Untraditional Wedding--Is this common?

MJKlover · March 2015

I am newly engaged so only in the very early stages of planning. I already know I am not interested in many of the typical wedding traditions (nothing against anyone who values these traditions--they just don't appeal to me). These are the following traditions/customs I would like to cut from our wedding:

--No bridesmaids, maid of honor, best man, groomsmen, flower girls, etc.
--The father-daughter dance
--The couple's first dance
--The tossing of the bouquet
--The garter throwing bit
--Speeches/toasts

My fiancé and I envision our wedding/reception as a huge party and less ceremonial. I realize we can do whatever we want because it's our wedding (that we are paying for), but I'm curious how this will be perceived by our guests. And is any of this becoming more common? I should also mention I'm in the south so a lot of my guests are very conservative in their beliefs. I appreciate any feedback!

mikenberger · March 2015

julie_shannon said:
I am newly engaged so only in the very early stages of planning. I already know I am not interested in many of the typical wedding traditions (nothing against anyone who values these traditions--they just don't appeal to me). These are the following traditions/customs I would like to cut from our wedding:

--No bridesmaids, maid of honor, best man, groomsmen, flower girls, etc.
--The father-daughter dance
--The couple's first dance
--The tossing of the bouquet
--The garter throwing bit
--Speeches/toasts

My fiancé and I envision our wedding/reception as a huge party and less ceremonial. I realize we can do whatever we want because it's our wedding (that we are paying for), but I'm curious how this will be perceived by our guests. And is any of this becoming more common? I should also mention I'm in the south so a lot of my guests are very conservative in their beliefs. I appreciate any feedback!

Yes they are becoming more popular. But if you properly host your guests, you can pretty much do whatever you want with your wedding. I'm sure some people will wonder "What happened to..." but I wouldn't worry about it. I'm personally cutting the bouquet and garter toss. Yuck.

southernbelle0915 · March 2015

julie_shannon said:
I am newly engaged so only in the very early stages of planning. I already know I am not interested in many of the typical wedding traditions (nothing against anyone who values these traditions--they just don't appeal to me). These are the following traditions/customs I would like to cut from our wedding:

--No bridesmaids, maid of honor, best man, groomsmen, flower girls, etc.
--The father-daughter dance
--The couple's first dance
--The tossing of the bouquet
--The garter throwing bit
--Speeches/toasts

My fiancé and I envision our wedding/reception as a huge party and less ceremonial. I realize we can do whatever we want because it's our wedding (that we are paying for), but I'm curious how this will be perceived by our guests. And is any of this becoming more common? I should also mention I'm in the south so a lot of my guests are very conservative in their beliefs. I appreciate any feedback!

As long as you don't have a gap, you provide food/drink appropriate for the time of day, you provide shelter from the elements (including temperature) and you don't make people work....yes do as you please.

The things you suggest omitting don't affect guests at all, so no one should side-eye anything. We didn't have a flower girl, a bouquet toss, a garter hunt/toss, or do a bunch of toasts at our wedding (we had one - my dad welcoming people). Not one person said anything to me about it.

MJKlover · March 2015

Thanks! We want the wedding ceremony to last 10-20 minutes then turn around and drink, eat, and dance for about the next 4 hours. That is why we are only looking at venues that can accommodate both the wedding and reception. The vast majority of our budget will be allocated to food and drink.

OwningAHome1981 · March 2015

Bouquet toss & garter toss are gross. Def cut that. No one will care. People actually thanked me for not doing it at mine. The bouquet toss can single out single people and make them feel uncomfortable and as for garter, i dont need him going up my dress in front of 200 something people. Also i didnt have a flower girl. I didnt want any kids at my wedding.

What you are planning to do doesnt go against etiquette but people will probably have something to say about it. If you dont care, go for it.

ShesSoCold · March 2015

There is no problem cutting all of that. We did and no one asked. We did have a MOH and a BM but they didn't stand or wear anything special so I don;t know if anyone even knew they were the "bridal party".

mikenberger · March 2015

julie_shannon said:
Thanks! We want the wedding ceremony to last 10-20 minutes then turn around and drink, eat, and dance for about the next 4 hours. That is why we are only looking at venues that can accommodate both the wedding and reception. The vast majority of our budget will be allocated to food and drink.

Sounds like a damn fine party to me!

aliwis000 · March 2015

Another vote for cutting those items if you wish.

As others have said, as long as you are hosting your guests correctly and evenly then there are no issues. The items you have listed do not fall in that area so you are good to go.

We are cutting the tosses as well. We will do toasts but only at the RD, not at the reception.

emmaaa · March 2015

julie_shannon said:
Thanks! We want the wedding ceremony to last 10-20 minutes then turn around and drink, eat, and dance for about the next 4 hours. That is why we are only looking at venues that can accommodate both the wedding and reception. The vast majority of our budget will be allocated to food and drink.

As long as you properly host your guests, you are not required to have any of those extra.

DH and I had a very traditional wedding ceremony complete with a 16 person wedding party (but no kids), my brothers "giving me away," first dance, parent/brother dances, cake cutting and toasts, We still skipped the garter toss and bouquet toss. We still managed a 15 minute (traditional Methodist) ceremony.

Your wedding and reception sounds like a great time!

CJandRyan · March 2015

We have cut ALL of those things! We are having a short ceremony (less than 20 minutes and no one standing up with us) and then having dinner and drinks (which we are paying for) with our immediate family. We think all of those traditions are cheesy and I don't want to have to follow a schedule to fit all of that in, we just want to have fun and relax and celebrate with our family.

Jen4948 · March 2015

All of those are things you can definitely cut.

As long as you don't skimp on the things that really matter (no gaps, sufficient seating, food, and drink, working restrooms, protection from the elements, and inviting both halves of couples) you are doing fine. Your wedding plans sound lovely.

MJKlover · March 2015

Thank you! You have all been very helpful.

JennyColada · March 2015

Well we didn't do any of those things, and it didn't pose any issues at all. I don't even think that people really even noticed honestly.

I mean, granted, my wedding was super tiny, so it was more like a dinner party than a classic wedding reception, but still.

BlueBirdMB · March 2015

We did have two people in our wedding party, but skipped everything else. It was definetely conducive to a large party- there was a better flow without all the pomp and circumstance. It was also soooooo much less stressful with only two people in our wedding party (combined. We each had one person).

redoryx · March 2015

julie_shannon said:
Thanks! We want the wedding ceremony to last 10-20 minutes then turn around and drink, eat, and dance for about the next 4 hours. That is why we are only looking at venues that can accommodate both the wedding and reception. The vast majority of our budget will be allocated to food and drink.

I went to a wedding once that was exactly like this -- 10 minute ceremony (if that), no traditional dances, no bridal party, etc. Without a doubt one of my most favorite weddings I've ever attended. They started with a cocktail hour so everyone came in, found their seats at the table, got comfortable, mingled, then had their ceremony on the dance floor with everyone seated, then dinner and party!

[Deleted User] · March 2015

Only thing you have to decide by eliminating the MOH & Best Man is, who will act as your witnesses for your marriage license (if needed by your county/state). You can have parents, friends, god parents, actually anyone do that. But it is something important that you and FI should decide before the big day so you can ask in advance if they will do it.

drunkenwitch · April 2015

julie_shannon said:
Thanks! We want the wedding ceremony to last 10-20 minutes then turn around and drink, eat, and dance for about the next 4 hours. That is why we are only looking at venues that can accommodate both the wedding and reception. The vast majority of our budget will be allocated to food and drink.

Sounds like you're doing it right. Personally, those traditions you mentioned don't appeal to me either. Your reception sounds like a blast.

Knottie30291358 · April 2015

One thing to keep in mind is that bridesmaids, groomsmen, and the rest have various traditional roles meant to aid the couple. By doing away with them, you may be making a lot of work for yourself.

KatWAG · April 2015

Knottie30291358 said:
One thing to keep in mind is that bridesmaids, groomsmen, and the rest have various traditional roles meant to aid the couple. By doing away with them, you may be making a lot of work for yourself.

Vomit. Bridesmaids and groomsmen don't need to "aid the couple." If you want help hire someone.

cupcait927 · April 2015

Knottie30291358 said:
One thing to keep in mind is that bridesmaids, groomsmen, and the rest have various traditional roles meant to aid the couple. By doing away with them, you may be making a lot of work for yourself.

Nope. Wrong. You need something done for your wedding then you do it, your FI does it, or you hire someone to do it. I had zero people in my wedding party and miraculously managed to get everything done AND enjoy myself the day of my wedding.

OP - we cut everything you listed (except toasts) and it was completely fine. We only had two toasts (our dads) and it was only because my dad asked if he could give a toast. We also ended up having a father/daughter dance but again, it was only because my dad asked during the reception - it wasn't spotlighted or called out in anyway. He just wanted to dance with his daughter. We also didn't want traditional first dance with H & I but during the first slow song, everyone stopped and watched us, which was super awkward and what we wanted to avoid in the first place. But it wasn't planned and wasn't announced ahead of time.

Maggie0829 · April 2015

Knottie30291358 said:
One thing to keep in mind is that bridesmaids, groomsmen, and the rest have various traditional roles meant to aid the couple. By doing away with them, you may be making a lot of work for yourself.

mikenberger · April 2015

Knottie30291358 said:
One thing to keep in mind is that bridesmaids, groomsmen, and the rest have various traditional roles meant to aid the couple. By doing away with them, you may be making a lot of work for yourself.

You win the worst advice giver of the day award. Congrats.

littlepep · April 2015

Knottie30291358 said:
One thing to keep in mind is that bridesmaids, groomsmen, and the rest have various traditional roles meant to aid the couple. By doing away with them, you may be making a lot of work for yourself.

We are not doing bouquet/garter toss and we're not having flower girl and ring bearer either. All the things you mentioned are perfectly fine to cut. Sounds like you're planning a great party!

Knottie30291358 · April 2015

KatWAG said:

Knottie30291358 said:
One thing to keep in mind is that bridesmaids, groomsmen, and the rest have various traditional roles meant to aid the couple. By doing away with them, you may be making a lot of work for yourself.

Vomit. Bridesmaids and groomsmen don't need to "aid the couple." If you want help hire someone.

These generally aren't things you can hire people for, such as communicating with guests. These aren't even obscure duties, as pretty much every result of a simple search will get you the same things. I don't see how this is controversial, as it's in the damn name. Bride's maid.

plainjane0415 · April 2015

Knottie30291358 said:

KatWAG said:

Knottie30291358 said:
One thing to keep in mind is that bridesmaids, groomsmen, and the rest have various traditional roles meant to aid the couple. By doing away with them, you may be making a lot of work for yourself.

Vomit. Bridesmaids and groomsmen don't need to "aid the couple." If you want help hire someone.
These generally aren't things you can hire people for, such as communicating with guests. These aren't even obscure duties, as pretty much every result of a simple search will get you the same things. I don't see how this is controversial, as it's in the damn name. Bride's maid.

It's controversial because these people you asked to be your bridesmaid are your friends, not your slaves. Just because you're getting married doesn't mean you get to boss everyone around.

mikenberger · April 2015

plainjane0415 said:

Knottie30291358 said:

KatWAG said:

Knottie30291358 said:
One thing to keep in mind is that bridesmaids, groomsmen, and the rest have various traditional roles meant to aid the couple. By doing away with them, you may be making a lot of work for yourself.

Vomit. Bridesmaids and groomsmen don't need to "aid the couple." If you want help hire someone.
These generally aren't things you can hire people for, such as communicating with guests. These aren't even obscure duties, as pretty much every result of a simple search will get you the same things. I don't see how this is controversial, as it's in the damn name. Bride's maid.
It's controversial because these people you asked to be your bridesmaid are your friends, not your slaves. Just because you're getting married doesn't mean you get to boss everyone around.

IT IS IN THE DAMN NAME.

plainjane0415 · April 2015

mikenberger said:

plainjane0415 said:

Knottie30291358 said:

KatWAG said:

Knottie30291358 said:
One thing to keep in mind is that bridesmaids, groomsmen, and the rest have various traditional roles meant to aid the couple. By doing away with them, you may be making a lot of work for yourself.

Vomit. Bridesmaids and groomsmen don't need to "aid the couple." If you want help hire someone.
These generally aren't things you can hire people for, such as communicating with guests. These aren't even obscure duties, as pretty much every result of a simple search will get you the same things. I don't see how this is controversial, as it's in the damn name. Bride's maid.
It's controversial because these people you asked to be your bridesmaid are your friends, not your slaves. Just because you're getting married doesn't mean you get to boss everyone around.
IT IS IN THE DAMN NAME.

Well then I guess my point is shot to hell. GOD HOW CAN I BE SO STUPID?!

KatWAG · April 2015

Knottie30291358 said:

KatWAG said:

Knottie30291358 said:
One thing to keep in mind is that bridesmaids, groomsmen, and the rest have various traditional roles meant to aid the couple. By doing away with them, you may be making a lot of work for yourself.

Vomit. Bridesmaids and groomsmen don't need to "aid the couple." If you want help hire someone.
These generally aren't things you can hire people for, such as communicating with guests. These aren't even obscure duties, as pretty much every result of a simple search will get you the same things. I don't see how this is controversial, as it's in the damn name. Bride's maid.

So a DOC isn't capable of communicating with guests?

And just because someone created a list and posted it on the internet, doesn't make it gospel.

mikenberger · April 2015

KatWAG said:

Knottie30291358 said:

KatWAG said:

Knottie30291358 said:
One thing to keep in mind is that bridesmaids, groomsmen, and the rest have various traditional roles meant to aid the couple. By doing away with them, you may be making a lot of work for yourself.

Vomit. Bridesmaids and groomsmen don't need to "aid the couple." If you want help hire someone.
These generally aren't things you can hire people for, such as communicating with guests. These aren't even obscure duties, as pretty much every result of a simple search will get you the same things. I don't see how this is controversial, as it's in the damn name. Bride's maid.

So a DOC isn't capable of communicating with guests?

.... or the bride and groom? And if you tell your parents or the family loudmouth?... Nothing can be communicated by ANYBODY. Clearly.

flantastic · April 2015

What's the point if you can't create literal maids for yourself?

Maggie0829 · April 2015

KatWAG said:

KatWAG said:

Knottie30291358 said:
One thing to keep in mind is that bridesmaids, groomsmen, and the rest have various traditional roles meant to aid the couple. By doing away with them, you may be making a lot of work for yourself.

Vomit. Bridesmaids and groomsmen don't need to "aid the couple." If you want help hire someone.
These generally aren't things you can hire people for, such as communicating with guests. These aren't even obscure duties, as pretty much every result of a simple search will get you the same things. I don't see how this is controversial, as it's in the damn name. Bride's maid.

So a DOC isn't capable of communicating with guests?

And just because someone created a list and posted it on the internet, doesn't make it gospel.

Wait. Are you telling me that everything on the internet isn't fact?

So that means this guy isn't a french model?

What. The. Fuck.

Untraditional Wedding--Is this common?

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