Wedding Party

MOH not speaking to me

My MOH and I have been friends 11 yrs. Had a few bumps in the road but nothing we didn't overcome. I'm the non-confrontational type for the record and this rediculous situation is going to come to a head sooner or later. 

MOH calls me about her homework one night while I was out with my FH and daughter. This assignment was due in a few hours from then. All she said was, "IDK what to do." She sends it to me and I explain what she should do or what I would do. She never asked me to do it for her nor did I assume she wanted me to. (Side note: I'm a designer for a living and her assignment required a fair amount design.) The next morning I tried calling her and she sends my call to voicemail and ignores my texts. I happened to see an instagram/Facebook post aimed at me. "When you go out of your way for someone and they don't do the same for you ...(paraphrased)." It was posted the exact same time as we spoke the night before. 

The day before we had gone to have our BM dress appointment. The vibe was off once she got there. She may have felt uncomfortable and I get that. She's the largest one of the group. I knew beforehand I'd have to be sensitive to that. No dress picked. No big deal. I want everyone to like how they look and what they're wearing. So I set up another appointment since I didn't feel 100% about the final contenders from the first visit. 

It's been a month since we talked. I don't want there to be tension at the upcoming appointment. She tends to be unpredictable. I'm almost positive that if I reach out, she won't respond. Hell, she might not even show up. I'll be shocked if she does. She might decide to drop out of the wedding altogether. We could hash it out and there may still be tension. Reading this entire thing, I realize the whole thing is pretty petty. IDK if it's just the hw thing or she's not feeling the wedding or being part of it.

I'm not sure I know how to approach the situation. Disregard it, business as usual? If she participates or not it's on her? Try to address it before our next  BM meetup? Continue to give her space and let her approach me when she's ready? 

What would you do?

Re: MOH not speaking to me

  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    You go to lunch, go to her house, or grab a drink...but whatever you do, you don't mention your wedding. She's clearly upset and it seems like you're very focused on the wedding. Save your friendship now...your wedding can wait for now.
    MairePoppyPrettyGirlLostOliveOilsMom
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    My MOH and I have been friends 11 yrs. Had a few bumps in the road but nothing we didn't overcome. I'm the non-confrontational type for the record and this rediculous situation is going to come to a head sooner or later. 

    MOH calls me about her homework one night while I was out with my FH and daughter. This assignment was due in a few hours from then. All she said was, "IDK what to do." She sends it to me and I explain what she should do or what I would do. She never asked me to do it for her nor did I assume she wanted me to. (Side note: I'm a designer for a living and her assignment required a fair amount design.) The next morning I tried calling her and she sends my call to voicemail and ignores my texts. I happened to see an instagram/Facebook post aimed at me. "When you go out of your way for someone and they don't do the same for you ...(paraphrased)." It was posted the exact same time as we spoke the night before. 

    The day before we had gone to have our BM dress appointment. The vibe was off once she got there. She may have felt uncomfortable and I get that. She's the largest one of the group. I knew beforehand I'd have to be sensitive to that. No dress picked. No big deal. I want everyone to like how they look and what they're wearing. So I set up another appointment since I didn't feel 100% about the final contenders from the first visit. 

    It's been a month since we talked. I don't want there to be tension at the upcoming appointment. She tends to be unpredictable. I'm almost positive that if I reach out, she won't respond. Hell, she might not even show up. I'll be shocked if she does. She might decide to drop out of the wedding altogether. We could hash it out and there may still be tension. Reading this entire thing, I realize the whole thing is pretty petty. IDK if it's just the hw thing or she's not feeling the wedding or being part of it.

    I'm not sure I know how to approach the situation. Disregard it, business as usual? If she participates or not it's on her? Try to address it before our next  BM meetup? Continue to give her space and let her approach me when she's ready? 

    What would you do?

    Be her friend and take your wedding out of the equation. Also, why all the BM meet ups?

    Formerly martha1818

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    [Deleted User]
  • I agree with PP. Talk to her as a friend-- not as a bride-- and don't mention your wedding at all. 

    See what's going on in her life and what's bothering her. Make sure she's ok. It sounds like she could be under a lot of stress with this homework stuff. Or maybe there's something else going on in her personal life that's upsetting her. Maybe you offended her without realizing it. Who knows. The only way to find out is to have a very calm conversation that's about her and about your friendship. Not about BM dresses or any of that nonsense.
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I'm echoing PPs to say that now is the time that the not worry about the wedding or an upcoming bridesmaid dress appointment.  Be a friend and find out what's going on.
  • So she's mad that you didn't do her homework for her, she's giving you silent treatment/won't respond to your calls or texts, and she's posting passive aggressive bullshit on Facebook. Sounds super mature...

    Send a reminder of when the dress shopping appointment is and leave it at that. The show goes on with or without her.
    *********************************************************************************

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    AddieCakeHeatherKat
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This isn't a MOH problem. This is a friend problem. Go to her house and talk in person. See what's going on. 
    Dreamergirl8812
  • Maybe reach out to her & ask her how your assignment went & how school in general is going. If she doesn't respond, that's on her then. When it comes close to the next appointment, just send a reminder out to all your BM about the appointment. Occasionally try to reach out to her about non-wedding stuff. If she continues to ignore you and also ignoring any wedding things that come up, unfortunately, she's made a decision about your friendship and based on what you said, it's not your fault.
  • So she's mad that you didn't do her homework for her, she's giving you silent treatment/won't respond to your calls or texts, and she's posting passive aggressive bullshit on Facebook. Sounds super mature...

    Send a reminder of when the dress shopping appointment is and leave it at that. The show goes on with or without her.

    I agree, I know everyone's suggesting reaching out, but it seems you did that immediately when you saw her facebook post, and she ignored you. People like that aren't going to respond in person unfortunately, which is why they post silly things like that on facebook. Just let everyone know about the next appointment, and if she's there then ask her how things are going.
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Are you sure that's why she's mad at you? Just because the chronology suggests that doesn't mean it's true. For all you know she just had a miscarriage, or discovered adultery or something. I am the type of person that shuts down when terrible things happen. I don't respond to facebook comments or get a thrill out of dress shopping. Maybe she's being petty, but you need to be absolutely certain before you cast her aside.



    Anniversary
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • Are you all 13? Doing homework for each other? Reading into non-specific FB posts? Just send everyone a reminder and move on. Ugh.
    AddieCakePrettyGirlLostViczaesar
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I really side eye the whole doing homework for her thing.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Maggie0829MollyandD
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Are you sure that's why she's mad at you? Just because the chronology suggests that doesn't mean it's true. For all you know she just had a miscarriage, or discovered adultery or something. I am the type of person that shuts down when terrible things happen. I don't respond to facebook comments or get a thrill out of dress shopping. Maybe she's being petty, but you need to be absolutely certain before you cast her aside.

    This
    scribe95 said:

    I think there are some leaps going on here. She doesn't KNOW why the girl is mad. She is ASSUMING.

    This

    Are you all 13? Doing homework for each other? Reading into non-specific FB posts? Just send everyone a reminder and move on. Ugh.

    And this were all my 1st thoughts.




    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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