Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion

What Would You Do? (Multiple Showers) ***Updated

Sioux1986Sioux1986 member
Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
edited April 2015 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi Everyone!
Even though I'm all married now, I still love reading this community as I feel you ladies give great advice that extends beyond the wedding sphere. I hope you can offer help with an issue I'm having.

My DH is best man in his friend's upcoming wedding. So far, we have gone to their engagement party (almost 2 years ago). They included registry info with the invite, and I, not knowing at the time this was rude, thought this was the norm and bought them a gift. Then, 2 weeks ago she had a shower. I was invited at the last minutes (1 week before the shower) and as it was OOT, I declined to attend but still sent a gift.

Now, his parents are throwing her another surprise shower next weekend. Well, I thought I'd just decline this one, however, DH's friend called him up and told him that we were the "cover story" for the surprise, so now I am absolutely obligated to go. 

My question is:
What the HECK do I get her for a gift? She is having a huge wedding and since they've had their registry for so long, it's been pretty much depleted (ie only really cheap or really expensive stuff left). I thought about doing something a little more personal...our photographers captured a really touching photo of them dancing at our reception, perhaps that in a frame? Is this appropriate? 

Any ideas are appreciated! Thanks in advance!

UPDATE: Shower was this weekend. It was hosted "ok" I guess. It was at a restaurant, and the hostess provided lunch, which was ok, but it was a cash bar...... (meh...............)

I was bullied into hand writing a recipe on the spot for a cookbook. Ok, I did so and tried to be nice about it. However, when the cookbook was presented to the bride, her response was "I don't know how to cook" in a sort of sarcastic tone. 

You could totally tell that between the 300+ invited wedding guests and several gift giving events, we were scrapping the bottom of the registry barrel. A lot of odds and ends were gifted. But, aside from the cook book, the bride was gracious and pleased, and declared the framed photo very "thoughtful." All in all, not a terrible time. 
 
And thank you everyone who offered helpful advice!! You ladies truly are the best.
Report Reply to Post
«1

Re: What Would You Do? (Multiple Showers) ***Updated

  • poodledoodleooopoodledoodleooo member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    I think your idea is incredibly appropriate.
    Report Reply
  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    It's super tack that you were invited to both showers. They should be overlapping guests. Also. If there isn't anything really left on their registry, you can't really buy from there. I think your picture frame idea is good - inexpensive but you won't be arriving empty handed.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    Report Reply
  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2015
    southernbelle0915 said:

    It's super tack that you were invited to both showers. They should be overlapping guests. Also. If there isn't anything really left on their registry, you can't really buy from there. I think your picture frame idea is good - inexpensive but you won't be arriving empty handed.

    Exactly this. I like the picture frame idea. One of my close friends who came to my shower just gave me a bottle of vodka, and I was super excited about it lol. Another person just gave me a couple small candles, which smelled amazing and very definitely appreciated. Big elaborate gifts are never necessary, and these people whose shower you're the cover story for have done some really tacky, gift-grabby things that I think are gross. 

    ETF clarity 
    image
    Report Reply
  • littlepeplittlepep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    If they wanted to use you as a cover story the most definitely should have contacted you first. I would say that sounds a whole lot like not your problem. 

    BUT if you go, I think the picture frame is totally appropriate since you've already gotten several gifts. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    Report Reply
  • Sioux1986Sioux1986 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    Hi everyone!
    Thank you for confirming that my gift is appropriate. Internally, I would love to not give her a gift. However, I'm not sure how much of the rudeness is her fault exactly and I would hate to show up to a gift event empty handed. 

    That said, I'd also love to dip, but my poor husband is being put through the wringer with this wedding and being best man and it's really not a hill I want to die on; I'd rather just give up my Saturday afternoon (hopefully free food and booze) to keep martial peace lol. 

    Now to find a good Michales or Joann's coupon for a frame!
    Report Reply
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You can find a nice frame at either place for under $20.   I think that's a great gift.

    I'm also with you that this isn't a hill I'd die on.   We often put the BP in the "OK to attend multiple showers bucket" and I think you may have been lumped into this with your DH as the BM.   I'd roll with it as long as you're not expected to spend money on food there. 
    Report Reply
  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Sioux1986 said:

    Hi everyone!

    Thank you for confirming that my gift is appropriate. Internally, I would love to not give her a gift. However, I'm not sure how much of the rudeness is her fault exactly and I would hate to show up to a gift event empty handed. 

    That said, I'd also love to dip, but my poor husband is being put through the wringer with this wedding and being best man and it's really not a hill I want to die on; I'd rather just give up my Saturday afternoon (hopefully free food and booze) to keep martial peace lol. 

