Invite time vs ceremony start

japlanet · April 2015

So in another thread it seemed that people were frowning on having a built in buffer time - i.e. invite time 4pm, ceremony planned to start 4:10/4:15. Is this bad etiquette? I thought it was pretty standard to avoid latecomers, especially if the venue is a bit out of the way/ tricky to find. Thoughts?

flutteringinfl · April 2015

Trust adults to come at the time you give them. If they don't, that's their problem. I think it's a little rude to leave the majority of your guests waiting around based on the idea that some people might arrive late.

mikenberger · April 2015

japlanet said:
So in another thread it seemed that people were frowning on having a built in buffer time - i.e. invite time 4pm, ceremony planned to start 4:10/4:15. Is this bad etiquette? I thought it was pretty standard to avoid latecomers, especially if the venue is a bit out of the way/ tricky to find. Thoughts?

If you state 4pm, start at 4pm. Don't penalize the people that are on time by making them wait for the late arrivals. I am typically early to weddings by 20-30mins. I don't want to stand around an additional 10-15mins because adults can't get themselves places on time.

redoryx · April 2015

I'm someone who considers "on time" to be late so situations like this annoy me because it punishes people like myself while rewarding latecomers. Treat your guests like adults who know how to get to places on time.

japlanet · April 2015

Ok thanks. I will move the ceremony up a couple minutes. I guess my concern was that the whole ceremony will only be 10 minutes long, so if people get lost and are 10 minutes late they could miss the whole thing!

mikenberger · April 2015

japlanet said:
Ok thanks. I will move the ceremony up a couple minutes. I guess my concern was that the whole ceremony will only be 10 minutes long, so if people get lost and are 10 minutes late they could miss the whole thing!

Not your problem. It's their fault they are late. If you give an accurate address and even accurate directions, not your problem they're late.

banana468 · April 2015

If they miss it then they miss it. You shouldn't punish all the guests if a few are late.

Maggie0829 · April 2015

In the real world if you have a doctors appointment at 10am you expect your appointment to begin at 10am and you, as the patient, make sure to arrive early. For a business meeting that starts at 11am, you would arrive early because you know that the meeting will start at 11am. So what makes a wedding any different? If the invite says 4pm then the ceremony should start at 4pm. If people are late then that is their issue. But don't be rude to your other guests who do show up on time

minttobemrsb · April 2015

Yeah I'm someone that if the invite says 4, I'm going to arrive early so that I can find my seat, sign a guestbook if it's out, say hi to people. Then at 4, I expect a wedding to start (yeah I understand that sometimes things run a little behind and that wouldn't bother me).

If you put 4 on your invites, be courteous and start then. Hopefully all of your guests will have the manners and ability to make it there on time.

charcoalandblush · April 2015

My coordinator is really pushing this too... she wants us to start at 4:15 (invitations will say 4). Honestly I might just tell her that I changed the invites to 3:45 just to appease her.

novella1186 · April 2015

Adults do a lot of stuff wrong, and it's not your problem because they're adults.

If your wedding guests sat in the sun too long, would you go squirt sunscreen all over them?

Would you tie their car keys to their pants so they can't lose them?

Would you tape extra camera batteries to their wrist so their camera doesn't die (and then they miss important photos)?

Would you walk over and take their drink out of their hand if it seems like they've had too much?

I'm guessing the answer to these things is "no." You can't babysit adults. If they fuck up and end up being late, that's their problem and they get to deal with whatever consequences. The on-time people did nothing wrong and shouldn't have consequences (having to wait around an extra 15 minutes) to accommodate the late people.

TrixieJess · April 2015

charcoalandblush said:
My coordinator is really pushing this too... she wants us to start at 4:15 (invitations will say 4). Honestly I might just tell her that I changed the invites to 3:45 just to appease her.

Don't do this! FI and I are perpetually early and super annoyed when things don't start on time. If you put on your invites that your wedding starts at 3:45, I will show up between 3:20 and 3:30, then I will find out that I have to wait for 30-40 minutes with nothing to eat or drink, then I will be pissed right off. I have been to weddings that have started late, and I have been severely annoyed.

It's downright disrespectful to your guests not to treat them like adults to be on time for an event.

japlanet · April 2015

TrixieJess said:

show previous quotes
charcoalandblush said:
My coordinator is really pushing this too... she wants us to start at 4:15 (invitations will say 4). Honestly I might just tell her that I changed the invites to 3:45 just to appease her.
Don't do this! FI and I are perpetually early and super annoyed when things don't start on time. If you put on your invites that your wedding starts at 3:45, I will show up between 3:20 and 3:30, then I will find out that I have to wait for 30-40 minutes with nothing to eat or drink, then I will be pissed right off. I have been to weddings that have started late, and I have been severely annoyed.

