I RSVP'D "no" for the first time!!!

abl13 · April 2015

Ok so re: the football Saturday weddings. We have gone to weddings of close friends and family during the fall. NBD. But we not would not attend a wedding of a not close friend or family member on a football Saturday.

Everyone in our friend group knows this and shares the same attitude. Therefore no one in our close friend group has had a fall wedding.

Before we were married my H was invited to the wedding of a friend not in his close group of friends. It was a fall wedding so to compromise he and his friends went to the ceremony only. The bride was PISSED and holds a grudge to this day. If you're going to be like this and hold a grudge then yes....have your wedding in a different season.

STARMOON44 · April 2015

abl13 said:
Ok so re: the football Saturday weddings. We have gone to weddings of close friends and family during the fall. NBD. But we not would not attend a wedding of a not close friend or family member on a football Saturday.
Everyone in our friend group knows this and shares the same attitude. Therefore no one in our close friend group has had a fall wedding.
Before we were married my H was invited to the wedding of a friend not in his close group of friends. It was a fall wedding so to compromise he and his friends went to the ceremony only. The bride was PISSED and holds a grudge to this day. If you're going to be like this and hold a grudge then yes....have your wedding in a different season.

I'd be pissed if a whole group of people made it abundantly clear they value college sports above my friendship. And I doubt I'd be inclined to socialize further with them. Frankly though I'd rather find out who doesn't need to be a part of my life than plan major life events around a game. Totally fine- you don't want to go to weddings because football. But I don't have to keep being friends with you if you make that choice.

LadyMillil · April 2015

I've declined 3 weddings.

1. Friend got married in Jamaica during the summer. I was working all summer to pay for school and couldn't afford to lose out on a pay and spend money to go to her wedding. She spent months trying to guilt me into coming. Turns out she got married in Canada and had a PPD in Jamaica because having a legal wedding in Jamaica was too hard.

2. Friend got married in my hometown. I live across the country now. I wasn't able to take the time off work and afford a flight.

3. BSC sis. She kicked me out of the bridal party because her perfect Pinterest pictures were more important to her than me standing next to her. It would be a huge PITA and very expensive for me to travel to her wedding so I didn't go.

banana468 · April 2015

STARMOON44 said:

abl13 said:
Ok so re: the football Saturday weddings. We have gone to weddings of close friends and family during the fall. NBD. But we not would not attend a wedding of a not close friend or family member on a football Saturday.
Everyone in our friend group knows this and shares the same attitude. Therefore no one in our close friend group has had a fall wedding.
Before we were married my H was invited to the wedding of a friend not in his close group of friends. It was a fall wedding so to compromise he and his friends went to the ceremony only. The bride was PISSED and holds a grudge to this day. If you're going to be like this and hold a grudge then yes....have your wedding in a different season.

I'd be pissed if a whole group of people made it abundantly clear they value college sports above my friendship. And I doubt I'd be inclined to socialize further with them. Frankly though I'd rather find out who doesn't need to be a part of my life than plan major life events around a game. Totally fine- you don't want to go to weddings because football. But I don't have to keep being friends with you if you make that choice.

This. And I'd still be pissed but I hope that it was very clear that they were going to the ceremony only.

DH and I are sports fans too but I'd roll my eyes hardcore at declining a wedding because "your team has a game".

KatieinBkln · April 2015

banana468 said:

STARMOON44 said:

abl13 said:
Ok so re: the football Saturday weddings. We have gone to weddings of close friends and family during the fall. NBD. But we not would not attend a wedding of a not close friend or family member on a football Saturday.
Everyone in our friend group knows this and shares the same attitude. Therefore no one in our close friend group has had a fall wedding.
Before we were married my H was invited to the wedding of a friend not in his close group of friends. It was a fall wedding so to compromise he and his friends went to the ceremony only. The bride was PISSED and holds a grudge to this day. If you're going to be like this and hold a grudge then yes....have your wedding in a different season.

I'd be pissed if a whole group of people made it abundantly clear they value college sports above my friendship. And I doubt I'd be inclined to socialize further with them. Frankly though I'd rather find out who doesn't need to be a part of my life than plan major life events around a game. Totally fine- you don't want to go to weddings because football. But I don't have to keep being friends with you if you make that choice.
This. And I'd still be pissed but I hope that it was very clear that they were going to the ceremony only.

