Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Chit Chat
Chit Chat
New Discussion
Options

I RSVP'D "no" for the first time!!!

2456

Re: I RSVP'D "no" for the first time!!!

  • Options
    drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I don't enjoy weddings, so I always try to find a reason to decline.  I have to be really, I mean really super close besties with someone to go to their wedding. 

    Report Reply
  • Options
    ChemFanatic25ChemFanatic25 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    I've only declined one invite and that was because I was originally planning on attending with my ex but then his mom lost her job so instead of spending our money on a trip to Cancun, we gave it to his mom.

     

    One fun thing where I didn't even get a chance to decline an invite was where I helped put together an engagement party for a bride and groom and then wasn't invited to their wedding the next year. I guess in their defense the person who was hosting wanted to throw it for them (we're all coworkers) and they didn't say no. I didn't realize this so that's why I agreed to help with the party. None of the people who attended the engagement party were invited to the wedding the next year. From now on, separating work from friends, I don't care how enthusiastic someone is about someone else's upcoming nuptials. I was out $100 for my share of the gift and money for food. Lesson learned.

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
  • Options
    littlepeplittlepep member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Cookie Pusher said:

    littlepep said:

    Cookie Pusher said:

    DH and I just recently declined a wedding for someone we thought we were pretty close to, but apparently aren't. Basically, it looked like it was going to be an etiquette shit-show, and there was no way I was spending a ton of time and money on this:


    - Clearly B-listed (received the invitation the last day of the month, original RSVP date was the next day - which they hand wrote a revised RSVP date on)
    - Outdoor ceremony in winter in the northeast where they dictated not only dress code (floor length gowns for ladies, suits for gents) but also a color palette
    - No indication of rain/snow/cold weather plan for the outdoor ceremony (we were reminded to dress warmly and told to wear lawn shoes)
    - 2.5 hour gap
    - Different dress code for the reception!
    - Cash bar
    - Honeymoon fund
    - Pre-wedding brunch where we were being invited to assemble centerpieces
    image

    They expect you to change outfits between ceremony and reception??
    Well, of course. Why do you think they provided that nifty 2.5 hour gap? *eye roll*
    Some the people in this world are damn crazy. If I find myself noticing people's outfits at my wedding something has gone terribly wrong with the day.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I decline weddings whenever, for any reason, I don't feel like attending. Just like any other social invite.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I've declined 3 wedding invitations:

    The first two were from cousins getting married in the UK and in California when I lived in NYC. I jusr couldn't afford to go. The third I couldn't really afford either, but I declined on principle. I'd been in a serious relationship for over 2 years at that point but was invited without my then-BF due to a "no ring no bring" policy.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    lovegood90lovegood90 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Jen4948 said:

    I've declined 3 wedding invitations:

    The first two were from cousins getting married in the UK and in California when I lived in NYC. I jusr couldn't afford to go. The third I couldn't really afford either, but I declined on principle. I'd been in a serious relationship for over 2 years at that point but was invited without my then-BF due to a "no ring no bring" policy.



    Yes! I always decline for shit like this too.

    (Hell, I declined going to an event that would have required 6 hours of travel just because my SO was "and guested." Super petty, but I wasn't going to make the trip anyway so it was just the cherry on top).

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    Report Reply
  • Options
    littlemushroomlittlemushroom member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I declined a friend's wedding that was 3 weeks after mine because at the time we were going to be getting home from our honeymoon that day. We weren't sure we would be back in time or if we would feel like going. We ended up coming home a few days early, but we were still glad we didn't have to go.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    abl13abl13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    We've declined weddings that were on Saturdays during football season. sorrynotsorry. Pick another season.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    minttobemrsbminttobemrsb member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I had to decline a very good friend's wedding due to travel and not being able to leave school/work. I hated to do it since we've practically been friends since birth, but he understood that if the circumstances were different I would've been there.  