It's downright disrespectful to your guests not to treat them like adults to be on time for an event.

I think she was saying that she would tell her coordinator that the invite time is 3:45 while actually sending the invites saying 4:00 just so the coordinator would 'let' her start the ceremony at 4:00. Which potentially has other problems, but mostly I would say that if you are paying this person, they should do what you say without you needing to lie to them.

climbingsingle · April 2015

My coordinator tried to get me to do this too and I said absolutely not.

Jen4948 · April 2015

Yeah, it's disrespectful of guests who arrive on time to keep them waiting on others who don't.

lovegood90 · April 2015

TrixieJess said:

show previous quotes
charcoalandblush said:
My coordinator is really pushing this too... she wants us to start at 4:15 (invitations will say 4). Honestly I might just tell her that I changed the invites to 3:45 just to appease her.
Don't do this! FI and I are perpetually early and super annoyed when things don't start on time. If you put on your invites that your wedding starts at 3:45, I will show up between 3:20 and 3:30, then I will find out that I have to wait for 30-40 minutes with nothing to eat or drink, then I will be pissed right off. I have been to weddings that have started late, and I have been severely annoyed.

It's downright disrespectful to your guests not to treat them like adults to be on time for an event.

I think she meant that she was going to tell her coordinator that she did that, but she wasn't actually going to do that. Just to get her coordinator off her back.

notdoingitbythebook · April 2015

We plan to start at 6, but knowing traffic in the area there's a good chance that people could run into traffic problems that are out of their control. Even if they leave earlier than planned one perfectly placed snafu could cause everyone to be late. And that's not their fault. We're building in a buffer time to the schedule, but it's doubtful that we'll use it. This is the first time I have ever heard anyone say that a buffer time for the start of a ceremony is rude.

TrixieJess · April 2015

lovegood90 said:

show previous quotes
TrixieJess said:

charcoalandblush said:
My coordinator is really pushing this too... she wants us to start at 4:15 (invitations will say 4). Honestly I might just tell her that I changed the invites to 3:45 just to appease her.
Don't do this! FI and I are perpetually early and super annoyed when things don't start on time. If you put on your invites that your wedding starts at 3:45, I will show up between 3:20 and 3:30, then I will find out that I have to wait for 30-40 minutes with nothing to eat or drink, then I will be pissed right off. I have been to weddings that have started late, and I have been severely annoyed.

It's downright disrespectful to your guests not to treat them like adults to be on time for an event.
I think she meant that she was going to tell her coordinator that she did that, but she wasn't actually going to do that. Just to get her coordinator off her back.

Sorry, I misunderstood. There are a lot of people on here who would do that. Personally, just tell your coordinator to back off. You are paying them.

tcnoble · April 2015

notdoingitbythebook said:
We plan to start at 6, but knowing traffic in the area there's a good chance that people could run into traffic problems that are out of their control. Even if they leave earlier than planned one perfectly placed snafu could cause everyone to be late. And that's not their fault. We're building in a buffer time to the schedule, but it's doubtful that we'll use it. This is the first time I have ever heard anyone say that a buffer time for the start of a ceremony is rude.

Because what about your guests who leave plenty early, early enough to account for traffic accidents, and are there a half hour early?? Then you add in a "buffer time" and you have guests sitting there for 45-60 minutes. It's rude.

BrandNewJ · April 2015

I just went to a wedding where the call time was 5 and the ceremony didn't start until after 6. Nowhere to sit and no water. It was terrible. Don't do this to your guests. Please start on time.

Maggie0829 · April 2015

My coordinator actually had to stop me from starting the ceremony 15 minutes early. I was dressed and ready and super anxious to get married so I was like "lets just start now." She held me back until 5 minutes before our schedule start time.

Maggie0829 · April 2015

notdoingitbythebook said:
We plan to start at 6, but knowing traffic in the area there's a good chance that people could run into traffic problems that are out of their control. Even if they leave earlier than planned one perfectly placed snafu could cause everyone to be late. And that's not their fault. We're building in a buffer time to the schedule, but it's doubtful that we'll use it. This is the first time I have ever heard anyone say that a buffer time for the start of a ceremony is rude.