DH and I are sports fans too but I'd roll my eyes hardcore at declining a wedding because "your team has a game".

Unless by "your team" you mean that you play on said team. (They never mean that.)

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2015

"Pick a different season" would make me stabby too. There are only really 2 out of 12 college football games (because LBH, college football is the only predictably-scheduled Saturday sport) that are even important. If someone chose even the biggest, baddest rivalry game THAT CAN BE RECORDED AND WATCHED EVERY YEAR over my one and only wedding, I'd be seriously pissed. Sure you're free to do so... and I'm free to forget I knew you.

littlepep · April 2015

Just to clarify before I start, I would never skip a good friend's wedding for a football game. I would probably check the score occasionally at the reception, but I wouldn't skip it.

I think though there's a difference between saying people are skipping a wedding to watch a game on TV vs people who actually bought tickets to attend a certain game. Yes, you can of course sell them, but there are other factors to consider like did you book travel, parking hotel rooms, etc.

I just find it a little contradictory that on the other thread about the college reunion people are saying she was being too sensitive that people were considering going to that instead of her wedding, but over here it's like well if you skipped my wedding to go to a football I'd be pissed. It's two sides of the same coin. Someone is still choosing one event over the other.

Again, I'm not advocating skipping a friend's wedding watch a game on TV. I'm just pointing out that for some people, they spend a lot of money and put a lot of planning into trying to attend a sporting event. It's a little unfair to judge those people and not judge other people who may have another social event they would like to attend.

OliveOilsMom · April 2015

LadyMillil said:
I've declined 3 weddings.

1. Friend got married in Jamaica during the summer. I was working all summer to pay for school and couldn't afford to lose out on a pay and spend money to go to her wedding. She spent months trying to guilt me into coming. Turns out she got married in Canada and had a PPD in Jamaica because having a legal wedding in Jamaica was too hard.

2. Friend got married in my hometown. I live across the country now. I wasn't able to take the time off work and afford a flight.

3. BSC sis. She kicked me out of the bridal party because her perfect Pinterest pictures were more important to her than me standing next to her. It would be a huge PITA and very expensive for me to travel to her wedding so I didn't go.

Wasn't your BSC sis's wedding a PPD? Or there a problem with the officiant? I recall you updated this at some point, but has there been any more recent developments with this?

anjemon · April 2015

STARMOON44 said:

abl13 said:
Ok so re: the football Saturday weddings. We have gone to weddings of close friends and family during the fall. NBD. But we not would not attend a wedding of a not close friend or family member on a football Saturday.
Everyone in our friend group knows this and shares the same attitude. Therefore no one in our close friend group has had a fall wedding.
Before we were married my H was invited to the wedding of a friend not in his close group of friends. It was a fall wedding so to compromise he and his friends went to the ceremony only. The bride was PISSED and holds a grudge to this day. If you're going to be like this and hold a grudge then yes....have your wedding in a different season.

I'd be pissed if a whole group of people made it abundantly clear they value college sports above my friendship. And I doubt I'd be inclined to socialize further with them. Frankly though I'd rather find out who doesn't need to be a part of my life than plan major life events around a game. Totally fine- you don't want to go to weddings because football. But I don't have to keep being friends with you if you make that choice.

I think this totally comes down to friend groups. If they're close enough friends to come to your wedding, you probably know that they value football that highly. And you probably value football the same way. If you don't value football that highly, you might have a harder time making friends with them when you think their priorities are out of whack.

STARMOON44 · April 2015

All of this is such good evidence in favor of just declining without providing a reason and just letting people decline without asking. The polite fiction that obviously you mustn't be coming because the IRS is auditing you that day is such a nice social saver.

That's actually partly why I find a big group skipping the reception to watch a game so rude. Makes it impossible to ignore.

redwoodoriginal · April 2015

I've declined a few:

- one in august a month after our wedding, just too expensive with flights/hotel/car rental, etc and it was an old college friend of DH's and we realized none of his close friends would be there, so it'd just be us hanging out all weekend since you never really get to spend quality time w the B&G. pay over $1000 to just hang out with my DH? I can do that at home...