    Now to find a good Michales or Joann's coupon for a frame!
    We need details. 


    image
    Report Reply
  • Sioux1986Sioux1986 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    levioosa said:

    Sioux1986 said:

    Hi everyone!

    Thank you for confirming that my gift is appropriate. Internally, I would love to not give her a gift. However, I'm not sure how much of the rudeness is her fault exactly and I would hate to show up to a gift event empty handed. 

    That said, I'd also love to dip, but my poor husband is being put through the wringer with this wedding and being best man and it's really not a hill I want to die on; I'd rather just give up my Saturday afternoon (hopefully free food and booze) to keep martial peace lol. 

    Now to find a good Michales or Joann's coupon for a frame!
    We need details. 
    Basically he was told when and how and who to intvite when planning a bachelor party; The tux rental was $350; the wedding is on a Sunday up here in the north east; my sister is getting married the same weekend in Florida....we made the very difficult decision to split up and go to different weddings and they keep guilt tripping him that I'm not going to be at their wedding. They keep changing/adding things last minute. It's just a lot of stuff. And we just got finished planning and throwing our on wedding, where the groom was my husband's groomsman and all he was needed to do was rent the tux and show up.   
    Report Reply
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Sioux1986 said:

    Hi everyone!

    Thank you for confirming that my gift is appropriate. Internally, I would love to not give her a gift. However, I'm not sure how much of the rudeness is her fault exactly and I would hate to show up to a gift event empty handed. 

    That said, I'd also love to dip, but my poor husband is being put through the wringer with this wedding and being best man and it's really not a hill I want to die on; I'd rather just give up my Saturday afternoon (hopefully free food and booze) to keep martial peace lol. 

    Now to find a good Michales or Joann's coupon for a frame!
    Do you have a TJ Maxx or Home Goods near you?  That would be a great place to find a fancy/nice frame.

    Report Reply
  • Sioux1986Sioux1986 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    novella1186 said:

    Sioux1986 said:

    Sioux1986 said:

    Hi everyone!

    Thank you for confirming that my gift is appropriate. Internally, I would love to not give her a gift. However, I'm not sure how much of the rudeness is her fault exactly and I would hate to show up to a gift event empty handed. 

    That said, I'd also love to dip, but my poor husband is being put through the wringer with this wedding and being best man and it's really not a hill I want to die on; I'd rather just give up my Saturday afternoon (hopefully free food and booze) to keep martial peace lol. 

    Now to find a good Michales or Joann's coupon for a frame!
    We need details. 
    Basically he was told when and how and who to intvite when planning a bachelor party; The tux rental was $350; the wedding is on a Sunday up here in the north east; my sister is getting married the same weekend in Florida....we made the very difficult decision to split up and go to different weddings and they keep guilt tripping him that I'm not going to be at their wedding. They keep changing/adding things last minute. It's just a lot of stuff. And we just got finished planning and throwing our on wedding, where the groom was my husband's groomsman and all he was needed to do was rent the tux and show up.   
    Holy shit are you kidding? They're seriously guilt tripping him? Because you're going to your SISTER'S wedding? I'm sorry, but these people sound kind of awful. 
    novella1186 said:


    novella1186 said:

    SITB!!!

    novella1186 said:

    Yeah, I think it's more just being immature and misguided, possibly a little selfish. Their argument was that their wedding was scheduled first (true) and that my sister is not having a "real wedding" (kind of true: she's having a truly private, just her and her groom and officiant ceremony on the west coast and an "at home reception" in our hometown that is pretty small, but also kind of PPDish...) but still, between having my whole family upset at us or my husband's good friend's wife.....I choose my family. 

    Report Reply
  • Sioux1986Sioux1986 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    Liatris2010 said:

    Sioux1986 said:

    levioosa said:

    Sioux1986 said:

    Hi everyone!

    Thank you for confirming that my gift is appropriate. Internally, I would love to not give her a gift. However, I'm not sure how much of the rudeness is her fault exactly and I would hate to show up to a gift event empty handed. 

    That said, I'd also love to dip, but my poor husband is being put through the wringer with this wedding and being best man and it's really not a hill I want to die on; I'd rather just give up my Saturday afternoon (hopefully free food and booze) to keep martial peace lol. 

    Now to find a good Michales or Joann's coupon for a frame!
    We need details. 
    Basically he was told when and how and who to intvite when planning a bachelor party; The tux rental was $350; the wedding is on a Sunday up here in the north east; my sister is getting married the same weekend in Florida....we made the very difficult decision to split up and go to different weddings and they keep guilt tripping him that I'm not going to be at their wedding. They keep changing/adding things last minute. It's just a lot of stuff. And we just got finished planning and throwing our on wedding, where the groom was my husband's groomsman and all he was needed to do was rent the tux and show up.  
    These are not the things good friends do.
    Yeah, I know. I think the wedding has kind of blinded them and we are just doing what we can to come out as graceful as possible. 
    Report Reply
  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    @Sioux1986 - your siggy gif is cracking me up! :)
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    Report Reply
  • Sioux1986Sioux1986 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    Maggie0829 said:

    Sioux1986 said:

    levioosa said:

    Sioux1986 said:

    Hi everyone!

