Matching up BM and GM

JCbride2015 · April 2015

We are looking to settle a debate. Fi says it's normal to "match up" BMs and GMs into male/female pairs as they recess out of the ceremony, and as they are introduced into the reception. I think this is more specific to NJ Italian families I know and is not a universal thing, so I think we don't have to pair up our BMs and GMs, so they can recess individually and be introduced individually or as a group. Who is right?

madamerwin · April 2015

I think it's pretty normal for a GM to escort a BM in the processional and recessional (at least that's how I have always seen it done, and I have never been to a NJ Italian wedding). As for introducing them at the reception, it does seem a little strange to introduce them as pairs, unless they are actually couples?

I voted for liking turtles.

saric83 · April 2015

It's certainly not necessary to pair them up, but that's how I've seen it at every wedding I've attended (20+) in the Minneapolis/St Paul area.

charcoalandblush · April 2015

Bridesmaids and groomsmen have always been paired up for recessional and grand march/introductions/whatever at every single wedding I've been to.

For processional it's about 50/50. Half the time they walk in paired up and then peel off to their sides, half the time the groomsmen start at the altar before the groom walks in.

WinstonsGirl · April 2015

I've seen it both ways. Sometimes, they've come in and recessed together, paired up, other times, they've come in separately and recessed separately, and I've even walked down alone and been escorted back by a GM.

Do whatever you want. It's your day.

JellyBean52513 · April 2015

I voted for turtles too because I actually DO really like them, and because I think both choices are entirely "normal."

I have always seen the bridal party paired up (not from NJ), but that is usually because there are even sides so it works out perfectly for one GM to escort one BM. As for introductions, I guess it makes sense if they processed together, recessed together, then let's introduce them at the reception together.

I also believe this must be rooted in some antiquated tradition where the women-folk were too fragile and dainty to walk down the aisle alone, so a male counterpart must be there to escort them because that is proper and what is accepted in polite society. I'm kinda making this up but I feel like there's gotta be a legit explanation for why this is done.

That being said, I don't see any issue with the bridal party walking single-file or being introduced that way. This style strikes me as something that's more contemporary, so that's probably why your FI thinks there is a "right" way to do it, because that's been done more often and is therefore more traditional and easily recognizable as a "wedding thing."

[Deleted User] · April 2015

Voted tutles; either way is fine. Pairs are faster- get me to the booze!

Cookie Pusher · April 2015

We had our GMs and BMs process into the ceremony individually, left paired up, and were introduced at the reception paired up. It was pretty easy since DH and I each only had 2 attendants.

Jen4948 · April 2015

Unless the attendants in question have a major problem with being paired together, I'm fine with it.

Dreamergirl8812 · April 2015

I would prefer to walk alone than be "escorted" by some random dude. I, literally, escort myself places all the time.

JCbride2015 · April 2015

I am surprised so many people have always seen it paired up. I just don't like pairing up people who aren't actually couples-- it seems artificial to me.

My thought was they would process back down the aisle paired up because it will go faster and it just makes sense. But then to introduce them into the reception, I would rather introduce MOH and "Bridesmaids: name, name, etc" all as a group, and the same with the GM, than pair them off and introduce that way. I'm thinking a group introduction will save some time and it just seems weird to make artificial couples out of our BM and GM.

But if it's really that normal to pair them up, maybe we will. Still time to think about it.

ohannabelle · April 2015

Is the wedding party introduction an East Coast thing?

Because I've never seen it, except on YouTube videos and TV shows.

SP29 · April 2015

Either is fine.

I have seen all sorts of combinations. The last wedding I was at had the attendants paired- and the groom had a grooms woman on his side- the two women walked into beside each other. NBD.

Some people find the pairing of non-couples weird, but it likely comes more from the tradition that a woman is escorted in by a man (regardless of her status to him). Up to you what you think of those traditions

.

yogablossom · April 2015

I'm from Boston, and every wedding I've ever been to or in, there have been pairs, both in the recessional and at the reception for introductions.

levioosa · April 2015

Voted turtles, because duh, of course.

I think most weddings I've seen the BMs/GMs are paired up, but I have zero attachment to that setup.

@ohannabelle, I've also seen the WP announcement at every wedding I've been to on the West Coast, so I don't think it's solely an East Coast thing. I personally think it's silly and awkward.

TrixieJess · April 2015

As a bridesmaid, I've only been "escorted" during the recessional. The groomsmen are usually at the front with the groom when the bridal party enters. As for introductions, I've only ever been introduced when I was the MOH and doing a speech.

redoryx · April 2015

As a BM, I've had the processional done both ways. But EVERY wedding I've ever been in has had them paired during the recessional and the introduction. (One wedding each pair was supposed to be cute and clever at the introduction. My GM was on crutches and so for the introduction we decided to give me one of the crutches so we sort of hobbled in together. it was stupid and annoying and I hated it.)