- a PPD in israel (they got married over a year earlier in boston for visa reasons)

- an AHR/PPD in boston (SAME COUPLE as the PPD in israel)... i would have maybe gone to the AHR in boston, she was my old college roommate, but we had another wedding in IL that day, and i hadn't heard from her except for invites to her engagement party (after they were already married), and PPD/AHR, and whenever I tried to connect with her via email / phone, it was radio silence.

- wedding in israel- couldn't swing vacation time at work, wedding was planned within 4 months (timeframe = not enough time to request vacation time/save money), and it was too expensive.

- old childhood friend. she asked me for my address and my thenBF's name, i gave it to her, and then my parents received an invite with me and my sisters name on it- neither of us lived at home anymore. I assume they sent back the RSVP, I gave my sister some money for the gift, but seriously?

- coworker who was rude as shit. was b-listed, invited without my DH, and had a huge gap. also had heard that "if i invited her to my wedding she'd feel obligated to invite me to hers". so, among other reasons, she didn't get an invite to mine, and then invited everyone in my close friend group but me. then heard from my BFF that she felt terrible not inviting me, so she was going to. then she texted me saying something along the lines of "we've recalculated our budget (with a month to go? yeah ok!) and we can invite you now! you know how it is....(since i was getting married a month before her...)... what's your address?" uh, no. sorrynotsorry.

I hate the sports game excuse. I love sports but they are not the be all, end all. if you miss one, its not the end of the world.

lovegood90 · April 2015

littlepep said:
Just to clarify before I start, I would never skip a good friend's wedding for a football game. I would probably check the score occasionally at the reception, but I wouldn't skip it.

I think though there's a difference between saying people are skipping a wedding to watch a game on TV vs people who actually bought tickets to attend a certain game. Yes, you can of course sell them, but there are other factors to consider like did you book travel, parking hotel rooms, etc.

I just find it a little contradictory that on the other thread about the college reunion people are saying she was being too sensitive that people were considering going to that instead of her wedding, but over here it's like well if you skipped my wedding to go to a football I'd be pissed. It's two sides of the same coin. Someone is still choosing one event over the other.

Again, I'm not advocating skipping a friend's wedding watch a game on TV. I'm just pointing out that for some people, they spend a lot of money and put a lot of planning into trying to attend a sporting event. It's a little unfair to judge those people and not judge other people who may have another social event they would like to attend.

It didn't sound like anyone was referring to events IRL. Obviously if you already have tickets to see something, anything, live, you shouldn't have to change those plans for a wedding. I think people here were referring to it being pretty shitty if you were just watching it on TV.

badbnagdway · April 2015

littlepep said:
Just to clarify before I start, I would never skip a good friend's wedding for a football game. I would probably check the score occasionally at the reception, but I wouldn't skip it.

I think though there's a difference between saying people are skipping a wedding to watch a game on TV vs people who actually bought tickets to attend a certain game. Yes, you can of course sell them, but there are other factors to consider like did you book travel, parking hotel rooms, etc.

I just find it a little contradictory that on the other thread about the college reunion people are saying she was being too sensitive that people were considering going to that instead of her wedding, but over here it's like well if you skipped my wedding to go to a football I'd be pissed. It's two sides of the same coin. Someone is still choosing one event over the other.

Again, I'm not advocating skipping a friend's wedding watch a game on TV. I'm just pointing out that for some people, they spend a lot of money and put a lot of planning into trying to attend a sporting event. It's a little unfair to judge those people and not judge other people who may have another social event they would like to attend.

Well, difference one between a reunion and a football game is that one can only be experienced through attendance while the other can be (easily by most) recorded and enjoyed later. Also, a reunion happens every five years at most. Each NCAA football team plays 12 regular season games every year. Admittedly some games are more important than others. They are totally different types of events though.

I agree that it would be different if tickets had been bought and travel plans made for game day.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2015

amelisha said:

abl13 said:
We've declined weddings that were on Saturdays during football season. sorrynotsorry. Pick another season.
"Pick another season"? Seriously? Like, come on, I don't care why anyone else declines invites, you don't have to have a good reason, but issuing a statement like that sounds totally bonkers to me.

Sorrynotsorry that people prefer fall to the other three seasons and choose not to let their lives revolve around college/professional sports games.