    I also recently declined my cousin's upcoming destination PPD...need I say more on that one..
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    bumbletiger88bumbletiger88 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    Last year we were invited to 10 weddings (one ended up getting cancelled) and did not attend two of them. One was a PPD in my coworker's home country (we had only been working together for 6 months at the time) and the other one was in Connecticut and would have been very expensive between flights, rental cars, and hotel. Plus my FI (the groom is his grad school friend) had already spent a lot attending the bachelor party. 

    Other than that, I declined my former college roommate's wedding. She was a nice person, but kind of terrible to live with and I didn't really want to spend money on flights to spend time with someone I wasn't really close to anymore.


    Report Reply
  • Options
    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    amelisha said:

    abl13 said:

    We've declined weddings that were on Saturdays during football season. sorrynotsorry. Pick another season.

    "Pick another season"? Seriously? Like, come on, I don't care why anyone else declines invites, you don't have to have a good reason, but issuing a statement like that sounds totally bonkers to me.
    Of course people can schedule their weddings whenever but I've been to two weddings that had high decline rates and people streaming the game during the reception all crowded around someone's phone (bride was piiiiiiissed). 

    1) scheduled on the saturday of the final four 
    2) scheduled on the day of the rival college football game - everyone's loyal to one or the other
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    mrsk616mrsk616 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    KatieinBkln said:

    mrsk616 said:

    i didnt go to my one cousins because they sent invite to my parents with one rsvp card for 6 people. so i said nope not going. plus it was a shot gun wedding anyways


    eta: i also didnt go to another cousins because i never got an invite and then he invited me via facebook. i ended up working a 9am-130am shift at work and had to work another 9am-7pm the day of the wedding so i didnt go.
    Well then it's obviously not legitimate.
    we didnt go because we didnt have an invite. basically they put us in with my parents invite. well guess what thats not how it works. 
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    littlepeplittlepep member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    amelisha said:

    abl13 said:

    We've declined weddings that were on Saturdays during football season. sorrynotsorry. Pick another season.

    "Pick another season"? Seriously? Like, come on, I don't care why anyone else declines invites, you don't have to have a good reason, but issuing a statement like that sounds totally bonkers to me.
    Not saying it's correct, but this is a pretty common sentiment in my area as well because there are a lot of huge football fans around here. And I specifically didn't schedule my wedding in the fall because I love football and I want to watch the games. It's certainly not everyone's priority so I don't expect that of other people though. 

    I've declined one wedding because it was on a big rivalry game day, but I also wasn't really that close to the couple. I've also skipped games to go to weddings so it's not a rule for me.  

    TBH there's always some kind of seasonal thing that will keep people from attending your wedding ...football, basketball, summer vacations, etc. I guess it depends on your crowd/location whether it's something you would take into consideration. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
    First Answer First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    mrsk616 said:

    KatieinBkln said:

    mrsk616 said:

    i didnt go to my one cousins because they sent invite to my parents with one rsvp card for 6 people. so i said nope not going. plus it was a shot gun wedding anyways


    eta: i also didnt go to another cousins because i never got an invite and then he invited me via facebook. i ended up working a 9am-130am shift at work and had to work another 9am-7pm the day of the wedding so i didnt go.
    Well then it's obviously not legitimate.
    we didnt go because we didnt have an invite. basically they put us in with my parents invite. well guess what thats not how it works. 
    If that were the only reason, you wouldn't have felt the need to add the shotgun part.
    image
    This baby knows exactly how I feel
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    We declined a few weddings over the last couple of years .

    - cousin of H that said they didn't invite me because we weren't engaged or married, despite being together for 7 years

    - my cousin got married (well, she legally was already married since she and her H were from different countries so to make things easier they did their real ceremony months earlier....yeah) two weeks after me. Also it was across the country. I wanted to use my vacation time for my honeymoon so we skipped it. Come to think of it we didn't get invited actually, she asked me if we would go and I said no since I will be on my honeymoon. Andplusalso she was already married and I was sad I wouldn't be seeing the real thing.

    - A good friend from high school is getting married in a few weeks. Invites were sent 7 months out and RSVP date 3 months out. We wanted to go but financially couldn't commit so damn early and she really wanted an answer. So declined. I might still send a gift but I was a little hurt we kept getting all this info about her April wedding back in September when our wedding happened. No congrats or card or anything. I would never expect a gift but a message would have been nice since she sent me one about her wedding invite at the same time.

    Only other one I can think of was another cousin of mine. We didn't have the money to fly across the country since we had just moved out to the west coast and money was insanely tight.
    image Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
  • Options
    JennyColadaJennyColada member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    Well, I've only ever been invited to three weddings ever: one when I was 3 (so I wasn't going to decline!), one when I was 22 for my cousin (so my parents RSVP'd for me) and one for a close girl friend a couple years ago (I went).

    I would LOVE to go to more weddings, but most of my friends are either married since before I knew them, or way far off from getting engaged. So I'm not really sure what it would take for me to decline, since I'd be so darn excited to be invited to A wedding anyway.

    Report Reply
  • Options
    ahyatt87ahyatt87 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I've declined two. The first wedding was for a old friend from high school, but she was getting married in Asia and I had not spoken to her for 5 years, so I did not feel badly. The second wedding was for someone I had grown-up with. She is a Mormon, so she and her DH were sealed in the temple, and the majority of people were only invited to the reception. It felt gift-grabby to me, and at the time I did not know that temple sealings were only for LDS in good standing with temple recommendations, and they are not allowed to bring many people with them to the ceremony.
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    southernbelle0915 said:

    amelisha said:

    abl13 said:

    We've declined weddings that were on Saturdays during football season. sorrynotsorry. Pick another season.

    "Pick another season"? Seriously? Like, come on, I don't care why anyone else declines invites, you don't have to have a good reason, but issuing a statement like that sounds totally bonkers to me.
    Of course people can schedule their weddings whenever but I've been to two weddings that had high decline rates and people streaming the game during the reception all crowded around someone's phone (bride was piiiiiiissed). 

    1) scheduled on the saturday of the final four 
    2) scheduled on the day of the rival college football game - everyone's loyal to one or the other
    My wedding was during the World Cup semis. DH's family is huge into soccer, so we knew people would be watching on their phones. We gave no fucks. The photographers got some awesome pictures of our family and friends reacting to various parts of the game!
    ~*~*~*~*~

    Report Reply
  • Options
    amelishaamelisha member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2015
    southernbelle0915 said: amelisha said: abl13 said:We've declined weddings that were on Saturdays during football season. sorrynotsorry. Pick another season.

    "Pick another season"? Seriously? Like, come on, I don't care why anyone else declines invites, you don't have to have a good reason, but issuing a statement like that sounds totally bonkers to me.

    Of course people can schedule their weddings whenever but I've been to two weddings that had high decline rates and people streaming the game during the reception all crowded around someone's phone (bride was piiiiiiissed). 
    1) scheduled on the saturday of the final four 2) scheduled on the day of the rival college football game - everyone's loyal to one or the other


    ETA BOXES UGH...



    I don't live in a big football area, but seriously this would never even occur to me when planning an event. Sports? I don't think I have any friends who'd decline a big real-life event in favour of watching a sports game on TV.     I wouldn't even know when those things would be to plan around them.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    swiftsticksswiftsticks member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Recently declined a wedding of a former high school friend that I haven't talked to for the last year due to dramaz. 
    The wedding is over the first long weekend of the spring and she failed to invite my FI (we had been together longer than the couple getting married). And the invitation was sent 8 months before the wedding. And the location is OOT and only accessible by car.
    I felt a little guilty declining, and one of my BMs (who is also in her WP) begged me to come, but it's my decision.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    PamBeesly524PamBeesly524 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2015
    KatieinBkln said:

    amelisha said:

    southernbelle0915 said:

    amelisha said:

    abl13 said:

    We've declined weddings that were on Saturdays during football season. sorrynotsorry. Pick another season.
    "Pick another season"? Seriously? Like, come on, I don't care why anyone else declines invites, you don't have to have a good reason, but issuing a statement like that sounds totally bonkers to me.
    Of course people can schedule their weddings whenever but I've been to two weddings that had high decline rates and people streaming the game during the reception all crowded around someone's phone (bride was piiiiiiissed). 

