving my hometown! Hehe.

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2015

OwningAHome1981 said:

My wedding was very expensive & I was not a bridezilla at all. The bridal attendant told me I was the most calm & laid back bride she ever worked with. I'm pretty whatever about most things. The most important thing about weddings are the people, so treat them kindly. Everything else is just silly minutia.

Word. My wedding wasn't cheap, and one of the ones I was in was well above $50k. No correlation between cost and rudeness, IME.

TrixieJess · March 2015

Kahlyla - I went to Catholic school, that was my nickname. I was the minority that wasn't Italian or Portuguese.

Kahlyla · March 2015

TrixieJess said:
Kahlyla - I went to Catholic school, that was my nickname. I was the minority that wasn't Italian or Portuguese.

Oh, yeah.

My town had a large Italian population and let's just say there were a lot of tensions. There was a strong perception that all the civic leaders were Italian, all the head honchos, etc ("if your name doesn't end in a vowel, you don't have a shot" and so forth). The younger generations tended to get along just fine, but if anyone was feeling especially dickish, out would come the 'Guidos' and the 'Mangia Cakes'!

eta: Okay, I really can't not read the title of this thread to the tune of "Do you wanna build a snowman?"

bride2b71614 · March 2015

Not my story but definitely interesting...In college I worked for a wedding venue. The bride and groom as well as the wedding party seemed completely normal and kind. They wanted their ceremony outside and we accommodated their request. The day of the wedding I met the seven year old flower girl from hell.

About fifteen minutes prior to the ceremony, the flower girl burst into a full-blown tantrum complete with throwing herself on the grass and rolling around screaming bloody murder because "she didn't like her petals and didn't want to go." Her dress is now full of grass stains, and her father is desperately pleading with her to walk down the aisle. He tells her that he'll give her three pieces of candy if she walks down like she's supposed to.

My job that day was to cue the bridal party to walk in. The flower girl looks down the aisle, looks back at her father and says, eight pieces of candy. He reluctantly agrees. She kicks me in the shins right before her turn to walk down the aisle.

Then we get to the reception. The flower girl is very upset that the attention is not on her while everyone is giving speeches. She tries to go on stage, dancing, singing, anything to get someone to acknowledge her. Her mom collects her and everything returns to normal. Fifteen minutes later the FOB is interrupted during his heartfelt speech by the flower girl streaking the reception hall while holding her dress like a flag behind her.

To top this all off the flower girl located the bridal bouquet before the bouquet toss and tore it to bits.

It was a long night.

allispain · March 2015

I've been very lucky - been a BM twice and never had any issues.

My only annoying one has been as a regular guest, attending the bachelorette party. The MOH contacted everyone who would be attending, and let us know the plan for the weekend (we stayed at the bride's parents' house overnight). Basically a simple get together with us going out for dinner and drinks (we knew we would each be paying for ourselves) and then "girl time" for the sleepover part - painting our nails, wedding madlibs, maybe a movie, etc. Everything goes well and we have a great time. In the AM when we're all getting ready to leave, MOH tells us that we each owe her $20 in cash to help cover the costs. Umm... what costs? Oh, she bought the nail polish for everyone? Ok. That's not $20. Bride's dinner and drinks were paid for the night before by all of us - we took turns paying for things and added them to our own tabs. So seriously, where's this $20 coming from? Everyone else starts forking over their cash, so I didn't want to be the one to say anything (I had just met MOH the day before). So I hand over the $20 I had in my wallet. Which I needed to pay for tolls on my way home, three states away. So then I had to find an ATM and stop and get more cash just so I could get home. I get that $20 isn't a lot of money - but there were 10 of us there. That's $200. For nail polish? Grrr.

blabla89 · March 2015

I thought of another one. One time I was in a wedding and the bride required us to bring a gold necklace chain for the little monogrammed necklace charms that she "gifted" us to wear on the wedding day. I wasn't about to go out and buy a chain just for that, so I took a necklace that I already had, and the charm wouldn't fit on it. The bride was kind enough to lend me a necklace of hers.