I asked this once in another thread where this came up, but do people also decline to attend funerals because the Steelers or the ravens or the Patriots are playing?

Whatever floats your boats- no one *has* to go to a wedding especially if you aren't close to them. I just don't understand this sports fanaticism. . . maybe because I have a family member who is almost clinically obsessed with sports and it's very annoying. Also have family members and friends who are this ridic about GoT and other TV shows. . . DVR? /rant over

We just declined DH's cousin's OOT wedding in Florida because we aren't close to him, it's the same weekend as some sailing regatta so DH's mother was bugging us to book hotel rooms when we hadn't even received an STD let alone an invitation (yeah, not happening), we just spent a ton going to an OOT funeral at the end of February, and frankly I'm burned out of weddings right now, especially OOT ones. We have been to 4 OOT weddings in the past 2 years and two of them were a chore and very expensive to get to because they were in Tulsa OK and Helena Montana and took like 3 flights each way to get to each one ><

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2015

littlepep said:
Just to clarify before I start, I would never skip a good friend's wedding for a football game. I would probably check the score occasionally at the reception, but I wouldn't skip it.

I think though there's a difference between saying people are skipping a wedding to watch a game on TV vs people who actually bought tickets to attend a certain game. Yes, you can of course sell them, but there are other factors to consider like did you book travel, parking hotel rooms, etc.

I just find it a little contradictory that on the other thread about the college reunion people are saying she was being too sensitive that people were considering going to that instead of her wedding, but over here it's like well if you skipped my wedding to go to a football I'd be pissed. It's two sides of the same coin. Someone is still choosing one event over the other.

Again, I'm not advocating skipping a friend's wedding watch a game on TV. I'm just pointing out that for some people, they spend a lot of money and put a lot of planning into trying to attend a sporting event. It's a little unfair to judge those people and not judge other people who may have another social event they would like to attend.

Having pre-existing tickets to something is a different story. So is just politely declining. It's the notion that 25% of the Saturdays in a year should be off limits if you expect me to grace you with my presence that squicks me out. You're not that important that I would reschedule my wedding away from an entire season just to accommodate you, and if our friendship isn't important enough for you to miss a TV show, then I guess we're not friends.

A high school reunion is a totally different story than watching a football game on TV, especially just because SPORTS. At the time a venue is booked the schedule isn't even out.

LadyMillil · April 2015

OliveOilsMom said:

LadyMillil said:
I've declined 3 weddings.

1. Friend got married in Jamaica during the summer. I was working all summer to pay for school and couldn't afford to lose out on a pay and spend money to go to her wedding. She spent months trying to guilt me into coming. Turns out she got married in Canada and had a PPD in Jamaica because having a legal wedding in Jamaica was too hard.

2. Friend got married in my hometown. I live across the country now. I wasn't able to take the time off work and afford a flight.

3. BSC sis. She kicked me out of the bridal party because her perfect Pinterest pictures were more important to her than me standing next to her. It would be a huge PITA and very expensive for me to travel to her wedding so I didn't go.
Wasn't your BSC sis's wedding a PPD? Or there a problem with the officiant? I recall you updated this at some point, but has there been any more recent developments with this?

Reverse PPD maybe. The officiant couldn't legally marry them. They were supposed to get legally married at the RD but there was a huge storm, the RD was cancelled and they spent the night before the wedding dealing with a flooded basement. They had the not-legal wedding ceremony. 3 months after the wedding they still weren't legally married. I'm not sure if they're legally married now, 7 months later.

ShesSoCold · April 2015

I've declined an invitation for football. But I have season tickets. I've also skipped most of the cocktail hour of a wedding with a gap on a gameday to finish watching the game at the bar.

I have a DW in a few weeks and playoff hockey tickets. The playoff schedules aren't out yet (obviously) but if we weren't also spreading my mom's ashes that weekend, I'd be changing my accept to a decline to stay home and go to the game.

poodledoodleooo · April 2015

In the last 3 years, i've declined 3 of the 17 I've been invited to. 4 required significant travel.

1) I was in a different wedding the same weekend so I had to choose
2) One was on a Sunday at eve about 1.5 hrs away. Only invited to the reception. Not close to bride/groom. Felt like a gift grab, new about a lot of etiquette blunders thanks to the bride's sister (my bff). I hate doing anything that isn't my own agenda on Sundays.
3) Required significant travel I couldn't afford, wasn't super close to bride or groom.