Yeah shit can happen even if you do leave early to give yourself some leeway. But that doesn't mean you should start later then what you note on your invite because some guests may be stuck in traffic. You start when you say you are going to start. Period.

charcoalandblush · April 2015

lovegood90 said:

show previous quotes
TrixieJess said:

charcoalandblush said:
My coordinator is really pushing this too... she wants us to start at 4:15 (invitations will say 4). Honestly I might just tell her that I changed the invites to 3:45 just to appease her.
Don't do this! FI and I are perpetually early and super annoyed when things don't start on time. If you put on your invites that your wedding starts at 3:45, I will show up between 3:20 and 3:30, then I will find out that I have to wait for 30-40 minutes with nothing to eat or drink, then I will be pissed right off. I have been to weddings that have started late, and I have been severely annoyed.

It's downright disrespectful to your guests not to treat them like adults to be on time for an event.
I think she meant that she was going to tell her coordinator that she did that, but she wasn't actually going to do that. Just to get her coordinator off her back.

Yes, this exactly. Thank you!

notdoingitbythebook · April 2015

tcnoble said:

show previous quotes
notdoingitbythebook said:
We plan to start at 6, but knowing traffic in the area there's a good chance that people could run into traffic problems that are out of their control. Even if they leave earlier than planned one perfectly placed snafu could cause everyone to be late. And that's not their fault. We're building in a buffer time to the schedule, but it's doubtful that we'll use it. This is the first time I have ever heard anyone say that a buffer time for the start of a ceremony is rude.
Because what about your guests who leave plenty early, early enough to account for traffic accidents, and are there a half hour early?? Then you add in a "buffer time" and you have guests sitting there for 45-60 minutes. It's rude.

Not sure how having a buffer in place as a possible plan B has people sitting there for an hour after they get there but okay. Thanks for the opinion. Are you seriously telling me that when you build schedules for anything you don't build in contingency plans for elements out of your control? You just expect everything to run exactly on schedule and everything else be damned with no wiggle room at all? I have contigency plans in place because it's a smart thing to do. Does it mean we will use it? No. Does it mean I have a back up plan? Yes. Does it mean my guests will be left stranded? No. If things get delayed, there are contigencies for that as well (there's not just a time one). I'd expect this kind of push back for a buffer over 30 minutes, but 15? Give me a break.

notdoingitbythebook · April 2015

Maggie0829 said:

show previous quotes
notdoingitbythebook said:
We plan to start at 6, but knowing traffic in the area there's a good chance that people could run into traffic problems that are out of their control. Even if they leave earlier than planned one perfectly placed snafu could cause everyone to be late. And that's not their fault. We're building in a buffer time to the schedule, but it's doubtful that we'll use it. This is the first time I have ever heard anyone say that a buffer time for the start of a ceremony is rude.
Yeah shit can happen even if you do leave early to give yourself some leeway. But that doesn't mean you should start later then what you note on your invite because some guests may be stuck in traffic. You start when you say you are going to start. Period.

It's a 15 minute buffer. Do you all your events start perfectly on time? Do you not build buffer times into your events just in case something outside of your (or your guest's) control happens? Like I just said, it's a buffer plan. The only people who know if it are the venue coordinator, myself, my groom and my officiant. We all agree that having a contigency plan in place is wise whether we use it or not. I can't imagine not having a back up plan for just in case. I'm surprised that so few either do or consider it a good idea, especially for something like a timeline for a long, multi-faceted event. Buffers for time is one of the first things I learned when it comes to planning anything, not just weddings. You always have a back up to a back up.

banana468 · April 2015

notdoingitbythebook said:

show previous quotes
tcnoble said:

notdoingitbythebook said:
We plan to start at 6, but knowing traffic in the area there's a good chance that people could run into traffic problems that are out of their control. Even if they leave earlier than planned one perfectly placed snafu could cause everyone to be late. And that's not their fault. We're building in a buffer time to the schedule, but it's doubtful that we'll use it. This is the first time I have ever heard anyone say that a buffer time for the start of a ceremony is rude.
Because what about your guests who leave plenty early, early enough to account for traffic accidents, and are there a half hour early?? Then you add in a "buffer time" and you have guests sitting there for 45-60 minutes. It's rude.
Not sure how having a buffer in place as a possible plan B has people sitting there for an hour after they get there but okay. Thanks for the opinion. Are you seriously telling me that when you build schedules for anything you don't build in contingency plans for elements out of your control? You just expect everything to run exactly on schedule and everything else be damned with no wiggle room at all? I have contigency plans in place because it's a smart thing to do. Does it mean we will use it? No. Does it mean I have a back up plan? Yes. Does it mean my guests will be left stranded? No. If things get delayed, there are contigencies for that as well (there's not just a time one). I'd expect this kind of push back for a buffer over 30 minutes, but 15? Give me a break.