We say it all the time and I'll say it again: If you expect your BMs to wear something to your wedding, it's a uniform and not a gift.

larrygaga · March 2015

I have never been a bowel movement.

Kidding. I remember going to a bachloerette party and we all wore sky high heels and tried to be sexy. The person planning it insisted on walking two miles, just enough time to get sober enough to feel the pain in my feet. The ensuing clubs were full of 19 year olds. On my friend's wedding day, she threw a temper tantrum claiming that it was her day. She and the bride originally planned on her doing the bride's makeup, as she was pretty skilled. She purposely did some weird Madonna blue eye shadow/red lipstick combo that was HORRIBLE! The bride washed her face and asked me to help her with her makeup. We didn't have a lot of time, but I was able to get the natural look for her that she is so beautiful in. The bride is now my best friend, and this other girl is no longer in the picture. Blegh.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

larrygaga said:
I have never been a bowel movement.

Kidding. I remember going to a bachloerette party and we all wore sky high heels and tried to be sexy. The person planning it insisted on walking two miles, just enough time to get sober enough to feel the pain in my feet. The ensuing clubs were full of 19 year olds. On my friend's wedding day, she threw a temper tantrum claiming that it was her day. She and the bride originally planned on her doing the bride's makeup, as she was pretty skilled. She purposely did some weird Madonna blue eye shadow/red lipstick combo that was HORRIBLE! The bride washed her face and asked me to help her with her makeup. We didn't have a lot of time, but I was able to get the natural look for her that she is so beautiful in. The bride is now my best friend, and this other girl is no longer in the picture. Blegh.

What a petty, vindictive

Sounds like the plot for a wedding comedy! Way to go with the save, though.

redwoodoriginal · March 2015

I've been a BM in two weddings..

one, i'm pretty sure i was asked for even sides bc the bride and i spoke about 1-2x a year since college and it wasn't one of those you pick up right where you left off... but she was fantastic about giving us awesome gifts, only required a specific dress (but no budget was asked), and everything else was optional, so it ended up being a fine experience, just awkward.

wedding #2- my bff from HS. she had her moments- demanded we get our hair done but refused to pay for it, gave us jewelry to wear at the wedding (HEINOUS necklace made by her aunt- literally looked like a child made it) as our gift, plus flipflops with our names on it (uh thanks?), made me return the shoes I bought for the wedding bc they were too similar to hers (so i ended up wearing trashy stripper looking strappy high heeled sandals from my college days bc SORRYNOTSORRY), made us all sleep on the floor/couch of her parents family room the night before the wedding so we could "all be together one last night" - but she got to go upstairs and sleep in her bed, and made us take pictures outside in the pouring rain before the ceremony. And, she insisted on getting married memorial day weekend on long island so flights and hotels were insanely expensive, bc, LI + start of summer = $$$. and my BF was not invited to the rehearsal dinner. and plus i was bitter i was missing my 5 year college reunion.

but, the MOH was just as bad. she wanted to plan a BachParty to the nines. she sent an email a YEAR in advance with options that included a WEEK LONG Caribbean cruise, vegas, a week in the caribbean, napa valley, and some other crazy week long trips. I, at the time, was finishing the first part of my Masters program, so i had NO job, was living off my then-BF (now DH) and loans, and said I couldnt afford any of that, could we wait a few months b/c I was in the middle of job searching and hopefully would have a better idea of what I could afford in about 3 months. She ripped my head off saying I was ruining her life and why was I such a terrible person for making her life so difficult when she just wanted ideas of what we could do. Then, when we finally settled on a location (Atlantic City), I told them my budget, which included airfare, and it was promptly ignored and I ended up spending >$500 on the trip, including paying for food that I couldn't eat b/c of stomach issues I have that i TOLD THEM about, the hotel for the bride's portion, and alcohol that her boyfriend destroyed (he dropped the box with all the wine in it trying to put it in the car, and they all shattered). She also screamed at me when I inquired about a bridal shower because i wasn't told that the bride's mom was throwing it, saying I had no right to think I should be hosting it....? (I was just glad it was something I didn't have to shell out more money for). the MOH then excluded me from emails about the bridal shower, about the wedding weekend plans, and was an hour late in picking me up from the airport (after i worked 12 hours the night before) for the bachelorette party weekend b/c "she was busy".