Otherwise I've gone to all. The second one was the only one I checked decline with any amount of glee. I was like Nope, not going to that shitshow. There were others I wish I declined, but ya know, family.

KatieinBkln · April 2015

ShesSoCold said:
I've declined an invitation for football. But I have season tickets. I've also skipped most of the cocktail hour of a wedding with a gap on a gameday to finish watching the game at the bar.

I have a DW in a few weeks and playoff hockey tickets. The playoff schedules aren't out yet (obviously) but if we weren't also spreading my mom's ashes that weekend, I'd be changing my accept to a decline to stay home and go to the game.

I'm like 99% sure that none of these were the weddings of your bestest friend/closest sibling in the whole wide world, though. I'm also pretty sure you didn't go out of your way to make sure they knew exactly where you were when you weren't at their weddings...

ShesSoCold · April 2015

KatieinBkln said:

ShesSoCold said:
I've declined an invitation for football. But I have season tickets. I've also skipped most of the cocktail hour of a wedding with a gap on a gameday to finish watching the game at the bar.

I have a DW in a few weeks and playoff hockey tickets. The playoff schedules aren't out yet (obviously) but if we weren't also spreading my mom's ashes that weekend, I'd be changing my accept to a decline to stay home and go to the game.
I'm like 99% sure that none of these were the weddings of your bestest friend/closest sibling in the whole wide world, though. I'm also pretty sure you didn't go out of your way to make sure they knew exactly where you were when you weren't at their weddings...

Yes, absolutely. The home game wedding was a girl I was friends with in elementary school and literally hadn't spoken to in ten years. I probably wouldn't have gone even if we weren't at home that weekend. And I didn't say, "NO WAY Bears are home suckaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!" on my RSVP.

amelisha · April 2015

@littlepep, it's not the declining because of a game I think is so crazy, it's the saying you shouldn't have your wedding during "football season" (wtf that is, because I don't even know when that happens other than "I think during the fall?") because no one will come. I do think that's insane. Should people also not schedule weddings during the World Series/Stanley Cup playoffs/whatever happens at the end of basketball? Does that leave any Saturdays available, even?

littlepep · April 2015

ShesSoCold said:
I've declined an invitation for football. But I have season tickets. I've also skipped most of the cocktail hour of a wedding with a gap on a gameday to finish watching the game at the bar.

I have a DW in a few weeks and playoff hockey tickets. The playoff schedules aren't out yet (obviously) but if we weren't also spreading my mom's ashes that weekend, I'd be changing my accept to a decline to stay home and go to the game.

This was more my point. Many of my friends have season tickets as well. I would never skip a close friend's wedding just because of season tickets, but if we aren't close I'm not likely to give up plans I already had. I certainly would write that reason on an RSVP though.

I guess the thought that someone would decline a wedding so they can stay home and watch a game on TV never crossed my mind because it's so stupid.

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2015

amelisha said:
@littlepep, it's not the declining because of a game I think is so crazy, it's the saying you shouldn't have your wedding during "football season" (wtf that is, because I don't even know when that happens other than "I think during the fall?") because no one will come. I do think that's insane. Should people also not schedule weddings during the World Series/Stanley Cup playoffs/whatever happens at the end of basketball? Does that leave any Saturdays available, even?

So September through January is off limits for college football through pro playoffs, plus October in there for baseball playoffs, which may or may not be on a Saturday but you don't know yet. April-June for hockey and basketball playoffs, which may or may not be on a Saturday but you don't know yet. You may get married in February (except not Valentine's Day because date night), March (except St. Patricks Day because parties/drunk), July or August. So what's that, 14 weekends a year for everyone to choose from. But not Fridays because that's rude. 14 Saturdays.