Planning to start 15 minutes late is rude. It's one thing to have a contingency plan in case of rain but you shouldn't plan to start an event late.

Guests will show up early. They may start to arrive 30 minutes before the beginning of the event (or more). So if you plan to start 15-30 minutes after the scheduled time on the invitation then you have guests left waiting for nearly an hour.

kmmssg · April 2015

notdoingitbythebook said:

show previous quotes
tcnoble said:

notdoingitbythebook said:
We plan to start at 6, but knowing traffic in the area there's a good chance that people could run into traffic problems that are out of their control. Even if they leave earlier than planned one perfectly placed snafu could cause everyone to be late. And that's not their fault. We're building in a buffer time to the schedule, but it's doubtful that we'll use it. This is the first time I have ever heard anyone say that a buffer time for the start of a ceremony is rude.
Because what about your guests who leave plenty early, early enough to account for traffic accidents, and are there a half hour early?? Then you add in a "buffer time" and you have guests sitting there for 45-60 minutes. It's rude.
Not sure how having a buffer in place as a possible plan B has people sitting there for an hour after they get there but okay. Thanks for the opinion. Are you seriously telling me that when you build schedules for anything you don't build in contingency plans for elements out of your control? You just expect everything to run exactly on schedule and everything else be damned with no wiggle room at all? I have contigency plans in place because it's a smart thing to do. Does it mean we will use it? No. Does it mean I have a back up plan? Yes. Does it mean my guests will be left stranded? No. If things get delayed, there are contigencies for that as well (there's not just a time one). I'd expect this kind of push back for a buffer over 30 minutes, but 15? Give me a break.

All four of my girls walked down the aisle at exactly the time stated on their invitations. That occured due to meticulous logistical planning. You do not build your buffer time prior to the wedding, you build it in much earlier in the day. You plan backwards starting from the time you are to walk down the aisle. You calculate all travel time, every event in the day, eating, appointments, getting ready, etc and you build your buffer between them. We had extra time ahead of the weddings because the of those early buffers. Unless the bride, groom, or officient gets stuck in traffic there is no reason to start late.

notdoingitbythebook · April 2015

banana468 said:

show previous quotes
notdoingitbythebook said:

tcnoble said:

notdoingitbythebook said:
We plan to start at 6, but knowing traffic in the area there's a good chance that people could run into traffic problems that are out of their control. Even if they leave earlier than planned one perfectly placed snafu could cause everyone to be late. And that's not their fault. We're building in a buffer time to the schedule, but it's doubtful that we'll use it. This is the first time I have ever heard anyone say that a buffer time for the start of a ceremony is rude.
Because what about your guests who leave plenty early, early enough to account for traffic accidents, and are there a half hour early?? Then you add in a "buffer time" and you have guests sitting there for 45-60 minutes. It's rude.
Not sure how having a buffer in place as a possible plan B has people sitting there for an hour after they get there but okay. Thanks for the opinion. Are you seriously telling me that when you build schedules for anything you don't build in contingency plans for elements out of your control? You just expect everything to run exactly on schedule and everything else be damned with no wiggle room at all? I have contigency plans in place because it's a smart thing to do. Does it mean we will use it? No. Does it mean I have a back up plan? Yes. Does it mean my guests will be left stranded? No. If things get delayed, there are contigencies for that as well (there's not just a time one). I'd expect this kind of push back for a buffer over 30 minutes, but 15? Give me a break.
Planning to start 15 minutes late is rude. It's one thing to have a contingency plan in case of rain but you shouldn't plan to start an event late.

Guests will show up early. They may start to arrive 30 minutes before the beginning of the event (or more). So if you plan to start 15-30 minutes after the scheduled time on the invitation then you have guests left waiting for nearly an hour.

Again, we do not plan to start late but we have a 15 minute buffer plan in place should we have to use it. I am fully aware that guests will show up early and they will be properly entertained from the time they arrive to the time that the ceremony starts. Which is planned for 6pm with a buffer of 6:15 but may actually start at (the horrors) 6:01.

redoryx · April 2015

notdoingitbythebook said:

show previous quotes
banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

tcnoble said:

notdoingitbythebook said:
We plan to start at 6, but knowing traffic in the area there's a good chance that people could run into traffic problems that are out of their control. Even if they leave earlier than planned one perfectly placed snafu could cause everyone to be late. And that's not their fault. We're building in a buffer time to the schedule, but it's doubtful that we'll use it. This is the first time I have ever heard anyone say that a buffer time for the start of a ceremony is rude.
Because what about your guests who leave plenty early, early enough to account for traffic accidents, and are there a half hour early?? Then you add in a "buffer time" and you have guests sitting there for 45-60 minutes. It's rude.
Not sure how having a buffer in place as a possible plan B has people sitting there for an hour after they get there but okay. Thanks for the opinion. Are you seriously telling me that when you build schedules for anything you don't build in contingency plans for elements out of your control? You just expect everything to run exactly on schedule and everything else be damned with no wiggle room at all? I have contigency plans in place because it's a smart thing to do. Does it mean we will use it? No. Does it mean I have a back up plan? Yes. Does it mean my guests will be left stranded? No. If things get delayed, there are contigencies for that as well (there's not just a time one). I'd expect this kind of push back for a buffer over 30 minutes, but 15? Give me a break.
Planning to start 15 minutes late is rude. It's one thing to have a contingency plan in case of rain but you shouldn't plan to start an event late.

Guests will show up early. They may start to arrive 30 minutes before the beginning of the event (or more). So if you plan to start 15-30 minutes after the scheduled time on the invitation then you have guests left waiting for nearly an hour.
Again, we do not plan to start late but we have a 15 minute buffer plan in place should we have to use it. I am fully aware that guests will show up early and they will be properly entertained from the time they arrive to the time that the ceremony starts. Which is planned for 6pm with a buffer of 6:15 but may actually start at (the horrors) 6:01.

Honestly? If a wedding is supposed to start at 6 pm and I'm still waiting at 6:10, I'm going to think somebody left somebody else at the altar.

notdoingitbythebook · April 2015

kmmssg said:

show previous quotes
notdoingitbythebook said:

tcnoble said:

notdoingitbythebook said:
We plan to start at 6, but knowing traffic in the area there's a good chance that people could run into traffic problems that are out of their control. Even if they leave earlier than planned one perfectly placed snafu could cause everyone to be late. And that's not their fault. We're building in a buffer time to the schedule, but it's doubtful that we'll use it. This is the first time I have ever heard anyone say that a buffer time for the start of a ceremony is rude.
Because what about your guests who leave plenty early, early enough to account for traffic accidents, and are there a half hour early?? Then you add in a "buffer time" and you have guests sitting there for 45-60 minutes. It's rude.
Not sure how having a buffer in place as a possible plan B has people sitting there for an hour after they get there but okay. Thanks for the opinion. Are you seriously telling me that when you build schedules for anything you don't build in contingency plans for elements out of your control? You just expect everything to run exactly on schedule and everything else be damned with no wiggle room at all? I have contigency plans in place because it's a smart thing to do. Does it mean we will use it? No. Does it mean I have a back up plan? Yes. Does it mean my guests will be left stranded? No. If things get delayed, there are contigencies for that as well (there's not just a time one). I'd expect this kind of push back for a buffer over 30 minutes, but 15? Give me a break.
All four of my girls walked down the aisle at exactly the time stated on their invitations. That occured due to meticulous logistical planning. You do not build your buffer time prior to the wedding, you build it in much earlier in the day. You plan backwards starting from the time you are to walk down the aisle. You calculate all travel time, every event in the day, eating, appointments, getting ready, etc and you build your buffer between them. We had extra time ahead of the weddings because the of those early buffers. Unless the bride, groom, or officient gets stuck in traffic there is no reason to start late.

Yeah, I've got the "meticulous logistical planning" thing down (I have to. It's part of my career). It's called having an event schedule and building in a contigency plan for the whole evening starting at the beginning and going right down to the moment we leave and my take down team starts working. Yes, I have a contigency plan, which for the millionth time, I don't plan on using but have in place (wait for it) JUST IN CASE. Why? Shit happens. It could happen off the top of the event, mid way through or even at the end. But like all the other planning I'm doing I have a contigency plan. So like I just said, we plan to start at 6, have a contingency plan that starts at 6:15 but may start a minute or two late. Oh the horrors... it's not live TV so we're okay. And should we start late, my guests will be taken care of and not left in the wind.

Maggie0829 · April 2015

Look, if you, your SO, your officiant are on location and your ceremony is set to start at 5pm. Then you start at 5pm regardless if you have 5 guests in attendance or everyone.

If people are late then oh well. But you do not create a buffer just in case your guests get caught in traffic. You start when your invite says it is going to start. I fucking hate when anything I attend (doctors appointments, weddings, business meetings, etc) start late. At that point you are wasting my time. If some guests miss part or all of your ceremony oh well, it is not the end of the world, and guess what, you will still be married.

Invite time vs ceremony start

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