i hope i never have to be in another wedding again.

hellohkb · April 2015

redwoodoriginal said:
I've been a BM in two weddings..

one, i'm pretty sure i was asked for even sides bc the bride and i spoke about 1-2x a year since college and it wasn't one of those you pick up right where you left off... but she was fantastic about giving us awesome gifts, only required a specific dress (but no budget was asked), and everything else was optional, so it ended up being a fine experience, just awkward.

wedding #2- my bff from HS. she had her moments- demanded we get our hair done but refused to pay for it, gave us jewelry to wear at the wedding (HEINOUS necklace made by her aunt- literally looked like a child made it) as our gift, plus flipflops with our names on it (uh thanks?), made me return the shoes I bought for the wedding bc they were too similar to hers (so i ended up wearing trashy stripper looking strappy high heeled sandals from my college days bc SORRYNOTSORRY), made us all sleep on the floor/couch of her parents family room the night before the wedding so we could "all be together one last night" - but she got to go upstairs and sleep in her bed, and made us take pictures outside in the pouring rain before the ceremony. And, she insisted on getting married memorial day weekend on long island so flights and hotels were insanely expensive, bc, LI + start of summer = $$$. and my BF was not invited to the rehearsal dinner. and plus i was bitter i was missing my 5 year college reunion.

but, the MOH was just as bad. she wanted to plan a BachParty to the nines. she sent an email a YEAR in advance with options that included a WEEK LONG Caribbean cruise, vegas, a week in the caribbean, napa valley, and some other crazy week long trips. I, at the time, was finishing the first part of my Masters program, so i had NO job, was living off my then-BF (now DH) and loans, and said I couldnt afford any of that, could we wait a few months b/c I was in the middle of job searching and hopefully would have a better idea of what I could afford in about 3 months. She ripped my head off saying I was ruining her life and why was I such a terrible person for making her life so difficult when she just wanted ideas of what we could do. Then, when we finally settled on a location (Atlantic City), I told them my budget, which included airfare, and it was promptly ignored and I ended up spending >$500 on the trip, including paying for food that I couldn't eat b/c of stomach issues I have that i TOLD THEM about, the hotel for the bride's portion, and alcohol that her boyfriend destroyed (he dropped the box with all the wine in it trying to put it in the car, and they all shattered). She also screamed at me when I inquired about a bridal shower because i wasn't told that the bride's mom was throwing it, saying I had no right to think I should be hosting it....? (I was just glad it was something I didn't have to shell out more money for). the MOH then excluded me from emails about the bridal shower, about the wedding weekend plans, and was an hour late in picking me up from the airport (after i worked 12 hours the night before) for the bachelorette party weekend b/c "she was busy".

i hope i never have to be in another wedding again.

Oh man, do I know about that. I'm originally from Long Island and visiting can be a pain. One pretty minor holiday (can't remember which) my FH (who is NOT from Long Island) and I decided to go back to my hometown and visit my family. My whole family told him to book early but he's a last minute type person so he waited a few days before. The only place that wasn't sold out was the Bayshore Inn (yipes...). Another time for my cousins wedding he wanted to try and save money so he unknowingly booked a room at the same hotel Joey Buttafuoco would take Amy Fischer to. To annoy me, FH called me the Long Island Lolita all weekend (sigh...)

I threadjacked my own thread but whatever. That part just gave me some nightmares I had to retell, lol.

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