Lurkers: DO NOT MAKE YOUR WEDDING PARTY DO CUTE AND CLEVER DURING THE INTRODUCTION

Edited to add: I don't have a personal preference either way. So I vote turtles.

flutteringinfl · April 2015

I was thinking of doing it "zipper style" for both the processional and recessional. GM, BM, GM, BM, etc. I don't know if we'll do WP introductions at the reception though. But if we did, I wouldn't make our members be escorted by someone they're not actually in a relationship with. That just seems weird to me. We only have one couple in our WP.

mikenberger · April 2015

I've only seen paired and introduced as pairs. I plan on introducing in pairs. But nothing cheesy. Just their names.

larrygaga · April 2015

In my...group....we only match them up to walk back after the ceremony. The GM stand with the groom, and the BM walk up alone.

However, I am pairing up my BM with each other to walk up. They are half my sisters and half FI's sisters, so it worked out really well. I'm secretly hoping they link arms, but I'll see what they end up doing. We have uneven sides and it worked out that FI is very close with his sister's SO so everyone already has their date to walk back with. The few left over stragglers are walking in a group of 3. Everyone can sit with whoever, I will be beyond caring at that point. Nobody is doing a cheese dance or some stupid shit. They aren't animals.

Whenever I've been a bridesmaid I have always known the person I'm paired with really well. I might view it differently if it was a stranger, but I am always more comfortable walking up and down the aisle with a partner. I'm always worried I'll trip or something.

kvruns · April 2015

every wedding I've attended they pair up at least walking out and then usually into the reception too (Midwest). never been to a NJ wedding or an Italian wedding so it is definitely a thing beyond those two groups.

novella1186 · April 2015

Last time I was in a wedding, we processed alone and then for the recessional we were paired up. When we were announced at the reception we walked in in pairs, which was a bit awkward cuz the GM I was with had a crazypants possessive girlfriend who I think was trying to murder me with her eyes, plus I had never even met this GM before, but at the same time I was kind of glad to be walking in with another person because I don't like the feeling that all eyes are on me.

Maggie0829 · April 2015

Every wedding I have been to they have been paired up. I just think it makes things faster both with the recessional and for introductions. If you have, for example, 10 people on each side, doing a recessional one person at a time will take longer then if they were paired up. Same with introductions.

For our wedding we had 2 BMs and 5 GMs. The MOH and best man were paired together, then 2 GMs and the other BM were grouped together and then the last two GMs were paired up. Not very many of your guests will really care about your wedding party so the quicker you get them introduced the better.

melbenso · April 2015

I don't think it really matters - do which ever you both prefer and what makes the wedding party comfortable. We didn't give any instructions for our wedding party, but they walked out next to each other anyway. We skipped wedding party introductions at the reception, but had we done them, I would have introduced each person separately.

thisismynickname2 · April 2015

I voted for turtles because I've seen processionals, recessionals, and reception announcements done so many different ways. (I'm in the Midwest.)

If you have a small bridal party and the attendants are not couples, you have time for people to be individually walking/announced. If you have, say, 7 on each side (like an upcoming wedding I'm in), you'd better pair folks up because no one wants to sit through that.

AddieCake · April 2015

I've seen it a variety of ways in IL, TX, and VA.

badbnagdway · April 2015

I always see the BM and GMs paired up for the recessional and announced together at the reception. I don't usually see them paired up for the processional part of the ceremony.

But, obviously, you do not have to pair them up if you do not want to. If you have a big bridal party pairing them up will make the intro part of the reception a little quicker and will make it flow better. If you had 8 people in the WP, introducing them each separately and individually would be a little draggy I would think.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2015

I've been to 30+ weddings and everyone but like 2 paired the BMs and GMs for processional/recessional and entrance. These were weddings in PA, OK, Montana so it's not an NJ thing.

It's a hold over from the 80s, like matchy matchy BMs. I personally don't like it, it reminds me of Prom.

flantastic · April 2015

redoryx said:
As a BM, I've had the processional done both ways. But EVERY wedding I've ever been in has had them paired during the recessional and the introduction. (One wedding each pair was supposed to be cute and clever at the introduction. My GM was on crutches and so for the introduction we decided to give me one of the crutches so we sort of hobbled in together. it was stupid and annoying and I hated it.)

Lurkers: DO NOT MAKE YOUR WEDDING PARTY DO CUTE AND CLEVER DURING THE INTRODUCTION

Edited to add: I don't have a personal preference either way. So I vote turtles.

This. I think everyone is trying to get out ASAP and it makes the most sense for them to roll out together from each side. I think that's why pairing for the recessional is so universal - it just takes an awkwardly long time otherwise.

And this is why we skipped the WP intros at the reception - no one really cares, and the WP usually hates it because it's so awkward.

marie2785 · April 2015

I've always seen people paired up for the recessional and introductions. Some of it is due to time--if you have 5-10 people on each side, it'll take forever to introduce them 1 by 1, and guests want their dinner by this point...I'm from the midwest, and irish catholic, so it's definitely not an Italian/NJ thing.

For the first dances though I always find it a little odd. For our first dance w/ the wedding party the people with spouses/SOs will dance with their significant others, and the few single people in the wedding party will match up with each other, or a friendly cousin/brother of mine

princessgracekelly · April 2015

So my vote for "turtles" doesn't mean that turtles will walk down the aisle? Disappointed.

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