    1) scheduled on the saturday of the final four 
    2) scheduled on the day of the rival college football game - everyone's loyal to one or the other

    ETA BOXES UGH...



    I don't live in a big football area, but seriously this would never even occur to me when planning an event. Sports? I don't think I have any friends who'd decline a big real-life event in favour of watching a sports game on TV. I wouldn't even know when those things would be to plan around them.




    Also DVR exists? So...yeah.

    Honestly if someone I considered close declined my wedding and then I found out they spent the time watching a football game instead I would be reevaluating the friendship level. Also their intelligence level, because the booze at my party is free and the game is just as stream-able or DVR'able from a reception venue as it is from your local alumni bar.
    ETA BOXES



    I've totally been lurking but this. 100%.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    PamBeesly524PamBeesly524 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2015
    Double post! Sorry!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Having trouble with boxes so just re: sports and "pick another season" - I live in an area where college football rules. I grew up watching NFL, which I love best, but I also have grown to enjoy college football. A lot of our friends get together and do the tailgate thing on fall Saturdays at one house or another. That's a good time, but honestly, I don't get declining because of a regular season game or expecting brides at large to not plan fall weddings, ever. I can see some of our guy friends SAYING that brides shouldn't schedule their weddings then, but I also know that most of them would go to the wedding (if they were close to the bride and groom) regardless. The only sports related date I'd avoid is Superbowl. That would be a cluster for a lot of reasons, but I don't think that a Sunday in late January/early February is a very popular wedding date. 
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    wandajune6wandajune6 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I've declined 3 weddings:

    1. A cousin who got married the weekend before finals during my MBA. I would have loved to have gone but it just wasn't workable.

    2. A very close friend who got married across the country. I priced it out and figured out how to afford it then had a house emergency clean out my savings. I had to decline. (Grad school was a great investment but killed my savings!)

    3. A coworker's wedding, 3 weeks after my own. He lives in another city that's horribly inconvenient/expensive to get to. DH wouldn't have been able to join me and we calculated it to cost ~$1500 for me to go alone. My coworkers and I all had the same issue so we decided to get him an expensive wedding gift instead.

    I hate declining weddings and really only do it when it's far out of budget or the timing is just too hard.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
  • Options
    beachyone15beachyone15 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    JennyColada said:

    Well, I've only ever been invited to three weddings ever: one when I was 3 (so I wasn't going to decline!), one when I was 22 for my cousin (so my parents RSVP'd for me) and one for a close girl friend a couple years ago (I went).

    I would LOVE to go to more weddings, but most of my friends are either married since before I knew them, or way far off from getting engaged. So I'm not really sure what it would take for me to decline, since I'd be so darn excited to be invited to A wedding anyway.

    That's how I feel too. I'm going to one this weekend and I'm actually really excited about it, even though I have a feeling there will be lots of etiquette blunders.


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers



    Report Reply
  • Options
    jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I only go to weddings of people I'm super close to and family. I don't mind travelling or taking the vacation days if I have them but I think I would only do that for family.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    I've declined 2 weddings, both were for cousins that were sisters.  They live a 3 hour plane ride away.

    First sister: Has her wedding ceremony on Thursday and her reception that Saturday.  Nuff' said.

    Second Sister: Married same year I was and due to my delayed honeymoon, I would have had to take a few more days off work after returning from my honeymoon to attend her wedding.  I could have afforded attending the wedding, but I also didn't want to ruffle feathers with co-workers.  I really wanted to go until I got the invite.  It was addressed to just me, in my maiden name and no H.  We had been married for 3 months and it was clear from fb, where we did the majority of our communications, that I took my H's last name.  I immediately responded to RSVP as Mr & Mrs John MarriedName with a big NOPE!


    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards