Ceremony is in different town than Reception

Knottie1429123316 · April 2015

I live in a very small town that I don't like very much. The closest place is 2 hours away. However, i want to be married in my church, which is in my town. is there any way to make a 2 hour travel distance acceptable?

bethsmiles · April 2015

Hell no. You can't possibly expect your guests to drive two hours between the ceremony and reception location. That' ridiculous.

And having a gap between you ceremony and reception isn't okay either. If you are hosting an event you host from start to finish. And you can't use being Catholic as an excuse because several women on these boards (who I'm sure will pop in) have had Catholic weddings and managed not to have a gap.

Knottie1429123316 · April 2015

Catholic isn't the excuse for the gap. lack of anywhere within 2 hrs that isnt crap is the excuse for the gap.

MobKaz · April 2015

Knottie22853975 said:
I live in a very small town that I don't like very much. The closest place is 2 hours away. However, I am catholic and would like to be married in my parish. Catholic weddings often take place around noon or 2 pm and my reception wouldn't start until 5 or 6. Is this travel distance ok?

Having a reception venue that would require guests to travel 2 hours would be unacceptable. Most people would say that 30 minutes of travel or less should be the guide.

It is also unacceptable to have an unhosted gap. The reception should begin immediately following the ceremony. Using a Catholic wedding as an excuse is a cop out. There are MANY brides that manage to marry within their faith AND avoid a gap.

It does not sound as if you have locked yourself into your church or venue. Decide which is more important for you and keep the hospitality of your guests in mind when making your choices.

bethsmiles · April 2015

Knottie22853975 said:
Catholic isn't the excuse for the gap. lack of anywhere within 2 hrs that isnt crap is the excuse for the gap.

That's unfortunate but it's still rude as hell for you to do that to your guests.

Knottie1429123316 · April 2015

I dont think you people understand. there is nowhere in my town i would be willing to have a reception! it has nothing to do with my religion exept i want to be married at my church.

Jen4948 · April 2015

No. Either have your ceremony in your parish in the afternoon and have the reception follow it immediately, or have it right before an evening reception at the venue you chose. But scheduling a deliberate gap between the two is not appropriate. Being Catholic is not an excuse for rudeness.

lilacck28 · April 2015

Knottie22853975 said:
I dont think you people understand. there is nowhere in my town i would be willing to have a reception! it has nothing to do with my religion exept i want to be married at my church.

We understand.

Like @Jen4948 said, you have a few options.

1. Get married in your parrish, and find someplace to have your reception immediately following your ceremony (within a half hour distance). Doesn't matter if its not where you would have liked. You need to host your guests properly, and that means providing them the appropriate food/ drink without any lag time in between.

or

2. Get married in a different church, in a location where you would prefer to have your reception.

ETA: what is the problem with the locations available in your town? What about a tented area in a backyard or public park, a restaurant, or church hall? And if none of that works for whatever reason... then get married at a different church.

banana468 · April 2015

Knottie22853975 said:
I dont think you people understand. there is nowhere in my town i would be willing to have a reception! it has nothing to do with my religion exept i want to be married at my church.

I think you need to start looking at other outside of the box options. A two hour drive just isn't acceptable. Ask around to people you know, go on the local boards or look to fashion a silk purse out of a sow's ear with the venue options that are within a 1/2 hour drive of your parish. OR, see if you can find a Catholic church two hours away that will marry you there and then find a reception venue that you can use.

Cookie Pusher · April 2015

Knottie22853975 said:
I live in a very small town that I don't like very much. The closest place is 2 hours away. However, i want to be married in my church, which is in my town. is there any way to make a 2 hour travel distance acceptable?

There is no one, NO ONE, I would do that for. I would hide bodies for the people I love, but anyone who would think their wedding vision is more important than my time (and comfort) clearly doesn't love me the same way.

Knottie22853975 said:
I dont think you people understand. there is nowhere in my town i would be willing to have a reception! it has nothing to do with my religion exept i want to be married at my church.

What is so repulsive about every other place within 30 minutes of your church that excludes it from being worthy of hosting your wedding? Have you considered non-traditional venues or spaces you can rent where you can decorate/cater however you want?

lyndausvi · April 2015

I have a very hard time believing there is NOTHING acceptable closer then 2 hours away. Nope, I do not believe it for one minute.

anrforanr · April 2015

I agree with PP's. Having an unhosted gap is bad enough, but I wouldn't expect anyone would be willing to drive 2 hours for the reception.

I'm confused where PP's are getting the "Catholic" thing from...cause all you said was church.

Follow the advice of others. Look at doing it outside, maybe in a park or someone's yard. It doesn't have to be a formal event venue.

anrforanr · April 2015

Also, is it the church you are so set on, or the Pastor (or whatever the correct term is for your church)? If it is the "Pastor", you could always have him/her marry you elsewhere.

Knottie1429123316 · April 2015

i changed the question because everyone was only saying things about using being catholic as an excuse

lilacck28 · April 2015

@anrforanr OP originally said:

I live in a very small town that I don't like very much. The closest place is 2 hours away. However, I am catholic and would like to be married in my parish. Catholic weddings often take place around noon or 2 pm and my reception wouldn't start until 5 or 6. Is this travel distance ok?

It seems she changed her original post a bit. ... I don't know why.

lilacck28 · April 2015

Knottie22853975

The reason people mentioned that is because, unfortunately, it has been a trend of late that some Catholic brides come on the knot and want to disregard proper hosting by saying "mass takes place at 2 pm at my church, but obviously we should be able to have a dinner and dancing reception at 6pm because that's what we want." There are many Catholic brides on the knot that can also attest to the fact that they were NOT rude hosts, and did not "have" to do this.

It really doesn't matter what religion you are (or are not) though. An unhosted gap is unacceptable. And an unhosted gap that requires your guests to travel for two hours is DOUBLY unacceptable.

Knottie22853975 said:
i changed the question because everyone was only saying things about using being catholic as an excuse

Knottie1429123316 · April 2015

its kinda the other way around the gap is because of the needed travel because there is nowhere in town for the reception i want

lilacck28 · April 2015

Knottie22853975 said:
its kinda the other way around the gap is because of the needed travel because there is nowhere in ton for the reception i want

Okay, I think we all understand that you don't like the options in your town. But that doesn't really matter... it still means you're just going to need to compromise on either the location of your reception or the location of your ceremony.... because two hours of travelling for your guests is SO RUDE. I would not do that for anyone but the closest of family. I may not even do it for them. And if I did... well, my opinion of them would forever be changed for the worse. And you can bet there would be a TON of gossip occurring, even though my family isn't very gossipy at all.

ETA: more information

notdoingitbythebook · April 2015

Gaps are common to the point of expected at all the weddings I've ever attended or heard about when a church is involved. This gap happens usually when the ceremony is early and the couple use the time for photos and all that jazz. It's pretty much expected and people just deal with it.

I will say that a gap with a 2 hour travel time is not cool. There was one point where we were going to have a location for the ceremony and for the reception but I refused because the drive time was an hour.

Surely there is a location in your area that would be somewhat acceptable. Church hall? It's amazing what drape rentals can do to change the look of a room.

flantastic · April 2015

Believe me, I understand the temptation to have an early afternoon wedding and the evening reception. Literally all the weddings but one that I have been to in my life have done this. I'm Catholic too and the church where I grew up had that same policy - get out before Saturday confessions and vigil Mass.

I had two choices - plan my reception for the afternoon, which wasn't my "vision," so that there was no gap, or not get married at the parish which was important to me. We chose the parish, and I had to give up the evening reception part of my vision. Because what I want does not trump the comfort of my guests once I choose to invite any guests.

You're going to have to make the same decision - change your idea of what's acceptable for time and location of your reception, or find a parish which is able to be more accommodating of a later wedding and which is in a reasonable drive time of your reception venue.

ETA: I'm with PPs, there is literally no one I would do this drive for. Where do people stay if they're from out of town? Near the reception venue? They have to drive two hours that morning to church. Nope. Nope nope nope.

lilacck28 · April 2015

notdoingitbythebook said:
Gaps are common to the point of expected at all the weddings I've ever attended or heard about when a church is involved. This gap happens usually when the ceremony is early and the couple use the time for photos and all that jazz. It's pretty much expected and people just deal with it.

I will say that a gap with a 2 hour travel time is not cool. There was one point where we were going to have a location for the ceremony and for the reception but I refused because the drive time was an hour.

Surely there is a location in your area that would be somewhat acceptable. Church hall? It's amazing what drape rentals can do to change the look of a room.

STUCK IN BOX

I "dealt" with it recently. I was INCREDIBLY unhappy about it. I was wandering around a city in high heels just waiting for the reception. It was awful. I only did it because I was my friend's plus one. I might not have agreed to go if I had known about the schedule. Even if something is common in your circle, it does not mean it is correct.

ETA: and even if there had been a hotel or something I could have parked it at... ugh. SUCH a waste of my time!!

Knottie1429123316 · April 2015

ok. when you type in my town here on the knot website looking for wedding venues, it sends you to the town that is two hours away.
im not trying to make excuses for what i want to do, but people are used to this drive here. i do it weekly, some people even work or go to school in the other town and do it daily. its kind of expected here.

lyndausvi · April 2015

I get there might not be a lot of options in your town, but there is really nothing even 45-60 minutes away? 30 and under is ideal, but 2 hours is down right ridiculous to travel between the 2 events.

flantastic · April 2015

Knottie22853975 said:
ok. when you type in my town here on the knot website looking for wedding venues, it sends you to the town that is two hours away.
im not trying to make excuses for what i want to do, but people are used to this drive here. i do it weekly, some people even work or go to school in the other town and do it daily. its kind of expected here.

Is every single one of your guests from this town? Even if the answer is yes, I think it'd be unacceptable - I don't go to a hosted event in order to make the commute with which I've chosen to inconvenience myself.

anrforanr · April 2015

Do you have friends in your town that have been in this situation? People at your church may also have ideas for what has been done previously (where receptions were held, etc).

lyndausvi · April 2015

flantastic said:

Knottie22853975 said:
ok. when you type in my town here on the knot website looking for wedding venues, it sends you to the town that is two hours away.
im not trying to make excuses for what i want to do, but people are used to this drive here. i do it weekly, some people even work or go to school in the other town and do it daily. its kind of expected here.
Is every single one of your guests from this town? Even if the answer is yes, I think it'd be unacceptable - I don't go to a hosted event in order to make the commute with which I've chosen to inconvenience myself.

No offense to The Knot, but not every single venue advertises.

When you put in my town you will get venues which are over an hour away. But there are other venues which are much closer.

I'm sure you are not the only person who has gotten married at this Catholic Church. What do they do?

lilacck28 · April 2015

Knottie22853975 said:
ok. when you type in my town here on the knot website looking for wedding venues, it sends you to the town that is two hours away.
im not trying to make excuses for what i want to do, but people are used to this drive here. i do it weekly, some people even work or go to school in the other town and do it daily. its kind of expected here.

The knot is going to have "conventional" spaces for receptions. Like @banana468 said.... you need to look outside the box! And like I mentioned before... parks, church halls, restaurants, schools, museums are all great options.

Knottie1429123316 · April 2015

i know its asking a lot but for example...to go out on a date in a sit down restaurant(not mcdonalds or subway) you have to make this commute. the only stores here are target and walmart anything bigger or specialty you have to do the 2 hours. to go anywhere, besides the mountains where there is nothing but dirt trails and illegals crossing the border, you have to make this commute. it sucks but most of us do it so often its not even that bad...the worst part is coming home because there is absolutely nothing on the road to keep you awake.

Knottie1429123316 · April 2015

most of our guests are from out of state actually
i was thinking about making the ceremony very small then doing a big reception therefore not asking very many people to leave the big town.

lilacck28 · April 2015

Knottie22853975 said:
i know its asking a lot but for example...to go out on a date in a sit down restaurant(not mcdonalds or subway) you have to make this commute. the only stores here are target and walmart anything bigger or specialty you have to do the 2 hours. to go anywhere, besides the mountains where there is nothing but dirt trails and illegals crossing the border, you have to make this commute. it sucks but most of us do it so often its not even that bad...the worst part is coming home because there is absolutely nothing on the road to keep you awake.

Start looking into other churches. And what about all that big open space by the mountains? That sounds nice. You don't need grass for a wedding reception. Talk to your town clerk about renting the space. Rent a tent. Or do this in a backyard.

flantastic · April 2015

Knottie22853975 said:
i know its asking a lot but for example...to go out on a date in a sit down restaurant(not mcdonalds or subway) you have to make this commute. the only stores here are target and walmart anything bigger or specialty you have to do the 2 hours. to go anywhere, besides the mountains where there is nothing but dirt trails and illegals crossing the border, you have to make this commute. it sucks but most of us do it so often its not even that bad...the worst part is coming home because there is absolutely nothing on the road to keep you awake.

Two questions you have not answered:

1) Is literally everyone you're inviting used to this?

2) What does everyone else who gets married at your church do?

Ceremony is in different town than Reception

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