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I am at a lost. It's over.

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Re: I am at a lost. It's over.

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    AlexisA01AlexisA01 member
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    lolo883 said:

    How far away is your wedding? How much money would you be spending then versus saving by not losing deposits?

    I can't say that I think it's a very good idea just because you have no idea where your head will be by then... the hurt may hit you more by then and you won't want to be reminded/surrounded by people then, or you just might not care and want to move onto better things.

    August. Our deposit are about 75% paid or more. I think eating the deposit would hurt if it goes to waste because our budget was rather large. It's a lot to think about @lolo883

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    AlexisA01 said:

    lolo883 said:

    How far away is your wedding? How much money would you be spending then versus saving by not losing deposits?

    I can't say that I think it's a very good idea just because you have no idea where your head will be by then... the hurt may hit you more by then and you won't want to be reminded/surrounded by people then, or you just might not care and want to move onto better things.

    August. Our deposit are about 75% paid or more. I think eating the deposit would hurt if it goes to waste because our budget was rather large. It's a lot to think about @lolo883
    You have already paid for 75% of the total budget?  Do you know if you can get any of that back?  Or would the venue let you reschedule for another party (like, does your family have an anniversary, graduation, or Sweet 16 coming up)?

    If you think you'd enjoy just having a huge party, go right ahead.  I would not side-eye it at all.
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    theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    AlexisA01 said:

    lolo883 said:

    How far away is your wedding? How much money would you be spending then versus saving by not losing deposits?

    I can't say that I think it's a very good idea just because you have no idea where your head will be by then... the hurt may hit you more by then and you won't want to be reminded/surrounded by people then, or you just might not care and want to move onto better things.

    August. Our deposit are about 75% paid or more. I think eating the deposit would hurt if it goes to waste because our budget was rather large. It's a lot to think about @lolo883
    Hmm. I definitely wouldn't side-eye it from an etiquette perspective, just be sure that it would make YOU HAPPY, rather than just being a less-upsetting financial perspective. It's worth looking into ways you can repurpose it... family reunion maybe, or host a charity event you can throw yourself into.
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    If you turn it into a party, I would swoop in on an extra seat since you won't be inviting a lit of his side! ;)
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    Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
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    You don't have to answer this, but can I ask who paid all of these deposits?



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    AlexisA01AlexisA01 member
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    Dreamergirl8812 said:

    You don't have to answer this, but can I ask who paid all of these deposits?

    We both did

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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    mj8215mj8215 member
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    Hey OP, I'm late to this little party but I just want to say I am very very sorry that you have to go through this and at the same time extremely impressed with how well you are handling this situation! You are a strong, classy lady and even if it doesn't seem like it right this second, one day soon in the not-too-distant future you will be very happy and feel grateful for having dodged this bullet. It will take time and there will be "relapses" where, out of nowhere, you will feel very sad again after thinking that you are "over it". Just keep doing what you're doing and surround yourself with people who love you. 

    How do I know you ask? well... I have been there. Similarly crappy situation, 3 years ago. It came similarly out of nowhere and I was devastated. Spent some time thinking about it, grieving, moving on...focusing on the good things in life...And today... I could not be happier and I can't wait to get married to my FI! So, there you have it. Empiric evidence! 

    Virtual hugs!
    - The stars, like dust, encircle me in living mists of light. And all of space I seem to see in one vast burst of sight. 
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    Scottie17Scottie17 member
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    Heartbreaking. We open our hearts up to love, it's such deep pain when someone so disrespects that. Keep your chin up and your eyes open for your true love. It's around the corner.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    I'm truly sorry, Alexis.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    edenisleedenisle member
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    I'm sorry that this happened to you, especially in such a way, OP. But I'm glad to see you're still standing! Keep taking it one step at a time!

    What an asshat. Good riddance, dude.
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    FiancBFiancB member
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    My thoughts exactly. Sounds like he may be back pedaling. Taking all his stuff would have to take a heck of an explanation. 
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    flutteringinflflutteringinfl member
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    AlisonM23 said:

    climbingwife said:

    I think it's great that he's open to talking. But if he didn't want to break up, why did he take things and leave the house? I assume he hasn't come back, right?

    This was my exact thought.  I'm with @climbingwife, I think talking would be good but bottom line is he doesn't want to be married, and that was his first instinct to break it off over the phone and just run.  If I were in your shoes, there'd be no "working it out" at this point.
    Me too. Things can get messed up in translation, but taking his stuff out of the apartment is a pretty universal sign of "We're not together anymore." Tread lightly, OP. He may be trying to backpedal and win you back because he feels he's made a mistake, but he's shown you how he handles stressful situations and it does not bode well.
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    sarahuflsarahufl member
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    Consider me curious as well. I would be hesitant to return.


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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    I'm very late to this thread but I just want to say how sorry I am you're going through this. << hugs >>
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    AlexisA01AlexisA01 member
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    Hey ladies. The rest of his stuff is still here, he took his laptop, some clothes, and the dogs to go the extended stay. Would it be wrong to talk with him at a counselor?

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    AlexisA01 said:

    Hey ladies. The rest of his stuff is still here, he took his laptop, some clothes, and the dogs to go the extended stay. Would it be wrong to talk with him at a counselor?

    I wouldn't, but that's me. You do you.
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    lovegood90lovegood90 member
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    AlexisA01 said:

    Hey ladies. The rest of his stuff is still here, he took his laptop, some clothes, and the dogs to go the extended stay. Would it be wrong to talk with him at a counselor?



    I think only you can answer that. Do you want to try to work it out?

    For me personally, if my SO did that to me (call me at work and end an engagement so suddenly like that) I would have a really hard time trusting him again, and I'd probably see him in a different light.

    However only you know yourself and your relationship- if this is something you want to give another shot, or even to gain some closure, that's totally fine. Or if you decide you can't get past it and just want to move on, that's fine too!

    Formerly martha1818

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    katiekessler123katiekessler123 member
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    We only know one very small potion of your relationship, so you have to decide that for yourself.  However, I will say that based on what happened, I would be very nervous about something like that happening again (maybe even after you get married).  In my opinion, trust is a very hard thing to re-build after it h as been broken.  The first thing I would want to know is WHY this all happened to begin with. You said you had a happy relationship when he left you...so for me, that is even more alarming.  Anyway, you have to make your own decisions, but proceed with caution.
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    AlexisA01AlexisA01 member
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    I'm scared like hell because I don't know what to do. I'm trying counseling services because it can help me and the situation.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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    MadHops21MadHops21 member
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    AlexisA01 said:

    I'm scared like hell because I don't know what to do. I'm trying counseling services because it can help me and the situation.

    I think it'd be great, even if it's just for yourself then. You are in this situation, and with it being not your typical breakup that was forshadowed (since you guys were completely fine beforehand), then I would suggest a counselor. Only because I know my friends would tell me something biased from their own experience, or say what I want to hear. A counselor is a third party looking in and can offer new insight and advice than someone that knows you and him and the situation. Sometimes it's great to get a professional 3rd party POV. 
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