Invitation wording help

Re: Invitation wording help

• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2015 edited March 2015

  I'm sorry if this seems harsh, but:
  
  First of all, who's hosting does not equal who's paying. Second, the financial arrangements are none of the guests' business. And third, the only persons "honored" by a wedding invitations are the guests. Not the couple, not any of their parents, not anyone else. The only persons who should be listed on the invitation besides the couple are the hosts, who are the "point persons" of the wedding: the persons who issue the invitations, receive the replies, greet guests at the wedding, and arrange for their needs to be tended to-whether or not they are contributing financially. It is not an "honor" to be listed as a host on a wedding invitation because it is not a playbill that lists all the players. (If you need to do that, use programs.)
  
  The wording for any wedding invitation, Jewish or otherwise, does not properly convey the financial arrangements. Nor does it describe the specifics of the rituals or the hospitality. So "bedeken" and "chuppah" are not mentioned on the invitation itself. (If any of your guests are not Jewish or don't practice, they may not know what these terms refer to. If you mention them at all, I'd put them on an explanatory insert or program at the wedding itself rather than in the invitation.) "Dinner and dancing" also does not appear on the invitation.
  
  Also, "wedding celebration" means that the ceremony already took place and what you are inviting your guests to is some kind of post-wedding celebration and not the wedding itself.
  
  So the correct wording should be (assuming both sets of parents are "hosting" as described in the second paragraph of this post)
  
  Together with their parents
  Mrs. Bride's Mother
  Dr. and Mrs. Grooms Parents
  Bride
  and
  Groom
  request the honor of your presence (at a house of worship)/
  request the pleasure of your company (all other ceremonies)
  as they are united in marriage
  on Sunday, the second of August
  Two thousand and fifteen
  at four o'clock
  Venue Name
  Venue Address
  City, Country
  
  Reception to follow (if the reception is at the same venue)
  
  If the reception is at a different venue, then instead of putting "Reception to follow" on the invitation, you enclose a reception card worded
  
  Reception
  Immediately following the ceremony
  Venue Name
  Venue Address
  City, Country
  
  Again, there is no mention of "dinner and dancing."
  
  I'd put the website on a separate insert.
  
  I'm Jewish myself, by the way.
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  March 2015 edited March 2015

  Jewish weddings have slightly different etiquette than other weddings.  Both parents are named on the invitation, but the bride and groom do not host.  Since you are the focus of the event, which is held in your honor, you give the parents the hosting line.  It is no one's business who is paying for what.
  
  

  Mrs. My Mom
  Dr. and Mrs. His Parents

  
  request the honor of your presence (Temple?)

  at the marriage of

  Bride's Full Name

  (Hebrew Name)

  and

  Groom's Full Name

  (Hebrew Name)
  

  Sunday, the second of August

  two thousand fifteen

  Venue Name

  City, Country

  Bedeken at four o'clock
  

  Chuppah Ceremony at five o'clock
  

  
  

  Reception to follow
  

  
  Often Jewish wedding invitations divided in half, with the bride's parents on one side, and the grooms parents on the other.   You never describe the food and activities at your reception, and I have never been to a Jewish wedding where dinner and dancing wasn't part of the reception.
  
  

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2015 edited March 2015

  CMGragain said:

  Jewish weddings have slightly different etiquette than other weddings.  Both parents are named on the invitation, but the bride and groom do not host.  Since you are the focus of the event, which is held in your honor, you give the parents the hosting line.  It is no one's business who is paying for what.
  
  

  Mrs. My Mom
  Dr. and Mrs. His Parents

  
  request the honor of your presence (Temple?)

  at the marriage of

  Bride's Full Name

  (Hebrew Name)

  and

  Groom's Full Name

  (Hebrew Name)
  

  Sunday, the second of August

  two thousand fifteen

  Venue Name

  City, Country

  Bedeken at four o'clock
  

  Chuppah Ceremony at five o'clock
  

  
  

  Reception to follow
  

  
  Often Jewish wedding invitations divided in half, with the bride's parents on one side, and the grooms parents on the other.   You never describe the food and activities at your reception, and I have never been to a Jewish wedding where dinner and dancing wasn't part of the reception.
  