    Thank you for confirming that my gift is appropriate. Internally, I would love to not give her a gift. However, I'm not sure how much of the rudeness is her fault exactly and I would hate to show up to a gift event empty handed. 

    That said, I'd also love to dip, but my poor husband is being put through the wringer with this wedding and being best man and it's really not a hill I want to die on; I'd rather just give up my Saturday afternoon (hopefully free food and booze) to keep martial peace lol. 

    Now to find a good Michales or Joann's coupon for a frame!
    We need details. 
    Basically he was told when and how and who to intvite when planning a bachelor party; The tux rental was $350; the wedding is on a Sunday up here in the north east; my sister is getting married the same weekend in Florida....we made the very difficult decision to split up and go to different weddings and they keep guilt tripping him that I'm not going to be at their wedding. They keep changing/adding things last minute. It's just a lot of stuff. And we just got finished planning and throwing our on wedding, where the groom was my husband's groomsman and all he was needed to do was rent the tux and show up.   
    I think your H needs to start sticking up for himself.  He could have said no to the rental cost. He could have said no to throwing the bach party.  He could tell the couple to shut up every time they give him crap for you not attending their wedding because you would rather attend your sisters wedding.
    Maggie0829 said:

    Part of it is that it is more her than him, and he deals with her directly. The groom is also kind of just....rolls over and lets her and her family dictate stuff. We just try to avoid it but work within it, if that makes sense. 

    Report Reply
  • Sioux1986Sioux1986 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    OH and I forgot to mention, my husband wasn't even the original best man! The groom's cousin was, but then the cousin couldn't come anymore. So they did my husband the HONOR of asking him to step in and be the best man. My husband, always seeing the good in people, took some offense to this but thought the right thing to do was to step up and be best man. Sheesh 
    Report Reply
  • Sioux1986Sioux1986 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    Oh I get this totally sounds like MUD but it's so not. I wish. 
    Report Reply
  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Sioux1986 said:

    Oh I get this totally sounds like MUD but it's so not. I wish. 

    Nope, this doesn't sound like MUD to me. Unfortunately, I've witnessed worse (and there have been worse on these boards). 

    Some people just don't see the trouble in being super selfish and treating others like crap. Cuz, ya know, it's Their Big Special Day. 
    image
    Report Reply
  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    image

    Ew, these people. I feel for you, OP.
    image
    Report Reply
  • Sioux1986Sioux1986 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    sophhabobopha

    PERFECT GIF.
    Report Reply
  • lovegood90lovegood90 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2015

    It doesn't sound MUD to me. It's just like...maybe it's just me but whenever there are posts where people are clearly being taken advantage of/won't stand up for themselves, and fully acknowledge it yet still go along with it, I just want to be like "no isn't a 4 letter word! Come on now FFS!"

    I dunno, I get that it's easier said than done but it still perplexes me sometimes.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    Report Reply
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think your husband needs to start standing up for the two of you and learn to say no to these greedy tackballs.

    If you don't want this to be a hill for you to die on, then your picture frame idea sounds like a nice gift. But I'd be firm: you are not to be expected to attend any more showers for them or give them any more gifts.
    Report Reply
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I like your idea, but again, you don't have to get them a send shower gift (though it sound alike she might be expecting one).  

    My cousin's wife invited me to both of her showers.  One was a friends shower, the other was family,  She said I kind of fit both categories, and she understood if I couldn't make it.  I split what I would have spent on 1 shower and got her 2 gifts for half of the cost each (to equal what I would have spent) so I wasn't showing up empty handed.  

    I won't comment on the rest

    Report Reply
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    If you're invited to multiple showers for the same wedding, one gift is sufficient. A few people sent the gifts ahead to time to my house, but still came to the shower. That's essentially what you did, because you didn't go to the first shower. 
    image
    image

    image


    Report Reply
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Beyond the rudeness and tackiness, if someone gave me a framed photo of DH and I "in a moment" I would LOVE it. 
    Report Reply
  • Sioux1986Sioux1986 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    Update in the original post! :)
    Report Reply
  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Sioux1986 said:

    OH and I forgot to mention, my husband wasn't even the original best man! The groom's cousin was, but then the cousin couldn't come anymore. So they did my husband the HONOR of asking him to step in and be the best man. My husband, always seeing the good in people, took some offense to this but thought the right thing to do was to step up and be best man. Sheesh 

    These people are not your friends.

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards