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Stepping down as MOH

KikiMiraKikiMira member
First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
edited March 2015 in Moms and Maids
Hi, 

 I am not new to the knot, but new in this type of role (MOH). Just wondering how you step down from being involved in a wedding, after you accepted the MOH over a year ago? Everything I read online says to pretty much suck it up and do it. I'm not worried about ruining the friendship but every time I try and talk to her to completely avoids me and ignores me. 

I am sure you want a little back story... I will give you the short story, with just the important details. 

In jan, this couple broke up and cancelled the wedding. Instead of the groom cancelling it, he paid the the final deposit and is forcing her into it by guiltiling her and she feels obligated to do it.  

We traveled with them in Jan after this happened (prebooked the trip), and they got into this huge fight and the bride gave him an ultimatum over his dog (her or the dog). While this all went down on vacation, my best friend (also another bridesmaid) was watching the grooms dog, and the bride completely twisted the situation (no issues with the dog, twisting it too the dog destroyed the other friends home and almost killed her kids). Groom found out this was a lie, which caused a huge fight in the airport when he called her out on it and them breaking up again. The bride was yelling at him in the airport, saying shit like "good, I can find someone who will take care of me and not expect me to work" shit like that. 

Anyways, I told the bride she was being ridiculous and her behavior was not acceptable. We haven't talked since. The bride also never talked to the girl watching her dog, nor did they ever pick up the dog. 

Oh wait, we did talk when she FB messaged me to please "pay my deposit and RSVP to the wedding since all bridal party had yet to do so".... I didn't even respond, none of us did and now I feel like I want nothing to do with this "friend". 

I just don't know how to tell her with out ripping her a new ass on it.   One of my friends said I was the one being ridiculous in the situation... and I should just do it, cause really their fights aren't any of my business....

Thoughts?
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Re: Stepping down as MOH

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    AuroraRose41AuroraRose41 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    KikiMira said:

    Hi, 


     I am not new to the knot, but new in this type of role (MOH). Just wondering how you step down from being involved in a wedding, after you accepted the MOH over a year ago? Everything I read online says to pretty much suck it up and do it. I'm not worried about ruining the friendship but every time I try and talk to her to completely avoids me and ignores me. 

    I am sure you want a little back story... I will give you the short story, with just the important details. 

    In jan, this couple broke up and cancelled the wedding. Instead of the groom cancelling it, he paid the the final deposit and is forcing her into it by guiltiling her and she feels obligated to do it.  

    We traveled with them in Jan after this happened (perbooked the trip), and they got into this huge fight and she gave him an ultimatum over his dog (her or the dog). While this all went down on vacation, my best friend (also another bridesmaid) was watching his dog, and the bride completely twisted the situation (no issues with the dog twisting it too the dog destroyed her home and almost killed her kids). Groom found out this was a lie, which caused a huge fight in the airport when he called her out on it and them breaking up again. She was yelling at him in the airport, saying shit like "good, I can find someone who will take care of me and not expect me to work" shit like that. 

    Anyways, I told her she was being ridiculous and her behavior was not acceptable. We haven't talked since. She also never talked to the girl watching her dog, nor did they ever pick up the dog. 

    Oh wait, we did talk when she FB messaged me to please "pay my deposit and RSVP to the wedding since all bridal party had yet to do so".... I didn't even respond, none of us did and now I feel like I want nothing to do with this "friend". 

    I just don't know how to tell her with out ripping her a new ass on it.   One of my friends said I was the one being ridiculous in the situation... and I should just do it, cause really their fights aren't any of my business....

    Thoughts?
    I'm not even going to touch anything else, as I can't follow everything that is going on. However, the bolded is probably the easiest thing for you to say to her. 

    "I don't think that we are as close as we used to be, and I am not comfortable being your MOH anymore." That's all you need to say, and you don't need to explain anything to her. 

    FWIW, I stepped down recently too because the bride turned into a full bridezilla, and it felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. 

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    KikiMiraKikiMira member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Sorry it got incredibly long and I tried to keep it straight, in short she got super crazy over nothing and she has turned into this bridezilla as well.

    She just sent us all an email about purchasing our dresses... I am going to go with what you said, I am glad you feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I hope it will be the same for me.
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    manateehuggermanateehugger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yeah, I say let this boatload of crazy sail out of your life. Respond with Aurora Rose's line and hope you don't see her anytime soon. Good luck!
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    levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Ditto pps.


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    Blackbird230Blackbird230 member
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    A friend had her MOH step down as both MOH and a BM, but she cited financial issues. The bride was hurt, but understood. It sounds like you're dealing with more of a bridezilla though. Like others said, just cut to the chase and say it. 

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I would be all...
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    This girl sounds crazy and so does her "FI".  I would hop off this crazy train as soon as possible.

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    mikenbergermikenberger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    So they broke up, but they're still getting married?...

    Sounds like a blast.

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    bizzy592bizzy592 member
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    I am so confused...

    @Kikimira, am I interpreting your storytelling correctly?

    You were asked to be MOH. The couple broke up. The groom blackmailed/forced the bride into going through with it (?!?!?!?!?). You went on a trip together. The bride made up a story about the dog attacking her children as part of an ultimatum. More drama ensued.

    They sound toxic.


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    flutteringinflflutteringinfl member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I need to know if this couple is still getting married despite having broken up.
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    MollyandDMollyandD member
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    That original post was a little hard to follow. Maybe go back and proof read it? So, they broke up because she hates his dog? Your friend was watching the dog, and I assume she still is, since you said they never went back to get it.

    I would just make one last effort to call her and back out of the wedding. If she didn't answer, I'd send it in a text/Facebook message. Whatever is easiest. If you want to rip into her, that's your choice, but I personally would want to keep it short and to the point. No reason to add anymore drama than is absolutely necessary. 
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    KikiMiraKikiMira member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    lizabobiza said:

    I am so confused...

    @Kikimira, am I interpreting your storytelling correctly?

    You were asked to be MOH. The couple broke up. The groom blackmailed/forced the bride into going through with it (?!?!?!?!?). You went on a trip together. The bride made up a story about the dog attacking her children as part of an ultimatum. More drama ensued.

    They sound toxic.


    I'm Sorry I tried to break it down as short as possible. Your mostly correct except "The bride made up a story about the dog attacking her children as part of an ultimatum." This was made up over another friends children. My other friend was watching the bride and grooms dog, the bride told the groom the dog attacked the other friends kids. Which was not true. They are very very toxic.  
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    NowIAmSypNowIAmSyp member
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    Bullet dodged, girl.  Hope you feel a nice weight off your shoulders!
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    amarie688amarie688 member
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    This is the wildest thread I have ever read on the TK.  I am glad you got yourself out of this madness!! 

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    KikiMiraKikiMira member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Since most of you wanted to know what was happening with said couple... 

    I received a lovely email from them on friday, everyone invited to the wedding was emailed. The email said that "due to some new circumstances and with his new job, the destination wedding has now been cancelled." They thanked everyone for their support and understanding. Then in the email there was a photo inserted right after the first paragraph, with a picture of them kissing both dressed up stating " 'we eloped'... Due to the current circumstances and many naysayers we decided this was in our best interest to elope and possibly host a party later. Thanks for understanding."

    Just so you are aware, he is not officially divorced. He is still in the process of getting divorced, therefore this elopement in not legally binding... Oh well, not my issue! 

    Anyways, thought some of you would like to hear the update.
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    MollyandDMollyandD member
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    KikiMira said:

    Since most of you wanted to know what was happening with said couple... 


    I received a lovely email from them on friday, everyone invited to the wedding was emailed. The email said that "due to some new circumstances and with his new job, the destination wedding has now been cancelled." They thanked everyone for their support and understanding. Then in the email there was a photo inserted right after the first paragraph, with a picture of them kissing both dressed up stating " 'we eloped'... Due to the current circumstances and many naysayers we decided this was in our best interest to elope and possibly host a party later. Thanks for understanding."

    Just so you are aware, he is not officially divorced. He is still in the process of getting divorced, therefore this elopement in not legally binding... Oh well, not my issue! 

    Anyways, thought some of you would like to hear the update.
    He could just not get divorced and they could give the whole sister wives thing a try. 
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    KikiMiraKikiMira member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Haha... His ex would not go for that. She apparently thinks he is the devil himself because he wanted a divorce... 
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    RIbride7887RIbride7887 member
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    Ugh, sounds like those two deserve each other!

    But what happened with the poor dog?
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    KikiMiraKikiMira member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    We have no idea what happen to the dog. A few people asked and it's completely ignored. From what i could tell, they no longer had the dog according to photos they posted... :/ poor dog.
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