  

  This is not correct.
  
  Jewish wedding invitations are not typically divided in half. Although there is generally a meal served, Jewish weddings can take place without dancing. There won't be, if for example, there was a recent death in either or both families.
  
  Also, Jewish wedding invitations do not mention "bedeken" or "chuppah ceremonies." The bedeken ceremony is private and is usually limited to very close family and friends, while the chuppah ceremony is the public ceremony that everyone is invited to. So the only start time that should be listed on the invitation is the chuppah ceremony start time and the wording "chuppah ceremony" does not appear. Invitations to the bedeken are not conveyed on the main invitation but generally by discreet word of mouth.

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• mj8215 member

  

  March 2015

  Um, OK. First off, thank you both for the input. Re: "who is hosting" we will definitely take your advice and use the "parents are hosting" wording which seems most appropriate in our case. 

  
  

  Regarding @Jen4948 's statement about bedeken, I have to respectfully disagree (also, yes you do come off a bit harsh, but I guess that's what happens when you ask strangers on the internet a question). Whether or not the Bedeken is private or open to all guests is up to the couple/ family. We think it is a beautiful tradition that we want to share with all our guests. In fact, we specifically want to mention it on the invitation because we want to combine it with a Cocktail hour (I should have explained that better, sorry). 

  
  

  Basically the plan is: 

  
  

  4 pm - 5 pm Cocktail hour including Bedeken (guests arriving at venue and mingling, drinks and hors d'oeuvres being served ("flying trays" not buffet style). At some point groom coming over to bride (we will be on separate ends of the ballroom) and Bedeken being performed. Cocktail hour music (Clarinet, traditional Jewish music). 

  
  

  5 pm Chuppah (the actual wedding ceremony). 

  
  

  Followed by Reception (OK, I get the part about not specifically stating "dinner & dancing"). 

  
  

  With above clarification in mind, does it make more sense now to list bedeken/ chuppah separately?

  - The stars, like dust, encircle me in living mists of light. And all of space I seem to see in one vast burst of sight. 

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• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2015 edited March 2015

  mj8215 said:

  Um, OK. First off, thank you both for the input. Re: "who is hosting" we will definitely take your advice and use the "parents are hosting" wording which seems most appropriate in our case. 

  
  

  Regarding @Jen4948 's statement about bedeken, I have to respectfully disagree (also, yes you do come off a bit harsh, but I guess that's what happens when you ask strangers on the internet a question). Whether or not the Bedeken is private or open to all guests is up to the couple/ family. We think it is a beautiful tradition that we want to share with all our guests. In fact, we specifically want to mention it on the invitation because we want to combine it with a Cocktail hour (I should have explained that better, sorry). 

  
  

  Basically the plan is: 

  
  

  4 pm - 5 pm Cocktail hour including Bedeken (guests arriving at venue and mingling, drinks and hors d'oeuvres being served ("flying trays" not buffet style). At some point groom coming over to bride (we will be on separate ends of the ballroom) and Bedeken being performed. Cocktail hour music (Clarinet, traditional Jewish music). 

  
  

  5 pm Chuppah (the actual wedding ceremony). 

  
  

  Followed by Reception (OK, I get the part about not specifically stating "dinner & dancing"). 

  
  

  With above clarification in mind, does it make more sense now to list bedeken/ chuppah separately?

  No, it does not. If you want everyone to be there at a specific time, then you list that particular time as the start time. As noted earlier, you do not describe the hospitality or the rituals on the face of the invitation. So, no, you do not list "bedeken" or "chuppah ceremony" on your invitations. The reason why is that it can give the impression, however erroneous, that you are inviting guests to a tiered event, in which not everyone is invited to the whole thing. Tiered weddings are among the height of rudeness, so you don't want to create that impression.
  
  Edited to add: Sorry for the earlier harshness, but we've told posters many times over that the sole purpose of a wedding invitation, Jewish or otherwise, is to convey a request from the hosts to the guests asking them to attend an event at a specified place, date, and time. It isn't a playbill, program, or family tree. When we see this repeatedly popping up, it gets old and I guess we get frustrated having to make this clear yet again. My apologies for the tone.

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