Bubblegum5586 · April 2015

amelisha said:
@littlepep, it's not the declining because of a game I think is so crazy, it's the saying you shouldn't have your wedding during "football season" (wtf that is, because I don't even know when that happens other than "I think during the fall?") because no one will come. I do think that's insane. Should people also not schedule weddings during the World Series/Stanley Cup playoffs/whatever happens at the end of basketball? Does that leave any Saturdays available, even?

littlepep · April 2015

amelisha said:
@littlepep, it's not the declining because of a game I think is so crazy, it's the saying you shouldn't have your wedding during "football season" (wtf that is, because I don't even know when that happens other than "I think during the fall?") because no one will come. I do think that's insane. Should people also not schedule weddings during the World Series/Stanley Cup playoffs/whatever happens at the end of basketball? Does that leave any Saturdays available, even?

I totally agree. I would never tell someone not to get married during football season. Like you said there's always something going on and in that mindset, you'd never be able to plan a wedding.

I just wouldn't judge someone who already had plans to attend a game.

STARMOON44 · April 2015

lolo883 said:

amelisha said:
@littlepep, it's not the declining because of a game I think is so crazy, it's the saying you shouldn't have your wedding during "football season" (wtf that is, because I don't even know when that happens other than "I think during the fall?") because no one will come. I do think that's insane. Should people also not schedule weddings during the World Series/Stanley Cup playoffs/whatever happens at the end of basketball? Does that leave any Saturdays available, even?
So September through January is off limits for college football through pro playoffs, plus October in there for baseball playoffs, which may or may not be on a Saturday but you don't know yet. April-June for hockey and basketball playoffs, which may or may not be on a Saturday but you don't know yet. You may get married in February (except not Valentine's Day because date night), March (except St. Patricks Day because parties/drunk), July or August. So what's that, 14 weekends a year for everyone to choose from. But not Fridays because that's rude. 14 Saturdays.

Don't forget the summer Olympics.

morewineplease · April 2015

amelisha said:
@littlepep, it's not the declining because of a game I think is so crazy, it's the saying you shouldn't have your wedding during "football season" (wtf that is, because I don't even know when that happens other than "I think during the fall?") because no one will come. I do think that's insane. Should people also not schedule weddings during the World Series/Stanley Cup playoffs/whatever happens at the end of basketball? Does that leave any Saturdays available, even?

This… I agree that you cannot say a whole season should be off limits to others. However FI said he did not care when the wedding was as long as it was not a Sunday when the NFL was on. I am sure his family would come, but I don't think they would be happy about missing an Alabama game.

It depends on your circle. Around the MLB All star game is the only time of year I can think of when something is not going on in sports.

simcal18 · April 2015

morewineplease said:

amelisha said:
@littlepep, it's not the declining because of a game I think is so crazy, it's the saying you shouldn't have your wedding during "football season" (wtf that is, because I don't even know when that happens other than "I think during the fall?") because no one will come. I do think that's insane. Should people also not schedule weddings during the World Series/Stanley Cup playoffs/whatever happens at the end of basketball? Does that leave any Saturdays available, even?
This… I agree that you cannot say a whole season should be off limits to others. However FI said he did not care when the wedding was as long as it was not a Sunday when the NFL was on. I am sure his family would come, but I don't think they would be happy about missing an Alabama game.

It depends on your circle. Around the MLB All star game is the only time of year I can think of when something is not going on in sports.

Our wedding is July 18 this year. The all star game is July 14. According to this thread maybe it's a really good thing we can accommodate 100% attendance . . .

MadHops21 · April 2015

ShesSoCold said:
I've declined an invitation for football. But I have season tickets. I've also skipped most of the cocktail hour of a wedding with a gap on a gameday to finish watching the game at the bar.

I have a DW in a few weeks and playoff hockey tickets. The playoff schedules aren't out yet (obviously) but if we weren't also spreading my mom's ashes that weekend, I'd be changing my accept to a decline to stay home and go to the game.

Wait, you're from Chicago, right? Season tickets? To the Bears? Because I, too, have season tickets to the Bears and live in Chicago. How are we not friends?

amelisha · April 2015

bubblegum1309 said:

amelisha said:
@littlepep, it's not the declining because of a game I think is so crazy, it's the saying you shouldn't have your wedding during "football season" (wtf that is, because I don't even know when that happens other than "I think during the fall?") because no one will come. I do think that's insane. Should people also not schedule weddings during the World Series/Stanley Cup playoffs/whatever happens at the end of basketball? Does that leave any Saturdays available, even?

I RSVP'D "no" for the first time!!!

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